Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Category: podcasts

417 – Pterodactyl with a Gun

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In which you, too, can use Cerebro; Jubilee is here, for some reason; the Xavier School should absolutely not be accredited; Hulk Hands would solve many of Rogue’s problems; Sauron gets a gun; Psylocke pulls a Lois Lane maneuver; you really shouldn’t spring a Phoenix costume on anybody; Joseph has (another) identity crisis; and Canada has problems.

X-PLAINED:

  • Miles at SDCC
  • Uncanny X-Men #353-355
  • X-Men #73
  • A running motif
  • Wolverine’s sons
  • Margaret Stone
  • “fun”
  • The location of the original X-jet
  • A red herring
  • Sauron (more) (again)
  • Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy… in space!
  • How to ship a pterodactyl
  • Mighty appendages
  • The Agee Institute
  • Boundaries
  • Wallpaper
  • Joseph (more) (again)
  • New Year’s Resolutions
  • Sebastian Shaw and his wraith buddy (again)
  • The X-Men’s answering machine
  • What Wolverine does
  • Alpha Flight
  • Canada problems
  • A crossover
  • Phoenix problems
  • Jean Grey’s ‘90s costume
  • Found families
  • What makes the Dark Phoenix Saga an X-Men story

NEXT EPISODE: Reignfire, resolved!

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416 – The Screaming Room

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In which we are incapable of X-Plaining the Great Lakes Avengers; Pete Wisdom evolves; Douglock hacks the island; Nightcrawler cosplays Nightcrawler; and we find ourselves bafflingly defensive of the Bamfs.

X-PLAINED:

  • How to recruit Unus the Untouchable to your super-team
  • What Excalibur has been up to
  • Excalibur #118-120
  • An excellent use of danger room technology
  • Some fairly deft metacommentary
  • Colossus vs. another tree
  • Bamfs and the character assassination thereof
  • Nightmare
  • Characterization via lettering
  • Several nightmare scenarios
  • Pete Wisdom vs. Nightmare
  • Meggan’s true form (again)
  • A poorly conceived romantic gesture
  • Foreshadowing
  • Relative Bamf quality
  • Other Marvel villains we’d like to see menace the X-Men
  • Our thoughts on Legion and The Gifted

NEXT EPISODE: A pterodactyl with a gun!

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415 – Stardust

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In which Gambit does Stardust; Wilbur Weston holds no one’s redemption; Gambit is unequivocally bisexual; Lucifer is kinda goofy; and we still don’t know what’s in the box.

X-PLAINED:

  • Family businesses
  • Gambit vol. 2 #1-4
  • What Gambit’s been up to
  • Some peculiar parallels
  • Father Miguel Bonavita
  • Sister Katrina
  • Father Marcelo
  • A box
  • Tante Mattie Baptiste
  • Olivier Stoker and/or Lucifer
  • Fancy captions
  • The Cross of Redemption
  • Anielle, who may or may not Hanael and may or may not also be a fallen star and/or angel
  • Gambit’s subconscious
  • Octopus Gambit
  • The Grigori
  • Sibyl
  • Cerberus
  • Wormwood
  • Pew surfing
  • CyberFork
  • Spitting locusts, sadly
  • A bad take on the trolley problem
  • An ambiguous ending
  • A pecular transition
  • Genre displacement
  • Warlock as a form of art
  • Elon Musk’s closest X-villain analog

NEXT EPISODE: Dark night of the Bamf!

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414 – Blackwater Boy Band

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In which Wild Child makes an unlikely Santa Claus; Sabretooth champions continuity; Random’s last name should’a been Violence; Forge doesn’t have to like you; and Mackie’s X-Factor run gets interesting—right before its untimely end.

