Bishop – Page 8 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 212 – Drumbeats of Despair

September 2, 2018 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

(Actually, it’s part of a triptych! Here are all three, together at last!)

Damnit, Stryfe. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Ew. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Including this entirely for Archangel’s epic grumpy face. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Alas, the podcast JY & Miles X-Plain the X-Men won’t exist for another 23 years. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Say what you will about Scott and Jean, but they’re aware of their own cliches. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Of course. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

The number of unsettling ways in which X-artists can mess up drawing babies never ceases to impress. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

“Also, sorry ’bout your table.” (Uncanny X-Men #296)

“Remember,” said the editor, “Every comic is somebody’s first!” (X-Factor #86)

Seriously, though, that could not get more Patrick Nagel if Patrick Nagel had drawn it. (X-Factor #86)

“AND I’LL BE THE HEAD!” (X-Factor #86)

THIS. PAGE. (X-Factor #86)

No, not particularly. (X-Factor #86)

Seriously: Ew. (X-Factor #86)

“Eh, I got nowhere else to be.” (X-Factor #86)

They’re so enormous and heavily armed! (X-Men #16)

Aw, man, this is a really good heroic moment. (X-Men #16)

WHOOPS. (X-Men #16)

Well, that’s portentous. (X-Men #16)

Stryfe’s tirades remain an impressive mix of incredibly specific and frustratingly vague. (X-Force #18)

Possibly the most Stryfe line of the entire event. (X-Force #18)

Dang, Cable. (X-Force #18)

“Like, organs and stuff.” (X-Force #18)

I’d like to think that Stryfe is angriest about the pun. (X-Force #18)

SPOILER: He’ll be okay, at least by Cable standards. (X-Force #18)

Maybe it’s a universal remote! SERIOUSLY, CYCLOPS, I KNOW YOU WERE RECENTLY DEPRIVED OF OXYGEN, BUT IT’S VERY CLEARLY A DETONATOR. (X-Force #18)

Ouch. (X-Force #18)

NEXT EPISODE: Live from FlameCon, featuring Sina Grace, Magdalene Visaggio, and Leah Williams!

LINKS & FURTHER MISHAPS:

I know this Waiting for the Trade strip is years old, but the joke really never stops being funny.
For all your old-school hacking needs.
According to Wikipedia, the not-Stüssy S is in fact called the “Cool S,” which is a fairly bold claim.
Ferruginous hawks are ridiculous, but they’re still not as ridiculous as Warren Kenneth Worthington III.

212 – Drumbeats of Despair: X-Cutioner’s Song (Part 3 or 3)

September 2, 2018 Jay 14 comments

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In which nobody but Stryfe’s diary understands him; Apocalypse is the best at what he does (and what he does is remarkably versatile); Scott and Jean weaponize their clichés; Jae Lee does his best Patrick Nagel; Apocalypse is poisonous; Cable goes full T-800; nothing good ever happens to Cyclops on the moon; Stryfe dies as passive-aggressively as he lived; and X-Cutioner’s Song finally concludes.

X-PLAINED:

How Cable dies
The Story So Far
Still more trading-card taxonomy
Uncanny X-Men #296
X-Factor #86
X-Men #16
X-Force #18
An AU we’d like to read
The not-Stüssy S
How to effectively reference X-Men #137
A decoy baby
An abortive escape
Moon gravity
Revelatory vandalism
A trip to the moon
A probably excessive number of hawk facts
Various daring rescues
How to kill time in space
Cathexes
A very fancy moon base
The cavalry, kind of
Stryfe vs. Cable
An X-Cellent epilogue
Several Silent Hill 2 references
Stryfe’s Legacy
Pawnee, Indiana vs. Marvel
Sexy high-security prisons of the future

NEXT EPISODE: Live from FlameCon, featuring Sina Grace, Magdalene Visaggio, and Leah Williams!

