Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Category: podcasts

263 – The Oldest Teens of Them All

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Cable and Domino may or may not be very old teenagers; disguises are not Dani Moonstar’s strong suit; Empath remains awful; Shatterstar probably talks exactly like a telenovela; X-Force needs an office manager; Mothra is larger than most things; and if you get to choose between being an External or a Guthrie, always be a Guthrie.

X-PLAINED:

  • Bastion, to some extent
  • X-Force #34-37
  • Optical disambiguation
  • Moonstar
  • Face tentacle semantics
  • Sandwiches (again)
  • The Richter family
  • An entirely avoidable fight
  • Some time-travel bullshit
  • Hannigan Electronics
  • An insecurity system
  • Nimrods
  • Things neural networks would probably do instead of murdering you
  • Defining traits of the Externals
  • Adoption, X-Factor style
  • Wolverine: The Long Night

NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!

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262 – Science Fiction Double Feature

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the Phalanx would make pretty fun novelty candy; “B-Plot” implies that we only have 26; nobody will take Jubilee to the movies; Repo Man and Repo: The Genetic Opera are in fact two entirely different films; Storm is a fashion icon; Sabretooth is the monster in the basement; it’s really rough to be the kid on the X-Men; Yuko gives Gambit a shovel talk; and a number of familiar faces return to the page.

X-PLAINED:

  • One of the many problems with Sentinels
  • Uncanny X-Men #311-313
  • Whether the Phalanx is squishy
  • Robo-Candy
  • Plotline disambiguation
  • A cult classic
  • Carl the X-Cutioner (again)
  • Creative use of Bishop’s powers
  • Storm fashion
  • Technical difficulties
  • A decision Iceman will come to regret
  • Bishop vs. Sabretooth
  • What If Vol. 2 #87
  • Variations on Iceman’s appearance
  • Early seeds of Generation X
  • A night out with Yukio
  • A heavily euphemized relationship
  • Xavier’s mutant underground
  • The Phalanx
  • A shovel talk
  • The return of Steven Lang (and some other people)
  • How Cyclops cries
  • Cassandra Nova’s signature look

NEXT EPISODE: Additional and Varyingly Literal Blasts from the Past

NOTE: Per our expert source Doctor Internet, what Miles knows as “water weenies” are mostly sold as “water wigglers” or “water snakes.”

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261 – Out of the Subtext, Live from FlameCon with Vita Ayala!

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we return to our favorite convention; writer Vita Ayala remains an absolute legend; everything was always already queer; and nobody should ever have to wait 37 years for a kiss.

NEXT EPISODE: Rise of the Phalanx!

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260 – Professor Power’s Prodigal Podcast

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we explore the aftermath of Multiple Man’s death; X-Factor has a lot of feelings; it probably sucks to grieve with Charles Xavier; neither power nor responsibility is particularly fun; we finally find out who was trying to kill Polaris; Professor Power makes it to the big leagues; and the ‘90s were one long leg day.

X-PLAINED:

  • Vectors of Malice transmission
  • X-Factor #101-102
  • X-Factor Annual #9
  • The aftermath of Jamie Madrox’s death
  • Several ways to grieve
  • Captain Capitalism and Plucky the Girl Wonder
  • A foiled robbery
  • Several guest stars
  • Multiple Man’s Muir Island years
  • Several assassination attempts
  • Some shady government shenanigans
  • Beatrice Conners (sort of)
  • A surprisingly muscular astral projection
  • Haven’s deeply dubious origin story
  • Professor Power
  • A surprisingly muscular android
  • One way to clean a room
  • Creative uses of mutant powers
  • Top-ten lists

NEXT EPISODE: Live at FlameCon with Vita Ayala!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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259 – Kwannon Leap

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which fix-it fic goes canon (or vice versa); Psylocke is a complicated individual and/or individuals; assassins have complicated personal lives; it is probably ethical to tell your teammates about your camera eyes; Beast takes over Blue Team;  we get our first tease of Generation X; Sabretooth is a surprisingly fun narrator; that Hickman fellow seems to know what he’s doing; and you should totally come see us at FlameCon!

X-PLAINED:

  • X-Men #31-33
  • What Forge does in his downtime
  • Several retcons, including a metaretcon
  • Psylocke (Betsy Braddock)
  • Revanche (Kwannon)
  • What we are not wearing
  • Hawks
  • Digital Chameleon
  • Assassin romance
  • What actually (probably) (mostly) happened to Betsy and Kwannon
  • The Eye Fairy
  • The death of Kwannon
  • The future of the Xavier School
  • The last will and testament of Emma Grace Frost
  • Rogue and Gambit’s breakfast-cereal habits
  • All the eyes you’ve been given
  • Nyorin’s “diary”
  • A murder cliché
  • Genevieve Darceneaux
  • BabyGoth Gambit
  • Henri LeBeau and his majestic mustache
  • Our (very early) thoughts on HoX/PoX

NEXT EPISODE: Havok once again fails to complete his dissertation.

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COME SEE US AT FLAMECON!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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258 – True Believers, Opportunists, and Crooks (feat. Lisa Winters)

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Lisa Winters pinch-hits for Jay, we take a trip to the newspaper funnies and back, Spider-Man and Beast are natural BFFs, nothing good ever happens at the Brand Corporation, and “mutant” can be a pretty fuzzy concept.

