454 – X-Men ’97, Part 2

June 30, 2024 Miles 13 comments

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SPOILER WARNING: ALL OF THEM, NONSTOP

In which Barry Windsor-Smith is too sexy for television; we know what happens when unstable molecules get struck by lightning; X-Men gets political and does it spectacularly; this Captain America would not sew the cape; Magneto continues to throw things into space; and they kissed and we missed it.

X-PLAINED:

Fabian Cortez’s name
X-Men ’97 episodes 6-10
Lifedeath I & II: a surprising adaptation
Varying levels of going in blind
A somewhat different and possibly better Forge
The Adversary vs. the Owl Queen
Stormiest and least-Stormy costumes
Professor Charles Xavier, Official Space Boyfriend
Colonialism vs. Identity
Delayed catharsis
The narrative power of altered opening credits
What makes allyship effective (and not)
Justified mutant anger
The worst version of Nina DaCosta
What makes Prime Sentinels scary
Summers family feels
The best damned fight scenes out there
Bastion, robo-avatar of conservative white patriarchy
Simultaneous crossovers
A psychic gay bar
A last boss arena
Acolyte equivalencies
Phoenix Ex Machina
Crying
Whether Magneto was right
Apoca-futures and Apoca-pasts
A bulletin board and our hopes for its contents
Soft Serve
Kitty Pryde’s coffee shop AU
X-Men ’97 as the perfect gateway

NEXT EPISODE: Skrulls!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING:

The Judgment of Magneto by Asher Elbein

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As Mentioned in Episode 432 – Weird Little Adventures

December 10, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

This makes it look like one of them is about to die. (Generation X #44)

The weirdest thing about Polaroids was that they could all talk. (Generation X #44)

Aw. (Generation X #44)

Siryn knows how to dress! (Generation X #44)

A plot thread that dangles to this day. (Generation X #44)

I really enjoy this credits page. (Generation X #45)

I enjoy when Monet is mischievous. (Generation X #45)

What the HELL, Sean? (Generation X #46)

Of course, it would have EMTs, but, whatever. (Generation X #46)

One way to deal with traffic. (Generation X #46)

How fast is she running?! (Generation X #46)

“I mean, they’ll have a rough time at college, but whatever.” (Generation X #46)

Forge, no. (Generation X #47)

Did… did they HAVE to live in the treehouse before?! (Generation X #47)

Later he’s going to lecture on not pissing off your girlfriend. (Generation X #47)

YOU TELL ‘IM, PARADOX! (Generation X #47)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor and Excalibur post mortem!

432 – Weird Little Adventures

December 3, 2023 Jay 4 comments

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In which we reach the end of Larry Hama’s run on Generation X; Gaia remains remarkably normal for someone who has spent millennia chained up alone in a citadel; Synch practices radical forgiveness; we ponder the nature of Emma Frost and Sean Cassidy’s relationship; and Forge is extra unqualified to lecture on ethics.

X-PLAINED:

How Jubilee stopped being a vampire
The Draco, kinda
Generation X #44-47
Bianca LaNeige (again)
Polaroid cameras
Gaia (more) (again)
Reality warping
Woody and Arlo Guthrie
Iceland
Several continuity errors
Psi War fallout
Paul Weller
New school uniforms
Accreditation
Miss Pickwick
Penance’s nationality
Guthrie manifestation
Teamwork
Forge’s decision-making skills
Paradox
Indoor/outdoor moppets
Four theoretical horsemen of Apocalypse
Awkward family holidays

NEXT EPISODE: Jay & Miles autopsy X-Factor and Excalibur!

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As Mentioned in Episode 391 – Mansion of Theseus

November 13, 2022 Jay Leave a comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

THE SIEGE OF THE VAPOR ANTS! THE SIEGE OF THE VAPOR ANTS! (Cable #45)

How has nobody died in the danger room?! (I mean, yet. But still.) (Cable #46)

I wish they’d made the bedrooms look a little more lived-in, but it’s still an effective sequence. (Cable #46)

Cable: Mole Man. (Cable #46)

Look at this nonsense. (Cable #46)

That’s… that’s a whooooole lotta captions, there. (Cable #47)

And a whole lotta beer. (Cable #47)

Meanwhile in X-Man… (X-Man #30)

This fuckin’ urchin, man. (X-Man #30)

Nate “It’s always the ’90s somewhere” Grey. (X-Man #30)

It’s easy to forget that even in the Marvel Universe, not everyone would take flight for granted. (X-Man #30)

NEXT WEEK: HAWK TALK
NEXT EPISODE: Generation X!

391 – Mansion of Theseus

November 6, 2022 Jay 12 comments

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In which the X-Mansion has unusually large vents; Cable’s hair should not be floppy; Nate Grey meets his maternal grandparents; and we would really like to know more about the Siege of the Vapor Ants.

