In which Cowboy Poet Wolverine is the best Wolverine; the Masters of the Universe basically had Internet Cat names; Miles has an Early Metallica moment; Wolverine: Killing is just ludicrously excellent; and the hawk joke somehow keeps going.
X-PLAINED:
An eccentric approach to ecoterrorism
Wolverine: Inner Fury
Wolverine: Killing
The narrative limits of Bill Sienkiewicz
Various Terrors
The Whale and/or Shark
Microminibots
A trap
Mr. Big
A sexy coffee cup
Literary allusions
Atmospheric narration
Urban despair
A peculiar community
Cowboy Poet Wolverine
A thematic meditation
Depressingly exceptional representation of a lady in peril
King Hiss
The world according to Logan
The theoretical microbrewery scene of an imaginary enclave
Regional differences in IPAs
Feelings and their various sources
The symbolism of Wolverine’s costume
Home
How Archangel sleeps
Adamantium vs. Vibranium
NEXT EPISODE: This ‘n’ that ‘n’ Rusty ‘n’ Skids!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
Do you wish Les Miserables were about X-Men? TODAY YOU ARE IN LUCK: Here is a downloadable version of the parody of “At the End of the Day” that closed Episode 226!
Who Wore It Better, Garden of Earthly Delights Edition! Genosha, or… (X-Factor #89)
…Hieronymus Bosch? (Bosh. Definitely Bosch.)
Oh, kiddo. (X-Factor #89)
Romance! (X-Factor #88)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (X-Factor #89)
Big mood. (X-Factor #90)
Remember when Alex Summers was actually pretty awesome? (X-Factor #90)
GENOSHA WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU (so much) (X-Factor #90)
Harsh but valid. (X-Factor #90)
Meet Mutate #24601, whose mutant power is probably painfully complex internal rhymes. (X-Factor #90)
Aw, these goofballs. (X-Factor #90)
Genosha’s sanitation system is ridiculous. (X-Factor #91)
A+ lurking, Rahne! (X-Factor #91)
This definitely won’t come back to haunt Jamie. (It definitely will.) (X-Factor #91)
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. Everything!
At the End of the Fight
Lyrics by Jay Edidin, with apologies to Herbert Kretzmer
Performed by *Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young. *Soloists
[X-FACTOR] At the end of the fight you’re another page older And that’s all you can say for the X-Factor life It’s a struggle, it’s a war And just when you think that you’re winning You find yourself stuck on the moon, facing down Stryfe And the fight’s just beginning
At the end of the fight you’re another fight older And the X on your jacket won’t keep out the chill And the readers all hurry past To the six other X-books they’re buying As the Legacy Virus spreads fast, ready to kill One fight nearer to dying
[COMPANY] A tthe end of the fight there’s another fight coming A crossover next week, an annual soon Like a storm that’ll break any second Foreshadowing Fatal Attractions There’s a reckoning still to be reckoned Plus the critics’ hot takes and reactions And the future is not looking bright At the end of the fight
[VAL COOPER] At the end of the fight there will be a debriefing You don’t get to slack in a government job
[STRONG GUY] We’ve got better things to do And this system doesn’t seem fair After all, we threw all the punches
[POLARIS] Plus, we don’t care
[STRONG GUY+ WOLFSBANE] And we need a vacation.
[MULTIPLEMAN] Have you seen how Val Cooper is fuming today
[QUICKSILVER] She might be possessed, she seems so out of sorts
[VAL] Step it up Summers, there’s paperwork waiting– They’re not dissertations, just mission reports
[COMPANY] At the end of the fight it’s another fight over To whatever extent superhero fights end Fight Magneto, fight the Blob Fight some guy we just met in a sewer What the hell, at least it’s a job Just find us the next evildoer ‘Cause there’s no resolution in sight At the end of the fight
LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE:
David Dinkins was New York City’s first Black mayor and a pretty interesting dude.
