Apocalypse – Page 3 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

300 – Götterdämmerung

July 5, 2020 Jay 11 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the Age of Apocalypse comes to an end; Angel briefly lives up to his potential; Bishop was sometimes right; It’s not a climactic ending without an X-Men #137 reference; Colossus breaks our hearts; X-Men: Marvels Snapshot will be out in September; and somehow we have made 300 of these things.

X-PLAINED:

Beast vs. Dark Beast
X-Men: Omega
The entirety of the (first) Age of Apocalypse
Potpourri vs. incense
Dramatic hair
Many, many errors
Unforeseen consequences
A long-anticipated team-up
Many deaths
Art as artifact
Narration that has haunted Jay for 20 years
One of the more persistent deaths of David Haller
Blast Attack
The end of a world
Refugees from the Age of Apocalypse
Our favorite X-milestone issues
Theoretical teams
Orphans
When X-Men: Marvels Snapshot is actually coming out
Our favorite show bits
How Jay’s chickens-in-law are doing

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Prime

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

June 28, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

For full effect, there really needs to be an inset panel of Storm mugging at the reader. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

Forge is a JERK. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

What the hell kind of weird drills does this universe have? (What If? vol. 2 #77)

It’s weird that there’s a universe where both of these kids exist. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

I wonder if the Phoenix designs new costumes every time; and, if so, what its aesthetic phases have been. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

Is this page foreshadowing a Days of Future Past-style dystopia? Discuss. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

No, seriously, he JUST KEEPS SAYING IT. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

That hair. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Brother Voodoo X-Plains the premise. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Uncalled for, Ben. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Damnit, Nate. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Just had to work it in again, huh? (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

The costume just isn’t the same without metal wings. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

DAMNIT, NATE. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Why does Magneto look kind of like Keanu Reeves here? (What If? vol. 2 #81)

The more I look at the art from this issue, the angrier I get about it. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

[cries in comics editor] (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Galactus is a poet, and he didn’t even know it! (He knew it.) (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Relatable sentiment. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Hello, mid-1990s CG. You… sure do exist. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

NEXT EPISODE: The end of a world. (Also, #300? So, that’s a thing.)

LINKS & FURTHER HYPOTHETICALS

You can hear all about Be X-Tra Safe With the X-Men in Episode 177 – The Less You Know.
Read Teen Vogue. Seriously.
You can see the Havok Care Bear–along with the Cyclops one that Jay made–over here.
Waiting for the Trade Magneto is the One True Magneto, now and forever.

299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

June 28, 2020 Jay 15 comments

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In which some universes are more pleasant than others; Havok is basically a Care Bear; Wolverine is a P.R. nightmare; Nate Grey tries; stealth is not among the Silver Surfer’s strengths; Night Thrasher ascends to godhood; Jay and Miles dive down the What If rabbit hole.

X-PLAINED:

Earth-200500 (again)
Earth-42409
What If? vol. 2 #77
What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse
What If? vol. 2 #81
Earth-77995
Fashion editorials
One of the worse versions of Forge
Superheroes x fashion
Care Bears vs. X-Men
The Hellfire Club of Earth-77995
A surprisingly normal Grey-Summers family
Several uses for the Phoenix Force
Worst-case scenarios
Earth-93074
Savage Land home ec
Bad choices
The Defenders of Earth-93074
How to manipulate Nate Grey
Narrative benefits of omnipotence
A time loop
Earth-9601
A meeting on the moon
What the Watcher watches
Galactus
The Silver Surfer
Grandpa Magneto
Some remarkable technology
A heavy-handed metaphor
Our takes on What If scenarios
The Corbeau-Grey scale of decision making
Storm’s eyes
Our character voices

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Omega

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 297 – Blood Is Compulsory

June 13, 2020 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

We were not nearly that ripped when we were 17. Or that telekinetic, I guess. (X-Man #1)

As entertaining as it is to imagine him with Schwarzenegger’s accent, I guess Cyclops is more John Connor than he is the T-800. (X-Man #1)

What I wouldn’t give for these guys to have their own ongoing comic… (X-Man #1)

I mean, seriously! How great would it be? Half revolutionary, half thespian, all delightful! (X-Man #1)

