Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 375 – One Thousand Kicks to the Face

June 19, 2022 Miles Leave a comment

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So many textures! (X-Men #60)

Ororo, you’re a good enough thief that you could probably afford clothes without holes in them… or is that a style thing? (X-Men #60)

I mean, this is definitely implying that Storm ran around the bronze age with Candra’s Heart as a fashion accessory, right? (X-Men #60)

“Dammit Ororo, did you learn nothing from my brother?!” (X-Men #60)

Candra as shibari lobster once more, now with ear-mandibles! (X-Men #60)

Remember that one Punisher movie where Frank set a bunch of cars on fire in the shape of a big skull? That was kinda cool. (X-Men #60)

Tiny mustache or shadow – you be the judge! (X-Men #60)

I know the Shadow King is supposed to be dead at this point, but that has to be him! Look at the speech bubble borders! (X-Men #60)

Suddenly, ninjas. (X-Men #61)

Ooh, nice visual flow. (X-Men #61)

“As opposed to that time I had kidney stones, which was only about three hundred kicks to the face!” (X-Men #61)

Logan is tasting the air like a snake! (X-Men #61)

Storm gets Candra’s hopes up… (X-Men #61)

…before Cyclops ZARKs them upon the rocks. That’s cold, guys. (X-Men #61)

Is it, though? (X-Men Unlimited #14)

Matching nightshirts! (X-Men Unlimited #14)

Whoa. Nicely done, Jim Cheung. (X-Men Unlimited #14)

Idyllic! (X-Men Unlimited #14)

Never change, Artie. (X-Men Unlimited #14)

Ever see Children of the Corn, Joe? (X-Men Unlimited #14)

I wish everyone had a dad this supportive. (X-Men Unlimited #14)

No moppet should moppet alone! (X-Men Unlimited #14)

NEXT TIME: Back to Asgard!

375 – One Thousand Kicks to the Face

June 12, 2022 Jay 13 comments

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In which there is definitely a wrong way to enjoy your comics; Storm could probably use a more secure storage system; the Externals need more camp; and Joseph makes some valid points.

X-PLAINED

What Storm’s up to
X-Men Unlimited #7 (again) (briefly)
X-Men #60-61
X-Men Unlimited #14
Karima
Jamil
Candra (again)
A surprising absence of Howard Mackie
Candra’s heart
Some excessively complex psychic powers
Phylacteries
The origin of Storm’s romance with T’Challa
Kicks to the face as a unit of pain
Undercloaks
The alternate universe where the McCoys live in Indiana
The moppet squad (again)
Dunfee, IN
Yet another angry mob
Multiverse-variable powers
Favorite X-relationships

Correction: The Brandalorian let us know that “Phylacteries (tefillin) are not Chasidic; they’re a ritual object mentioned by the Torah, used by Jews of all sorts.” Apologies for our error, and we appreciate the correction!

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force goes to Asgard!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 374 – SMEK

June 12, 2022 Jay One comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

It’s Carl Denti! Hi, Carl! (The Punisher #12)

Special Agynt Kymberly Jones. (The Punisher #12)

The X-Cutioner. (The Punisher #12)

Blast Furnace should really be off fighting Mega Man somewhere. (The Punisher #13)

The kiss to end all kisses! (The Punisher #16)

NEXT EPISODE: Franklin Richards vs. Joseph!

374 – SMEK

June 5, 2022 Jay 8 comments

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Frank Punisher, wearing his skull uniform, frolics arm-in-arm with Carl the X-Cutiioner, dressed in a motley assembly of supervillain gear, through a field of flowers. — Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Frank Punisher is not a role model; Carl the X-Cutioner is not very good at secret identities; Miles tries his hand at poetry; and everything’s funny with a sidecar.

X-PLAINED:

Frankencastle
Frank Punisher and his cultural context
Punisher #12-16
Carl the X-Cutioner
S.H.I.E.L.D.
The New Mutant Liberation Front and several members thereof
William Connover (again)
Agynt Kymberly Taylor
Optimal sidecar use
Simon Trask
What it’s like to kiss Frank Punisher
Poor management technique
How we choose what to reveal when
The timeline where Magik is textually queer

NEXT EPISODE: The actual X-Men!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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HAWK TALK – Doonesbury

May 29, 2022 Miles 9 comments

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This would usually be a skip week, but thanks to some generous donors to Equality Florida, Hawk Talk is back! This week’s topic was chosen by Andy Bartholomew.