In which Havok actually used to be pretty great; there are at least four attorneys in the Marvel Universe; Genosha continues to be wildly problematic; Hieronymus Bosch was not Comics Code-compliant; Quicksilver goes on vacation; Polaris has no time for your love triangle; Wolfsbane can maul as many magistrates as she wants; and Multiple Man makes a choice.
X-PLAINED: • Damian Tryp • An unconventional staffing practice • Genosha (more) (again) • The devolution of Alex Summers’ personality • Several attorneys in the Marvel Universe • X-Factor #88-91 • Random (Marshall Stone III) • Joe Quesada’s signature ribbons • Checkbook heroism • Kids these days • Genoshan reconstruction • Several gardens of earthly delights • Puberty • A mercifully abandoned plan • A conspiracy • A significant tonal shift • Mutate #24601 • RoboJean • Genosha’s sanitation system • Dick Chalker • Magneto Rex • Humans in Magneto’s Genosha
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. everything
Thanks to everyone who helped bring Jay’s weird musical dream to life:
*Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young.
*Soloists
Special thanks to Juliana Finch, Christian Lipski, and Laser Webber for technical advice; Christina Eddleman for recording the demo track; and Matt Gardner and Peter Gresser for [Easter egg description redacted].
Check out the visual companion to this episode–as well as the full lyrics to “At the End of the Fight”–on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
I miss when comics had dialogue on their covers! And when Emma Frost was ten feet tall. (New Warriors #10)
“Your uzi is no match for my very tall right boot!” (New Warriors #10)
If Emma’s telepathy weren’t invisible, this is exactly how viscerally violent it would look. (New Warriors #10)
Oh, Speedball – never change. Like, especially into a mopey edgelord with spikes inside his costume. (New Warriors #10)
Angelica Jones, you warm my heart. And also everything else. (New Warriors #10)
The tarot of the who now? (New Warriors #10)
You tell her, Firestar! (New Warriors #10)
Darick Robertson, you sure can draw… everything. (New Warriors #31)
Background-Cyclops is annoyed at the damned teenagers always hogging the phone line with their endless calls and their AOLs. (New Warriors #31)
Cannonball’s facial expression speaks for us all. (New Warriors #31)
Remember – neither of these women actually has flame powers! (New Warriors #31)
I bet there’s a long German word for the terror that comes from knowing you’re about to crash into your friend’s crotch at seventy miles per hour (and a second word for the terror that comes from being on the receiving end). (New Warriors #31)
Shine on, you justifiedly resentful diamond. (New Warriors #31)
That’s it. That’s the whole explanation. (New Warriors #31)
Emma Frost believes strongly in clear labels. (New Warriors #31)
I liked the yellow better, but this ain’t bad. (New Warriors #31)
In which we check in on Firestar and the New Warriors; superheroes often celebrate Bring Your Mom To The Amazon Day; Fabian Nicieza employs only the finest of lampshades; and Emma Frost still doesn’t apologize for blowing up that pony.
X-PLAINED:
Vance Astro(vik)
Penance (but not that one)
Austin Gorton’s X-Aminations
New Warriors #10
Firestar (Angelica Jones)
The New Warriors
Visual representations of invisible mutant powers
The Hellions (more) (again)
Tarot and her Morrisonian powers
Bevatrons
Oxy-cution
The inevitably increasing complexity of superhero origins
The Miracle of Microwaves
New Warriors #31
Nova Roma
Magma (Amara Aquilla) (or Allison Crestmere, I guess)
A brief and futile attempt at Roman soldier disambiguation
Empath and his large collection of red flags
Gender-based intuition
A massive, stupid, and quickly undone retcon
Super-nature versus super-nurture
The hypothetical psychological roots of Emma Frost’s fashion phases
NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor finally makes it to Genosha!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
While we can’t guarantee that it’ll protect against telepathy, here are a pattern and detailed instructions for making your own cardboard Magneto helmet.
