Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

441 – Dracu-tastic

February 25, 2024 Miles 8 comments

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In which Banshee should eat the rich; the real Monet is way more of a jerk than the fake one; the Marvel Universe is the world inside your brain-case; Maggott joins and quits Generation X at almost the speed of Sunfire; Dracula gives Chamber the D; and if Jay and Miles die in this episode, they die in real life.

X-PLAINED:

Dracula as a universal standard
Earth-441
Generation X #48-49
The missed potential of 13,000-year-old teenager Gaia
The Jay Faerber run of Generation X
Emma and Banshee’s forgotten X-friendship
That time that Moira ripped off Banshee’s skin and wore it like a Halloween costume (again)
Cordelia Frost, Emma’s younger sister
Adrienne Frost, Emma’s older sister
Interpersonal arguments by way of Asgardian combat scenarios
Jubilee, fox; versus M, scorpion
Alaska, moping capital of the Marvel Universe
Clever scene transitions
Constantine Francis Slaughter IV and his mustache
Puberty as body horror
Husk’s breakup haircut
Slug emulation
Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998
The Council of Cross-Time Draculas
Chamber’s goofy face
Vampire fonts
Jubilee’s bunny slippers
Charlie Brown in Snow Valley
Count von Count (again)
Monsters as class metaphor
What would happen if Synch synced with Legion
Who would pronounce Cable like Britta Perry pronounces bagel

NEXT EPISODE: Victor Von Doom X-Plains the X-Men.

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As Mentioned in Episode 440 – Fightin’ and Ballin’

February 11, 2024 Miles One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Fight fight fight, fight fight fight! (X-Men #83)

PHWOOOOOSH PKOOOM YAAIIIHEEE SWOOOOOOOOOSSS (X-Men #83)

‘Sup, demonic sperm? (X-Men #83)

From organic steel to organic… whatever that is. (X-Men #83)

What if Pinocchio but evil Colossus-bot? (X-Men #83)

The other Cerebr(o/ite) design. (X-Men #83)

Design by David Cronenberg? (Uncanny X-Men #364)

Fight fight fight, fight fight fight! (Again again again!) (Uncanny X-Men #364)

The best version of Post. (Uncanny X-Men #364)

Wolverine: vigilante relationship counselor and motivational speaker. (Uncanny X-Men #364)

Eeeuuuugghhh (Uncanny X-Men #364)

Charles Xavier: the world’s most ripped telepath. (X-Men #84)

Cerebro Prime has almost completed its Pokédex! (X-Men #84)

Colossus practices his witty banter. (X-Men #84)

Oil and razor blades and cotton candy and (X-Men #84)

The Xavier Protocols are gorier than expected. (X-Men #84)

Imagine all the people (X-Men #84)

Back home and back to the status quo. (X-Men #84)

NEXT TIME: Dracula.

Links and further reading:

440 – Fightin’ and Ballin’

February 11, 2024 Miles 6 comments

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In which the Hunt for Xavier remains vaguely disappointing; Gambit is good with kids; nanomachines are the new unstable molecules; Marrow is a walking armory; and we recommend comics for babies.

X-PLAINED:

The Hunt for Xavier, Part 2
Babies and/or ghosts
Chekhov’s repowering
X-Men #83-84
Uncanny X-Men #364
Cerebro / Cerebro Prime
Cerebrite Alpha
Cerebrite Beta
X-Men serial numbers
What Gambit’s friends call him
How Miles stopped worrying and learned to love Gambit
Evil robot sperm
Mary Purcell
Multiple-monitor displays
A computer with a computer
AI
The Florida facility
Post
Pile-Driver X
A glimpse into the butt of all humanity
Comics for babies
Name-based powers

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X has Dracula problems!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 439 – Fishfic

February 4, 2024 Miles 4 comments

Listen to the episode here.

