Blog Posts – Page 17 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 301 – Can’t Beat the Real Thing

July 19, 2020 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This is in fact an ENTIRELY REASONABLE position under the circumstances. (X-Men Prime #1)

Dennis is his own disparaging narrator. (X-Men Prime #1)

I don’t know why John Constantine is here to question Trish Tilby’s ethics, but SOMEONE needs to. (X-Men Prime #1)

Why is Val here? WHO KNOWS? (X-Men Prime #1)

Pretty sure this is supposed to be Onslaught, but it’s not going to be confirmed, so… (X-Men Prime #1)

“I repurposed all the brain parts that would normally go to fashion sense. On one hand, I can keep track of every team in play. On the other hand, this is how I dress myself.” (X-Men Prime #1)

Mondays, amirite? (X-Men Prime #1)

That’s… exactly what a chaperone is, though. (X-Men Prime #1)

GUYS SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE JUST IN A HURRY (X-Men Prime #1)

Just wait ’til Age of X-Man. (X-Men Prime #1)

Emplate: still exceptionally creepy. (X-Men Prime #1)

nopenopenopenopenope (X-Men Prime #1)

I’ve seen at least three horror movies that basically start this way. (X-Men Prime #1)

NEXT EPISODE: The fall of Avalon, and some related situation comedy.

LINKS & FURTHER HOMECOMINGS:

As Mentioned in Episode 300 – Götterdämmerung

July 5, 2020 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Trust us–it looks better on foil. (X-Men: Omega)

Those skulls can’t be stable. (X-Men: Omega)

The gang’s mostly here! (X-Men: Omega)

[Cries in Dark Phoenix Saga] (X-Men: Omega)

Truly, he has been preparing for this moment for his entire life.

It’s cute how Nate assumes that it’s possible to talk Magneto out of fighting anybody, ever. (X-Men: Omega)

I’d like to imagine that the M’Kraan crystal made the conscious choice not to show her Onslaught. (X-Men: Omega)

YES! (X-Men: Omega)

Just, um, imagine that he’s holding a gun and also using his powers out of… enthusiasm? For the gun? I guess? (X-Men: Omega)

“Wait, are you the angry Claremontean narrator?!” (X-Men: Omega)

It’s okay. He’ll be back in about 14 years. (X-Men: Omega)

Nobody expects an ongoing series! (X-Men: Omega)

And that, as they say, is that. (X-Men: Omega)

NEXT EPISODE: Back in the 616!

LINKS & FURTHER EPICS:

Janet K. Lee makes really, really gorgeous comics and other art.
A lot of the episodes we mentioned are in the roundup from our 5th anniversary episode.
You can hear more about Jay’s chickens-in-law in Hawk Talk: Florida Mans

As Mentioned in Episode 299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

June 28, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

For full effect, there really needs to be an inset panel of Storm mugging at the reader. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

Forge is a JERK. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

What the hell kind of weird drills does this universe have? (What If? vol. 2 #77)

It’s weird that there’s a universe where both of these kids exist. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

I wonder if the Phoenix designs new costumes every time; and, if so, what its aesthetic phases have been. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

Is this page foreshadowing a Days of Future Past-style dystopia? Discuss. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

No, seriously, he JUST KEEPS SAYING IT. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

That hair. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Brother Voodoo X-Plains the premise. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Uncalled for, Ben. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Damnit, Nate. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Just had to work it in again, huh? (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

The costume just isn’t the same without metal wings. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

DAMNIT, NATE. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Why does Magneto look kind of like Keanu Reeves here? (What If? vol. 2 #81)

The more I look at the art from this issue, the angrier I get about it. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

[cries in comics editor] (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Galactus is a poet, and he didn’t even know it! (He knew it.) (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Relatable sentiment. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Hello, mid-1990s CG. You… sure do exist. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

NEXT EPISODE: The end of a world. (Also, #300? So, that’s a thing.)

LINKS & FURTHER HYPOTHETICALS

You can hear all about Be X-Tra Safe With the X-Men in Episode 177 – The Less You Know.
Read Teen Vogue. Seriously.
You can see the Havok Care Bear–along with the Cyclops one that Jay made–over here.
Waiting for the Trade Magneto is the One True Magneto, now and forever.

As Mentioned in Episode 298 – Unlikely Avengers

June 21, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

All of our TeePublic profits this month are going to Trans Lifeline! Have you always wanted a mask that says THEY’RE NOT LASERS? Now’s your chance!

