Blog Posts – Page 6 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 414 – Blackwater Boy Band

June 18, 2023 Jay 6 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Man, borzoi are so weird.

I mean, look at these alien-ass dogs.

Who are they, really?

What do they want from us?

This one looks like a greyhound jumping out of a splash of water, only all the parts are dog.

I wonder if they know what we’re thinking.

Probably, right?

Seriously, though, LOOK AT THEM.

NEXT EPISODE: Gambit gets another miniseries!

As Mentioned in Episode 413 – Convergence

June 4, 2023 Jay One comment

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We’re still not sure about the word for a gatefold-and-a-half, but here’s a good one. (X-Force #75)

Welcome to Exploding Colossal Man! (X-Force #75)

Karma and her girlfriends. (X-Force #75)

I’d like to think she spends her time being an asshole at New Age bookstores, too. (X-Force #75)

Wandering down memory lane with Mirage and Warpath. (X-Force #75)

OOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhh (X-Force #75)

This is really about as far as that ever gets X-Plained. (X-Force #75)

I really dig the weirdness of the art of the Colossal Man. (X-Force #75)

If you know, you know. (New Mutants vol. 4 #30)

This gimmick has been used a lot over the years… (X-Force #76)

…but it plays nicely here. (X-Force #76)

Noooooooooooooo! (X-Force #76)

A very fun fight (at least for the reader). (X-Force #76)

Two great tastes that go great together! (X-Force #76)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor spirals towards its inexorable lack of conclusion.

As Mentioned in Episode 412 – Yappin’ and Scrappin’

May 28, 2023 Miles 2 comments

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And then Cyclops left for Alaska again. (X-Men #71)

Dark Phoenix athleisure! (X-Men #71)

As Piglet and Tigger slowly back away… (X-Men #71)

The past didn’t go anywhere. (X-Men #71)

Between Kelly and Pacheco, that is a hell of a compelling conversation. (X-Men #71)

So, how was the trip to Counter-Earth? What was your favorite part? Didja bring us anything? (X-Men #71)

Battle of the gross bone-spikes (X-Men #72)

Marrow’s online handle is xXBloodReaper69Xx (X-Men #72)

Not a good look, Ororo. (X-Men #72)

Fun fact: every case study in Miles’s college neuropsychology text book was about a brain injury from a motorcycle accident! (Uncanny X-Men #351)

“It’s a hypnotic pterodactyl wearing jorts in a metal box, obviously!!! (Uncanny X-Men #351)

To be fair, they don’t look very nice. (Uncanny X-Men #351)

And yet, Pyro’s insurance company still would have encouraged him to go to Urgent Care instead. (Uncanny X-Men #351)

Where’s Waldo? (Uncanny X-Men #351)

Cecilia has no time for Daredevil’s bullshit… and Daredevil has a lot of bullshit. (Uncanny X-Men #351)

Jay and Miles after recording an episode. (Uncanny X-Men #351)

Oh no (Uncanny X-Men #352)

“Honey, I think the new neighbors may be… weird.” (Uncanny X-Men #352)

“…ya dick.” (Uncanny X-Men #352)

ZIELL ZIELL (Uncanny X-Men #352)

Does “evil custodians” belong in r/rareinsults or r/brandnewsentence? (Uncanny X-Men #352)

Then panel below this shows Miles’s face melting into that time he accidentally deleted his Final Fantasy VI save right after unlocking the Paladin Shield. (Uncanny X-Men #352)

See you in the desert, Sam! (Uncanny X-Men #352)

Jean Grey, action hero! (Uncanny X-Men #352)

It… it’ll be fine. Yeah, fine. Probably. (Uncanny X-Men #352)

NEXT TIME: X-Force goes to Burning Man!

Links & Further Reading

The Cyclops Cycle: A Heroic Crown of Sonnets by Brian Mackenwells

As Mentioned in Episode 411 – Tearaway Pants

May 23, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

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When you meet a straight couple, you should ask them which is the Nic Cage and which is the John Travolta. (X-Men Unlimited #17)

Fuckssake, Warren. (X-Men Unlimited #17)

Severe costume injuries. (X-Men Unlimited #17)

Logan’s skiing / beat poetry outfit. (X-Men Unlimited #17)

After thirty years, Warren finally gets a gun, I guess. (X-Men Unlimited #17)

SERIOUSLY, HOW DO THEY RECOGNIZE IT?! (X-Men Unlimited #17)

Much like Gambit, I hallucinate a team of X-Men insulting me at all times. (X-Men Unlimited #18)

Hydro-Man. He sure is. (X-Men Unlimited #18)

Jean Grey advocates for change. (X-Men Unlimited #18)

Aw. (X-Men Unlimited #18)

See, they body-swapped because of carpet static and… y’know what? Just watch Gravity Falls. You won’t regret it.

NEXT EPISODE: Back to the core!

As Mentioned in Episode 410 – Jubilee, Don’t Eat That

May 7, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

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A boojum, which is later referred to repeatedly as a snark but is clearly not one for reasons expounded in this episode. (Generation X #37)

Gaia the Super Chill. (Generation X #37)

SURE WHY NOT (Generation X #37)

A somewhat unlikely timetable. (Generation X #37)

SURE WHY NOT (Generation X #37)

I freakin’ love this cover. (Generation X #38)

Interdimensional portals are rad as heck. (Generation X #38)

(Generation X #38)

jubilee no don’t eat that why would you even (Generation X #39)

SURE WHY NOT (Generation X #39)

In a genre full of deeply oblivious goons, these two may in fact be the most oblivious. (Generation X #39)

NEXT EPISODE: The return of the Angry Clarmontean Narrator!

