In which Onslaught is a party that goes on way too long; we are grateful that the Hand is mostly someone else’s problem; there’s always time to get hosed down by firemen; and Emma Frost should never, under any circumstances, cook.
X-PLAINED:
The Golden Archer
Wolverine #104-105
Generation X #18-19
Portions of Elektra’s deal
Stick
Wolverine’s nose
Gateway and Onslaught
Several flashbacks
The Onslaught goblin
Retcons and character accountability
A wet open
A somewhat atypical plane flight
Toad by way of Chris Bachalo
The mysterious DL
Emma’s Montreal mansion and its staff
Cooking with Emma Frost
Quasi-benevolent mind control
Surgeon
A bonus Shadowcat power
Digital invisibility
NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk
NEXT EPISODE: Onslaught tie-ins!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re grateful for the covers, Chris Bachalo, but they mostly just make us even sadder that you don’t pencil these issues. (Generation X #7)
Sean’s impressively long ponytail, meet Emma’s impressively tiny undergarments. (Generation X #7)
Husk is mainly made at Jubilee for forgetting it was Giant Shirt Day. (Generation X #7)
To be fair, those moppets would make freakin’ Ultron’s heart grow three sizes. (Generation X #7)
We forgot, but Banshee does sometimes where tiny shorts – including in this very issue! Probably for the best he ditched the ponytail; no one would have been able to tell him and Forge apart. (Generation X #7)
From the finest casual fashion of the 90s… (Generation X #8)
To the finest casual fashion of the indeterminate Middle Ages! (Generation X #8)
“Don’t worry, elves and/or leprechauns! We’ll protect you! With murder!” (Generation X #8)
“You’re looking good, Eamon! But didn’t you used to be like four feet taller?” (Generation X #8)
Grand Dame (a pixie rather than an elf despite her identical skin tone) and the Glamour Machine. (Generation X #8)
Wait, the caption at the bottom references leprechauns… SO WHERE ARE THE LEPRECHAUNS?! (Generation X #8)
Tom Grummett draws a pretty great Skin. (Generation X #9)
“Acch, humans! I used to be one of you until Scott Lobdell got confused! Or maybe I didn’t! It’s ambiguous!” (Generation X #9)
“Greetings – we’re Clan O’Donnel, and we’re not entirely sure what type of fantasy creature we or our newly-retconned relative are supposed to be!” (Generation X #9)
This way, the elves and/or leprechauns can get back to hanging out in Cassidy Keep in the real world and telling readers the secret real names of various superheroes. (Generation X #9)
If Penance could speak, she’d be saying “Tee hee!” (Generation X #9)
NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk! NEXT EPISODE: Our Seventh Annual Giant-Size Winter Special!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
“We don’t need no conservation of mass!” (New Mutants Annual #7)
Harness and Piecemeal. It only gets creepier from here. (New Mutants Annual #7)
This is definitely the last thing you see before you die. (New Mutants Annual #7)
Spoiler: Nope. (New Mutants Annual #7)
99% sure these dudes do not actually know how to play chess. (New Mutants Annual #7)
How great would it have been if Cable had made a Gulliver’s Travels joke? So great. (New Mutants Annual #7)
“Attack them with all your sound effects!” (New Mutants Annual #7)
Spoiler: They do, and it’s not. (New Mutants Annual #7)
OH, THANK GOD. (New Warriors Annual #1)
Piecemeal’s shirt is a little on-the-nose. (New Warriors Annual #1)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdJg6Duzzf4 (New Warriors Annual #1)
Namorita is great. (New Warriors Annual #1)
Oh, dear me. (New Warriors Annual #1)
I really like all the character-intro pages in this crossover. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #15)
Mother of the year, y’all. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #15)
You’re never too evil or too sexy for some good, old-fashioned filicide! (Uncanny X-Men Annual #15)
You sure are, James. You sure are. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #15)
Inappropriate, Bobby. (X-Factor Annual #6)
None of my math textbooks were ever this psychedelic. (X-Factor Annual #6)
I briefly considered making this visual companion nothing but character-intro pages. (X-Factor Annual #6)
“Kings of Pain? Oh, yeah, isn’t that the crossover where Cyclops encourages a disturbed youth to commit suicide?” (X-Factor Annual #6)
(Nah, actually, he’s comparatively ethical about it; especially considering that the kid is technically already dead and has been for years.) (X-Factor Annual #6)
Okay, then. (X-Factor Annual #6)
NEXT EPISODE: Summers family bullshit on the moon!
In which we finally announce our NYCC panel lineup; Boom Boom is the Gina Linetti of X-Force; we don’t actually know very much about the New Warriors; Cable grows as a person; Cyclops makes an ethically dubious call; Warren Kenneth Worthington III is a jerk; Jay gets very angry at a fictional character; no one gets a happy ending and the skeleton was inside you all along.
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
In which Nextwave is both canon and not-canon; Inferno officially begins; X-Terminators is basically a cartoon; Bill Gaines cannot catch a break; Artie and Leach are superbabies; Takeshi Matsuya is fantastic; you should probably never take our advice about anything; Boom Boom is pretty good at superhero costume design; Walter Peck was right; Miles still won’t stop saying that one line about stealing a baby; N’astirh is no pigeon; and “No Mutant Is an Island” is a patently inaccurate statement.
X-PLAINED:
The Beyond Corporation
The Defilers
X-Terminators #1-4
The first 35 issues of X-Factor, briefly
Two teams with the same name
Fredric Wertham
Bill Gaines
Crotus
Babies
A boarding school that may or may not be Phillips Exeter Academy
Muffy
Saint Simon’s Academy
Wiz Kid (Takeshi Matsuya)
Nuprin
Medical advice from goblins
The Goblin Buster
Metareferential snack food
RadSport Sport Fashion Outfitters
An exceptionally specific Ghostbusters reference
Helen and Tim
Dubious spell semantics
How not to incorporate a crossover into a miniseries, and vice versa
“No Mutant Is an Island”
A brief history of Magneto’s helmet
Definitive Magnetos
NEXT WEEK: The fall of Magik.
Special thanks to multiversal metacontinuity wizard Al Ewing for the last-minute assist on the cold open!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
In which Beast’s DNA is basically held together with spit and baling wire; Boom Boom wins MVP; Angel goes full goth; Cameron Hodge loses his head; Cyclops is basically a Silent Hill protagonist; and the Nebraska Department of Social Services is probably not adequately equipped to deal with Mister Sinister.
X-PLAINED:
The Horsemen of Death
X-Factor #32-35
Xartans
Superheroic triage
A vague prophecy
Fake Avengers
Fake-band disambiguation
KiLLeR DWaRfS
Crippled Puppies
Audiophile Apocalypse
Shopping
Dubiously zealous trademark protection
Acronym disambiguation
The death of Candy Southern
The not-exactly death of Cameron Hodge
Nanny
Orphan-Maker
Baby Race 2000
An orphanage that is also a metaphor
Unreliable narration
The dubious partnership of Mister Sinister and Apocalypse
Best iterations of Boom Boom
NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur goes ongoing!
InfernoWatch
Malicious inanimate objects
Early signs of Marvel Girl’s returning telepathy
First clues of Cyclops’s connection to Sinister
First mention of Goblin Queen by name
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
