Cable – Page 10 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 210 – The End of Tomorrow

August 19, 2018 Miles Leave a comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

What Rogue’s wearing was actually our school uniform back in 1992! (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Scott, you chowderhead. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Do NOT invite Caliban to your wedding. Or probably to anything. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

You know, sometimes Professor Xavier really isn’t a jerk. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Professor Xavier is shot in the dark future of Earth-811… (New Mutants #18)

…and in the dark present of Earth-616. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Kids, your day is not going to get better from here. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Have we mentioned we love Jae Lee’s art? We love Jae Lee’s art. (X-Factor #84)

At karaoke, Archangel’s voice is just okay, but his performance is 10/10. (X-Factor #84)

I mean, let’s be real – that’s pretty hot. (X-Factor #84)

EVERYBODY FIGHTS EVERYBODY (X-Factor #84)

The X-Men are so good at posing in this era. (X-Factor #84)

“Dear diary: I finally said it! I said the line!” (X-Factor #84)

Man, Andy Kubert could draw someone doing their taxes and it’d look superheroic. (X-Men #14)

Except that time 16 years later when you shoot him in the head, ya doof. (X-Men #14)

Jean Grey: CGC 8.4 Scott Summers: CGC 7.2 (X-Men #14)

Not Rictor’s best pickup line… But also not his worst. (X-Men #14)

Apocalypse, you have got to turn your shower temperature down. That hot water is awful for your skin. (X-Men #14)

That’s a clove cigarette, in case you can’t tell. (X-Men #14)

X-Force: both very sympathetic and very colorful! I miss when badasses wore colors other than black. (X-Force #16)

EVERYBODY FIGHTS EVERYBODY SOME MORE (X-Force #16)

“You see, Piotr, this is how we entered every building back in our X-Factor days!” (X-Force #16)

Mister Sinister: pleased as punch. (X-Force #16)

There’s seriously nothing we can add to this. (X-Force #16)

Best not to dwell. (X-Force #16)

NEXT EPISODE: It is definitely not.

LINKS & FURTHER ADVENTURES:

Jay’s X-Men Valentines were in somewhat questionable taste.
Our Discord server is delightful. You can join it here.

210 – The End of Tomorrow: X-Cutioner’s Song (Part 1 of 3)

August 19, 2018 Jay 21 comments

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In which you may or may not have your own Black Bug Room; FlameCon was in fact every bit as wonderful as we projected (and more); Caliban hates true love; no one will ever be as extra as Mister Sinister; X-Cutioner’s Song is secretly a farce; we achieve Peak Cable; and the quintessential ’90s crossover event begins!

X-PLAINED:

The Black Bug Room
A good deal of pre-event status quo
Uncanny X-Men #294
X-Factor #84
X-Men #14
X-Force #16
Trading card taxonomy
The opening strains of a crossover event
A concert that worked out better in theory than in practice
An abduction
Several attempted murders
A large number of awkward reunions
An even larger number of inter-team brawls
Two villains pretending to be other villains
Cape logistics
Peak Cable
Many pouches
Many guns
The origin of Hope Summers
Our hopes for mutants in the MCU

NEXT EPISODE: Aw, Stryfe, no.

NOTE: At one point in this episode, Miles said “X-Force” when he actually meant “X-Factor.” If you can tell us where, you win the prize of eternal smugness (not as much smugness as Sinister, but still a lot).

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 207 – Blood and Metal

July 30, 2018 Jay 4 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Everyone in this comic book is yelling at all times. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)

There is also a lot of leaping. The early ’90s were very leaping-heavy years. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)

Garrison, you delightful scamp! (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)

That’s right. The Six Pack is named after beer. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)

Grizzly is kind of a delight in this series. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)

Stryfe is ALWAYS a delight. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)

Look at these ridiculous guns. LOOK AT THEM. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)

Every fight in this series is exuberantly ridiculous, and it’s great. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)

Cable is a really, really terrible boss. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)

More leaping! (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)

MORE LEAPING! (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)

Having studied under Cable, Kane knows how to leap into battle. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)

Blood and Metal also does the action-movie thing where the hardboiled dialogue is often vaguely suggestive. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)

“It makes sense, though. Having an evil clone runs in my family.” (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)

Yes, Garrison. Ninjas. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)

That’s Stryfe; and this explains a thing or three. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)

We forgot to mention this scene in the episode, but at one point, Garrison Kane is just randomly eating a fucking enormous sandwich. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)

And then on the next page, he dramatically rips his shirt off, because, look, SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)

Shorts! (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)

Look, if you haven’t worked out that Stryfe looks like Cable by this point in the series, I’m not sure I can help you. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)

I keep imagining Stryfe yelling, “Brother!” in Liquid Snake’s voice; and now you can, too. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)

“I also got you some unflattering but comfortable briefs. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor gets political.