Black Tom Cassidy’s hair went white the day he lost his shillelagh. (X-Man #1)

Characters who need their own book, figure 3. (X-Man #1)

IS YOUR NAME OMEGA BLUE, ARKADY? NO IT IS NOT! (X-Man #2)

This is the Earth-295 equivalent of playing catch. (X-Man #2)

Sunspot would be proud. (And god damn, Steve Skroce is good at drawing telekinesis.) (X-Man #2)

Come on, Forge… How could you not trust a guy with a smile that big and a forehead diamond that he assures you is merely a fashion statement? (X-Man #2)

Nightmare factory? Heavy metal album cover? Why not both? (X-Man #2)

Butter Rum of Earth-295 does not approve. (X-Man #2)

The best-dressed D&D party of the Age of Apocalypse. (X-Man #3)

Whoa, Jason – maybe dial it back a little? (X-Man #3)

Schlonk? (X-Man #3)

Steve Skroce, making psychic powers look amazing since 1993. (Anyone remember Ectokid?) (X-Man #3)

I’m so glad they get to have this before everything goes to hell. (X-Man #3)

I’m not psychically crying you’re psychically crying (X-Man #3)

Jeph Loeb gets Sinister. (X-Man #4)

Does Mister Sinister practice his smug smiles in the mirror for moments like these? I mean, obviously he does, but like, for how long? (X-Man #4)

pterodactylwithapulserifle.tumblr.com (X-Man #4)

“To die will be an awfully big adventure.” (X-Man #4)

“Their eyes locked through the hole they’d smashed through the wall, and though they’d never truly met, they knew what they were: family.” (X-Man #4)

OBSCENE MONUMENT. (X-Man #4)

Hey, it’s Nate’s early, even more Dune-like design! (X-Men Collector’s Preview #1)

NEXT TIME: Being Human.

297 – Blood Is Compulsory

June 7, 2020 Jay 17 comments

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In which Nate Grey is a drama kid; Forge-295 is the hero we need; Mister Sinister is a graduate of the Danielle “Moonstar” Moonstar school of secret identities; and we really, really, really wish that the theater troupe had gotten the ongoing series.

X-PLAINED:

Just how powerful Nate Grey is
X-Man’s somewhat baffling ongoing appeal
X-Man #1-4
A theater company
The Best Forge (Earth-295)
Toad (Earth-295)
Sauron (Earth-295)
Brute (Earth-295)
An extended Tom Stoppard allusion
“Essex”
Domino (Earth-295)
Theater in and as resistance
An ineffectual ruse
A lot of death
Caliban (Earth-295)
A family reunion
The story we really wanted out of this series
The X-Man ongoing series
Chronically missing New Mutants
X-arcs we’d like to see animated

NEXT EPISODE: X-Universe!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 290 – The Obvious, the Silly, and the True

April 5, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Magneto is definitely bowling in this picture, right? (Astonishing X-Men #1)

I dunno if I’d call them astonishing, but they’ll do. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

Magneto’s X-Men are AT LEAST 50% more dramatic than Xavier’s, and I’m okay with that. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

We would x-plain Rex; but he’s honestly just some guy. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

The first thing Apocalypse did upon seizing power was dissolve OSHA. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

Okay, he’s got his moments. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

This is just incandescently delightful. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

Best character design in the AoA. (Astonishing X-Men #2)

Is the lake of blood literal, metaphorical, or both? You be the judge! (Astonishing X-Men #2)

THIS. PERFECT. TWIST. (Astonishing X-Men #2)

Spoiler: No, and no. (Astonishing X-Men #2)

Kinda disappointed that we never got to see this play. (Astonishing X-Men #3)

kyle no (Astonishing X-Men #3)

Is.. is Sabretooth not allowed to say “Hell”? (Astonishing X-Men #3)

Still not as weird as force-feeding superheroes baby food. (Astonishing X-Men #3)

Sure, why not? (Astonishing X-Men #3)

Now you’re thinking with portals! (Astonishing X-Men #4)

And he didn’t even quit the team once! (Astonishing X-Men #4)

Morph is a goof, but he’s also by far the most emotionally literate of the X-Men. (Astonishing X-Men #4)

Rogue is DONE with this event. (Astonishing X-Men #4)

NEXT EPISODE: The beginning of a descent into madness!