Special thanks to Matt for the subject of this episode’s cold open; and to the Protomen for use of their cover of “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 211 – A Cornucopia of Mayhem

August 26, 2018 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Really, though, it was all just a hilarious misunderstanding. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

I’m just gonna let Jubilee caption this one… (Uncanny X-Men #295)

…Yep. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

PSYLOCKE, MURDER IS OCCASIONALLY NOT THE ANSWER. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

This is not actually a lot like child-rearing. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

It is very, very 1992 in here. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

Aw, Sam. You’re a good kid. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

NEXT ISSUE: Three men without inside voices. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

Sure, why not? (X-Factor #85)

Even Apocalypse is horrified by the ramifications of this mess. (X-Factor #85)

Compromise is the heart of teamwork! (X-Factor #85)

I really love both the art in this issue and Dragoness’s design as drawn by Jae Lee. (X-Factor #85)

It’s a metaphor! With robots! Probably! (X-Factor #85)

Awk-ward. (X-Factor #85)

You see what I mean about the DragonQuest thing? (X-Men #15)

Why is Psylocke standing like this mid-fight? Or at all, honestly? A MYSTERY FOR THE AGES. (X-Men #15)

I’m glad that Colossus’s Angst Landscaping has persevered. (X-Men #15)

No, Stryfe. And I think you know that. (X-Men #15)

new body who dis (X-Men #15)

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU, STRYFE. (X-Force #17)

Oh, that’ll end well. (X-Force #17)

Logan ABSOLUTELY deserved that. (X-Force #17)

Ouch. (X-Force #17)

Objectively, I know that X-Men #137 callbacks are calculated manipulation, BUT THEY ALWAYS WORK ANYWAY. (X-Force #17)

NEXT EPISODE: Man, this is a long event.

LINKS & FURTHER EXPERIMENTS:

Listen to Part 1 of our X-Cutioner’s Song coverage here.
Wire Mothers: Harry Harlow and the Science of Love is a really cool book made by some people we like very much.

211 – A Cornucopia of Mayhem: X-Cutioner’s Song (Part 2 of 3)

August 26, 2018 Jay 16 comments

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In which Jubilee is underwhelmed by X-Force; Havok and Gambit make weirdly good buddy cops; Department K is a hot vacation destination; Cable is secretly a Coen Brothers protagonist; you can cancel Community but you can never take away Jay’s gratuitous Community references; Rusty goes full cultist; nobody is Stryfe’s real dad; smoking on a space station is a REALLY bad idea; Apocalypse is here to help; and Miles lies at length about music.

X-PLAINED:

Kuurth
Various Juggernauts
The Story So Far
More trading-card taxonomy
Uncanny X-Men #295
X-Factor #85
X-Men #15
X-Force #17
Varyingly hilarious misunderstandings
Wire Mothers: Harry Harlow and the Science of Love
What happened
Good Cop / Sleazy Cop
A deal
A tragic absence of Draculas
The Coen Brothers’ X-Cutioner’s Song
Thanksgiving with Cable
Miles’s summer camp hijinks
Murderbots in space (again)
A dubious strategy
MLF Redshirts
The second time someone force-fed superheroes baby food in space
A dropped plot thread
Things you shouldn’t do on space stations
Additional awkward reunions
Whether Stryfe is a Summers
The X-Cutioner’s signature karaoke song

NEXT EPISODE: Dang, this event is long.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 210 – The End of Tomorrow

August 19, 2018 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

What Rogue’s wearing was actually our school uniform back in 1992! (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Scott, you chowderhead. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Do NOT invite Caliban to your wedding. Or probably to anything. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

You know, sometimes Professor Xavier really isn’t a jerk. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Professor Xavier is shot in the dark future of Earth-811… (New Mutants #18)

…and in the dark present of Earth-616. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Kids, your day is not going to get better from here. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Have we mentioned we love Jae Lee’s art? We love Jae Lee’s art. (X-Factor #84)

At karaoke, Archangel’s voice is just okay, but his performance is 10/10. (X-Factor #84)

I mean, let’s be real – that’s pretty hot. (X-Factor #84)

EVERYBODY FIGHTS EVERYBODY (X-Factor #84)

The X-Men are so good at posing in this era. (X-Factor #84)

“Dear diary: I finally said it! I said the line!” (X-Factor #84)

Man, Andy Kubert could draw someone doing their taxes and it’d look superheroic. (X-Men #14)