X-PLAINED:

  • Bessie the Hellcow
  • Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda (the newspaper strip storyline)
  • Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda (the comic book miniseries)
  • Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda (the cartoon episodes)
  • Four-color hoards
  • Three-panel newspaper comic structure
  • Sunday strips (and their Mark Trail deceptions)
  • Hero Jaws – a breakfast-based theory
  • Spider-Man (Peter Parker)
  • The Brand Corporation
  • The Beast (Henry McCoy)
  • Narratively convenient Spider Sense
  • Hobgoblin (Jason Macendale Jr.)
  • Goblin gliders
  • Picket signs (*air horn sound*)
  • Finger blasters (heh)
  • Laser cages
  • Arcade’s superpower flowcharts
  • Mutants: newspaper versus comic continuity
  • Coming home to the 90s
  • Lisa’s favorite X-Man
  • Beast’s versatile character design
  • Spider-to-X ratios
  • Dark, tortured heroes
  • Herbert Landon’s selective memory
  • Confirmation bias
  • Anti-mutant cancer goo
  • Ironic reversals
  • Wolverine, the most marketable mutant
  • Evil British accents
  • The most adaptable Spider-Man / X-Men crossovers
  • The X-Men and the newspaper funnies

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor mourns and moves on.

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257 – The Adventures of Rachel Summers in the 37th Century

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Rachel Summers’ continuity somehow becomes even more complicated; X-Men: Phoenix is pretty much a Star Wars (minus the stars); cultural appropriation remains a problem in the distant future; we are surprisingly into the origins of the Askani; and you should totally come see us at FlameCon!

X-PLAINED:

  • Several Rachels Summers who may or may not actually be the same Rachel Summers
  • Time, somewhat
  • Gaunt
  • Jay & Miles at FlameCon 2019
  • X-Men: Phoenix #1-3
  • Bird stuff
  • What happened after Rachel got sucked into the timestream
  • High Councilor Diamanda Nero
  • An extremely poor choice of ornamentation
  • Luminesca
  • Ch’vayre
  • The origins of Blaquesmith
  • A questionable alias
  • Diogenes Chang
  • The Order of Witnesses
  • A rad team
  • Malachai Hark
  • Qua
  • Lexii
  • Ozana
  • The word “Askani”
  • The Hellhole
  • A resurrection
  • Penguins of Apocalypse
  • Sanctity (Tonya Trask)
  • A butt-on
  • The Phoenix Force and its hosts
  • Characters we’d like to see imported into comics from other X-media

NEXT WEEK: Jay & Miles take a week off.

NEXT EPISODE: Adventures in the funnypages!

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COME SEE US AT FLAMECON!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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256 – Mullets of Time and Space

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which you raised a lot of money for Trans Lifeline; we continue to miss Alan Davis; Rory Campbell should not be narrating a climactic event; Daytripper needs to dial up her eldritch patter; the universe is dubiously self-correcting; Britannic is not nearly weird enough; and we have ongoing concerns about the anatomy of incarnate concepts.

X-PLAINED:

  • The X-Men of Earth-77995
  • Excalibur #75-77
  • Daytripper
  • A somewhat pointless sacrifice
  • Rough times in the timestream
  • Britannic
  • X-theology
  • D’Spayre’s butt
  • The rest of D’Spayre
  • Margali Szardos
  • The blood-brain barrier
  • Acrobatic flirtation
  • The Winding Way
  • Stark emptiness
  • A shocking possible resurrection
  • Major X
  • Essential characters

NEXT EPISODE: The Adventures of Rachel Summers in the 37th Century!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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255 – Rules of the Game

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the Upstarts are the worst at Calvinball; Moonstar remains a non-mystery; Speedball gets a new costume; Shinobi Shaw never gets to finish a bath; Gamesmaster comes perilously close to getting context; Cable gets a new superpower; and Rahne Sinclair is too good for your crossover.

X-PLAINED:

  • The time Husk went evil
  • An anniversary
  • A guest appearance
  • X-Force #32-33
  • New Warriors #45-46
  • A crossover
  • A game
  • Younghunt
  • The semi-debut of Paige Guthrie
  • Deeply uncomfortable bathing-suit choices
  • A toy that never actually existed
  • The New Warriors
  • Justice (Vance Astrovik)
  • Night Thrasher (Dwayne Taylor)
  • Nova (Rich Rider)
  • Silhouette (Sil Chord)
  • Kymaera
  • Speedball (Robbie Baldwin)
  • Rage (Elvin Haliday)
  • Firestar (Angelica Jones) (more) (again)
  • A plan
  • Bantam
  • A lot of mind control
  • A very ambiguous game and its potential implications
  • Favorite ads
  • The narrative economy of resurrection

NEXT EPISODE: Mullets of time & space!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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254 – Carry Each Other

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Nicole Miller is fashion designer to Earth-1218 and Earth-616, Jay rejects the word “bestest”, we kind of want to just read every word of X-Men #30 aloud, One is a perfect wedding song for Scott and Jean, and you save the last dance for who brought you.

X-PLAINED:

  • The perils of animated weddings
  • X-Men: The Wedding Album
  • Nonstandard trim sizes
  • Misattributed Oscar Wilde quotes
  • Shatterstar’s favorite Olympic event
  • Jean Grey’s short-lived modeling career
  • Computo, Commander of the Robot Hive
  • A most excellent wedding dress
  • Cursive fonts in comics
  • Jean Grey and Jubilation Lee, ambiguously excellent chosen family
  • X-Men #30
  • An event decades in the making
  • Wolverine, Master of Penmanship
  • Charles Xavier, reader stand-in
  • The largely forgotten Madelyne Pryor
  • The understandably tentative Rachel Summers
  • The bow-tie scene
  • A phenomenal two-page spread
  • A set of perfect vows
  • A bittersweet song for a bittersweet couple
  • Victor Creed, vengeful kitty-cat
  • Rogue and Gambit, best worst wedding guests
  • Video albums vs. Instagram
  • Beast and Banshee, jazz combo
  • Scott and Jean as a couple vs. individuals
  • The necessity of Scott and Jean’s relationship context

NEXT EPISODE: Goodbye, Phoenix. Hello, Britanic.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!