Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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As Mentioned in Episode 299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

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For full effect, there really needs to be an inset panel of Storm mugging at the reader. (What If? vol. 2 #77)
Forge is a JERK. (What If? vol. 2 #77)
What the hell kind of weird drills does this universe have? (What If? vol. 2 #77)
It’s weird that there’s a universe where both of these kids exist. (What If? vol. 2 #77)
I wonder if the Phoenix designs new costumes every time; and, if so, what its aesthetic phases have been. (What If? vol. 2 #77)
Is this page foreshadowing a Days of Future Past-style dystopia? Discuss. (What If? vol. 2 #77)
No, seriously, he JUST KEEPS SAYING IT. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
That hair. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
Brother Voodoo X-Plains the premise. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
Uncalled for, Ben. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
Damnit, Nate. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
Just had to work it in again, huh? (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
The costume just isn’t the same without metal wings. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
DAMNIT, NATE. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
Why does Magneto look kind of like Keanu Reeves here? (What If? vol. 2 #81)
The more I look at the art from this issue, the angrier I get about it. (What If? vol. 2 #81)
[cries in comics editor] (What If? vol. 2 #81)
Galactus is a poet, and he didn’t even know it! (He knew it.) (What If? vol. 2 #81)
Relatable sentiment. (What If? vol. 2 #81)
Hello, mid-1990s CG. You… sure do exist. (What If? vol. 2 #81)
NEXT EPISODE: The end of a world. (Also, #300? So, that’s a thing.)

LINKS & FURTHER HYPOTHETICALS

299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

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In which some universes are more pleasant than others; Havok is basically a Care Bear; Wolverine is a P.R. nightmare; Nate Grey tries; stealth is not among the Silver Surfer’s strengths; Night Thrasher ascends to godhood; Jay and Miles dive down the What If rabbit hole.

X-PLAINED:

  • Earth-200500 (again)
  • Earth-42409
  • What If? vol. 2 #77
  • What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse
  • What If? vol. 2 #81
  • Earth-77995
  • Fashion editorials
  • One of the worse versions of Forge
  • Superheroes x fashion
  • Care Bears vs. X-Men
  • The Hellfire Club of Earth-77995
  • A surprisingly normal Grey-Summers family
  • Several uses for the Phoenix Force
  • Worst-case scenarios
  • Earth-93074
  • Savage Land home ec
  • Bad choices
  • The Defenders of Earth-93074
  • How to manipulate Nate Grey
  • Narrative benefits of omnipotence
  • A time loop
  • Earth-9601
  • A meeting on the moon
  • What the Watcher watches
  • Galactus
  • The Silver Surfer
  • Grandpa Magneto
  • Some remarkable technology
  • A heavy-handed metaphor
  • Our takes on What If scenarios
  • The Corbeau-Grey scale of decision making
  • Storm’s eyes
  • Our character voices

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Omega

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 298 – Unlikely Avengers

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All of our TeePublic profits this month are going to Trans Lifeline! Have you always wanted a mask that says THEY’RE NOT LASERS? Now’s your chance!

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Seriously, can we not? (X-Universe #1)
Don’t worry; they all die in about a page and a half. (X-Universe #1)
“…ladies.” (X-Universe #1)
Blark 4 Lyfe (X-Universe #1)
See what we mean about the Darkseid thing? (X-Universe #1)
Damnit, Matt. (X-Universe #1)
These badasses! (X-Universe #1)
This should really have been the cover to #1. (X-Universe #2)
They’ve got names, and they’re not recognizable characters in a series that’s all about recognizability, so–yep, gonna die. (X-Universe #2)
DAMNIT, Matt. (X-Universe #2)
Clint Barton? James Rhodes? Lester Whatshisname? Who even knows, anymore? (X-Universe #2)
GOOD JOB, VICTOR VON DOOM. (X-Universe #2)
HE COULD STILL BE ALIVE (X-Universe #2)
That’s an awfully fancy red herring, there. (X-Universe #2)
NEXT EPISODE: What didn’t happen!