290 – The Obvious, the Silly, and the True

April 5, 2020 Jay 9 comments

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In which it’s kind of a relief to be talking about a fictional apocalypse right now; Joe Madureira defines the look of the mid-late 1990s; Sunfire is less cheesecake than crepes Suzette; it all comes back to capes; Wild Child is more than he seems; Holocaust sucks about as much as you’d expect of someone who picked that code name; Jay has surprisingly strong feelings about Morph; Miles is all about judging some babies; resistance is fundamental to the X-Men’s identity within a superhero-universe paradigm; nobody deserves to be quarantined with Quentin Quire; and our two-week lead is making proofing these podcasts an increasingly surreal experience.

X-PLAINED:

Several things Blink might have done but did not.
The status quo as of mid-March, 2020
Earth-295 (more) (again)
Astonishing X-Men #1-4
Our coverage of the core Age of Apocalypse series
Age of Apocalypse as proof of concept
The best character design of Earth-295
Some guy named Rex
A lake of blood which may or may not be figurative
Sabretooth’s last-ish stand
The revolutionary value of silliness
Jay’s favorite Orwell quote
The Infinite Processing Plant
DefCon Armageddon
A very cool fight scene
Catharsis
Mutants without the metaphor
Best and worst X-Men to be quarantined with

NEXT EPISODE: Weapon X!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 289 – Unsolved Mysteries

March 22, 2020 Jay 7 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

A ToS Trek novel, specifically, I think. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

This statue sucks. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Sinister is a terrible parent. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Okay, but why are the guys they’re fighting wearing bondage harnesses? (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

We were so baffled by the abs that we did not consider that they had been dressing him in skintight jeans and pirate boots for five years. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Robbie flippin’ Robertson: a badass in any universe. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

“Is it me, or do these briefings get weirder every time?” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

It would be more depressing when Sinister told him he was the worse brother, though. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

These assholes work for a genocidal nightmare regime and yet call a graveyard “the ghost lands.” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

A familiar story, except where it’s not. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

OH, SHIT. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

If you didn’t know Corsair was doomed before, Havok’s last line definitely clinches it. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

There’s probably a Gatecrasher joke to be found somewhere, but honestly, after this week, I’m fresh out. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Still not the most awkward conversation they’ve had in a comic, for what it’s worth. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Yeah, Death, you’re not gonna impress Cyclops with that. He was raised by Sinister; he’s effectively immune to Extra. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Sweatertown: Population, Blink. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Aw, Ship. =( (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

He really is. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

I bet when people tell AoA Nightcrawler “Your Mom” jokes, he just kinda sighs and acknowledges that they’re probably right. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

BLACKAGAR BOLTAGON YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Look, I’m just saying: it’s no telling Dracula to follow his heart. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men

LINKS & FURTHER CATASTROPHES:

If you haven’t yet, check out our rad new cover art, along with a time-lapse video from artist Peter Nguyen!

289 – Unsolved Mysteries

March 22, 2020 Jay 15 comments

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In which this episode is way more topical than it was when we recorded it; Apocalypse makes a terrible Statue of Liberty; there are no reliable narrators; Robbie Robertson and Carmen Sandiego are your new OTP; Emplate is creepy in any universe; lawful evil is still evil; and partial universe reboots come with some fairly silly problems.

X-PLAINED:

Awkward intersections of fiction and reality
Pandemic (Dr. Richard Palance)
Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines
Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light
Brooding in multiple ways at once.
Corsair (Christopher Summers) (Earth-295)
Reconciling cross-universe timelines
The Shi’ar (Earth-295)
Comparative Summers Backstory
Robbie Robertson (Earth-295)
Northstar and Aurora (Earth-295)
Emplate and the Monets (Earth-295)
The Bedlam Brothers (Earth-295)
Brood problems
The most awkward Summers family reunion to date
The Absorbing Man (Earth-295)
Diablo (Earth-295)
Senator Robert Kelly (Earth-295)
The fall of the Guthrie family
An early era of Magneto’s X-Men
A trip to the moon
Death (Maximus Boltagon)
Whether the Beyonder of Earth-295 knows how to poop
Listening to this podcast with kids

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!