As Mentioned in Episode 373 – Tainted Loins

May 22, 2022 Miles 7 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Looks like your dad’s pain is a little worse than yours, Bobby. (Uncanny X-Men #340)

Now that is 1996 Sam Guthrie. Finally. (Uncanny X-Men #340)

Graydon Creed according to Joe Madureira… and Victor Creed as a glass of whiskey. (Uncanny X-Men #340)

If the command van’s a-knockin’… (Uncanny X-Men #340)

Joe Madureira’s mostly known for his action scenes, but he’s pretty great with quiet conversations too. (Uncanny X-Men #340)

Your government dresses you funny, Madrox. (X-Factor #128)

That’s so Raven. (X-Factor #128)

Graydon Creed according to Jeff Matsuda… and Harper, who is well aware of the need for discretion. (X-Factor #128)

Mystique transforms, version 1. (X-Factor #128)

Sabretooth and less-interesting-Sabretooth. (X-Factor #128)

Val Cooper just got back from the most dangerous sleepover ever. (X-Factor #129)

I love it when powers cross panel borders. (X-Factor #129)

Mystique transforms, version 2. (X-Factor #129)

Having grown up in the 90s, I can assure you this is quite an accomplishment. (X-Factor #129)

Well I’m impressed. (X-Factor #129)

Ah, that explains it. (X-Factor #129)

Scrawling SOON across your son’s campaign poster is the first step in saving his life. (X-Factor #129)

Blowing a hole in your son’s campaign poster is the second step in saving his life. (X-Factor #130)

Blowing additional holes in your son’s campaign poster is the third step in saving his life. (X-Factor #130)

Mystique transforms, version 3. (X-Factor #130)

Graydon Creed according to Eric Battle… and Val Cooper has changed out of her sleepwear. (X-Factor #130)

I’m just writing a visual companion, and I kinda want to yell “GUARDS”. (X-Factor #130)

This should’ve been two-thirds of the issue instead of two pages. (X-Factor #130)

Snazzy! (X-Factor #130)

Raven, just interrupt! You’re allowed! (X-Factor #130)

And with that..! (X-Factor #130)

NEXT EPISODE: Hawk Talk! IN TWO WEEKS: Frank Punisher meets Carl the X-Cutioner.

373 – Tainted Loins

May 22, 2022 Miles 7 comments

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In which the Drake Roberts identity is retired; Gambit bonds with William Drake; Graydon Creed is evil but nondescript; tales of Pyro’s death have been somewhat exaggerated; and some mysteries resolve better than others.

X-PLAINED:

Damian Tryp
X-Factor (more) (again)
Uncanny X-Men #340
X-Factor #128-30
More Drake family dynamics
The Sword of Shannara
The general vagueness of Graydon Creed
Several ninjas
Hound stuff
Val Cooper’s pajamas
An unexpected return
Shapeshifting
Overextended plotlines
Some unusually threatening dad jokes
The anticlimactic death of Graydon Creed
Some time travel bullshit
Which series are ending and which are relaunching between Reign of X and Destiny of X
How and when Colossus stopped being the Juggernaut

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk

NEXT EPISODE: The Adventures of Carl & Frank

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 372 – Monty Python’s Life of Magnus

May 15, 2022 Miles 2 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Steven Tyler vs Mick Jagger? (Magneto #1)

Home security has come a long way since 1996. (Magneto #1)

Sometimes the art crosses the line from iffy to weirdly awesome. (Magneto #1)

The sparkles are a nice touch, Fabian. (Magneto #1)

He’s the messiah! (Magneto #1)

Where… where’d your hair go, man? (Magneto #1)

“Behold my logo font!” (Magneto #2)

Fabian, what did that bird ever do to you?! (Magneto #2)

Meanwhile, in the space-opera version of this story… (Magneto #2)

Kelley Jones really nails the moments of Joseph’s Magneto-facade slipping. (Magneto #2)

PLOP (Magneto #2)

I mean, those birds have ample reason to have misgivings themselves. Fabian Cortez could be anywhere! (Magneto #2)

This was pre-Lyft, see. (Magneto #2)

…magnetism..? (Magneto #3)

So say we all. (Magneto #3)

If Fabian Cortez had a mustache, he’d be twirling it right now. (Magneto #3)

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH (Magneto #3)

Only the real Magneto could maniacally cackle at an angle that dramatic! (Magneto #4)

Because it’s about time someone did. (Magneto #4)

Broadcast Standards & Practices salutes you, Joseph. (Magneto #4)

“…for twenty-three days or so…” (Magneto #4)

NEXT TIME: Mystique vs. politicians-being-alive, round 2. Sorta.

372 – Monty Python’s Life of Magnus

May 15, 2022 Jay 4 comments

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In which the first Magneto miniseries is actually a Joseph miniseries; Magneto lost a lot of nuance in the ‘90s; Fabian Cortez is friend to neither man nor bird; Joseph finds his inner supervillain; Marvel’s United Nations is unusually heavily armed; and bears are much cooler than guns.

X-PLAINED:

Magneto (again)
The Acolytes (again)
Joseph (again)
Magneto #1-4
Amelia Voght (again)
Religious statuary
Razors
New Avalon
Magneto’s voice
How not to make a point
Armstrong
A Trask who may or may not be Simon
Weird torture
Peonies
A big, silly fight
Happy X-Men comics featuring Wolverine
The many nexuses of reality

NEXT EPISODE: Assassination!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 371 – Beware of Psychodrama

May 8, 2022 Miles Leave a comment

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Before settling on paint and canvas, Piotr Rasputin’s first medium was the thought balloon. (Excalibur #104)

Douglock tries. (Excalibur #104)

Moira, I know a lot of us have been working from home for a while now, but you may have overdone the whole home-office thing just a tad. (Excalibur #104)