298 – Unlikely Avengers

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the moments of X-Universe are better than the whole; the code name “Dirigible” carries some inherent risks; Tony Stark is often more interesting without Iron Man; Clint Barton is no James Rhodes; there is somehow a Matt Murdock who makes even worse choices than the one from Earth-616; nobody should ever trust Mikhail Rasputin; and the baby’s name really doesn’t matter.

X-PLAINED:

  • J. Jonah Jameson’s stance on mutants
  • A way to get cool stuff AND support Trans Lifeline
  • X-Universe #1-2
  • Gwen Stacy (Earth-295)
  • Some really obnoxious white savior tropes
  • The Marauders (Earth-295)
  • How to waste Arcade
  • Spider-nostalgia
  • Owl noises
  • Tony Stark (Earth-295)
  • Clint Barton and/or James Rhodes (Earth-295)
  • Dr. Donald Blake (Earth-616)
  • Dr. Donald Blake (Earth-295)
  • Blark
  • Mikhail Rasputin (Earth-295)
  • Ship, but not Ship
  • Ben Grimm (Earth-295)
  • Sue Storm (Earth-295)
  • Bruce Banner (Earth-295)
  • A great many overplayed references
  • Matt Murdock (Earth-295)
  • Manuel de la Rocha (Earth-295)
  • Victor Von Doom (Earth-295)
  • Marte and Rafe McGuffin
  • The Upscale Program
  • A very hazardous plan
  • The Stryfe Force
  • The dreams of Donald Blake
  • A red herring named Frankie
  • Augmented humans in a mutant-centric world
  • How Wolverine communicates with animals
  • How Professor X lost his hair

NEXT EPISODE: What-ifs and might-have-beens!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 286 – Family Before Continuity

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Don’t worry! The world will end before they can die in that plane crash! (Excalibur #86)
Pete Wisdom is a happy man with a happy life. (Excalibur #86)
MAH PUIR WEE HOVERCRAFT (Excalibur #86)
I want a team that’s just him and Chamber, brooding. (Excalibur #86)
A green and pleasant, &c. (Excalibur #86)
Well, so much for that mission. (Excalibur #86)
Me, too, Sam. Me, too. (X-Force #43)
I relate so hard to Shatterstar right now. (X-Force #43)
Time travel has some good looks. (X-Force #43)
Aw, these dudes. (X-Force #43)
“We’re here for you, in all our oddly-proportioned glory!” (X-Force #43)
He hasn’t, actually, but that won’t be revealed for a while yet. (X-Force #43)
“Man, is THIS what happens when your boss ditches you for another book?” (X-Force #43)
I know, right?! (Cable #20)
Pretty sure that every one of the original five has, at some point, referred to Hank as their best and/or closest friend. (Cable #20)
Ouch. (Cable #20)
OUCH. (Cable #20)
I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING (Cable #20)
Aw, these guys. And it didn’t even take a bathtub! (Cable #20)
Sometimes a family is eight people in tight clothing posing dramatically for the end of the world. (Cable #20)
NEXT EPISODE: Welcome to Earth-295! Hope you survive the experience!

LINKS & FURTHER EVENT HORIZONS:

286 – Family Before Continuity

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Sunspot is a bad enough dude to save the president; Black Air is nowhere near as fun as WHO; we reach the end of Fabian Nicieza’s X-Force run; Rictor and Shatterstar talk about feelings; Gambit does not go gently into that good night; Scott and Jean choose family over continuity; Legion Quest comes to a close, along with Earth-616; the heart of Dawn of X is its margins; you should come see us at ECCC; and we announce a new schedule.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Maker (Reed Richards of Earth-1610)
  • Jay & Miles at ECCC and FlameCon 2020
  • Stuff Jay writes
  • Excalibur #86
  • X-Force #43
  • Cable #20
  • Black Air
  • Pete Wisdom
  • What’s been up in Genosha
  • The Midnight Runner
  • Navigating Kitty Pryde’s age in Excalibur
  • A very abrupt ending
  • The ongoing evolution of X-Force
  • Locus’s new look
  • Clubbing with Rictor and Shatterstar
  • Legion Quest so far
  • Complicated feelings at the end of the world
  • A reunion
  • Where it all started
  • Vague power sets
  • Complicated feelings about Dawn of X
  • The new podcast schedule

NEXT EPISODE: The Age of Apocalypse

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

Come see us at ECCC, March 12-15!