In which Alan Davis performs his pièce de résistance; the personification of Death is surprisingly supportive; Rachel Summers is the One True Phoenix; Kitty Pryde goes full ’90s; syntax saves the world; and the first Excalibur series should really have ended with #67.
X-PLAINED:
Origins of Phoenix mythology
Excalibur #61-67
The Phoenix Force (more) (again)
Rachel Summers (more) (again)
Earth-811 (more) (again)
Phoenix vs. Galactus
A pep talk from Death
The One True Phoenix
The dark, distant future of 2013
The dark, even more distant future of 2015
The extremely complicated future of Kate Pryde
Rory Campbell / Ahab
What may or may not be Ahab’s theme song
Moby Dick, kind of
That one time Widget was a car
Resistance Coordination Executive
Dark Angel
Killpower
Albion
Grace
Tangerine
Arthur
An Excalibur #54 callback
Excalibur (the gun)
Kitty’s new image
How to hack the robot apocalypse
Saved by the Bell: The College Years
Where Excalibur should have ended
Tactical use of Magneto’s hat
Anti-assimilation stories in X-Men
NEXT EPISODE: The Passion of Butter Rum (feat. Austin Gorton)
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
Possibly the grooviest Dracula-related cover ever published. (X-Men Annual #6)
HELL, YEAH, IT’S DRACULA! (X-Men Annual #6)
Kitty is having SO MANY FEELINGS, and you will NEVER UNDERSTAND! (X-Men Annual #6)
Check out Cyclops and Nightcrawler exchanging a look, like, “Parents? What the hell are those?” (X-Men Annual #6)
This panel is actually a pretty good encapsulation of what I remember about being 13. (X-Men Annual #6)
TBH, a lot of Kitty’s dreams probably start like this. (X-Men Annual #6)
THAT’S NOT A BAT. (X-Men Annual #6)
Dracula is probably the only person who looked at a bright green catsuit and yellow pouches and thought “stealth.” He’s mysterious like that. (X-Men Annual #6)
Ah, 13: that tender age when a young girl’s heart turns to eldritch summonings. (X-Men Annual #6)
Dracula, that’s really the kind of thing you should be keeping track of. (X-Men Annual #6)
[Eliot Spencer voice] “It’s a very distinctive sound effect.” (X-Men Annual #6)
How does Nightcrawler know the Montesi Formula? Who knows? Who cares? He’s a good pal. (X-Men Annual #6)
OH, SNAP. (X-Men Annual #6)
That’s our Wolvie! (X-Men Annual #6)
Lilith really looks like she’s visiting from an Archie comic. (X-Men Annual #6)
Skids and Northstar!
NEXT EPISODE: Fix the future!
And here’s a bonus gallery of Jay’s convention sketches:
Quentin Quire is indisputably the Nancy of the X-Men.
In which Dracula probably doesn’t drink his blood from a World’s Greatest Dad mug; Miles massively underestimates the cultural ubiquity of Sexy Dracula; Bill Sienkiewicz may or may not have ever seen a bat; Kitty gets possessed; and Dazzler is singularly well suited to a Vegas residency.
X-PLAINED:
Dracula’s ungrateful children
Marvel Dracula
A fortuitously named writer
Rachel Van Helsing
X-Men #159 (again) (briefly)
Sexy Dracula
The secret origin of sexy Draculas
Fastball Special body mechanics
X-Men Annual #6
A nightmare
“Bats”
Yet another Castle Dracula
The Montesi Formula
Sound effects, spoken or otherwise
Lilith
Chairs
The relative efficacy of holy symbols against Dracula
X-Vegas
Characters we have grown to love as a result of the podcast
NEXT EPISODE: Fix the future!
Check out the visual companion to this episode–along with Jay’s convention sketches–on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
![[Eliot Spencer voice] "It's a very distinctive sound effect." (X-Men Annual #6)](https://i0.wp.com/www.xplainthexmen.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/12.png?w=296&h=296&crop=1&ssl=1 "12")