As Mentioned in Episode 409 – Lurid Malarkey

May 7, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

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In which Sean entirely fails to X-Plain Monet. (Generation X #34)

Tracy Authier, middle-school bandit. (Generation X #34)

Now I really wanna read Paige’s descriptions of these guys. (Generation X #34)

Oh, Paige. (Generation X #34)

The hell what?! (Generation X #34)

M-Plate! (Also, I’m pretty sure Penance’s word balloon is supposed to go to Synch.) (Generation X #34)

Fun with Chimera. (Generation X #35)

Everett, no. (Generation X #35)

In which things get a trifle Windsor McCay. (Generation X #35)

Jubilee’s hallucinogenic Wonderland. (Generation X #35)

More fun in Wonderland. (Generation X #35)

Meet Elwood. (Generation X #36)

Do you know who these people are? PLEASE TELL US! (Generation X #36)

This is not a great way to introduce yourself to the neighbors. (Generation X #36)

Spoiler: Chief Authier is a telepath. (Generation X #36)

NEXT EPISODE: that happens

As Mentioned in Episode 408 – Yabba Yabba Yabba

April 30, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

(Bishop: X.S.E. #1)

Meet the Fanatix! (Bishop: X.S.E. #1)

In retrospect, I really should have made more Chris Durang-related jokes in this episode. (If you know, you know.) (Bishop: X.S.E. #1)

THAT’S NO BISHOP! (Bishop: X.S.E. #2)

Uncool, Bishop. Uncool. (Bishop: X.S.E. #2)

A “disguise.” (Bishop: X.S.E. #3)

Running across the panel tops. (Bishop: X.S.E. #3)

Dang uncanny children. (Bishop: X.S.E. #3)

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X gets really, really, really weird.

As Mentioned in Episode 407 – Freshening Up

April 16, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

(He is not in fact here to help.) (X-Factor #138)

Heh. Omega Red, man. (X-Factor #138)

The most threatening destroyed football you’ll see today. (X-Factor #138)

THAT IS AN EXCELLENT QUESTION. (X-Factor #138)

(Spoiler: That’s Mystique.) (X-Factor #138)

A delightful cover. (X-Factor #139)

This whole sequence is so good. (X-Factor #139)

Ever is weird, and I say that with all respect and admiration! (X-Factor #139)

Dark Beast DEFINITELY has multiple candy-colored iMacs. (X-Factor #139)

Mystique: once again mother of the year. (X-Factor #139)

The preceding page literally had a Slaughterhouse Five reference, and I’m kind of annoyed about it. (X-Factor #140)

Fixx, Greystone, and Archer. (X-Factor #140)

A guy who is probably not Cable. (He’s not; he’s an alternate-future Forge.) (X-Factor #140)

Batman. (X-Factor #140)

There are actually *multiple* people huffing frogs, if you look closely. (X-Factor #141)

SERIOUSLY WHY WOULD YOU EVER TRUST THIS MAN (X-Factor #141)

THE PLOT THICKENS (X-Factor #141)

NEXT EPISODE: Bishop: X.S.E.!

LINKS & FURTHER TIME SINKS

We covered the first X.S.E. miniseries in Episode 340 – Retconaganda.

As Mentioned in Episode 406 – The Most Dangerous Mini-Game

April 9, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

So, that’s where he got it! (Wolverine #-1)

I love this design for Sabretooth. (Wolverine #-1)

And also his car. (Wolverine #-1)

Literally nothing is okay at the Blanding/Masters house. (X-Factor #-1)

Mister Sinister lurks in the bushes. (X-Factor #-1)

They’re AT LEAST in their early 20s. (X-Factor #-1)

DAMN, Haley! (X-Factor #-1)

The most dangerous mini-game. (X-Factor #-1)

Alex Summers in a nutshell. (X-Factor #-1)

Wellp, you did that. (X-Force #-1)

I swear I thought this thing was gonna be a red herring. (X-Force #-1)

Everything cute about this issue is also really sad. (X-Force #-1)

How Thunderbird got his code name. (X-Force #-1)

Don’t worry, Tabby; soon you’ll be stealing with the best of ’em! (X-Force #-1)

The Circus of Cameos. (X-Force #-1)

In which John Produstar straight-up wrassles a tiger. (X-Force #-1)

“We also do a lot of crimes, but they’re pretty low-key as comic-book circus crimes go.” (X-Force #-1)

Ugh, this guy. (X-Force #-1)

Naked in Space: The Charles Francis Xavier Story. (X-Men #-1)

Magneto, a sensible fellow, wears clothes in the vacuum of space. (X-Men #-1)

IT NEVER STOPS BEING FUNNY (X-Men #-1)

DRAMATIC! JUXTAPOSITION! (X-Men #-1)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor hits rock-bottom, again.

LINKS & FURTHER READING

If you want to know more about the man behind the mustache, we recommend the hell out of Abraham Josephine Riesman’s True Believer: The Rise and Fall of Stan Lee.

As Mentioned in Episode 405 – Morally Purple

April 2, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

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So, that’s a thing. (Cable #-1)

Honestly, I kinda wish Cable had sported this look for longer. (Cable #-1)

THE BOW TIE (Cable #-1)

Cable’s future may be kind of dystopian, but it’s also rad as hell. (Cable #-1)

Damn, bro. (Cable #-1)

On one hand, yes, he’s very dashing. On the other hand, they are definitely foster siblings. (Excalibur #-1)

Hey, we know that guy! (Excalibur #-1)

This is Sabu. Don’t get attached. (Excalibur #-1)

Harry Leland knows how to dress to impress. (Generation X #-1)

I know it’s a byproduct of the foreshortening plus slightly murky colors, but from at least one angle, it looks like Hank has a human-skin rug. (Generation X #-1)