Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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As Mentioned in Episode 382 – Seven Swords

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
TECHNOLOGY! Large men putting screwdrivers into things, turning them, and adjusting them! (Excalibur #107)
Nobody trusts Spiral. (Excalibur #107)
Meet the Dragons of the Crimson Dawn! (Excalibur #107)
Do you ship it? We kinda ship it. (Excalibur #108)
The part of Marvel Editorial will be played by Daytripper in this sequence. (Excalibur #108)
Built your own atom storage box! (Excalibur #109)
That’s a lot of swords! (Excalibur #109)
Xiandu X-Plains the Dragons of the Crimson Dawn. (Excalibur #110)
I don’t know what makes this panel so funny, but it really is. (Excalibur #110)
NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk
NEXT EPISODE: More Crimson Dawn

LINKS & FURTHER BACKSTORY

 

As Mentioned in Episode 381 – If We Told You, We’d Have to Kill You

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
If Alex Summers had more issues, he’d be a comics shop. (X-Factor #131)
I guess he swallowed the thumb, which makes its lack of repeat appearance less surprising. (X-Factor #131)
The world’s slowest plasma blast. (X-Factor #131)
The real reason for Jamie Madrox’s heel turn. (X-Factor #132)
“And if you don’t like our terms, there’s also a free AOL install!” (X-Factor #132)
Agent Bowser. (X-Factor #133)
The Many Deaths of X-Factor: Sabretooth. (X-Factor #133)
The Many Deaths of X-Factor: Wild Child. (X-Factor #133)
The Many Deaths of X-Factor: Polaris and Shard. (X-Factor #133)
The Many Deaths of X-Factor: Mystique. (X-Factor #133)
The Many Deaths of X-Factor: Forge. (X-Factor #133)
NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur vs. Crimson Dawn!

 

As Mentioned in Episode 380 – Arbor Day

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Autumnal. (Generation X #23)
I miss the Blue Ridge Mountains. (Generation X #23)
Banshee’s powers may not make any more sense in these panels, but damn if they don’t look cool. (Generation X #23)
Howard, you should know better than to appear in any comic ever. (Generation X #23)
“Clearly! I mean, you’re not a dog, or purple, or… oh.” (Generation X #23)
Just a regular ol’ sleepover. (Generation X #24)
Characterization by way of wardrobe. (Generation X #24)
Young Jubilee and her ol’ Gem Fusion pal. (Generation X #24)
Yep, that seems 100% accurate. (Generation X #24)
Emplate, gothiest crowd-surfer ever (Generation X #24)
Ironically, the turtle itself was telepathic. (Generation X #24)
The readers see the pictures but the girls just hear the words. Emma is a master of selective detail. (Generation X #24)
“No I did not realize! You looked much less evil before this morning! And also less awesome, if I’m being honest!” (Generation X #25)
Black Tom Cassidy, Mark I. (Generation X #25)
Man, kudzu really is invasive. (Generation X #25)
The death of the-Mondo-we-knew. (Generation X #25)
Black Tom Cassidy, Mark II. (Generation X #25)
Gaaahhhhh those creepy finger-needles in Emma’s head (Generation X #25)
Black Tom Cassidy, Mark III. (Generation X #25)
Like a samurai movie! (Generation X #25)
Could be worse, kids – Howard and the moppets ended up someplace way weirder. (Generation X #25)
NEXT TIME: X-Factor quits.

As Mentioned in Episode 379 – Stardate: Today

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
FAO Schwarz, allegedly. (Uncanny X-Men #341)
Gladiator is not great at diplomacy. (Uncanny X-Men #341)
I AM SO WORRIED ABOUT THIS POOR MAN AND HIS HORSE (Uncanny X-Men #341)
New Outfits: Trish (Uncanny X-Men #342)
New Outfits: Bishop and Rogue (Uncanny X-Men #342)
New Outfits: Gambit, Joseph, and Beast (Uncanny X-Men #342)
Well, that’s a new look for the Phalanx. (Uncanny X-Men #343)
One for your reaction files. (Uncanny X-Men #343)
Word balloons on the cover are an underrated gimmick. (Uncanny X-Men #344)
Where babies come from! (Uncanny X-Men #344)
NEXT EPISODE: Generation X vs. Black Tom Cassidy!

