Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

263 – The Oldest Teens of Them All

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Cable and Domino may or may not be very old teenagers; disguises are not Dani Moonstar’s strong suit; Empath remains awful; Shatterstar probably talks exactly like a telenovela; X-Force needs an office manager; Mothra is larger than most things; and if you get to choose between being an External or a Guthrie, always be a Guthrie.

X-PLAINED:

  • Bastion, to some extent
  • X-Force #34-37
  • Optical disambiguation
  • Moonstar
  • Face tentacle semantics
  • Sandwiches (again)
  • The Richter family
  • An entirely avoidable fight
  • Some time-travel bullshit
  • Hannigan Electronics
  • An insecurity system
  • Nimrods
  • Things neural networks would probably do instead of murdering you
  • Defining traits of the Externals
  • Adoption, X-Factor style
  • Wolverine: The Long Night

NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!

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As Mentioned in Episode 262 – Science Fiction Double Feature

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
He’s a fun guy. (X-Men #311)
Aw. (X-Men #311)
Uncool, Sabretooth. Uncool. (X-Men #311)
Bishop is rad as hell. (X-Men #311)
See, this is why you should’ve taken her to the movies. (X-Men #311)
Emma’s got a new look. (X-Men #312)
Cool, but not the coolest. (X-Men #313)
No freakin’ kidding. (X-Men #313)
Ah, THAT’S the coolest. (X-Men #313)
Storm is so cool. (X-Men #313)
This club is the worst. (X-Men #311)
The Phalanx, in a small fraction of its glory. (X-Men #312)
They’re very good friends. (X-Men #312)
Gambit is legitimately fairly charming, at least as drawn by Joe Madureira. (X-Men #312)
One of several shovel talks. (X-Men #312)
Oh, snap. (X-Men #312)
Familiar faces, and somewhat less familiar bodies. (X-Men #312)
And then, another shovel talk. (X-Men #312)
NEXT EPISODE: Remember this dude?

The Designing X-Women art isn’t online yet, but when it is, we’ll drop a link here!

262 – Science Fiction Double Feature

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the Phalanx would make pretty fun novelty candy; “B-Plot” implies that we only have 26; nobody will take Jubilee to the movies; Repo Man and Repo: The Genetic Opera are in fact two entirely different films; Storm is a fashion icon; Sabretooth is the monster in the basement; it’s really rough to be the kid on the X-Men; Yuko gives Gambit a shovel talk; and a number of familiar faces return to the page.

X-PLAINED:

  • One of the many problems with Sentinels
  • Uncanny X-Men #311-313
  • Whether the Phalanx is squishy
  • Robo-Candy
  • Plotline disambiguation
  • A cult classic
  • Carl the X-Cutioner (again)
  • Creative use of Bishop’s powers
  • Storm fashion
  • Technical difficulties
  • A decision Iceman will come to regret
  • Bishop vs. Sabretooth
  • What If Vol. 2 #87
  • Variations on Iceman’s appearance
  • Early seeds of Generation X
  • A night out with Yukio
  • A heavily euphemized relationship
  • Xavier’s mutant underground
  • The Phalanx
  • A shovel talk
  • The return of Steven Lang (and some other people)
  • How Cyclops cries
  • Cassandra Nova’s signature look

NEXT EPISODE: Additional and Varyingly Literal Blasts from the Past

NOTE: Per our expert source Doctor Internet, what Miles knows as “water weenies” are mostly sold as “water wigglers” or “water snakes.”

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261 – Out of the Subtext, Live from FlameCon with Vita Ayala!

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we return to our favorite convention; writer Vita Ayala remains an absolute legend; everything was always already queer; and nobody should ever have to wait 37 years for a kiss.