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Seriously, can we not? (X-Universe #1)

Don’t worry; they all die in about a page and a half. (X-Universe #1)

“…ladies.” (X-Universe #1)

Blark 4 Lyfe (X-Universe #1)

See what we mean about the Darkseid thing? (X-Universe #1)

Damnit, Matt. (X-Universe #1)

These badasses! (X-Universe #1)

This should really have been the cover to #1. (X-Universe #2)

They’ve got names, and they’re not recognizable characters in a series that’s all about recognizability, so–yep, gonna die. (X-Universe #2)

DAMNIT, Matt. (X-Universe #2)

Clint Barton? James Rhodes? Lester Whatshisname? Who even knows, anymore? (X-Universe #2)

GOOD JOB, VICTOR VON DOOM. (X-Universe #2)

HE COULD STILL BE ALIVE (X-Universe #2)

That’s an awfully fancy red herring, there. (X-Universe #2)

NEXT EPISODE: What didn’t happen!

As Mentioned in Episode 297 – Blood Is Compulsory

June 13, 2020 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

We were not nearly that ripped when we were 17. Or that telekinetic, I guess. (X-Man #1)

As entertaining as it is to imagine him with Schwarzenegger’s accent, I guess Cyclops is more John Connor than he is the T-800. (X-Man #1)

What I wouldn’t give for these guys to have their own ongoing comic… (X-Man #1)

I mean, seriously! How great would it be? Half revolutionary, half thespian, all delightful! (X-Man #1)

Black Tom Cassidy’s hair went white the day he lost his shillelagh. (X-Man #1)

Characters who need their own book, figure 3. (X-Man #1)

IS YOUR NAME OMEGA BLUE, ARKADY? NO IT IS NOT! (X-Man #2)

This is the Earth-295 equivalent of playing catch. (X-Man #2)

Sunspot would be proud. (And god damn, Steve Skroce is good at drawing telekinesis.) (X-Man #2)

Come on, Forge… How could you not trust a guy with a smile that big and a forehead diamond that he assures you is merely a fashion statement? (X-Man #2)

Nightmare factory? Heavy metal album cover? Why not both? (X-Man #2)

Butter Rum of Earth-295 does not approve. (X-Man #2)

The best-dressed D&D party of the Age of Apocalypse. (X-Man #3)

Whoa, Jason – maybe dial it back a little? (X-Man #3)

Schlonk? (X-Man #3)

Steve Skroce, making psychic powers look amazing since 1993. (Anyone remember Ectokid?) (X-Man #3)

I’m so glad they get to have this before everything goes to hell. (X-Man #3)

I’m not psychically crying you’re psychically crying (X-Man #3)

Jeph Loeb gets Sinister. (X-Man #4)

Does Mister Sinister practice his smug smiles in the mirror for moments like these? I mean, obviously he does, but like, for how long? (X-Man #4)

pterodactylwithapulserifle.tumblr.com (X-Man #4)

“To die will be an awfully big adventure.” (X-Man #4)

“Their eyes locked through the hole they’d smashed through the wall, and though they’d never truly met, they knew what they were: family.” (X-Man #4)

OBSCENE MONUMENT. (X-Man #4)

Hey, it’s Nate’s early, even more Dune-like design! (X-Men Collector’s Preview #1)

NEXT TIME: Being Human.

As Mentioned in Episode 296 – Hard Choices

May 31, 2020 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

“Are you coming too, mysterious hooded stranger? My sister, Carmen Sandiego, would love to have you along!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

Danger Room cold open, Earth-295-style! (Amazing X-Men #1)

“Just a few more hours and a few dozen more cigarettes until Tom Waits karaoke night!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

“For further details, my X-Men, you must buy every other X-comic on the stands. Excelsior!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

As the famous thinker Parappa the Rapper once so wisely said: you gotta believe. (Amazing X-Men #1)

Earth-295 Sentinels may be lacking in toboggan hats and robot one-piece swimsuits, but they’re still pretty impressive. (Amazing X-Men #1)

Half unspooled VHS tape, half Slinky, all nuisance. (Amazing X-Men #2)

“Go easy on ’em, X-Men – they remembered to use our logo font, and that was very considerate of them.” (Amazing X-Men #2)

Banshee’s facial expression speaks for us all. (Amazing X-Men #2)

Okay, that’s legit terrifying. (Amazing X-Men #2)

Quicksilver? More like FRIPsilver! (Amazing X-Men #2)

If the title wasn’t already taken, Magneto’s autobiography would be called The Brood Saga. (Amazing X-Men #3)

It takes a true villain to make “being stretchy” an intimidating superpower. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Mary Poppins: The Snyder Cut. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Shaking Angel down for information is an X-Men rite of passage. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Open wide and say “flashback”! (Amazing X-Men #3)

you guys I think I’m in the wrong church (Amazing X-Men #4)

This may be bad, but at least he doesn’t have to die of a mutant-targeting virus twice in the Age of Apocalypse the way he does in Earth-616… (Amazing X-Men #4)

Generation Next – ripping our hearts out even when it’s someone else’s comic! (Amazing X-Men #4)

I know you’re mad at Gambit, Rogue, but did you really have to punch his legs off? (Amazing X-Men #4)

Aww, damn – he was just one week away from retirement! (Amazing X-Men #4)

*raises lighter* (Amazing X-Men #4)

NEXT EPISODE: This guy.

