Cannonball – Page 11 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

157 – Melted to Slag

April 30, 2017 Jay 46 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Contact David to purchase the original!

In which the X-Tinction Agenda reaches its Return of the Jedi; Wolverine is a weaponized nuisance; HR would like a word with Gambit; Havok gets framed; Cameron Hodge is the great unifier; Genosha is revolting; you don’t get to make a threatening speech about someone else’s powers; Jean Grey is tired of your bullshit; and Jay and Miles may or may not dive into the Siege Perilous!

X-PLAINED:

The Law of Conservation of Plot Elements
Uncanny X-Men #272
New Mutants #97
X-Factor #62
The Story So Far
Glasses fashions in comics
The difference between Batman and the Punisher
How to tell that something has gone terribly wrong
Acceptable pants
Some really sketchy judicial process
A ruse
Several retcons concerning Wolverine
Consequence-free impaling
Chekhov’s genetic engineering
Louise Simonson’s final issue of New Mutants
The relative durability of mutants
A number of prescient threats
This one time Jay and Miles got paid to throw a bunch of printers down a flight of stairs
Summers Brothers team-ups
A very cathartic fight
Thoughts on books as physical artifacts and collecting comics
Places to jump into long X-series on Marvel Unlimited
Our plans for the hiatus

THE PODCAST WILL BE ON HIATUS DURING MAY, JUNE, AND JULY, 2017! SEE YOU IN AUGUST!

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 156 – Genosha Strikes Back

April 23, 2017 Jay 6 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Contact David to purchase the original!

Just in case you’ve forgotten since last week! (Uncanny X-Men #271)

Here, have some New Mutants, while we’re at it. (Uncanny X-Men #271)

The Technicolor Knight Returns! (Uncanny X-Men #271)

When even Evil!Sexy Moira has better scientific ethics than you, you’ve got some thinking to do, Moreau. (Uncanny X-Men #271)

“I mean, I know I played a central role in subjugating an entire people and subjecting them to unspeakable horrors, but sometimes I felt kinda bad about it!” (Uncanny X-Men #271)

She’s not wrong, dude. (Uncanny X-Men #271)

Awk-ward. (Uncanny X-Men #271)

Ahhh, THERE it is! (Uncanny X-Men #271)

Spoiler: Nah. (Uncanny X-Men #271)

Liefeld kick! Take a drink! (New Mutants #96)

“Also can I draw on her face with a sharpie?” (New Mutants #96)

When threatened, the wild Jubilee will fan out her tail in a display meant to intimidate predators. (New Mutants #96)

Jean’s face, tho. “Ugh, AGAIN.” (X-Factor #61)

Because we never get tired of those dramatis personae pages. (X-Factor #61)

Bogdanove’s Hodge really is the best Hodge. (X-Factor #61)

I’m pretty sure this is the first hint we’ve gotten at Cable’s mutant powers. (Based on eventually-established continuity, he should be dying of the T-O virus right now, but that wouldn’t be written in until much later.) (X-Factor #61)

These nerds. (X-Factor #61)

I wonder what’s in Xavier’s telepathically-derived files! (X-Factor #61)

That Charles Xavier keeps detailed files on which of his students want to bang each other is the least surprising thing I’ve read in my life. (X-Factor #61)

“I mean, except for the chokehold part! (X-Factor #61)

NEXT EPISODE: Revenge of the return of the X-Men!

LINKS & FURTHER READING

“Politics and the English Language,” by George Orwell, is one of Jay’s favorite essays of all time.
Now you, too, can be robot Jean Valjean.
Here’s Elle Collins’s X-Men reboot pitch at the late, great Comics Alliance.

156 – Genosha Strikes Back

April 23, 2017 Jay 28 comments

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Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which we hit the Empire Strikes Back of X-Tinction Agenda; it’s hard to be Laura Kinney; the psychic knife makes its debut; Evil!Sexy Moira retains some moral high ground; if your society is built on slavery, your society deserves to crumble; words mean things; Havok would be a terrible housecat; the mutants do not have the patent on stupidity; the opposite of blades is cotton; we give Cameron Hodge’s severed head a pep talk; and Cyclops goes full Peralta.