A very loud search party. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

Stooges in shorts. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

The Continuing Saga of Gambit & the Gassy Lady. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

Storm and Marrow have their best conversations while fucking up automobiles. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

*Driving rock intro* (Uncanny X-Men #362)

Gassy ladies, fire ladies… It hard to be Gambit. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

This version of Cerebro doesn’t require telepathy to use, but it does require a cute outfit. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

In medias swamp-rat. (X-Men #82)

He has agreed to take me / To the ice hotel from the magazine (X-Men #82)

Whoa indeed, Keanu. (X-Men #82)

You’ve all had that dream too, right? (X-Men #82)

Clockwise from top-left: blood, black bile, phlegm, yellow bile. (X-Men #82)

I have no idea what kind of metal band Cerebro fronts, but I would listen to them. (X-Men #82)

I miss Toad’s too-many-Liefeldian-teeth look, but this one’s pretty great. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Maybe the post-Fall era of X-Men will finally explain what Wolverine smelled. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Cerebro’s other outfit. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

What’s… what’s happening here?! (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Shoulda just complimented her classic fedora-‘n’-trenchcoat look. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Meanwhile, in the margins of a Wolverine one-shot… (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Somewhat new, somewhat different. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

NEXT TIME: 2 Hunt 2 Xavier

439 – Fishfic

February 4, 2024 Miles 9 comments

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In which we reach the beginning of an end; Jay totally forgot Gambit was there; we’re all living in the Mary Purcelliverse; the X-Men split the party; and we explore The Bay Area’s Bohemian Hotbed of Student Anarchy.

X-PLAINED:

Mary Purcell (sort of)
The re-defaulting of the X-Men
Uncanny X-Men #362-323
X-Men #82
Nebraska
Pyro (Saint John Allerdyce) and his endless illness
Legacy Virus variations
Going home again
Running back and forth in quarries
Marrow, who’s come a long way
The two forms of fire: skeleton monsters and sexy ladies
Cerebro (the evil one)
San Francisco and Tajikinistan
Asphalt ball pits
A topsy-turvy nonsensical impossible hell
Nina the Mannite
Desire, love, loss, and fear
Skulls and spines
The New (New) Brotherhood of Mutants
Cerebrites Alpha and Beta
A lost, smelly fish
Ambiguous art
Blood, sweat, and fears
Which mutants would cause the most chaos at holiday gatherings
Hopes for post-Fall society

NEXT EPISODE: 2 Hunt 2 Xavier

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 438 – The Man of Harsh Business

January 28, 2024 Miles One comment

Listen to the episode here.

The confident sneer of a man with a shillelagh. (Uncanny X-Men #361)

Wolverine, vigilante relationship counselor. (Uncanny X-Men #361)

A Juggernaut diminished. (Uncanny X-Men #361)

Dude’s got his flaws, but Gambit really knows how to make an entrance! (Uncanny X-Men #361)

Shadowcat and Gambit have met before, but never so close to whatever’s in Juggernaut’s pants. (Uncanny X-Men #361)

“I especially don’t want anyone to see my impressive collection of Jonathan Taylor Thomas calendars!” (Uncanny X-Men #361)

The X-Men have their best conversations while fighting ninjas or ninja equivalents. (Uncanny X-Men #361)

Jack of Queen of Hearts Death! (Uncanny X-Men #361)

Comedy gold. (X-Men #81)

I’ve missed this dynamic. (X-Men #81)

It’s so easy to follow the motion of this fight even through still images… Pay attention, every modern action director! (X-Men #81)

The three words every woman longs to hear: “I hurrk hkk”. (X-Men #81)

Hairy hugs! (Wolverine: Black Rio)

THE MAN OF HARSH BUSINESS (Wolverine: Black Rio)

My only complaint with this panel is that the sound effect should actually be SHAAARK (Wolverine: Black Rio)

Logan knows how to party! (Wolverine: Black Rio)

Logan continues to know how to party! (Wolverine: Black Rio)

I have questions. (Wolverine: Black Rio)

To this, we can only say: huh. (Wolverine: Black Rio)

“Sorry I didn’t get here sooner. This thing has, like, a lot of zippers.” (Wolverine: Black Rio)

The road goes Wolver on and on. (Wolverine: Black Rio)

NEXT EPISODE: The Hunt for Xavier begins!

