In which sky pirates are the best pirates; Wolverine eats chicken in the woods; Xavier’s area loses its status as our least favorite panel; Cable is suspiciously credulous; we search in vain for a consistent metaphor; Storm has a thing or two to learn about restorative justice; and this entire miniseries should probably just have been an annual.
X-PLAINED:
Storm’s pirate adventures
Storm #1-4
Mark Trail
The Morlocks (more) (again)
Unacceptable gradients
Butt murder
Fashion
Several memes of yesteryear
Product placement
The new Worst Panel
Several variations on the Ceremony of Light
How not to identify a body
The Hill (Limbo)
“Daddy”
The inconsistent portrayals of Mikhail Rasputin
Still more members of Gene Nation
A new costume
The most obscure stories we’ve covered
That time Wolverine at his own arm
NEXT EPISODE: Jay’s favorite issue of X-Factor (and some others)!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Impressive pajamas! Ever-present shotguns! Sexy (not-quite-) dead girls! Extra-spiky Archangel Wings! Banter! This one’s got it all. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
I know you were in the Void Dimension for a while, Mikhail, but… did you forget how shirts work? (Uncanny X-Men #291)
I don’t know what it is about the astral plane being colored with highlighters that works for me, but man, does it ever. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
I go back and forth on Tom Raney’s art, but he draws a hell of a Callisto. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
This is a cool group shot and all, but PLEASE NOTE THE MORLOCK WHO IS VERY EXCITED TO EAT A ROCK. Or bash his buddy with it, I guess. But I’m pretty sure he’s eating it. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
But… the Morlocks were never trapped! Well, I guess now they’re extra not trapped. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
One of my very favorite 90s covers of all time, only improved by the confusing colorful party lights above the logo. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
In the next panel, Colossus and Bishop passionately kiss. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
I’ll give Mikhail one thing: he’s legitimately scary. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
Warren, you’ve been through a lot, but… you do know that this is the other place you were nailed to a wall in the Morlock tunnels, right? Right? (Uncanny X-Men #292)
Miles had so many nightmares about this guy 26 years ago. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
To be fair, Callisto keeps all of her clothing in pots. Storm, having played Zelda>, does not. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
Sure, Professor Xavier can be a jerk – but every once in a while, we remember why he runs the school. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
We’ve all got that family member. (Uncanny X-Men #293)
The advantage of being drawn in a 90s superhero comic is that you can do this. (Uncanny X-Men #293)
Everything about that last panel is solid gold. (Uncanny X-Men #293)
I know we say that Cannonball is the best kid or that Warlock is the best kid, but Colossus is kind of also the best kid. (Not that his judgment is necessarily all that great…) (Uncanny X-Men #293)
God, right in the heart. (Uncanny X-Men #293)
NEXT TIME: Miles and Hub talk travel back to the Bronze Age!
The rad lawyer we mentioned in the episode is Katie Lane – check out her website for all kinds of good stuff!
In which the Morlocks used to have more agency, we have a surprising amount to say about the Rat King from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Archangel receives some exceptionally disturbing news, and 90s comics are all about finding the parts you love.
X-PLAINED:
Marrow’s internal organs
The post-Image Exodus era
Judging books by their covers
Uncanny X-Men #291-293
Sexy dead girls (again)
The Morlock leadership vacuum
A significant Callisto personality retcon
Failures of leadership due to own-death-faking
The magical life and magical death of the Morlock Sewer Wizard
Science Made Stupid
Storm’s claustrophobia (again)
MeMe, scourge of Miles’s childhood
90s Jean Grey: cartoon vs comic
The Br’er Rabbit Technique
Some unfortunate and significant continuity errors
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
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Learning at super-speed! It doesn’t work… (X-Factor #79)
…until it does. (X-Factor #79)
Pietro Maximoff: not just a jerk, but a smart jerk. (X-Factor #79)
Only in X-Factor. (X-Factor #79)
I had the same dream! (X-Factor #79)
You got your 90s in my 90s! (Did you ever feel like a page was written and drawn especially for 10-year-old you?) (X-Factor #80)
Those Stroman crowd scenes, though. (X-Factor #80)
I’m pretty sure that’s not how you fix a broken jaw. Then again, in a universe where Jack Kirby designed most early technology, I guess all bets are off. (X-Factor #80)
And sometimes, when I’m feeling frisky… (X-Factor #80)
This is pretty much what happened the one time I tried to play a harmonica. (X-Factor #80)
Not only did the Genegineer lock Rahne into her transitional wolf form and genetically bond her to a guy she’d barely met, but he made her really bad at poker! Dammit, dude. (X-Factor #80)
“And after this fight, Archangel and I have a shopping date!” (X-Factor #80)
Yep, totally a Sam Keith design. (X-Factor #80)
There are so many ways to make Havok’s powers look cool. (X-Factor #81)
I feel pretty bad for everyone here. Well, not Pietro. (X-Factor #81)
When Guido isn’t busy referencing Murphy Brown, dude can be pretty scary. (X-Factor #81)
Most people think the ubiquity of cell phones was responsible for the death of the pay phone. Nope: it was this guy. (X-Factor #81)
Respect, man. Wait… it was all a trick? Okay, different respect.(X-Factor #81)
To be honest, I’m just including this one for Titan Up the Defense listeners. (X-Factor #81)
In which music is dangerous and confusing, Jamie Madrox has a weakness for femmes fatale, the term “f-holes” makes Miles turn 12, and we bid a fond farewell to Larry Stroman.
X-PLAINED:
That time Havok was the nexus of all realities
How to get to Florida, Magneto style
X-Factor #79-81
Lesser-used applications of super-speed
Rhapsody (Rachel Argosy)
Mutant late bloomers
The surprising convenience and safety of fictional shop windows
Excalibur-weird vs. X-Factor-weird
Tiny cellos
The worst kid in the neighborhood
A creative use of mutant powers
Whether Madrox creates duplicates during sex (again)
Astral wheat fields
Musical manslaughter
Sean Young (who is decidedly not Catwoman)
Hell’s Belles
Rahne’s World
Polaris’s body image issues
Beefiness disambiguation
Wolfsbane’s conditional poker face
Cyber (Silas Burr)
Strong Guy, who just works here, man
Alex Summers, inspiring and/or deceptive authority figure
Bringing back the classics (and when not to)
The surprisingly homogenous Multiverse
NEXT EPISODE: Mikhail Rasputin ruins everything.
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
In which Chris and Chad teach us to stop worrying and love the ‘90s; the line between parody and homage is thin and flexible; everything happens at the mall; no one wants to play volleyball with Cyclops; and we totally fail to resolve the question, “Does a mall babe eat chili fries?”
WARNING: This episode contains minor spoilers for X-Men ’92 #1.
X-PLAINED:
The Westchester Wars
Battleworld
X-Men ’92 #1
Digital vs. print pacing
A continuity error
Narrative restrictions of Battleworld
The actual X-Men of 1992 (and the post-Claremont X-Universe)
X-Men Adventures
X-Men Collector’s Edition
Mutatant Genesis
X-Cutioner’s Song
Early Deadpool
Piecing together the Marvel Universe from trading cards
The X-Men animated series
Concurrent and complimentary adaptation
Cassandra Nova ‘92
The fine line between homage and parody
Definitive story arcs of the 1990s
NEXT WEEK: Rachel Summers and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!