X-PLAINED:

Uncanny X-Men #271, New Mutants #96, X-Factor #61
Laura Kinney’s brief babysitting career
Our upcoming hiatus
Dramatis personae
A figurative battering ram
Focused totality
Best insults of the 1990s
A debate
Ethics of rhetoric
Housecat Havok
Skittering
Mutate numbering systems
The Prisoner vs. Les Miserables
The slow disintegration of reality as we know it
Sneaking with Cable
A singularly anticlimactic cover
A lushly illustrated report
Increasingly petty revenge
S.H.I.E.L.D.’s most advanced bald cap
A rising storm
Art teams
What we’d like to see out of an X-Men cinematic reboot

NEXT EPISODE: Return of the Revenge of the X-Men

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 155

April 16, 2017 Jay 8 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Contact David to purchase the original!

“I HATE THIS SHIRT!” (X-Men #270)

X-Men… (X-Men #270)

…and New Mutants. (Not pictured: X-Factor.) (X-Men #270)

Look, dude, I am PRETTY SURE they have schedules in the future and you’re just being a dick. (X-Men #270)

Strong Guy FTW! (X-Men #270)

The X-Men, summed up in a single perfect panel. (X-Men #270)

“It’s impossible! Unless there was an unscrupulous redhead, or I guess if he got bored…” (X-Men #270)

Fortunately, the Genoshans were able to outfit them with strategically placed shadows and thought balloons. (New Mutants #95)

THAT’S NOT REASSURING. (New Mutants #95)

My first kiss was basically exactly like this. (New Mutants #95)

Well, then. (New Mutants #95)

The weirdly anticlimactic death of Warlock. (New Mutants #95)

In the land of Genosha… and Manhattan… and some random airstrip… and, look, they use this basic plotline a lot. (X-Factor #60)

Ah, THAT’S the Hodge we know and love! (X-Factor #60)

“Son, do you have a license for that esoteric paraphernalia?” (X-Factor #60)

Boom Boom’s dad is a jerk. (X-Factor #60)

Awwww, they’re learning! (X-Factor #60)

You’d think they’d eventually wise up and get clothes resistant to their own and each other’s powers, but, no. (X-Factor #60)

This is just delightful. (X-Factor #60)

Scott, that’s not how you–you know what? Never mind. (X-Factor #60)

I know they hadn’t been retconned to be father and son yet, but this is some great accidental foreshadowing all the same. (X-Factor #60)

NEXT EPISODE: This asshole, again.

LINKS & FURTHER READING

For more on Miles’s upcoming project, Thor: The Lightning and the Storm, check out http://www.thelightningandthestorm.com!

155 – X-Tinction Event

April 16, 2017 Jay 45 comments

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In which the X-Tinction Agenda begins in earnest; Jim Lee rocks our world; Cable doesn’t need any Mickey-Mouse schedules; Jean Grey is not paid by the word; Havok makes a heel turn; Boom Boom’s pretext of self-interest fools no one; Cameron Hodge is STILL the worst; and Jay and Miles make an announcement.

X-PLAINED:

Warlock across the multiverse
Uncanny X-Men #270, New Mutants #95, X-Factor #60
X-Tinction Agenda
The first modern crossover
The creative state of the X-line
Limitations of Marvel Unlimited
Dramatis Personae
Mickey-Mouse schedules
The X-Men, who do not die the old-fashioned way
One-way nude teleportation
Magistrate Summers
The return of Cameron Hodge’s angry severed head
Wipeout (again)
Mutates
The death of Warlock
The esoteric paraphernalia of war
Silver Age misogyny
What we’d do differently if we introduced the X-Men in 2017
Our upcoming hiatus

NEXT EPISODE: It gets worse.

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 147 – The Beginning of the End of the Beginning

February 25, 2017 Miles 10 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Buy prints at Redbubble, or contact David to purchase the original!