Except that time 16 years later when you shoot him in the head, ya doof. (X-Men #14)

Jean Grey: CGC 8.4 Scott Summers: CGC 7.2 (X-Men #14)

Not Rictor’s best pickup line… But also not his worst. (X-Men #14)

Apocalypse, you have got to turn your shower temperature down. That hot water is awful for your skin. (X-Men #14)

That’s a clove cigarette, in case you can’t tell. (X-Men #14)

X-Force: both very sympathetic and very colorful! I miss when badasses wore colors other than black. (X-Force #16)

EVERYBODY FIGHTS EVERYBODY SOME MORE (X-Force #16)

“You see, Piotr, this is how we entered every building back in our X-Factor days!” (X-Force #16)

Mister Sinister: pleased as punch. (X-Force #16)

There’s seriously nothing we can add to this. (X-Force #16)

Best not to dwell. (X-Force #16)

NEXT EPISODE: It is definitely not.

LINKS & FURTHER ADVENTURES:

Jay’s X-Men Valentines were in somewhat questionable taste.
Our Discord server is delightful. You can join it here.

210 – The End of Tomorrow: X-Cutioner’s Song (Part 1 of 3)

August 19, 2018 Jay 21 comments

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In which you may or may not have your own Black Bug Room; FlameCon was in fact every bit as wonderful as we projected (and more); Caliban hates true love; no one will ever be as extra as Mister Sinister; X-Cutioner’s Song is secretly a farce; we achieve Peak Cable; and the quintessential ’90s crossover event begins!

X-PLAINED:

The Black Bug Room
A good deal of pre-event status quo
Uncanny X-Men #294
X-Factor #84
X-Men #14
X-Force #16
Trading card taxonomy
The opening strains of a crossover event
A concert that worked out better in theory than in practice
An abduction
Several attempted murders
A large number of awkward reunions
An even larger number of inter-team brawls
Two villains pretending to be other villains
Cape logistics
Peak Cable
Many pouches
Many guns
The origin of Hope Summers
Our hopes for mutants in the MCU

NEXT EPISODE: Aw, Stryfe, no.

NOTE: At one point in this episode, Miles said “X-Force” when he actually meant “X-Factor.” If you can tell us where, you win the prize of eternal smugness (not as much smugness as Sinister, but still a lot).

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 199 – Space, Geeks, and Gaveedra Seven

May 27, 2018 Jay 4 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

It’s weird, but it could be SO MUCH WEIRDER. (X-Men Annual #1)

These two really have their battle banter down to a science. (X-Men Annual #1)

Well, this is awkward in retrospect. (X-Men Annual #1)

Hi, Retrieval Team. (X-Men Annual #1)

Again: I want these characters to be SO MUCH WEIRDER. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #16)

Stop trying to make “bohunk” happen. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #16)

GOOD LORD JOE QUESADA DRAWS A TERRIFYING MOJO (Uncanny X-Men Annual #16)

This comic does not include a countdown of enemies, but if it did, #1 would definitely be condiments. (X-Factor Annual #7)

This actually explains a depressing lot about Mojoworld. (X-Factor Annual #7)

SPIRAL IS SO COOL. (X-Factor Annual #7)

Spiral X-Plains Spiral, Part 1. (X-Factor Annual #7)

Spiral X-Plains Spiral, Part 2. (X-Factor Annual #7)

Okay, getting marginally weirder, but still not quite there. (X-Force Annual #1)

You can tell he’s a big deal now because he wears his hair down. (X-Force Annual #1)

I just realized that the good Spineless Ones are named after Borscht Belt comedians. (X-Force Annual #1)

Behind every Facebook meme about positivity is this panel. (X-Force Annual #1)

Powerpax! (X-Force Annual #1)

Darkchild! (X-Force Annual #1)

Banshee! (X-Force Annual #1)

Cyberlock! (X-Force Annual #1)

Sunspot, but with a mullet! (X-Force Annual #1)

You’d think a guy who grew up on a media-saturated world would know better than to trust an administrator in a fancy hat. (X-Force Annual #1)

Kill your television. (X-Force Annual #1)

