Caliban – Page 5 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

70 – Forget It, Jake; It’s X-Factor

August 17, 2015 Jay 31 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 8/23/2015 in the shop (also pencils skirts, ‘cause, why the hell not?) or contact David for the original.

In which everything is terrible; miscommunication triangles are way more awkward than love triangles; Boom Boom is universally delightful; Miles has feelings about ‘80s fashion; Apocalypse is judging your band posters; X-Factor still hasn’t gotten the hang of doors; Cyclops’s life continues to be an anxiety dream; the Twelve are better in foreshadowing than practice; and Angel dies as he lived: half-naked, at an airport.

X-PLAINED

The evolution of Angel
Cold opens
rachelandmiles.com
X-Factor so far
X-Factor #12-15
A miscommunication triangle
Boom Boom (Tabitha Smith)
Rachel’s Marc Silvestri causality loop
Boom Boom vs. Jubilee
Cameron disambiguation
Famine
Master Mold (more) (again)
The Twelve
Tanya Trask
Caliban

NEXT WEEK: Technoorganic blues!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 66 – The Mutant Massacre, Part 2

July 20, 2015 Jay 4 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 7/26/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

If this week’s illustration reminds you of last week’s, that’s because they’re two parts of this rad panorama! Again, prints are available until 7/26/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

Mystique, what are you even doing? (X-Factor #9)

This, again. (X-Factor #9)

Passing privilege in action! (X-Factor #9)

That’s actually pretty clever. (X-Factor #9)

MOPPETS. (X-Factor #9)

Meanwhile in Apartment 3G… (X-Factor #10)

WRONG CHOICE, ANGEL. (X-Factor #10)

One horseman down, three to go. (X-Factor #10)

Damn, Jean. (X-Factor #10)

Ouch. (X-Factor #10)

OUCH. (X-Factor #10)

There is never a worst time to be a Power kid than during an X-line crossover. (Power Pack #27)

Everyone hates X-Factor. (Power Pack #27)

It really does kind of cheapen Sabretooth’s menace when a bunch of kids can take him down–even these kids. (Power Pack #27)

COMICS FOR KIDS. (Power Pack #27)

And then everything was sad forever. (Power Pack #27)

BEHOLD THIS MAJESTIC THUNDER GOD AND HIS MAJESTIC BEARD! (The Mighty Thor #373)

No, but seriously, though. (The Mighty Thor #373)

Thor has frog friends. (The Mighty Thor #373)

Have we mentioned that we love Thor? We love Thor. (The Mighty Thor #373)

There’s a reason that Walter Simonson is the gold standard for epic dialogue. (The Mighty Thor #374)

Aw. (The Mighty Thor #374)

There’s a lot of straight-up killing on the hero side of this event. (The Mighty Thor #374)

(X-Men #9, specifically.) (The Mighty Thor #374)

Thor: Definitely the best dude you know. (The Mighty Thor #374)

It’s funny, because miscommunication. (X-Factor #11)

“Run! It’s a crossover issue!” (X-Factor #11)

X-Factor drinking game: Drink every time someone has to explain the relationship between X-Factor and the X-Terminators. (X-Factor #11)

Halfway there, Apocalypse! (X-Factor #11)

Ouch. (X-Factor #11)

On the upside: Boom-Boom! (X-Factor #11)

NEXT WEEK: The New Mutants party like it’s 1299!

LINKS & FURTHER READING

Listen to Episode 65–The Mutant Massacre, Part 1–here!
You can find the Mutant Massacre reading order here.
Have you read Walter Simonson’s run of The Mighty Thor yet? You should really go do that. It starts here.

66 – The Mutant Massacre, Part 2

July 20, 2015 Jay 25 comments

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In which we wrap up our first official two-parter; Gambit ruins everything; Rachel has a theory about Mister Sinister; Marvel communication technology is behind the times; Trish Tilby is tired of your bullshit; Walter Simonson is the best of the best; X-Factor pulls it together; Power Pack gets uncomfortably dark; Miles has Thor feelings; and even more mutants die.

NOTE: This episode is the second of a two-parter! If you haven’t listened to Episode 65, where we cover the first half of the mutant massacre, you should probably do that before you listen to this one!