The first of many vertical two-page spreads (that could probably have just been a normal page, but hey). (New Mutants #90)

Copying and pasting artwork from The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe – work smarter, not harder! (New Mutants #90)

Just… Just talk to her, Rictor! Talk to anyone! Even the reader!(New Mutants #90)

To be fair, that’s actually pretty in-character for Sunspot. (New Mutants #90)

Okay, that’s just awesome. (New Mutants #90)

“We’ve got to save our friend! But first – pose!” (New Mutants #90)

Behold – crotches! And also a pretty cool fight. (New Mutants #91)

“Shouldn’t our parents have signed permission slips for this field trip, teach?” (New Mutants #91)

Preeeeetty sure this is the beginning of a complicated mating dance. Or just the start of date night. (New Mutants #91)

And then Cable fought robots so well that Rictor forgave him for killing his dad. (New Mutants #91)

That pretty much says it all, huh? (New Mutants #93)

Hey, Rictor got a new costume! And a lot more hair! (New Mutants #93)

“We’re from Japan! Can you tell?” (New Mutants #93)

“My god! Not another use!” (New Mutants #93)

“Why, someone who’s too awesome for backgrounds, of course!” (New Mutants #93)

Give the laxatives some time to work, guys. It’ll be okay. (New Mutants #94)

And then the 90s 90s’d us right in the 90s. (New Mutants #94)

Please note that Cannonball is stealing a key from Dragoness’s headdress in the bottom panel. With his hair, I guess? (New Mutants #94)

Okay, that’s just adorable. (New Mutants #94)

Magneto this guy ain’t.

And that was the last we ever saw of Stryfe and the MLF! (New Mutants #94)

Almost forgot the lovingly-rendered butt!

Next time: X-Factor versus psychic vampires!

147 – The Beginning of the End of the Beginning

February 20, 2017 Jay 31 comments

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In which the New Mutants get a new status quo (and new costumes); we have deeply mixed feelings about Rob Liefeld; Cable is the comprehensive sex-ed to Xavier’s staunch denial and Magneto’s abstinence-only; Rictor gets a new dad by right of arms; and you should totally come party with us at Emerald City Comic Con!

X-PLAINED:

Feral Wolverine
Jay & Miles at Emerald City Comic Con
New Mutants #90, 91, 93, and 94
Early Rob Liefeld
Caliban vs. Sabretooth
Vertical spreads
Stately Xavier Ruins
How to confuse Freedom Force
Imaginary fashions of the early ’90s
How Rictor’s father may or may not have died
The New Mutants’ new uniforms
A lovingly-rendered butt
Improv with Apocalypse
The mystery of Rictor’s shirt
Seismic weaving
The Japanese branch of the MLF (Kamikaze, Sumo, and Dragoness)
The Mutual Liberation Front
Diana, Warrior Princess (again)
Several kisses
Sleet

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor Fights Yuppie LARPers or Something

CORRECTION: In this episode, Jay referred to Bob Harras as Editor-in-Chief of Marvel in 1990. Tom DeFalco was in fact Editor-in-Chief; Harras was the X-Men line editor.

The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 144 – Giant-Size Special #5 (feat. Kid Apocalypse)

January 29, 2017 Miles 5 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Buy prints at Redbubble, or contact David to purchase the original!

Your friend is extremely agitated and saying strange things. Do you: a) call a super-scientist like Reed Richards, b) call a telepath like Jean Grey, or c) throw her in a straitjacket and hope for the best? (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Wolverine violently poses forward! (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Cable as a wizard with Warlock as a wizard-staff? YES PLEASE (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

You can tell a lot about an artist by how they draw Warlock. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Oh, Doug the Peasant – you may not have your 616 counterpart’s mutant linguistic abilities or Alan Davis Hair Swoop, but at least you have… a mom who’s kind of a jerk? (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

“I mean, jeez, Richard! I could have been on the can or something! (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Yeah, that’s pretty much the normal way to check how strong booze is. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Congratulations, Princess Rain! Now that you’re properly orphaned, you can start your quest – grab a wooden sword and cloth armor and get going! (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Fantasy-Magneto’s outfit: not all that different from Normal-Magneto’s outfit. That reflects well on both of them. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