NEXT EPISODE: Rise of the Phalanx!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 260 – Professor Power’s Prodigal Podcast

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Storm and Polaris: a study in contrasts. And not just the hair. (X-Factor #101)
Guido’s smile is his mask… (X-Factor #101)
…and sometimes that mask falls. (X-Factor #101)
You know how you could tell how much trouble the heroes were in on early seasons of Star Trek: Voyager by how messed up Janeway’s hair was? Havok is like that too, but with angst and stubble. (X-Factor #101)
…and plasma blasts. (X-Factor #101)
We are so, so here for Forge’s pettiness. (X-Factor #101)
Thank you, DeMatteis, for remembering to let Moira mourn too. (X-Factor #101)
You know, now that Forge has gotten over himself a little, he and Storm are a pretty great couple. (X-Factor #101)
Mutant power as metaphor. Yes please. (X-Factor #102)
Not only does Rahne have her freedom and independence back, but she also has one of the best friendships in the Marvel Universe! (X-Factor #102)
It’s the biggest character redemption for Moira MacTaggert until we find out that… eh, that’s probably a little too current to spoil. (X-Factor #102)
“Specifically, it may or may not be a PowerBook 500 series with one o’ them newfangled Ethernet ports!” (X-Factor #102)
He’s been practicing that line in the mirror for months. (X-Factor #102)
The next morning, Forge found a “#1 BOSS” coffee mug on his desk with a thank-you card from Polaris. (X-Factor #102)
God damn, Jan Duursema sure can draw a fight scene. (X-Factor #102)
Polaris has your number, Random. (X-Factor #102)
Crap crap fucky fucky (X-Factor #102)
“And I see you brought your abs!” (X-Factor Annual #9)
Half the cast may be gone, but X-Factor sure still is X-Factor. (X-Factor Annual #9)
“This is my good side, though. It is my butt. My butt is my good side.” (X-Factor Annual #9)
Man, LEGO figures got weird in the 90s. (X-Factor Annual #9)
The Shores of Oblivion feature mist, candles, and PowerPoint presentations! (X-Factor Annual #9)
“This will be much easier now that I’ve finally made it into an actual X-book!” (X-Factor Annual #9)
BOOOOO THIS PLOTLINE (X-Factor Annual #9)
Haven X-Plains Haven. (X-Factor Annual #9)
YOUR FETUS’S FACE IS FAMILIAR (X-Factor Annual #9)
Aww, Guido… (X-Factor Annual #9)
We didn’t talk about this pinup by Steve and Marianne Lightle, but it is delightful. (X-Factor Annual #9)
Not only did Miles have a partially-neon Bart Simpson shirt in the early 90s (as did the much older kid next to him), he also had a truly questionable mullet.
NEXT TIME: Live from Flame Con 2019!

260 – Professor Power’s Prodigal Podcast

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we explore the aftermath of Multiple Man’s death; X-Factor has a lot of feelings; it probably sucks to grieve with Charles Xavier; neither power nor responsibility is particularly fun; we finally find out who was trying to kill Polaris; Professor Power makes it to the big leagues; and the ‘90s were one long leg day.

X-PLAINED:

  • Vectors of Malice transmission
  • X-Factor #101-102
  • X-Factor Annual #9
  • The aftermath of Jamie Madrox’s death
  • Several ways to grieve
  • Captain Capitalism and Plucky the Girl Wonder
  • A foiled robbery
  • Several guest stars
  • Multiple Man’s Muir Island years
  • Several assassination attempts
  • Some shady government shenanigans
  • Beatrice Conners (sort of)
  • A surprisingly muscular astral projection
  • Haven’s deeply dubious origin story
  • Professor Power
  • A surprisingly muscular android
  • One way to clean a room
  • Creative uses of mutant powers
  • Top-ten lists

NEXT EPISODE: Live at FlameCon with Vita Ayala!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 259 – Kwannon Leap

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Does this remind anyone else of the choreography of “Glory” from Pippin? To those two of you now imagining these three soft-shoeing through a battlefield: you’re welcome. (X-Men #31)
Spiral X-Plains a thing or three. (X-Men #31)
The eye fairy left you a present! (X-Men #31)
One of those important relationship talks. (X-Men #31)
“Also, I brought you some eyes.” (X-Men #31)
See what we meant about the alternating forms? (X-Men #31)
While Kwannon’s story leaves a lot to be desired, I’m glad she at least got to die closer to its center. (X-Men #31)
Chekhov’s battle banter! (X-Men #32)
Man, fuck Nyorin. (X-Men #32)
Epitath by Claremont. (X-Men #32)
Someday a very confused student is going to fish those out of the lake. (X-Men #32)
In case you were wondering whether Gambit was cool as a teenager: No. (X-Men #33)
WHY WOULD YOU GIVE SABRETOOTH THIS ABILITY WHY (X-Men #33)
In this house we appreciate Henri LeBeau and Henri LeBeau’s mustache. (X-Men #33)
“So, I’ve been reading Spider-Man…” (X-Men #33)
Obviously not, Gambit, or you’d be in Antarctica right now. (X-Men #33)
NEXT EPISODE: Havok once again fails to complete his dissertation.