X-PLAINED:

Masque
Tentacle disambiguation
More of the Mutant Massacre
A Sinister hypothesis
Several Marauder-related retcons
X-Factor #9-11
Power Pack #27
The Mighty Thor #373-374
Trish Tilby
Artie & Leech
Several awkward reunions
Walter Simonson
The fall of Angel
Apocalypse’s horsemen
Yet another crossover that will probably scar the Power kids for life
Franklin Richards
Thor, Donald Blake, and Sigurd Jarlson
The best issue of any comic, ever.
The Tunnelers
Ongoing repercussions of the Mutant Massacre
Rachel & Miles’s horseman identities
Which X-Men could and should wield Mjolnir

NEXT WEEK: The New Mutants party like it’s 1299!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 34 – Mordenkainen’s Marvelous Mutants

December 7, 2014 Jay 9 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints available here through Sunday, December 14!

Remember when missing twin towers always signified a horrible post-apocalyptic future? (Uncanny X-Men #189)

Rachel Summers, in her Hound uniform. (Uncanny X-Men #189)

Kids, if a necklace you find in a fish talks to you, DON’T LISTEN. (Uncanny X-Men #189)

Oh. You, again. (Uncanny X-Men #189)

Moments when the Hellfire Club and the X-Men just really want to not talk about this and go back to whatever they were doing are pretty much the best X-Men/Hellfire Club moments. (Uncanny X-Men #189)

Lookit all those temporal references! (Uncanny X-Men #189)

Imagining Kid Miles diving into X-Men with this issue: never not funny. (Uncanny X-Men #190)

Well, then. (Uncanny X-Men #190)

But.. isn’t that basically what Vision normally wears? (Uncanny X-Men #190)

Callisto: Pure awesome in any universe. (Uncanny X-Men #190)

What. (Uncanny X-Men #190)

CAPTAIN AMERICA WE LOVE YOU (Uncanny X-Men #190)

This fucking recap page. (Uncanny X-Men #191)

Warlock-o-Vision! (Uncanny X-Men #191)

Remember that time Spider-Man got actually literally crucified in a CCA-approved comic? Because that definitely happened. (Uncanny X-Men #191)

Warlock is not only the best friendly space teenager, but also the best jetpack. (Uncanny X-Men #191)

Oh. That guy. (Uncanny X-Men #191)

LOOK AT THIS ANGRY SPACE ROBOT AND HIS AMAZING TECHNOORGANIC BEARD (Uncanny X-Men #192)

In which the X-Men absolutely fail at hide-and-seek in just about every possible way. (Uncanny X-Men #192)

Not only is Illyana a badass demon sorceress and teleporter, but her taste in movies is impeccable. (Uncanny X-Men #192)

HERE HAVE SOME MORE TECHNOORGANIC SPACE BEARD (Uncanny X-Men #192)

Rogue goes Technarch, is adorable. (Uncanny X-Men #192)

SPAAAAAAAAACE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEARD (Uncanny X-Men #192)

He’s such a parent. (Uncanny X-Men #192)

Don’t worry. Later, the Morlocks find him, fix him up, and dress him in elaborate bondage gear. (Uncanny X-Men #192)

MERRY CHRISTMAS, X-MEN! (Uncanny X-Men #192)

Next week: Welcome to the Heartbreak Hotel.

Links and Further Reading:

In Episode 34, we answered a question from a listener looking for textual evidence that Nightcrawler isn’t homophobic (we pointed them to Amazing X-Men #13). Rachel also discussed that question from a different angle–and at considerably more length–on the blog.
Diana: Warrior Princess is both an incredibly fun game setting and a brilliant piece of cultural satire.
We are big fans of both the Gamers movies and the humans responsible for them.
Rachel and Elle talk a lot of shit about Hank Pym in Episode 4 of Into It.

34 – Mordenkainen’s Marvelous Mutants

December 7, 2014 Jay 32 comments

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Warlock The Barbarian — Art by David Wynne. Prints available here through Sunday, December 14!

In which we venture forth into an age undreamed of, there are so many reasons to have Northstar on your team, Selene is the worst guest, Rachel X-Plains Conan, Cyttorak is the Mordenkainen of the Marvel Universe, Miles loves Doctor Strange, we have some fairly serious Captain America feelings, the X-Men completely fail at hide-and-seek, and we make more D&D references in one episode than in the previous 34 combined.