438 – The Man of Harsh Business

January 28, 2024 Jay 6 comments

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In which Gambit knows how to make an entrance; Rogue and Gambit only have relationship conversations during superhero fights; Wolverine fights a shark; and we have opinions on how to handle certain aspects of backstory.

X-PLAINED:

One way to take over Madripoor
Uncanny X-Men #361
X-Men #81
Wolverine: Black Rio
The X-Men’s rapid slide back to the status quo
Steve Comicraft
The fork of loneliness
Cyttorak (again)
Black Tom Cassidy (again)
Peacocks
Sarasota Jungle Gardens
What’s sticking out of Juggernaut’s pants
Favorite versions of the Danger Room
Floriography
Kali (kind of)
Mary Purcell (a bit)
Rio Carnival
An outfit
Detective Antonio Vargas and his mustache
Saint Cyrus Leviticus
Ezra
Comparing mutant and Inhuman culture
Demonic homage

NEXT EPISODE: The Hunt for Xavier begins!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 437 – Dismember the Titans

January 14, 2024 Miles 3 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

“Hot Topic Rennfaire” was a somewhat controversial choice for X-Force’s prom theme. (X-Force #85)

I’m impressed Pandemonia is so well put-together after 600 years in captivity! I was wearing pajama pants by day three of the pandemic. (X-Force #85)

“I’ll never forget that day… Rusty was inexplicably blonde, I was in a costume I wouldn’t have for months, and all was right in the world.” (X-Force #85)

You can tell Sam and Dani are in great shape: they’re having a conversation about feelings and continuity during a run while most of us couldn’t manage more than “*wheeze* *cough*” (X-Force #85)

“This place seems different! Did somebody replace a lamp or something?” (X-Force #85)

…How long have they been posing like that? (X-Force #85)

Nice fight scene, Angel Unzueta! (X-Force #85)

As distinct from prolific video game voice actress Jennifer Hale! (X-Force #85)

Say it, Dani! Focused totality… you know the next part… (X-Force #85)

“We’re here to cast glamours and rock out for Satan, and we’re all out of glamours!” (X-Force #85)

Pictured: Hades in disguise, Hades’s girlfriend, and Hades’s surprisingly detailed and colorful statue of Hades. (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)

It’s no Larry Stroman crowd scene, but still, pretty great! (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)

Cannonball wants to axe Meltdown what she was thinking. (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)

“Well, at least it’s not a, you know.” (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)

To Meltdown’s credit, that lady does seem like she’s about to take a bite out of Cannonball. (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)

“Why were we the members of this team? Well, we happened to all be free on a Tuesday.” (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)

Magic! Flirtation! Fonts! (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)

“Happy tenth high school reunion, everybody!” (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)

Now THAT’S playing the long game. (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)

Don’t feel bad, I always mix them up with the Defenders too. (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)

NEXT TIME: A very Wolverine Wolverine story.

437 – Dismember the Titans

January 14, 2024 Miles 16 comments

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In which the overlap between Rocky Horror and ‘90s X-Force fans is probably pretty significant; Pandemonia has priorities; the warehouse gets an evil, sexy glowup; swears are great; Johnny Blaze’s motorcycle probably shouldn’t still be on fire; and there is no single definitive X-Men experience.

X-PLAINED:

Master Pandemonium
X-Force #85
X-Force/Champions Annual 1998
What X-Force has been up to lately
The regrettable absence of Doctor Doom
Possession
Community
Cougars (euphemistic)
The thrift cycle
Rusty Collins on Krakoa
Fashion
An eons-old accord between the Houses of Chaos and the Lord of Valhalla
Jennifer Kale
The list
Swears
A statue of Hades
Various appendages sticking out of the earth
Hercules
The mystic power of sarcasm
The greatest fear of a Titan
Monet St. Croix vs. the Count of Monte Cristo
Good X-books for your fifteen-year-old niece

NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. Vampires (again)!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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