As Mentioned in Episode 378 – The Unstoppable Huggernaut

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That is a lot of Cain Marko. (Juggernaut #1)
WE’VE GOT SMEK SIGN! WE’VE GOT SMEK SIGN! (Juggernaut #1)
I do not want to be in Juggernaut’s fraternity, please. (Juggernaut #1)
I honestly do not know whether D’Spayre or his chompy demons look cooler. (Juggernaut #1)
They’ve been busy. (Juggernaut #1)
Presenting Black Tom Cassidy’s forked beard and his forked… boots? (Juggernaut #1)
Same outfit as last time, but Spite looks rad as hell in this story. (Juggernaut #1)
Aww shit D’Spayre looks even cooler here (Juggernaut #1)
Even Juggernaut’s skeleton is beefy. (Juggernaut #1)
Jay disapproves of this butt. (Generation X Annual 1997)
“You can’t be Catseye! Your hair is wrong and you’re not talking like Yoda! Aaaaaaand also you’re dead!” (Generation X Annual 1997)
“Thanks for saying my logo right, Jubes.” (Generation X Annual 1997)
Aww, kids. (Generation X Annual 1997)
March 2020 – present (Generation X Annual 1997)
Nothing brings out backstory like a Fear Lord! (Generation X Annual 1997)
Did the power pairings of the current New Mutants run get their start here? Prrrrrobably not. (Generation X Annual 1997)
That’s one biiiiig leprechaun in that executioner’s hood. (Generation X Annual 1997)
When Chamber’s mutant powers first manifested, they destroyed not only his lower jaw and upper chest, but also his swole-ness. (Generation X Annual 1997)
NEXT TIME: Space fashion!

As Mentioned in Episode 377 – Sam Hill

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Milo is better at dominoes than Miles. (Domino #1)
Oh ay oh ay indeed! (Domino #1)
“Miss you? Dude, I barely remember who you are!” (Domino #1)
“And my boots are still full of ninja stars!” (Domino #1)
Is that… a Nike beret? Puck makes it work, though. (Domino #1)
Solid Snake she ain’t. (Domino #1)
Ah, the classic narrative conflict of (wo)man versus man(droid). (Domino #1)
Not exactly the red carpet Domino was hoping for. (Domino #1)
Domino gets strangled, part one. (Domino #2)
…did that explosion just say “Kablooey”? (Domino #2)
Man, that flashback must have been a long time ago. Look how much more hair she has! (Domino #2)
Between this place and the Witness’s cell in Bishop’s future… Are prisons just extra sexy in the Marvel Universe? (Domino #2)
“Ah, we do have fun.” (Domino #2)
Jay disapproves of robot tits. (Domino #2)
Domino gets strangled, part two. (Domino #2)
Domino gets strangled, part three. (Domino #3)
Pay no attention to the mysterious silhouette behind the curtain. (Domino #3)
Somehow, Milo Thurman’s studies of history never included learning just how very common faking one’s own death tends to be in X-books. (Domino #3)
I feel like Domino’s powers have a sense of humor. (Domino #3)
Domino may be an member of X-Force, but she learned how to enter rooms from X-Factor. (Domino #3)
I… but… what? (Domino #3)
Oof. (Domino #3)
PUCK WHY WOULD YOU DRESS LIKE THAT (Domino #3)
NEXT TIME: D’Spayre.