X-PLAINED:

  • Another X-Factor
  • X-Factor #142-145
  • Unrealized anticipation
  • Deadline
  • What Val Cooper wants for Christmas
  • The evolutionary symbolism of noses
  • Several breeds of dog
  • The secret history of Val Cooper and Wild Child
  • Wildheart
  • The Secret Empire
  • The X.U.E. (more) (again)
  • Ice skating, interrupted
  • Another cool way to draw Havok’s powers
  • A clever retcon
  • The X-Factor that might have been
  • Greystone’s origins
  • Micah
  • A temple of doom
  • The hierarchy of cool skulls
  • Branching timelines and the implications thereof
  • An Alex Summers / Moira MacTaggert chimera

NEXT EPISODE: Gambit, again.

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413 – Convergence (feat. Douglas Wolk)

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In which X-Force goes to Burning Man Exploding Colossal Man; Douglas Wolk may or may not have superpowers; Karma gets girlfriends; we are already tired of Reignfire; Meltdown and Sunspot initiate a love triangle; and Jay is writing some more X-Men.

X-PLAINED:

  • Road trips
  • X-Force #75-76
  • New Mutants vol. 4 #30
  • A gatefold and a half
  • Burning Man
  • Exploding Colossal Man
  • Karma’s name
  • Echidna Faire
  • Text
  • Selene (more) (again)
  • Crowd scenes
  • Various character relationships
  • Callbacks
  • Mud
  • A magic box and a fancy stick
  • Eitri the Dwarf
  • A grand conjunction
  • A big, silly fight
  • Peak late ‘90s queer culture
  • Echidna Faire
  • Bowling
  • Etienne Rousseau
  • Updating Bastion’s facial hair
  • Wolverine’s mentees

NEXT EPISODE: The beginning of the end of X-Factor

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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412 – Yappin’ and Scrappin’

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In which Kelly and Seagle’s X-runs begin with immense promise; dark psychic residue gets just everywhere; Storm’s past is literally buried; Wolverine is just saying is all; Cecilia Reyes’s job doesn’t deserve her, and Cyclops and Phoenix are the worst at being normal.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Grey family reunion
  • X-Men #71-72
  • What counts as an Uncanny X-Men #138 cover reference
  • Baggage and also suitcases
  • Steve Seagle’s (scuttled) Phoenix plans
  • Bone whiskers
  • Telemarketer power moves
  • Cecilia Reyes
  • Marrow (Sarah)
  • Sam Guthrie’s tiny ponytail
  • The ol’ wall-of-televisions trope
  • The cost of one banana
  • Sebastian Shaw vs the IRS (maybe)
  • A mostly empty attic
  • Wolverine’s etiquette lessons
  • The dessert claw vs the salad claw
  • The physicality of Carlos Pacheco’s art
  • Cannonball, the grown-up in the room
  • Magneto’s increasingly complicated past
  • Magnus, Erik, and Max (again)
  • Uncanny X-Men #351-352
  • Cecilia Reyes’s return-to-office
  • Intersectionality
  • Pyro, forever dying of the Legacy Virus
  • Daredevil vs Cecilia Reyes’s bedside manner
  • Kevin, Lord of the Jungle
  • Ending conversations by turning into a bird
  • A.I.M.* (*Advanced Idea Mechanics)
  • Crows of Ill Portent
  • A Box of Entity
  • Condors and Cockatoos
  • Logan’s denim proclivities
  • Arcade vs. Mojo

Special thanks to Dylan Higgins for edits and production assistance!

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force goes to Burning Man!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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411 – Tearaway Pants

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In which we actually kind of like a Sabretooth story; we’re not asking for viscera, here; all pants on Earth-616 are tearaway pants; we’d like to see more Wolverine stories about bodily autonomy; Gambit’s hallucinations have hallucinations; and there are probably too many X-books.

X-PLAINED:

  • Punch-clock villains
  • Hydro-Man’s secret weakness
  • 411
  • ‘90s fashion
  • X-Men Unlimited #17-18
  • X-Men Unlimited vs. annuals
  • A difficult casting decision
  • Forge’s neutralizer gun
  • Costume injuries
  • Color symbolism? Kinda? I guess?
  • Mrs. Hoo
  • Saberine & Wolvertooth
  • Warren Kenneth Worthington III vs. shirts
  • How to dress for Earth-616
  • Hot buttered whatever
  • Boob foliage
  • Clones
  • Very tenacious blood stains
  • The return of the Angry Claremontean Narrator
  • Lots of hallucinations
  • Oscar the Fixer
  • Hydro-Man
  • Redemption, symbolic and otherwise
  • The evolution of Magneto’s name
  • Our ideal X-line

NEXT EPISODE: Back to the core!

