Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

270 – X-Ray Goggles and Mail-Order Lizards (feat. Steve Stokes)

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we hear from two generations of Stokeses for the price of one, buying comics for your son is a great way to rationalize reading them yourself, you should probably be reading The Immortal Hulk, and a 30-year comics hiatus ain’t stopping Steve.

X-PLAINED:

  • A well-loved copy of Fantastic Four #1
  • Marvel vs. DC in the Silver Age
  • Requirements for an acceptable Doctor Doom
  • The perils of competitive newsstand shopping
  • Comics conventions: the days before Hall H
  • The Long Game
  • Bill Sienkiewicz: best of the best
  • The Worst Comic Book Guy
  • What makes the X-books special
  • The experimental storytelling of New Mutants
  • The Original Five
  • The Long Box (and the Easter basket)
  • Contagious enthusiasm
  • Returning to the Marvel Universe as a lapsed reader
  • Art styles over the years
  • Tragic tales of mail-order chameleons
  • The joys of the mainstreaming of nerddom
  • Superhero movies as message pill pockets
  • Fin Fang Foom
  • HoX/PoX freakouts as father/son bonding
  • Acid in vampires’ faces and other childhood traumas

NEXT EPISODE: The Phalanx Covenant (finally) begins!


Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

269 – NYCC 2019 Sofa Special: Double Dactyl, feat. Seanan McGuire

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Seanan and Jay break down their favorite X-Villains; technically everyone is always cosplaying Mystique; Magneto remains the gold standard; and we have some concerns about Eye Boy.

X-PLAINED:

  • Candy Corn, and our official stance thereon
  • Halloween candy economy
  • Which X-Character to dress as for your office Halloween party
  • X-Villains
  • What makes Magneto tick
  • Magneto as a Holocaust survivor
  • What makes a villain redeemable
  • Face turns
  • The last DDR machine in New York, and denizens thereof
  • An X-Villain musical
  • Mystique
  • How to make Daken work
  • Avengers as antagonists
  • Sinister’s goals
  • Bringing back Cameron Hodge
  • Meggan vs. Brexit
  • Heel turns

NEXT EPISODE: Stokes + Stokes!


Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

268 – Disquettes

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Excalibur addresses a number of dangling plot threads, Britanic finally gets (somewhat) interesting, Kitty really wants Douglock to be Doug, Professor Xavier and Moira MacTaggert are the best exes, and the future has peculiar priorities.

X-PLAINED:

  • The life and death of Jamie Braddock
  • Excalibur #81
  • Douglock (more) (again)
  • Inker ambiguity
  • Britanic and Meggan’s Christmas costumes
  • The Excalibur Lighthouse’s sudden and inexplicable resurrection
  • Mo’ time travel, mo’ problems
  • 20,097 rocks on a shoreline
  • Douglock: overly literal, dryly funny, or just plain thirsty?
  • The Emotional Beat of Damocles
  • The problems with crunch time
  • Princess Diana: Excalibur vs. X-Statix
  • Language and time
  • Excalibur Annual #2
  • Appropriately bombastic narration
  • Fashions of the future
  • Psychic psychotherapy
  • Sibling rivalry
  • Mr. Poo
  • Braddock moppets
  • Oversimplification vs. ambiguity
  • Spooling chambers (more)
  • Excalibur as an X-leftovers book
  • Air travel: leg-room vs. sorcerous doom
  • Hannibal King: vampire detective and/or penciler
  • Shadowcat and the pain of hope
  • A Doug’s-eye view of New Mutants
  • Emma Frost and aging
  • Dazzler and roller derby

NEXT EPISODE: Jay and Seanan McGuire talk villains!


Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

267 – The Saddest Joyride

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Emma Frost is a better Iceman than Bobby Drake; Generation X is aggressively foreshadowed; Malcolm and Randall are the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to Bishop’s Hamlet; and we launch a campaign for our own Multiversal designation.

X-PLAINED:

  • The first time the X-Men met Emma Frost
  • Uncanny X-Men 314-315
  • X-Men Annual #18
  • A game show nobody should ever under any circumstances actually make
  • Emma Frost’s recruitment tactics
  • Previously unexplored ice powers
  • The direct prelude to Generation X
  • Caliban (more) (again)
  • SoftPaws(TM)
  • The giant squids of New York
  • The neophyte
  • A trial, kind of
  • X-Men power fantasies
  • Earth-X-Plain

NEXT EPISODE: We’re so close to nearly reaching what’s almost the Phalanx Covenant!


Game show music by MusicManiac301; used with permission.


Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

266 – They’re Good Dogs, Miles

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Havok goes surfing; Malice eats a poodle; Strong Guy’s ex is a big jerk; Sinister’s gotta Sinister; and Miles learns about a meme.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Puppet Master
  • X-Factor #103-105
  • Comparative Summers brooding
  • Perks of being a mutant geologist and/or geophysicist
  • Malice and Polaris’s complicated history
  • A somewhat convoluted plan
  • Several reasons to go to Rhinebeck, NY
  • Friendship
  • The extended Carosella family
  • Candy stripers
  • Mary, who is a big jerk
  • A Sinister entrance
  • The Nasty Boys (more) (again)
  • Karate pants
  • 14-year-old Chris Gethard’s feelings about Jamie Madrox
  • Ionic vampirism
  • Misguided vengeance
  • Pushing back against whitewashing in comics

NEXT EPISODE: Emma Frost takes a joyride


Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

265 – Rude Awakenings

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Glen Danzig was the most popular Wolverine fancast for a weirdly long time; breasts have physical mass; the Shi’ar empire is not your friend; Deathbird should not be left in charge of anything alive; Jubilee learns about privilege; Sinister is not subtle; plasma is the new magnetism; Scott and Jean return from the future; and Nick Fury probably sews his name into the waistband of all his underpants.

X-PLAINED:

  • Some guy from Earth-1610
  • X-Men: Unlimited #5
  • X-Men #34-35
  • Shi’ar sexting
  • A rude awakening (literal)
  • Rococo Stryfe
  • Some uncomfortable fashion choices
  • X-pajamas
  • Definitely nude Charles Xavier
  • Breasts
  • Shi’ar imperial bullshit
  • A very impressive headdress
  • Reality TV… in space!
  • A rude awakening (metaphorical)
  • Shi’ar childhood
  • Negotiation
  • A total dick move
  • Another total dick move
  • Beast’s brief tenure as field leader of the X-Men
  • The return of Threnody
  • The titles of several sex tapes
  • High-tech spelunking
  • Sinister’s secret DNA library
  • Controversial outfits
  • Nick Fury’s stuff
  • Sunset Grace
  • The racism inherent to Evan Sabahnur’s background
  • A question we’ve answered before and will probably answer again

NEXT EPISODE: Malice!


Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

264 – Autotune the Phalanx

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we celebrate our 100th episode with producer Matt Hunter; you should always be kind to robots; Stryfe has a lot of very petty contingency plans; Britanic is bad at helping; we explore a peculiar pairing of book and arc; Charles Xavier has his moments; and Zero and Douglock defiy destiny.

X-PLAINED:

  • The current occupant of Fantomex’s body
  • Excalibur #78-80
  • The Douglock “chronicles”
  • Zero
  • Douglock
  • Several feelings
  • Britanic (again)
  • Camping fonts
  • Drones
  • Radio Shack
  • Helping
  • Pentagon-sense
  • What being human is all about
  • Charles Xavier, hero of the beach
  • Rory Campbell’s voice
  • Technoorganic vs. transmode viruses
  • Kymera

NEXT EPISODE: Star-crossed in space!


Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

263 – The Oldest Teens of Them All

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Cable and Domino may or may not be very old teenagers; disguises are not Dani Moonstar’s strong suit; Empath remains awful; Shatterstar probably talks exactly like a telenovela; X-Force needs an office manager; Mothra is larger than most things; and if you get to choose between being an External or a Guthrie, always be a Guthrie.

X-PLAINED:

  • Bastion, to some extent
  • X-Force #34-37
  • Optical disambiguation
  • Moonstar
  • Face tentacle semantics
  • Sandwiches (again)
  • The Richter family
  • An entirely avoidable fight
  • Some time-travel bullshit
  • Hannigan Electronics
  • An insecurity system
  • Nimrods
  • Things neural networks would probably do instead of murdering you
  • Defining traits of the Externals
  • Adoption, X-Factor style
  • Wolverine: The Long Night

NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!


Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

262 – Science Fiction Double Feature

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the Phalanx would make pretty fun novelty candy; “B-Plot” implies that we only have 26; nobody will take Jubilee to the movies; Repo Man and Repo: The Genetic Opera are in fact two entirely different films; Storm is a fashion icon; Sabretooth is the monster in the basement; it’s really rough to be the kid on the X-Men; Yuko gives Gambit a shovel talk; and a number of familiar faces return to the page.

X-PLAINED:

  • One of the many problems with Sentinels
  • Uncanny X-Men #311-313
  • Whether the Phalanx is squishy
  • Robo-Candy
  • Plotline disambiguation
  • A cult classic
  • Carl the X-Cutioner (again)
  • Creative use of Bishop’s powers
  • Storm fashion
  • Technical difficulties
  • A decision Iceman will come to regret
  • Bishop vs. Sabretooth
  • What If Vol. 2 #87
  • Variations on Iceman’s appearance
  • Early seeds of Generation X
  • A night out with Yukio
  • A heavily euphemized relationship
  • Xavier’s mutant underground
  • The Phalanx
  • A shovel talk
  • The return of Steven Lang (and some other people)
  • How Cyclops cries
  • Cassandra Nova’s signature look

NEXT EPISODE: Additional and Varyingly Literal Blasts from the Past


NOTE: Per our expert source Doctor Internet, what Miles knows as “water weenies” are mostly sold as “water wigglers” or “water snakes.”


Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

261 – Out of the Subtext, Live from FlameCon with Vita Ayala!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we return to our favorite convention; writer Vita Ayala remains an absolute legend; everything was always already queer; and nobody should ever have to wait 37 years for a kiss.

NEXT EPISODE: Rise of the Phalanx!


Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!