X-Plained

Northstar
Beard privilege
X-Men 189-192
Anachronistic timeline markers
Hounds
The Culture Shock Class
An Age Undreamed of
Conan disambiguation
Red Sonja vs. Red Sonya
Kulan Gath
Marvel Team-Up #79
Barbarian Avengers
Why we love Captain America
Several haircuts
WiFi sorcery
A really good inspirational speech
The inevitable cephalopod revolution
Why Hank Pym is the absolute worst
Claudication
Hide-and-seek
How Rachel Summers actually traveled back in time
Magus
Warlock, Adam Warlock, and their respective Magi
Politics, religion, and Nightcrawler

Edited to Add: In this episode, we answered a question from a listener looking for textual evidence that Nightcrawler isn’t homophobic (we pointed them to Amazing X-Men #13). We also discussed that question from a different angle–and at considerably more length–on the blog.

Next Week: Dazzler: The Movie!

You can find a visual companion to the episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 29 – Mutant in a Box

November 2, 2014 Jay 27 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

We’re having a stealth / plainclothes cosplay contest, with guest X-Pert judge Kris Anka, and prizes from TVStoreOnline! Submissions are open ’til November 7. JOIN US.

Yep, that’s our Fantomex.

This ridiculous motherfucker who is now THREE PEOPLE. What the hell, Fantomex?

This isn’t Cyclops’s worst vacation. Hell, it’s not even his worst honeymoon. (X-Men #176)

Wolverine and Mariko: dealing with relationship issues like grown-ups. We choose to believe that wearing a mask that looks like your hair is a prerogative of adulthood. (X-Men #176)

You’d REALLY THINK Scott would know what an octopus looks like by now, but I guess he was blindfolded for a lot of his time in Octopusheim. (X-Men #176)

Scott! The sea’s a lovely lady when you play in her. But if you play with her, she’s a BITCH! Play in the sea, yes, but never play with her. You’re lucky to be here! You’re lucky to be ALIVE! (X-Men #176, with sincere apologies to the late, great Spalding Gray. Seriously, go watch Swimming to Cambodia. And Monster in a Box. And Gray’s Anatomy. Now.)

Yeah, good luck with that, Sparky. (X-Men #176)

Val Cooper: Definitely the sister of Special Agent Dale Cooper.

The early ’80s: A more innocent time, when all a hero needed was coke and epic shoulder pads, and you could kill Wolverine by slitting his throat. (X-Men #177)

Why is Alex dressed like an elf? (X-Men #177)

As diversions go, that’s a pretty impressively orchestrated one. Go, Brotherhood! (X-Men #177)

CYCLOPS WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN WRONG WITN YOU (X-Men #178)

“Get the asprin, Rogue. I feel a crossover event coming on.” (X-Men #178)

Awyeah. (X-Men #178)

Why is Kitty wearing an unbranded Fantastic 4 costume? Who the hell knows? Do we even need a reason, at this point? (X-Men #178)

99% sure Cyndi Lauper wrote a song about this. (X-Men #179)

This is innocuous in context, until you realize he’s sniffing a dead teenager in a morgue. (X-Men #179)

Aw, Leech. (X-Men #179)

LOOK AT THIS FUCKING WIZARD LOOK AT HIS HAT LOOK AT HOW HE CLEARLY BELONGS ON THE SET OF FLASH GORDON (X-Men #179)

Professor Xavier engages in a rare moment of being absolutely delightful. (X-Men #178)

I like to imagine that Kitty and Doug’s side adventures are the subject of a mid-’80s feature film starring Jenny Lewis. (X-Men #180)

Sky closure is the best closure. (X-Men #180)

Literally the only worthwhile panel in all twelve issues of Secret Wars. (Secret Wars #1)

“I’ll see she’s raised as if she were my own. HOPE SHE LIKES BEING DROWNED IN PUDDLES.” (X-Men #181)

Oh. That guy. Again. (X-Men #181)

This Erica Henderson drawing of Warlock and Cypher doing Troy and Abed in the Morning may be the single nerdiest thing Rachel owns, and that’s saying something.

Next week: These delightful scamps.

29 – Mutant in a Box

November 2, 2014 Jay 8 comments

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In which Cyclops is the worst at vacations, Mystique is your favorite MurderMom™, Havok is eternally ABD, Kitty Pryde does science, Callisto doesn’t give a damn about her bad reputation, Xavier has a Troy Barnes moment, Miles may be the only person with fond memories of Secret Wars, and Rachel finally gets to make Spalding Gray references.