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410 – Jubilee, Don’t Eat That

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In which the M-Plate Saga continues; Jay gets into the spirit of the day; we briefly give up on our primary mission; the story is coordinated if not coherent; Miles is not allowed to continuity-shame about Tolkein; Gaia is extra chill; Dirt Nap discovers altruism; and Jubilee should absolutely not have eaten that.

X-PLAINED:

  • Vampires vs. Marrow (again)
  • Whether Marrow is a mutant
  • Drugs
  • X-Plaining the inexplicable
  • Generation X #37-39
  • M-Plate (more) (again)
  • A Boojum
  • How to correctly identify a snark
  • The Universal Amalgamator (more) (again)
  • A door
  • Moria, kind of, I guess?
  • Mysterious topiary
  • An equally mysterious train
  • The Citadel of the Universal Amalgamator
  • Gaia
  • How to make a deal with a Token
  • Orange milk
  • A network of interdimensional water closets
  • The Bill the Pony Effect
  • An attempted murder
  • Monet vs. Northstar
  • Characters we’d like to see come out of the subtext

NEXT EPISODE: The Angry Claremontean Narrator Returns

CORRECTION: Miles said that the previous episode was #410. This episode is in fact #410; the previous episode is #409.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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409 – Lurid Malarkey

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In which nobody is sure what Emplate actually eats; airport food is not a good peace offering; Larry Hama writes a good Jubilee; the St. Croix siblings merge; and we honestly have no idea what a Token is.

X-PLAINED:

  • Emplate vs. Marrow
  • What’s been up with Generation X
  • Generation X #34-36
  • Claudette and Nicole St. Croix
  • Emplate (more) (again)
  • Controlled chaos
  • Tracy Authier
  • Bullying
  • Dorian and Weasel (again)
  • Treasures
  • EAT
  • Some unusually friendly blackmail
  • Wizard Magazine
  • Husk’s diary and hypothetical fanfiction
  • Chimera
  • A Lepton imploder
  • Dirt-Nap
  • M-Plate
  • A dream, we think, probably
  • Jubilee in Wonderland
  • A Token
  • Chief Authier
  • Elwood
  • Landau, Luckman, & Lake (again)
  • The Citadel at the Edge of Reality
  • The Universal Amalgamator
  • Magik on screen
  • Our favorite villains and alignment shifts from the Krakoa era

NEXT EPISODE: The M-Plate Saga concludes

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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408 – Yabba Yabba Yabba

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In which Bishop gets another miniseries; splinter timelines make fun narrative sandboxes; the X.S.E. goes detecting; the Statue of Liberty never fares well in dystopian futures; “Booger” is not a name you give yourself; and we can’t believe it’s taken us this long to make a hanky code joke about Bishop.

X-PLAINED:

  • Graymalkin
  • Bishop: X.S.E. #1-3
  • Bishop (more) (again)
  • Earth-1191
  • The X.S.E.
  • Hecate
  • Malcolm
  • Randall
  • The popularity of Earth-1191 miniseries
  • The solid-light hologram of Theseus
  • The Fanatix
  • Pulsar
  • Dogface
  • Hardball
  • Razorback
  • Kali (but not that one)
  • Shadowbox
  • “Quotations”
  • Seldon Trask
  • A mystery
  • The Rook
  • Annabella Knox
  • Anthony Shaw
  • The Bay Borough
  • The best episode of Justice League Unlimited
  • Organic LMDs
  • A disguise
  • An uncanny child
  • Dazzler’s career
  • X-Adjectives

NEXT EPISODE: The M-Plate Saga!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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