As Mentioned in Episode 376 – Moore of This

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
You’ve come a long way from tick-tick-boom, Tabitha. (X-Force #63)
Dammit, X-Force! You were already living in the same house as the X-Men, and now you have their color scheme too? (X-Force #63)
When continuity is character. (X-Force #63)
Oh, great, it’s that dream again. (X-Force #63)
Yep, Lila Cheney is just that good. (X-Force #63)
“Alright, Agents! Just like we practiced: POSE!” (X-Force #63)
Ah, come on, Bobby – you’ve been to space and multiple other dimensions. Get over yourself. (X-Force #64)
Meanwhile in Spookytown (X-Force #64)
GAVEEDRA BENJAMIN SEVEN YOU PUT THOSE SWORDS DOWN RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR (X-Force #64)
But… but ambush is the exact thing you just did! (X-Force #64)
We immediately love John Francis Moore’s Meltdown. (X-Force #64)
We’ve missed you, Julio. (X-Force #64)
Michael McCain, AKA Forearm, AKA a guy in a shirt best described as “normal”. (Cable & X-Force Annual 1997)
You put that down! Bad dog! Drop it! DROP IT! (Cable & X-Force Annual 1997)
Meltdown auditions for Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men. (Cable & X-Force Annual 1997)
Like the Rainbow Bridge but somehow more cosmic! Or at least differently cosmic. (Cable & X-Force Annual 1997)
Presenting Malekith the Accursed. (Cable & X-Force Annual 1997)
Is Caliban huge or is Shatterstar tiny? The world will never know! (Cable & X-Force Annual 1997)
Our high school English teacher always told us we needed to learn the rules of writing so we could more effectively break them. This page does that with its panel borders. (Cable & X-Force Annual 1997)
Mutants and dwarves and giants, oh my! (Cable & X-Force Annual 1997)
Hela: goddess of death and high fashion. (Cable & X-Force Annual 1997)
NEXT TIME: Do not mess with Domino.

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

As Mentioned in Episode 375 – One Thousand Kicks to the Face

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So many textures! (X-Men #60)
Ororo, you’re a good enough thief that you could probably afford clothes without holes in them… or is that a style thing? (X-Men #60)
I mean, this is definitely implying that Storm ran around the bronze age with Candra’s Heart as a fashion accessory, right? (X-Men #60)
“Dammit Ororo, did you learn nothing from my brother?!” (X-Men #60)
Candra as shibari lobster once more, now with ear-mandibles! (X-Men #60)
Remember that one Punisher movie where Frank set a bunch of cars on fire in the shape of a big skull? That was kinda cool. (X-Men #60)
Tiny mustache or shadow – you be the judge! (X-Men #60)
I know the Shadow King is supposed to be dead at this point, but that has to be him! Look at the speech bubble borders! (X-Men #60)
Suddenly, ninjas. (X-Men #61)
Ooh, nice visual flow. (X-Men #61)
“As opposed to that time I had kidney stones, which was only about three hundred kicks to the face!” (X-Men #61)
Logan is tasting the air like a snake! (X-Men #61)
Storm gets Candra’s hopes up… (X-Men #61)
…before Cyclops ZARKs them upon the rocks. That’s cold, guys. (X-Men #61)
Is it, though? (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Matching nightshirts! (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Whoa. Nicely done, Jim Cheung. (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Idyllic! (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Never change, Artie. (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Ever see Children of the Corn, Joe? (X-Men Unlimited #14)
I wish everyone had a dad this supportive. (X-Men Unlimited #14)
No moppet should moppet alone! (X-Men Unlimited #14)
NEXT TIME: Back to Asgard!

 