As Mentioned in Episode 285 – Immediately if Not Sooner

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Wait, what if Bobby just misuses slang all the time to mess with Bishop? (Uncanny X-Men #320)
What the hell, Legion? (Uncanny X-Men #320)
So, that happened. (Uncanny X-Men #320)
Have fairly normal toes ever seemed as creepy as they do on this cover? I would argue that they have not. (X-Men #40)
If this were fanfic they would immediately have to fake being married to, I dunno, something. (X-Men #40)
Seriously, did ANY readers who didn’t already know recognize this dude as Legion? (X-Men #40)
That shadow! THAT ANGST! (X-Men #40)
“I had always hoped I might find others like us, but I never imagined the continuity would be this impenetrable!” (X-Men #40)
Meanwhile in a sitcom… (X-Men #40)
Tower of Telepaths never really caught on as a board game. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Just kiss already. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Greatest caption, or GREATEST CAPTION? (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Wait, has Bishop DISGUISED HIMSELF AS A PIRATE? If the answer is no, I don’t want to know; let me keep this dream. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
JUST KISS ALREADY (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Oh, no. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Legion, NO. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
You’ve made it to Bishop’s ill-fitting trousers, Cable: just where you needed to be. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
“I knew that someday our future son would travel back in time to kill my best friend.” (X-Men #41)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (X-Men #41)
Ouch. (X-Men #41)
Jubilee gives good advice. (X-Men #41)
The best kiss in X-Men. (X-Men #41)
Okay, but, that first panel. (X-Men #41)
NEXT EPISODE: The end of the world, more, again.

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

 

 

 

285 – Immediately if Not Sooner

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Goldballs is still a better name than Egg; we continue our progress towards Earth-295; Legion pulls a Stryfe; we’re still pretty shaky on how to pronounce “M’Kraan”; Xavier and Magneto were absolutely and unquestionably doing sex in the 1970s; it’s time time; the Watcher is watching you masturbate; and what happens immediately before the end of the world is often as important as what happens immediately after.

X-PLAINED:

  • Balls
  • Legion (more) (again)
  • Uncanny X-Men 320-321
  • X-Men #40
  • Establishing stakes
  • Slang of the mid-1990s
  • Time travel as a dick move
  • Issues vs. episodes
  • The M’Kraan Crystal (more) (again)
  • Hebrew vowels
  • Latent time travel abilities
  • Charles Xavier’s “first” bar fight
  • An exceptional caption
  • A very bad narrative choice
  • The death of Charles Francis Xavier
  • A load-bearing moment in time
  • Jahf the Guardian
  • Waiting for the end of the world
  • The best-drawn kiss in X-Men, ever
  • The many Krakoas
  • Integrating Legion into Dawn of X

NEXT EPISODE: More Legion Quest!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 284 – Precious Baubles

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LINKS & FURTHER CROSSOVERS

284 – Precious Baubles, feat. Chip Zdarsky

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we sit down with writer Chip Zdarsky to talk crossovers, continuity, metaphors, and X-Men/Fantastic Four!

X-PLAINED:

  • X-Men/Fantastic Four
  • A reunion
  • Richards kids
  • The state of Franklin Richards’ powers
  • Balancing characters in team books
  • Superhero teams as families
  • Several metaphors
  • Chip’s definitive X-Men
  • Reed Richards vs. Charles Xavier
  • Doom
  • Krakoan fashion
  • Switching gears
  • An exchange of portraits
  • Whether Garfield is a mutant
  • Evolution

NEXT EPISODE: Legion Quest (for real, this time)!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!