Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Category: Blog Posts

As Mentioned in Episode 416 – The Screaming Room

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Okay, but it’s pretty fucking creepy as a toy, too. (Excalibur #118)
Aaaaand there he goes. (Excalibur #118)
Meanwhile in AWESOME. (Excalibur #118)
Oh, THAT guy. (Excalibur #118)
Nightcrawler’s nightmare. (Excalibur #119)
Colossus’s nightmare. (Excalibur #119)
Shadowcat’s nightmare. (Excalibur #119)
Douglock’s nightmare. (Excalibur #119)
Meggan’s nightmare, featuring a whole lot of great cameos! (Excalibur #119)
I’m not a smoker, but I wanna learn to blow smoke rings like that. (Excalibur #119)
Ouch. (Excalibur #120)
NEXT EPISODE: Why, indeed.

As Mentioned in Episode 415 – Stardust

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This is a cruel hoax. Mister Sinister appears nowhere in this miniseries. (Gambit vol. 2 #1)
Meet Olivier Stoker and his somewhat peculiar aesthetic. (Gambit vol. 2 #1)
Those playing-card captions. (Gambit vol. 2 #1)
WHAT THE HELL IS IN THE BOX, THOUGH?!?!!? (Gambit vol. 2 #1)
She must be an angel: surely no mere mortal’s hair would censor their swimsuit areas with such precision. (Gambit vol. 2 #1)
WHY IS THERE A TENTACLE (Gambit vol. 2 #2)
Spooning with Sister Katrina. (Gambit vol. 2 #2)
Meet Sybil! (Gambit vol. 2 #2)
“LITERALEEEEEEEEEEEEE” (Gambit vol. 2 #2)
Stoker and his little friends. (Gambit vol. 2 #2)
Surfin’ Pew S A. (Gambit vol. 2 #3)
Maybe next time try speed dating. (Gambit vol. 2 #3)
She’s fun at parties. (Gambit vol. 2 #3)
Anielle unleashed. (Gambit vol. 2 #4)
Aw, Katrina, no. (Gambit vol. 2 #4)
And they all lived happily ever after? (Gambit vol. 2 #4)
NEXT EPISODE: This fuckin’ thing.

 

As Mentioned in Episode 414 – Blackwater Boy Band

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Man, borzoi are so weird.
I mean, look at these alien-ass dogs.
Who are they, really?
What do they want from us?
This one looks like a greyhound jumping out of a splash of water, only all the parts are dog.
I wonder if they know what we’re thinking.
Probably, right?
Seriously, though, LOOK AT THEM.
NEXT EPISODE: Gambit gets another miniseries!

As Mentioned in Episode 413 – Convergence

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We’re still not sure about the word for a gatefold-and-a-half, but here’s a good one. (X-Force #75)
Welcome to Exploding Colossal Man! (X-Force #75)
Karma and her girlfriends. (X-Force #75)
I’d like to think she spends her time being an asshole at New Age bookstores, too. (X-Force #75)
Wandering down memory lane with Mirage and Warpath. (X-Force #75)
OOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhh (X-Force #75)
This is really about as far as that ever gets X-Plained. (X-Force #75)
I really dig the weirdness of the art of the Colossal Man. (X-Force #75)
If you know, you know. (New Mutants vol. 4 #30)
This gimmick has been used a lot over the years… (X-Force #76)
…but it plays nicely here. (X-Force #76)
Noooooooooooooo! (X-Force #76)
A very fun fight (at least for the reader). (X-Force #76)
Two great tastes that go great together! (X-Force #76)
NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor spirals towards its inexorable lack of conclusion.

As Mentioned in Episode 412 – Yappin’ and Scrappin’

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And then Cyclops left for Alaska again. (X-Men #71)
Dark Phoenix athleisure! (X-Men #71)
As Piglet and Tigger slowly back away… (X-Men #71)
The past didn’t go anywhere. (X-Men #71)
Between Kelly and Pacheco, that is a hell of a compelling conversation. (X-Men #71)
So, how was the trip to Counter-Earth? What was your favorite part? Didja bring us anything? (X-Men #71)
Battle of the gross bone-spikes (X-Men #72)
Marrow’s online handle is xXBloodReaper69Xx (X-Men #72)
Not a good look, Ororo. (X-Men #72)
Fun fact: every case study in Miles’s college neuropsychology text book was about a brain injury from a motorcycle accident! (Uncanny X-Men #351)
“It’s a hypnotic pterodactyl wearing jorts in a metal box, obviously!!! (Uncanny X-Men #351)
To be fair, they don’t look very nice. (Uncanny X-Men #351)
And yet, Pyro’s insurance company still would have encouraged him to go to Urgent Care instead. (Uncanny X-Men #351)
Where’s Waldo? (Uncanny X-Men #351)
Cecilia has no time for Daredevil’s bullshit… and Daredevil has a lot of bullshit. (Uncanny X-Men #351)
Jay and Miles after recording an episode. (Uncanny X-Men #351)
Oh no (Uncanny X-Men #352)
“Honey, I think the new neighbors may be… weird.” (Uncanny X-Men #352)
“…ya dick.” (Uncanny X-Men #352)
ZIELL ZIELL (Uncanny X-Men #352)
Does “evil custodians” belong in r/rareinsults or r/brandnewsentence? (Uncanny X-Men #352)
Then panel below this shows Miles’s face melting into that time he accidentally deleted his Final Fantasy VI save right after unlocking the Paladin Shield. (Uncanny X-Men #352)
See you in the desert, Sam! (Uncanny X-Men #352)
Jean Grey, action hero! (Uncanny X-Men #352)
It… it’ll be fine. Yeah, fine. Probably. (Uncanny X-Men #352)
NEXT TIME: X-Force goes to Burning Man!