As Mentioned in Episode 373 – Tainted Loins

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Looks like your dad’s pain is a little worse than yours, Bobby. (Uncanny X-Men #340)
Now that is 1996 Sam Guthrie. Finally. (Uncanny X-Men #340)
Graydon Creed according to Joe Madureira… and Victor Creed as a glass of whiskey. (Uncanny X-Men #340)
If the command van’s a-knockin’… (Uncanny X-Men #340)
Joe Madureira’s mostly known for his action scenes, but he’s pretty great with quiet conversations too. (Uncanny X-Men #340)
Your government dresses you funny, Madrox. (X-Factor #128)
That’s so Raven. (X-Factor #128)
Graydon Creed according to Jeff Matsuda… and Harper, who is well aware of the need for discretion. (X-Factor #128)
Mystique transforms, version 1. (X-Factor #128)
Sabretooth and less-interesting-Sabretooth. (X-Factor #128)
Val Cooper just got back from the most dangerous sleepover ever. (X-Factor #129)
I love it when powers cross panel borders. (X-Factor #129)
Mystique transforms, version 2. (X-Factor #129)
Having grown up in the 90s, I can assure you this is quite an accomplishment. (X-Factor #129)
Well I’m impressed. (X-Factor #129)
Ah, that explains it. (X-Factor #129)
Scrawling SOON across your son’s campaign poster is the first step in saving his life. (X-Factor #129)
Blowing a hole in your son’s campaign poster is the second step in saving his life. (X-Factor #130)
Blowing additional holes in your son’s campaign poster is the third step in saving his life. (X-Factor #130)
Mystique transforms, version 3. (X-Factor #130)
Graydon Creed according to Eric Battle… and Val Cooper has changed out of her sleepwear. (X-Factor #130)
I’m just writing a visual companion, and I kinda want to yell “GUARDS”. (X-Factor #130)
This should’ve been two-thirds of the issue instead of two pages. (X-Factor #130)
Snazzy! (X-Factor #130)
Raven, just interrupt! You’re allowed! (X-Factor #130)
And with that..! (X-Factor #130)
NEXT EPISODE: Hawk Talk! IN TWO WEEKS: Frank Punisher meets Carl the X-Cutioner.

FURTHER READING

  • Miles talked about how to follow Krakoa’s year two X-books into year three:
    • Bridge miniseries:
      • Planet-Size X-Men 1-shot
      • Inferno
      • X Lives of Wolverine
      • X Deaths of Wolverine
    • Year two books that don’t continue into year three:
      • Cable (got a wrap-up 1-shot called Cable Reloaded)
      • Children of the Atom
      • Hellions
      • X-Corp
      • X-Factor
    • Books that have kept their year two numbering:
      • New Mutants
      • Wolverine
      • X-Force
      • X-Men Unlimited (on Marvel Unlimited)
    • Books that relaunched with a new #1 and new creators:
      • Marauders
      • X-Men
    • Books that relaunched with a new title:
      • Excalibur -> Knights of X
      • SWORD -> X-Men: Red
      • Way of X -> X-Men: the Onslaught Revelation -> Legion of X
    • One book is brand new:
      • Immortal X-Men
    • Also, don’t miss the Secret X-Men 1-shot toward the end of year two!

As Mentioned in Episode 372 – Monty Python’s Life of Magnus

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Steven Tyler vs Mick Jagger? (Magneto #1)
Home security has come a long way since 1996. (Magneto #1)
Sometimes the art crosses the line from iffy to weirdly awesome. (Magneto #1)
The sparkles are a nice touch, Fabian. (Magneto #1)
He’s the messiah! (Magneto #1)
Where… where’d your hair go, man? (Magneto #1)
“Behold my logo font!” (Magneto #2)
Fabian, what did that bird ever do to you?! (Magneto #2)
Meanwhile, in the space-opera version of this story… (Magneto #2)
Kelley Jones really nails the moments of Joseph’s Magneto-facade slipping. (Magneto #2)
PLOP (Magneto #2)
I mean, those birds have ample reason to have misgivings themselves. Fabian Cortez could be anywhere! (Magneto #2)
This was pre-Lyft, see. (Magneto #2)
…magnetism..? (Magneto #3)
So say we all. (Magneto #3)
If Fabian Cortez had a mustache, he’d be twirling it right now. (Magneto #3)
AAAAAAAHHHHHHH (Magneto #3)
Only the real Magneto could maniacally cackle at an angle that dramatic! (Magneto #4)
Because it’s about time someone did. (Magneto #4)
Broadcast Standards & Practices salutes you, Joseph. (Magneto #4)
“…for twenty-three days or so…” (Magneto #4)
NEXT TIME: Mystique vs. politicians-being-alive, round 2. Sorta.