LINKS & FURTHER HAWK TALK:

We discussed the first version of Psylocke’s transformation in Episode 137 – Kicky Kinko Killers; and the second, which introduced Kwannon, in Episode 222 – A Tale of Two Betsys.

Night on Earth is a brilliant movie, and also the main source of our Roberto Begnini hipster cred.

If you like your dives deep and granular, we highly recommend Chris and Robert’s dialogic annotations, HoX PoX ToX.

259 – Kwannon Leap

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which fix-it fic goes canon (or vice versa); Psylocke is a complicated individual and/or individuals; assassins have complicated personal lives; it is probably ethical to tell your teammates about your camera eyes; Beast takes over Blue Team;  we get our first tease of Generation X; Sabretooth is a surprisingly fun narrator; that Hickman fellow seems to know what he’s doing; and you should totally come see us at FlameCon!

X-PLAINED:

  • X-Men #31-33
  • What Forge does in his downtime
  • Several retcons, including a metaretcon
  • Psylocke (Betsy Braddock)
  • Revanche (Kwannon)
  • What we are not wearing
  • Hawks
  • Digital Chameleon
  • Assassin romance
  • What actually (probably) (mostly) happened to Betsy and Kwannon
  • The Eye Fairy
  • The death of Kwannon
  • The future of the Xavier School
  • The last will and testament of Emma Grace Frost
  • Rogue and Gambit’s breakfast-cereal habits
  • All the eyes you’ve been given
  • Nyorin’s “diary”
  • A murder cliché
  • Genevieve Darceneaux
  • BabyGoth Gambit
  • Henri LeBeau and his majestic mustache
  • Our (very early) thoughts on HoX/PoX

NEXT EPISODE: Havok once again fails to complete his dissertation.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

COME SEE US AT FLAMECON!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 258 – True Believers, Opportunists, and Crooks (feat. Lisa Winters)

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Wait, I could have taped my carefully-clipped-out newspaper strips into a book designed especially for that purpose? HAD I BUT KNOWN! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #0)
…although the IKEA box that Jay decoupaged those strips onto does look pretty damned cool.
Newspaper strip motivations only get two or three panels’ worth of complexity. (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Hey, it’s a Sunday page! I don’t think my paper got these. (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Did… did that guy just have that picket sign with him? Just in case? (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Breaking into places is pretty easy, I guess. Time for a life of crime! (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Pacing! (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Laser cages, surprises, goblin gliders – this one’s got it all! (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
PUMPKIN BOMB WITH A KNIFE STICKING OUT OF IT FOR PRESIDENT (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
You know how your skin gets wrinkly if you stay in the tub for too long? (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
I mean, newspaper comics are fun, but… Backstory! Motivation! Continuity! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Remember Amazing Adventures volume 2 #11? This miniseries does! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Hank McCoy: Master of Disguise. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Moichandising! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Can’t fit that into a newspaper strip! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Banter! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #2)
“Basically, we used to party all the time, but then this furry guy broke a wristwatch and everything sucked after that.” (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #2)
Prosaic? More like AWESOME! …Admittedly, I say this as someone outside of the cage. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #2)
This scientist only appears on a few pages, but he’s already the best villain in the series. And he doesn’t even have a pumpkin bomb with a knife sticking out of it. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #2)
They tried rolling out a Goblin Glider rental program in Portland, but mostly folks just crashed them into things. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
Uh, Landon, you’ve got something in your teeth – no, to the left – yeah, you got it. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
Dammit, Jason, it’s not even October! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
I love this guy. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
Landon-type Pokemon are weak against Irony-type attacks. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
If you have a 90s Marvel cartoon, you work Wolverine in wherever you can. It’s the law. (Spider-Man: The Animated Series season 2, episode 17, The Mutant Agenda)
Landon’s transformation takes a somewhat different turn on-screen than on the page. (Spider-Man: The Animated Series season 2, episode 18, Mutants’ Revenge)
NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor mourns and moves on.