LINKS & FURTHER TOMFOOLERY:

DID YOU KNOW THAT WE’RE GOING TO BE AT FLAMECON? Of course you did, because we won’t shut up about it! Come see us at table P119, and check out the live episode!
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja is a masterpiece of modern literature; plus, it’s by the only person who will ever love Robocop vs. Terminator as much as Jay does.
The new She-Ra design is awesome, and so is all the fan art that it has inspired.
The Tim Minchin line Jay paraphrased in this episode comes from the song “White Wine in the Sun.”
Wanna hang out online with a bunch of really nice X-Men fans? Hell, yeah, you do! Join the X-Plain the X-Men Discord!

207 – Blood and Metal

July 30, 2018 Jay 21 comments

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In which Miles has a Dracula problem; we are really, really excited about FlameCon; Fabian Nicieza is the unsung hero of the early ’90s; Jay doesn’t explain the Iranian Hostage Crisis; Cable does not have a good history with trademark disputes; Cable: Blood and Metal is secretly an allegory for the X-books of the early 1990s; friendship and explosions don’t have to be mutually exclusive; and history evokes but doesn’t quite repeat itself.

X-PLAINED:

Dracula disambiguation
One way to stop a vampire invasion
Wang beams
Cable: Blood and Metal #1-2
The continuing miracle that is Fabian Nicieza
Cable (as established in 1992)
Stryfe
The Wild Pack and/or Six Pack
The ongoing evolution of John Romita, Jr.
Tolliver
Several heists of varying quality
Numerous patches and their contents
How the Wild Pack became the Six Pack
An idiom, examined
A total dick move
Muscles-and-guns power creep
Guns of tomorrow
The McNinja point
A brief flirtation with Magic: The Gathering
A typo that became canon
The new She-Ra
The new, improved Garrison Kane
European nipple lasers
Mr. Richter
The evolution of Cable

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor gets political.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 205 – Back to Basics

July 15, 2018 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Okay, but seriously, he could have gotten that cape anywhere. (X-Force #11)

Early Deadpool was just kind of a jerk. (X-Force #11)

In which Garrison Kane and all of his teeth are watching you poop. (X-Force #11)

The best thing about this is that Rictor’s shirt changes color from green to read between issues, and I have decided that it is DEFINITELY Hypercolor(TM). (X-Force #11)

Hi, Crule. (X-Force #12)

Somewhere, Flash Gordon is very confused and very naked. (X-Force #12)

Just posting this for Rictor’s outfit, which really only gets more remarkable with every drawing. (X-Force #12)

If I were a better person, I might have pasted this together with the other half of the four-page spread… (X-Force #13)

…but, alas, I’m not. (X-Force #13)

Thaaaaaat’s our Cable! (X-Force #13)

Yeahno. (X-Force #13)

I really like the way Shoemaker draws battle-damaged Cable. (X-Force #14)

MY FEELINGS (X-Force #14)

Awk-ward. (X-Force #14)

Spoiler: FRIENDSHIP WINS. (X-Force #15)

And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for you meddling kids! (X-Force #15)

NEXT EPISODE: Fire, life, and backstory!

LINKS:

You can learn all about Garrison Kane in Episode 195 – Johnny Got His Robot Arm.
Should you find yourself in Brussels, Jay recommends Utopia for all your superhero comics needs.
Mitchell is a terrible movie but a very good episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000; which latter you can watch here.

205 – Back to Basics

July 15, 2018 Jay 17 comments

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Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which Jay returns from Latveria; Sabretooth is significantly less menacing in French; Fabian Nicieza takes the reins; X-Force wins our hearts and minds; Gideon plunders Flash Gordon’s wardrobe; Crule does not actually rule; Rictor was right; Ship is the friend who helps you move, but better; the X-Force kids strike out on their own; and it’s probably impossible to explain Joseph too much.

X-PLAINED:

The secret origin of Gideon
How to get deported from Latveria
Marvel en français
X-Force #11-15
Some gratuitous posturing
Pico
What the actual Domino has been up to
One hell of an outfit
Peacock powers
Crule
A comical mix-up
A somewhat radical cosmology
A very dramatic strike force
Tygerstryke
X-Force post-Liefeld
Weapon P.R.I.M.E.
A four-page spread
A fight for one is a fight for all
Vance Astro
The death of Copycat
Things only Cable and Domino could do
Joseph (more) (again)
Marvel style and its evolution

NEXT EPISODE: Fire, life, and backstory!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 187 – Mermaids at the Center of Time

March 4, 2018 Jay 8 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Spoiler: They’re not actually that secret.