“You make a valid point owwwwww” (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Magnus’s text parser needs some work. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

New Mutants, Earth 616 style… (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

…and Earth 1991 style. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Andy Kubert draws a pretty kick-ass Werewolf Rahne. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Okay, I know Wolverine’s the bad guy right now, but that’s legit badass. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

This was my favorite part of Hugh Jackman’s Les Miserables. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Cable: master of witty comebacks in any reality. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Wolverine improving his catchphrase? Magnus playing Sentinel? This spread has it all! (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

This is no one’s finest hour. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Wake up, punch Cable, fall back asleep. I’d call that a successful day! (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Wolverine, I know you meant that to be reassuring, but it actually sounds pretty threatening. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)

Next time: this guy.

THE 2016 SUPER DOCTOR ASTRONAUT PETER CORBEAU AWARDS FOR EXCELLENCE IN X-CELLENCE

Best X-Writer: Dennis Hopeless
Best X-Artist: Alti Firmansyah
Best X-Colorist: David Curiel
Best Ongoing Series: All-New Wolverine
Best Miniseries: Worst X-Man Ever
Good Sport Award: Scott Koblish
Best Book Miles Wishes He Hadn’t Put Off Reading For This Long: Marjorie Liu’s X-23
Fun-Matters-More-Than-Good Award: X-Men: Apocalypse
Best Actual Wolverine Award: Jonathan the Actual Wolverine
Irene Adler Memorial Award for Most Anticipated Upcoming Book Or Series: Generation X
Cyclops Has A Good Day award: Cyclops had no good days.
Best Stealth X-Series: New Avengers
Kristafer Anka Award For Best Withering Sneer In An X-Book: Emma Frost in Inhumans vs. X-Men #1
Wet Noodle Award: The Noodle Incident
Making Lemonade Award: Inhumans vs. X-Men
Best Non-X Marvel Book: The Vision

CLASSIC CORBEAUS (for older X-material covered in the podcast during 2016)

Best Cover Ever Forever: Excalibur #4
Buried Treasure: Havok & Wolverine: Meltdown
Why-Isn’t-This-Collected Award: X-Factor: Judgment War
Still Crying Award: New Mutants #64
The Unhand That Elf Award: “Unhand that elf!”
Better To Reign In Hell Award: Madelyne Pryor
You Tried Award: Illyana Rasputin
ABD Award: Havok, for still not finishing his dissertation

AND

Still the Best Listeners of Any Podcast, Ever – You!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING:

Find Kid Apocalypse on Twitter and Bandcamp!
Listen to Dennis Hopeless’s original, super-secret, censored version of the Noodle Incident in the cold open of Episode 104!
You can hear Scott Koblish’s rap battle with Jay in the cold open to Episode 105…
…and his performance of Jay’s song about Summers continuity in the cold open to Episode 134!

144 – Giant-Size Special #5 (feat. Kid Apocalypse)

January 29, 2017 Miles 26 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which we get a visit from Kid Apocalypse and debut a track from his upcoming album; Jay No-Prizes Community; Rahne of Terra is pretty damn delightful; Cable is an armchair editor; we finally release the unexpurgated version of Dennis Hopeless’s version of the Noodle Incident; and you remain–to nobody’s surprise–the best listeners of any podcast, ever.

X-PLAINED:

Kid Apocalypse (Quinn Allan)
Portland Snowpocalypse 2017
“Return of the King”
Rapping in character
Beats in the gutters
A vehement defense of Nate Grey
Wolverine: Rahne of Terra
Earth-1991
Geshem
Many puns of varying quality
EiC Cable
A definitely 100% true and accurate explanation of the Noodle Incident
The Third Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence at X-Cellence

NEXT EPISODE: The debut of Gambit!

In retrospect, we should totally have made reference to the song “Beards Going Nowhere” during our discussion of surfing the timestream on glam hair. We regret the omission.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)