As Mentioned in Episode 295 – The Nuclear Naked

May 17, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Hey, ‘dere. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

This, but with a hawk. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

Seriously, why the visor? (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

He pulls this look off alarmingly well. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

SUPER DOCTOR ASTRONAUT PETER CORBEAU IS HERE TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

“Just a sec, I gotta go find the Power Glove.” (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

This torso is unacceptable. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

In an homage, obviously. Dang, Jubes. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)

BUT, WAIT! THERE’S MORE! (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)

“Just us, and a bunch of chickens. It got weird fast.” (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)

Y E S (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)

I maintain that everything is better if his name is pronounced “Jeff.” (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)

AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)

Jeff has no patience for events. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)

Oh, c’mon. I bet he’s got a ton of cool stolen stuff, too. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)

Welcome to the Hall of Tautology. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #4)

It’s okay, but it’s no X-Men #41… (Gambit and the X-Ternals #4)

Well, fuck. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #4)

The Nuclear Naked (reconstruction).

NEXT EPISODE: “Amazing” may be a bit of a stretch.

LINKS & FURTHER INVENTIONS:

Read the comments. No, seriously–they’re really interesting and hella civil.
Star Trek: Voyager was quite a show.

As Mentioned in Episode 294 – The Infernal Gallop

May 10, 2020 Jay 3 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Man, I love this cover. (X-Calibre #1)

Cain Marko, man of peace. (X-Calibre #1)

Welcome to Avalon. (X-Calibre #1)

That is an EXCELLENT point. (X-Calibre #1)

I don’t remember Thunderbird having that many muscles or, y’know, being white. (X-Calibre #1)

“Sure thing! That’s BLAMM with two Ms?” (X-Calibre #2)

Aw, buddy. (X-Calibre #2)

But shouldn’t that be Rusty Collins’s icon? (X-Calibre #2)

…well, shit. (X-Calibre #2)

Almost our Kurt, and very much not our Kurt. (X-Calibre #2)

OH HELL YEAH (X-Calibre #3)

TFW Magneto forces you to visit your One Big Ex’s intentional community. (X-Calibre #3)

They have fun. (That is a lie. They do not have fun.) (X-Calibre #3)

Oh, come on. (X-Calibre #3)

AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (X-Calibre #4)

Not AGAIN. (X-Calibre #4)

Welcome to the Age of Apocalypse!

NEXT EPISODE: these goofs, in space

LINKS & FURTHER ALLUSIONS

That really depressing historical anecdote about ballast tanks came courtesy of friend of the show Joe Streckert, of the Weird History Podcast. Thanks, Joe!
Seriously: Mystique-295 is Tovah Feldshuh as Naomi Bunch on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.
We differ on the quality of the X-Files episode “The Field Where I Died”; your mileage may vary.

As Mentioned in Episode 293 – The Monster Under the World

May 10, 2020 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Almost as cool as the way the backgrounds of the Marvel Universe Series 3 trading cards can be laid out as two giant space-pictures.

Husk, you’ve changed! And Chamber, you… have a face! (Generation Next #1)

Red and yellow outfit, banded metal skin, muscles on muscles, utterly broken by the world… I guess Earth-295 isn’t that different. (Generation Next #1)

We’ve seen Kitty bully younger mutants before… just usually not with as much stabbing. (Generation Next #1)

“I mean, we don’t want them to be inexperienced at dying, do we?” (Generation Next #1)

Know-It-All is pretty sure the depiction of technology in Hackers is way too bland and boring. (Generation Next #1)

Drums. Drums in the deep. (Generation Next #2)

Do minibuses look like that? No. But should they? (Generation Next #2)

This was one of the weirder anti-smoking PSAs of the 90s. (Generation Next #2)

Quietus is troubling. (Generation Next #2)

Paige has a zero-tolerance policy for Monty Python references. (Generation Next #2)

Only Chris Bachalo could make relatively normal people and monsters like that look at home in the same panel. (Generation Next #3)

“Like, the spiritual concept, not like Xi’an from New Muta… You know what, never mind.” (Generation Next #3)

Weirdly, I’ve had this exact same dream. (Generation Next #3)

Meanwhile, everything is terrible. (Generation Next #3)

YIP! (Generation Next #3)

Enclosed V Exposed: Dawn of Panel Layouts (Generation Next #4)

And then Sugar Man ate through his own mangled corpse and burrowed into the next scene. As one does. (Generation Next #4)

noooooo (Generation Next #4)

NOOOOOOOO (Generation Next #4)

Not to downplay the effectiveness of SPLOT SPLANG BONK THOPP, but it’s those irregular, sharp panel borders that really sell the impact. (Generation Next #4)