X-PLAINED:

Cable #45-47
X-Man #30
What various Nathans have been up to
Operation Zero Tolerance (again)
The Siege of the Vapor Ants
Three grenades
Beefy vents for beefy men
Danger
Shi’arese
Cable vs. Bastion
So much beer
Three rad ladies
Several Greys
Roust
Every appearance of Joey and Gaylin Bailey
Several faked deaths
Possible impact of the MCU on the X-comics’ status quo
Character ages

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 356 – The Michael Bay-eux Tapestry

December 19, 2021 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

The 90s-est Rogue in the 90s-est crossover. (X-Men #56)

“Who but I could pose so impressively?” (X-Men #56)

“SENTINEL TZ-031 REPORTING TO HELP YOU MAKE YOUR POINT, SIR” (X-Men #56)

This Onslaught-form may mostly be a retcon to justify past artistic inconsistency – but damn it looks awesome. (X-Men #56)

“And not even one of them told me the actually-important parts of AoA’s whole deal.” (X-Men #56)

Kubert gets so much credit for making a quiet conversation this visually riveting. (X-Men #56)

“You may be a hybrid monstrosity composed of the worst parts of both myself and my greatest frenemy, but at least you seem to have excellent dental hygiene.” (X-Men #56)

This cover kinda sums it up. And that’s not a bad thing. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Well shit. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Scott Summers, master tactician. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Goosebumps. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

The world’s greatest heroes versus a bright orange glow to the right of the two-page spread. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Hope, thy name is Moppet. Despair, thy name is x-treme teen. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

“And on that day, the heroes channeled their collective courage and dedication into a single blast of punching and yelling.” (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

BTOOM (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

I’m not crying you’re crying (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

*heavy metal horns* (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Thor, that’s not how it… oh, I guess it is. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Man, these two (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Nothing I can say will add to these panels. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

This shouldn’t work, but damn, it does. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

“In the meantime, I guess you could grab that universe-in-a-ball and learn contact juggling?” (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

NEXT TIME: Onslaught ends, for real.

356 – The Michael Bay-eux Tapestry

December 19, 2021 Miles 7 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which it’s hard to be Joseph; we do our best to explain the inexplicable; Miles is full of feelings; Hulk smashes; and Onslaught finally (mostly) ends.

X-PLAINED:

Heroes Reborn Return
Wild times with the Dreaming Celestial
Onslaught so far
X-Men #56
Onslaught: Marvel Universe
Jay’s definitive Bond
Joseph (more)
The physical evolution of Onslaught
Sense of scale
Hawkeye (TV series)
Onslaught’s goals, to what extent they exist
The three genders
A really big fight
A miracle of magnetism
The (nominal) end of the Age of Heroes
Beast’s scientific career
Chamber’s voice

NEXT EPISODE: Several epilogues

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 351 – His Mighty Hand

October 31, 2021 Jay One comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

At least his astral form also works out. (Uncanny X-Men #336)

The size difference is endlessly amusing. (Uncanny X-Men #336)

You done good, Gambit. (Uncanny X-Men #336)

For those of you who collect reaction images. (Uncanny X-Men #336)

Seriously–PERFECT CYLINDER. (Uncanny X-Men #336)

It always seems weird to me that when Cable’s arm is like that it doesn’t seem to cause any mobility or balance issues. (Cable #35)

They’ll team up, but, damnit, they won’t enjoy it. (Cable #35)

Meanwhile at your neighborhood roller rink… (Cable #35)

He’s like a tiny pet Franklin getting walked around Manhattan! (Cable #35)

SO THERE, ONSLAUGHT. (Cable #35)

That throne is so creepy and gross and awesome. (X-Man #19)

Remember the Age of Apocalypse? Nate does! (X-Man #19)

Aw, kiddo. (X-Factor #58)

They’re all very neatly arranged, at least. (X-Factor #58)

Tabitha really needs some healthier coping mechanisms. (X-Factor #58)

AW, KIDDO. (X-Factor #58)

Please google “highland cattle” immediately and join me in giggling. (X-Factor #58)

Smelling the vegetation… and possibly hiding a pot of gold. (X-Factor #58)

Domino’s fantasies do not allow for teenage intrusion, TYVM. (X-Factor #58)

NEXT EPISODE: Onslaught, still, obviously.

351 – His Mighty Hand

October 31, 2021 Jay 7 comments

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In which we enter Phase 2 of Onslaught; Cable is a man of many purposes; Onslaught gets a makeover; Intentions only matter if you’re Longshot; and Sue Richards will pull over this crossover event right now if you don’t behave.

X-PLAINED:

Red Onslaught
Onslaught Phase 1
Uncanny X-Men #336
Cable #35
X-Man #19
X-Force #58
A large number of team-ups
Onslaught, but make it a seder
Watcher undercarriage
Onslaught’s second form
Cable and Apocalypse vs. Onslaught
Nate Grey vs. Sinister
A trap
Several flashbacks and fantasies
Symbolic roles within X-Force
What Banshee’s sonic scream sounds like
Pecs as envisioned by Franklin Richards

NEXT EPISODE: Onslaught, of course.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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