I feel really good about the fact that Longshot aged into Estelle Getty. (X-Force Annual #1)

Ignore these blueprints; they will never be followed consistently. (X-Men Annual #1)

SELF-FRIEND (X-Men Annual #1)

Remember the good ol’ days, when comics NEVER dabbled in politics or even direct allegory? *snort* (X-Men Annual #1)

“I can also cross over with DC properties, but that’s not really gonna be on the table for a while.” (Uncanny X-Men Annual #16)

Val Cooper’s subconscious is an appropriately frightening place. (X-Factor Annual #7)

NOPE. (X-Factor Annual #7)

Taki! We missed you! (X-Force Annual #1)

We’re only posting one of the many pin-ups; but DANG, it’s a good one. (X-Force Annual #1)

NEXT EPISODE: Louise Simonson!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

For more background on Longshot and Mojoworld, listen to Episode 49 – Of Mullets and Miracles.
Get Bishop’s backstory in Episode 180 – Lawful Badass.
The Kobayashi Maru is a really fun book, if you like that kind of thing (which Jay does).
If you happen to end up in New York, the Jim Henson exhibit at the Museum of the Moving Image is AMAZING.
“Send the Marines” is Tom Lehrer’s tribute to American interventionism, and also a very catchy song.
Aside from this Onion article, I could find no information about the alleged Stretch Armstrong recall, so I suspect that story may in fact be apocryphal. -J

199 – Space, Geeks, and Gaveedra Seven

May 27, 2018 Jay 35 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which Shattershot is definitely better than the Cold War; Beast X-plains the X-teams; Cyclops is a tired babysitter; sustenance is not frivolous; Jim Henson is the hero that Mojoworld needs; Shatterstar is not a great head of state; it’s hard to be Val Cooper; and Cable has definitely figured out how to take you (yes, YOU) out.

X-PLAINED:

Astra
Content-to-story ratio
The Mojoverse (more) (again)
Longshot
Shatterstar (Gaveedra Seven)
Spiral (Ricochet Rita)
Arize
X-Men Annual #1
Uncanny X-Men Annual #16
X-Factor Annual #10
X-Force Annual #1
A pivotal battle
Mujahideen
A callback
Several denizens of Mojoworld
X-Team disambiguation
The Death Sponsors
A dubious solution to the Kobayashi Maru scenario
Whether Arize is a mutant
Telepathic favoritism
Spiral’s origin story
A new regime
Earth-84309
Powerpax (Frankie Power)
Darkchild
Cyberlock
A metasingularity
A large number of back-up features
The X-Men’s top ten enemies
Amalgam (but not that one)
Darick Robertson’s juvenilia
The return of Taki
The Cable Protocols
Brazilian Marvel characters
Our feelings about Laura Kinney’s backstory

NEXT EPISODE: Louise Simonson

CORRECTION: BonziBuddy was not released until 1999. We regret the error.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

196 – The Power Is Yours

May 6, 2018 Jay 18 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which space bugs break time; you may already be a member of Excalibur; Earth-616 remains somewhat baffled by basic telecommunications technology; you should absolutely not order monkeys from an ad in a comic book; Widget gets a new look; Excalibur gets a new logo; Merlin X-Plains everything; and Rachel gets in touch with her roots.

X-PLAINED:

The Timebroker
Excalibur #48-50
What “fair use” doesn’t mean
Penis bones, revisited
Feron
Prophylactic levitation
Several inaccurate flashbacks
Someone who is neither a Nazi nor Charles Xavier
Necrom (again)
The art of heroic exposition
Monastic population maintenance
Mail-order monkeys
Widget’s new look
Kylun’s mutant power
Several alternate Excaliburs
The True Secret Purpose of Excalibur
The new Excalibur logo
Fighting weird with weird
A whole lot of history
Phoenix vs. Anti-Phoenix
Some very epic thwarting
The end of an era
Alan Davis’s Excalibur
How we work alternate timelines into coverage
Bishop and Deathbird as a couple

NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure and Bloody Choices!

UPDATE: Apparently the dead mail-order monkeys were apocryphal, although we were able to dig up some fairly nightmarish accounts of live mail-order monkeys. …Yay?

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)