X-Plained:

Fantomex
Uncanny X-Men #176-181
Reset issues
Scott Summers’s second-worst honeymoon
Cephalopod disambiguation
Project Wideawake (more) (again)
Valerie Cooper
Foreshadowing
Public displays of affection
Leech
How X-Men age
A sewer wizard
Doug Ramsey
Secret Wars
Japan
Mystique’s kids
Douglock
Mystique’s powers
The other X-Men Forever

Next Week: The New Mutants gets weird!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Send us your submissions to the Stealth / Plainclothes Cosplay Contest until the end of the day on Friday, November 7!

As Mentioned in Episode 24 – Ororo, Queen of the Galaxy

September 28, 2014 Jay 18 comments

Listen to the episode here!

ORORO, QUEEN OF THE GALAXY, by David Wynne. (Prints available here until October 5.)

Lockheed vs. Pete Wisdom. (Excalibur #97)

Ironically, the thing she’s mad about might be the one time he actually isn’t, but the point stands in general. (X-Men #168)

Lockheed lurks. (X-Men #168)

This isn’t really relevant to the episode–we’re just hoping someone will use it as the basis for a Kitty Pryde magical-girl transformation sequence. (X-Men #168)

Scott and Lee: STILL AWESOME. (X-Men #168)

Before that one Hawkeye thing, there was this. (X-Men #168)

AWESOME TEAM-UP OF AWESOME. (X-Men #168)

But I think we all know the REAL point of X-Men #168. (We’re reviving this for this week’s art challenge – send your Kitty Pryde costume redesigns to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com!)

Very Nude Nightcrawler. (X-Men #169)

Dragon-sitting is basically the X-Men girlfriend test. (X-Men #169)

Remember that time X-Men straight-up did Barbarella? (Also the time Angel got pinned up by his wings in the Morlock tunnels. No, not that time. The other time.) (X-Men #169)

This cover is slashy in every sense of the word. (X-Men #170)

Well, then. (X-Men #170)

Remember that time Storm straight-up stabbed someone through the heart? BECAUSE THAT DEFINITELY HAPPENED. (X-Men #170)

And then Walt Simonson drew Storm, and we had Feelings. (X-Men #171)

Rogue also has feelings, but they’re less about the transcendent perfection of Simonson’s art than about her out-of-control powers. Sorry, Rogue. (X-Men #171)

Well, that escalated quickly. (X-Men #171)

This might be the most Rogue moment ever. (X-Men #171)

Remember that time Professor X was actually pretty fucking awesome? (X-Men #171)

For full effect, you have to imagine Wolverine’s lines in Steven Blum’s voice. I mean, you should really be doing that anyway. (X-Men #172)

YUKIO. Much, much more about her next week, but she’s the best. (X-Men #172)

For real, there is literally nothing you can say that will convince Rachel that these two are not TOTALLY DOING IT. (X-Men #173)

They really can’t kick her off the team after that. (X-Men #173)

BRB HAVING FEELINGS. (X-Men #173)

Oh. THAT asshole. (X-Men #173)

Meanwhile in Alaska, the most awkward meet-cute ever. (X-Men #168)

Here’s the thing about Scott and Madelyne: they’re actually kind of awesome together. Doomed, but awesome. (X-Men #170)

As a character who’s spent most of his life in a Claremont-written world, Scott is unfamiliar with the concept of coincidence. (X-Men #171)

Then, again, having spent years reading stories set in a Claremont-written world, we find it difficult to believe that this was actually just supposed to have been a coincidence. (X-Men #172)

Lilandra agrees. (X-Men #173)

HEPZIBAH, NEVER CHANGE. (X-Men #174)

This is funny because both of these relationships are super doomed. (X-Men #174)

A brief interlude of adorability from these goofy kids. (X-Men #174)

REMEMBER THAT PRIEST? Yeah. Totally Mastermind. God damnit, Mastermind. (X-Men #174)

Look, it’s a reasonable question under the circumstances. (X-Men #174)

Oh. (X-Men #174)

WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (X-Men #175)

Okay. This looks bad. (X-Men #175)

Really bad. (X-Men #175)

Really, really bad. (X-Men #175)

Cyclops-gritting-his-teeth-and-being-brilliant-in-the-face-of-impossible-odds is the best Cyclops. (X-Men #175)

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. (X-Men #175)

Not elegant, but efficient. (X-Men #175)

This is a really good speech, as such things go, but it’s also really funny that he went to the graveyard in his tux. (X-Men #175)

And then they lived happily ever… oh. (X-Men #175)

Next week: Wolverine demonstrates the Inverse Ninja Law.

