Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Battleworld

Rachel & Miles Review the X-Men, Episode 46

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Week of July 15, 2015

In which Apocalypse has always been pretty silly; Cyclops is probably not actually the ‘bad boy’ of the X-Men; Years of Future Past continues to rock; and a lot of Wolverines fight.

REVIEWED:

  • X-Men: Apocalypse character reveals (00:20)
  • *Years of Future Past #3 (3:04)
  • Secret Wars: Battleworld #3 (07:32)

*Pick of the week (10:05)

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As Mentioned in Episode 43 – It’s Not a Secret If It’s in the Title

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available until 2/15/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Heroes! (Secret Wars #1)
Villains! (Secret Wars #1)
Battleworld! (Secret Wars #1)
“Also, we’ll totally show up DC and Kenner!” (Secret Wars #1)
Doctor Doom: ever the opportunist. (Secret Wars #1)
This is the best panel of Secret Wars. You can stop reading now. (Secret Wars #1)
DON’T HELP DOCTOR DOOM UP. (Secret Wars #1)
“Damn,” thinks Doom, “If I could do that, those jerky heroes would NEVER have offered to help me up.” (Secret Wars #2)
So, yeah, that happens. (Secret Wars #3)
Johnny Storm: The smoothest man in the Marvel Universe. Also, this raises some questions. Why not spell out “four”? Does he pronounce it differently? Make a hand signal? IT’S A MYSTERY. (Secret Wars #4)
How did this get past the CCA? Who the hell knows. (Secret Wars #5)
Man, if I got super high with a guy I was into and then hallucinated Secret Wars, that would pretty much be the end of that relationship. (Secret Wars #5)
“Ohhhhh, the OTHER Spider-Woman.” (Secret Wars #7)
‘Kay. (Secret Wars #8)
Meet Klaw. (Secret Wars #9)
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY THIS CAN POSSIBLY END POORLY. (Secret Wars #10)
Yeah, Colossus, but would you tumble 4 her? (Secret Wars #11)
Seriously, did these guys learn NOTHING from the Cold War? (Secret Wars #11)
Okay, that’s legitimately a pretty cool gimmick. (Secret Wars #12)
MEET YOUR PROTAGONIST. (Secret Wars II #1)
Stewart “Unflattering Caricature of Steve Gerber” Cadwall. (Secret Wars II #1)
Wellp. (Secret Wars II #1)
He’s never actually seen food, but damnit, he’s played River City Ransom! (Secret Wars II #2)
Can you imagine being any of the people the Beyonder interacts with? (Secret Wars II #2)
Remember that time Peter Parker had to teach a cosmic entity to poop? BECAUSE THAT CERTAINLY HAPPENED. (Secret Wars II #2)
Seriously, it’s all downhill from here. (Secret Wars II #2)
This will propel the plot of like two months of other comic books. Not even joking. (Secret Wars II #2)
So, then that happens. (Secret Wars II #3)
There is literally no romantic or sexual relationship in this series that is okay by any reasonable definition. Also note that AMAZING block of “next issue” text. (Secret Wars II #4)
Boom-Boom is the hands-down best thing to come out of Secret Wars II. (Secret Wars II #5)
Jim Shooter’s X-Men: “Mutant kid in need? NAH, LET’S KILL A DUDE!” (Secret Wars II #5)
Even the Thing is having trouble maintaining enthusiasm for this debacle. (Secret Wars II #7)
This is roughly how Rachel imagines Marvel Editorial circa 1985.
Reasonable. (Secret Wars II #8)
The Beyonder: Definitely a really sympathetic protagonist. (Secret Wars II #8)
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. (Secret Wars II #8)
Remember this, because it will have hella repercussions down the line. (Secret Wars II #9)
Ah, Molecule Man, one of the unforgettable heavy-hitters of the Marvel Universe. (Secret Wars II #9)
Remember that time a bunch of heroes saved the universe by murdering a baby? (Secret Wars II #9)
NEXT WEEK: Legion, with Si Spurrier!

 

43 – It’s Not a Secret If It’s in the Title

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Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available until 2/15/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available until 2/15/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

In which we cover 21 issues in one episode; Secret Wars is a toy commercial; Jim Shooter’s X-Men are not the X-Men to which we are accustomed; Doctor Doom makes a surprisingly benevolent god; Secret Wars II is neither secret nor a war; The Beyonder learns to poop; and Boom-Boom is the best thing to come out of Secret Wars.

X-Plained:

  • Secret Wars
  • The not-particularly-secret origin of Secret Wars
  • Binary morality
  • Battleworld
  • The Wrecking Crew
  • Klaw
  • The Beyonder
  • Molecule Man
  • Doki-Doki Universe
  • Titania and Volcana
  • Zsaji
  • Secret Wars II
  • The Passion of Jim Shooter
  • Stewart Cadwall
  • What people do
  • Tie-ins
  • Pooping
  • What it means to be Spider-Man
  • Boom-Boom (Tabitha Smith)
  • The time a bunch of superheroes saved the universe by killing a baby

NEXT WEEK: Legion, with Si Spurrier!

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Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!