This panel really never stops being satisfying.

A surprisingly elegant fall overboard.

Is this Annie’s first comics appearance?

A few variations on Jean’s origins come up over the years, but most of them hew fairly close to this one.

If I had a dollar for every time I’d woken up like that…

In the next panel, he tries to lend them a copy of Atlas Shrugged.

Not cool, Jean.

FUN FACT: Our friend Max went to college in New England, and apparently ice sculpture contests are TOTALLY A THING.

HI, BUBBA.

This looks both tremendously fun and tremendously unsafe.

He straight-up bogarted the entire winter carnival.

This gag really never stops working.

If you’ve ever wondered what sound an ice-enclosed energy-gun cane makes blowing up in the stratosphere, now you know.

Thanks to Doctor Internet, I can accurately identify Nightcrawler’s favorite movie as The Mark of Zorro.

That is quite a caption.

I’d really love to see a full-color version of this splash.

IT’S A METAPHOR.

The oracle!

Remember this from the Nightcrawler limited series?

Consider us warned.

NEXT EPISODE: Live from ECCC!

And here’s a photo of Jay’s mom cosplaying Cable:

As Mentioned in Episode 177 – The Less You Know

December 18, 2017 Jay 3 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Luckily for Terrence, the actual X-Men were ALSO lurking by the playground! (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)

“Look, to be honest, several of us are DEFINITELY not trustworthy.” (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)

“Also, would you say that your kidneys are in good condition?” (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)

BEAST, NO. (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)

Gambit is definitely the Least Safe X-Man. (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)

So, that’s a thing that exists. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

Circle of Death time is the best time! (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

Evolution in action. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

I absolutely do not believe that you did not see anyone unusual at a state fair. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

They’re so bad at not being menacing. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

“He sees you forever and ever, Alan!” (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

This panel is amazing. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

“Let us never speak of today again.” (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

The contents of one of the greatest minds on Earth. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

This is a fundamentally self-defeating activity page, and also a really boring connect-the-dots puzzle. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

Let’s just assume that it’s a slow news day. (Smokescreen)

Centaur? Immortal Iron Fist? WHY NOT BOTH? (Smokescreen)

Kids can’t resist a plaid vest. (Smokescreen)

“So… what you’re basically saying is that he’s a teenager?” (Smokescreen)

She still gets taken out like a chump, though. (Smokescreen)

“Hey, wanna see some of his shrink’s notes, while we’re grossly violating his privacy?” (Smokescreen)

MARK TRAIL, NO! (Smokescreen)

oh my god look at this asshole (Smokescreen)

“Tell me, Bret, how much do you know about the migratory patterns of mallard ducks?” (Smokescreen)

That is certainly one way to do a thing. (Smokescreen)

NEXT EPISODE: Giant-Size Winter Special!

177 – The Less You Know

December 18, 2017 Jay 36 comments

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In which we discuss several Very Special Issues; the real cautionary tale is not to trust Hank McCoy; horses are vehicles of lies and heartbreak; the X-Men shill for a state fair; whatever you’re doing, Cyclops is here to stop you; smoking is a gateway to some really weird vices; and we want YOU to design the latest X-Men PSA!

X-PLAINED:

The alternate-timeline terrible choices of Hank McCoy
Our wholly unfounded theories about Spongebob Squarepants
Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men
VHS tapes
Blockbuster KidPrint
Mariano Nicieza
Some Fundamental Problems With Superhero PSAs
A man who may or may not be D-Man
Terrence
Why Cable should deliver more PSAs
Why D.A.R.E. doesn’t work
Varying coherent cautionary tales
The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas
A tragic lack of carnies
Danny the centaur and his very intense feelings about horses
Several exciting attractions at the State Fair of Texas
Big Tex
Activities
Smokescreen
Bret Jackson
Some of the lesser-known danger of smoking
Whether Danny Rand can turn into a centaur
Hanging out and other gateways to delinquency
The South Side Social Club
Jake
Etiquette of following teenagers around
A villainous plan so ineffective that it’s actually kind of sad
X-Men you should hire for your PSAs
Our thoughts on the Disney/Fox merger
Where to find Bloodstorm
Baby Jumping

NEXT EPISODE: Giant-Size Winter Special!

LISTENER CHALLENGE: Send your X-Men PSAs to [email protected] with the subject PSA by December 27!

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)