24 – Ororo, Queen of the Galaxy

September 28, 2014 Jay 12 comments

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In which Professor X is (canonically!) a jerk, Miles has Sidrian Hunter feelings, Kitty Pryde is Clarissa Darling with a dragon, we introduce a drinking game, the X-Men do Barbarella, Rachel has a ‘shipper moment, Rogue joins the team, Storm gets a haircut, Mastermind is still the worst, and Madelyne Pryor is underrated.

X-Plained:

Lockheed
Uncanny X-Men #168-175
Reset issues
A one-sided rivalry
The lowest-drama X-romance
The Cream of Wheat box as a metaphor for infinity
Kitty’s Kostume Korner
Rachel’s questionably-canon ships
The Morlocks
Class privilege and the mutant metaphor
Callisto
Caliban
Sunder
Plague
Masque
A dubbing error
Gender dimorphism in superhero media
Storm’s first major character arc
Our single favorite superhero artist
Rogue
Rogue’s accent
A Charles Xavier we can believe in
Yukio
Punk Storm
Madelyne Pryor
Closure
Cyclops vs. formalwear

Art Challenge: Send us your Kitty Pryde costume redesigns–any era, any codename–to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com

Next Week: Claremont and Miller’s Wolverine!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

As Mentioned in Episode 15 – The Ballad of Harvey and Janet

July 20, 2014 Jay 16 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Angelica of the D’Urbervilles.

Starting July 31, new episodes of Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men will be available every Thursday at Comics Alliance! We’ll also continue to release them every Sunday–along with the visual companion–at our site, as well as iTunes, and Stitcher, ; but if you want to be the first kid on the block to hear ’em, head to ComicsAlliance.com on Thursdays!

Meanwhile, want to help support the podcast–and get additional content and cool swag? Please take a minute to check out our Patreon campaign! We’ve got some very cool rewards, but the best part–we think–are the Milestone goals, which are sort of like the X-Men team-up moves of Patreon: giant-size annuals, written posts, original art, a print zine, and more!

“What wardrobe?” “My point exactly.” (X-Men #148)

Lee Forrester: The Best Ever. (X-Men #148)

Good luck with that, buddy. (X-Men #148)

“No, but you’ll be a sorcerer with your own Hell dimension! Won’t that be nice?” (X-Men #148)

Hi, Siryn! (X-Men #148)

Caliban and the Morlocks: Introducing the concept of passing privilege to the mutant metaphor. (X-Men #148)

last-page-of-the-issue Magneto reveals are the gift that keeps on giving. (X-Men #148)

Professor Xavier, doing our job for us. (X-Men #149)

KITTY PRYDE, YOU ARE DELIGHTFUL. (X-Men #149)

Prydeslaught, by Logan Bonner: Professor X’s unchecked rage, plus the id of a 13-year-old Kitty Pryde. We dearly wish this were canon.

Let us never speak of this again. (X-Men #149)

Still kinda bummed we didn’t make more Ann Veal jokes about this guy. “Who?” (X-Men #149)

Even his villain speech is kinda forgettable, but we will take literally any excuse to post more pictures of Kitty’s amazing outfit, so. (X-Men #149)

Phaseball Special! (X-Men #149)

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(X-Men #149)

We appreciate how obviously Lee is trying not to laugh in this panel. (X-Men #149)

There’s… a lot going on on that cover. (X-Men #150)

Magneto’s dastardly plan is basically peaceful nuclear disarmament. (X-Men #150)

Dr. Peter Corbeau: That one NPC your DM clearly rolled up as a PC in another campaign but never got to play so instead rolled into his campaign as an overcompetent badass. (X-Men #150)

The Voyage of the Mimi was an educational show, featuring a very young Ben Affleck and an ungodly earworm of a theme song. We both watched a lot of it in middle school science classes.

Wolverine with wet hair. You’re welcome. (X-Men #150)

“Also, man, he’s got killer abs.” (X-Men #150)

If there were an X-Men drinking game, “Dark City-style brain-ray psychic duel” would definitely be on the list. (X-Men #150)

Magneto: Now available with nuance and additional backstory! (Asteroid base sold separately.) (X-Men #150)

Having taken over Storm’s body, Emma Frost celebrates by, um, quoting King Lear. (X-Men #151)

HARVEY AND JANET, WE LOVE YOU. (X-Men #151)

This week in Scenes Only Chris Claremont Could Have Written: A giant robot busting through a ceiling and telling the shocked people inside, “Fear not! All will be revealed in due course!” (X-Men #151)