Links & Further Reading

As Mentioned in Episode 411 – Tearaway Pants

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When you meet a straight couple, you should ask them which is the Nic Cage and which is the John Travolta. (X-Men Unlimited #17)
Fuckssake, Warren. (X-Men Unlimited #17)
Severe costume injuries. (X-Men Unlimited #17)
Logan’s skiing / beat poetry outfit. (X-Men Unlimited #17)
After thirty years, Warren finally gets a gun, I guess. (X-Men Unlimited #17)
SERIOUSLY, HOW DO THEY RECOGNIZE IT?! (X-Men Unlimited #17)
Much like Gambit, I hallucinate a team of X-Men insulting me at all times. (X-Men Unlimited #18)
Hydro-Man. He sure is. (X-Men Unlimited #18)
Jean Grey advocates for change. (X-Men Unlimited #18)
Aw. (X-Men Unlimited #18)
See, they body-swapped because of carpet static and… y’know what? Just watch Gravity Falls. You won’t regret it.
NEXT EPISODE: Back to the core!

As Mentioned in Episode 410 – Jubilee, Don’t Eat That

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A boojum, which is later referred to repeatedly as a snark but is clearly not one for reasons expounded in this episode. (Generation X #37)
Gaia the Super Chill. (Generation X #37)
SURE WHY NOT (Generation X #37)
A somewhat unlikely timetable. (Generation X #37)
SURE WHY NOT (Generation X #37)
SURE WHY NOT (Generation X #37)
I freakin’ love this cover. (Generation X #38)
Interdimensional portals are rad as heck. (Generation X #38)
(Generation X #38)
jubilee no don’t eat that why would you even (Generation X #39)
SURE WHY NOT (Generation X #39)
In a genre full of deeply oblivious goons, these two may in fact be the most oblivious. (Generation X #39)
NEXT EPISODE: The return of the Angry Clarmontean Narrator!

As Mentioned in Episode 409 – Lurid Malarkey

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In which Sean entirely fails to X-Plain Monet. (Generation X #34)
Tracy Authier, middle-school bandit. (Generation X #34)
Now I really wanna read Paige’s descriptions of these guys. (Generation X #34)
Oh, Paige. (Generation X #34)
The hell what?! (Generation X #34)
M-Plate! (Also, I’m pretty sure Penance’s word balloon is supposed to go to Synch.) (Generation X #34)
Fun with Chimera. (Generation X #35)
Everett, no. (Generation X #35)
In which things get a trifle Windsor McCay. (Generation X #35)
Jubilee’s hallucinogenic Wonderland. (Generation X #35)
More fun in Wonderland. (Generation X #35)
Meet Elwood. (Generation X #36)
Do you know who these people are? PLEASE TELL US! (Generation X #36)
This is not a great way to introduce yourself to the neighbors. (Generation X #36)
Spoiler: Chief Authier is a telepath. (Generation X #36)
NEXT EPISODE: that happens

As Mentioned in Episode 408 – Yabba Yabba Yabba

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(Bishop: X.S.E. #1)
Meet the Fanatix! (Bishop: X.S.E. #1)
In retrospect, I really should have made more Chris Durang-related jokes in this episode. (If you know, you know.) (Bishop: X.S.E. #1)
THAT’S NO BISHOP! (Bishop: X.S.E. #2)
Uncool, Bishop. Uncool. (Bishop: X.S.E. #2)
A “disguise.” (Bishop: X.S.E. #3)
Running across the panel tops. (Bishop: X.S.E. #3)
Dang uncanny children. (Bishop: X.S.E. #3)
NEXT EPISODE: Generation X gets really, really, really weird.

As Mentioned in Episode 407 – Freshening Up

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(He is not in fact here to help.) (X-Factor #138)
Heh. Omega Red, man. (X-Factor #138)
The most threatening destroyed football you’ll see today. (X-Factor #138)
THAT IS AN EXCELLENT QUESTION. (X-Factor #138)
(Spoiler: That’s Mystique.) (X-Factor #138)
A delightful cover. (X-Factor #139)
This whole sequence is so good. (X-Factor #139)
Ever is weird, and I say that with all respect and admiration! (X-Factor #139)
Dark Beast DEFINITELY has multiple candy-colored iMacs. (X-Factor #139)
Mystique: once again mother of the year. (X-Factor #139)
The preceding page literally had a Slaughterhouse Five reference, and I’m kind of annoyed about it. (X-Factor #140)
Fixx, Greystone, and Archer. (X-Factor #140)
A guy who is probably not Cable. (He’s not; he’s an alternate-future Forge.) (X-Factor #140)
Batman. (X-Factor #140)
There are actually *multiple* people huffing frogs, if you look closely. (X-Factor #141)
SERIOUSLY WHY WOULD YOU EVER TRUST THIS MAN (X-Factor #141)
THE PLOT THICKENS (X-Factor #141)
NEXT EPISODE: Bishop: X.S.E.!

LINKS & FURTHER TIME SINKS