As Mentioned – Page 44 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 13 – Last Stand on the Moon

July 6, 2014 Jay 14 comments

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You can tell she’s evil on account of the foreshortening. (X-Men #135)

Well, that escalated quickly. (X-Men #135)

“Inexorable” is a word we use a lot when talking about the Dark Phoenix Saga. This is one of those moments that can only lead in one devastating direction. (X-Men #135)

You can tell it’s a big deal because of the cameos… (X-Men #135)

…and the cross-promotion. Hi, Silver Surfer! (X-Men #135)

MALEFIC DESTINY! Claremont can be pretty overwrought, but for a story like this, we would argue that he is PRECISELY WROUGHT ENOUGH. (X-Men #135)

See, shit like this? This is why “malefic destiny” is an entirely appropriate and to-scale phrase. (X-Men #135)

AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE! (X-Men #135)

The Shi’ar: Why You Can’t Have Nice Things. (X-Men #136)

But first, a brief round of Danger Room exposition! (X-Men #136)

In John Grey’s defense, “what to do when your child is possessed by a potentially malevolent cosmic force” is really not covered adequately in most parenting books. (X-Men #136)

Comics Wolverine > Movie Wolverine. (X-Men #136)

If Xander’s crayon speech from that one Buffy episode is not direct homage to this scene, I will EAT MY HAT, and also your hat. (X-Men #136)

GOD DAMNIT, PROFESSOR X. (X-Men #136)

And THAT’S how you do a high-stakes psychic duel! (X-Men #136)

This will definitely not come back to haunt you. DEFINITELY NOT. (X-Men #136)

Maybe we will just put this cover in every single “as mentioned” gallery forever. Really, it deserves it. (X-Men #137)

The Watcher is like the narrative equivalent of pullquotes. (X-Men #137)

One step closer to the end. (X-Men #137)

But first, Beast pretty definitely gets a happy ending from a space massage therapist with epic green sideburns! (X-Men #137)

Again: Comics Wolverine > Movie Wolverine. (X-Men #137)

“I’ll take ‘scenes that always make Rachel tear up’ for 200, Alex.” (X-Men #137)

Yeah. (X-Men #137)

TEAMWORK! (X-Men #137)

“I’ll take ‘scenes that always make Rachel tear up’ for 1000, Alex.” (X-Men #137)

Can we have a moment of silence for this completely and absolutely perfect page? (X-Men #137)

The (definitely absolutely 100% permanent) death of Phoenix. (X-Men #137)

This is one of those covers that will be riffed and referenced until the end of time. (X-Men #138)

X-Men #138 renders 11 of the last 12 episodes of this podcast pretty much redundant.

The end… (X-Men #138)

…and the beginning. (X-Men #138)

P.S. We have some rad new stuff in our store, including dark-background Magneto Made Some Valid Points shirts and Chris Haley’s spiffy new YAYBO! design! Go buy shirts so we can buy comics!

As Mentioned in Episode 12 – Inner Circle Jerk

June 29, 2014 Jay 11 comments

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“What’s up, Jean?”

“Oh, y’know, idyllic ancestral memories about an 18th-Century Jean Grey who hunted humans for sport.” (X-Men #126)

You know that thing where you visit your parents and they still try to ground you after you stay out late, even though you’re 30? (X-Men #129)

“Professor, this is the Claremont era, not the Silver Age. We evolve dynamically now.” (X-Men #129)

Someday, we’re going to do an entire episode about Emma Frost and the subtle but important difference between weaponized femininity and pandering to the male gaze, and it will be so rad. (X-Men #129)

Jamie McKelvie’s completely badass Emma Frost redesign.

Jean and Scott are not disco people. (X-Men #130)

“What’s up, Jean?”

“Oh, y’know, idyllic ancestral memories about getting married in a cemetery, in fetishwear.” (X-Men #130)

AWKWARD. (X-Men #130)

Ladies and gentlemen, Alison Blaire. (X-Men #130)

People tend to forget that Emma Frost, however briefly, actually managed to holder her own against the Phoenix Force. Daaaamn, Frost. (X-Men #131)

Warren Worthington and his shorts. (X-Men #132)

This scene will be referenced over and over and over until the end of time. (X-Men #132)

“About fucking time you caught on,” says the audience. (X-Men #132)

Aw, Wolverine. We remember when you were cool. (X-Men #132)

In X-men #33, we hit Peak Awesome Wolverine. It’s all downhill from here, kids.

Mostly here for the hat detail, which is pretty clever; and the tiger line, which is not. (X-Men #133)

Beast is a good bro. (X-Men #133)

Sebastian Shaw is legit fairly awesome. (X-Men #134)

Yo, Mastermind, let’s talk about manipulating omnipotent cosmic forces and natural consequences. (X-Men #134)

Oh, shit. (X-Men #134)

Next week: Epic Showdown on the Moon, and what might be the best issue of X-Men ever.

Links and further reading:

The Dark Phoenix Saga has been collected roughly a million times. Here is one such collection. Seriously. You need to just straight-up read these comics. They are very good.

Cameron Harris on Sebastian Shaw (the quote Rachel referenced in the episode but didn’t have on hand):

“So, I was all set up to haaaaaaaaate the HFC and yaaaaaaaaaay Jean and the X-Men. But I didn’t, and it was pretty much because of Shaw. His entrance, his presentation, his presence was all big, bold confidence. He wore those eighteenth-century-dandy duds with complete aplomb, and I could tell almost immediately that he was in charge of everything he wanted to be in charge of. Okay, so a good villain type. This X-fight will be great!

“But he had something I hadn’t expected. I had thought we’d get another (bigger, better, eviller) Mastermind, or a Magneto: grandiloquent (Miles’s word!) and charismatic, would-be king of all he surveys, but not a mano a mano fighter, you know? I’d been reading so many villains whose attacks came from a distance or through non-physical means–and then Shaw is taking a punch from Colossus and laughing about it and taking off his fancy coat to duke it out with the X-Men, and I thought, Holy shit. This guy is the real deal. He’s going to fight them on their terms, not hide behind robots or tele-powers. In fact, the more you beat him up, the stronger he gets! How do you even stop that? (Besides pulling a Hercules-with-Antaeus move, I thought, and was kinda hoping to see that.)

“So. I was into Shaw for that combination: immediate confidence and social control + physical prowess and willingness to fight his own fights. The capper was that when everything at the HFC goes to hell, he hops into a car and leaves. I love a canny opponent who not only isn’t afraid to retreat but doesn’t care how it looks. I commend such priorities.”

As Mentioned in Episode 11 – Who Would Win in a Fight

June 22, 2014 Jay One comment

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Rachel and Miles of 2003, testing out early “Who Would Win in a Fight” hypotheses. Rachel hasn’t had long hair in years, but she still fights dirty.

Cycloptometry, from X-Factor #39.

Some of our favorite X-spinoffs.

That’s Rachel Summers, sending Kitty Pryde’s consciousness back in time in the original “Days of Future Past” comic. (X-Men #141)

Fun fact: the title of this podcast is roughly 90% Michael C. Maronna’s fault. (Photo courtesy of Will McRobb.)

Mystique and Destiny: CANONICAL AS FUCK. (Astonishing X-Men #51)

The Siege Perilous will body-swap you with a Japanese assassin, or send you to Australia, or whatever. Unless you’re Quentin Quire, anyway. (Uncanny X-Men #229)

Lee Forrester takes shit from nobody. (X-Men #143)

You can, in fact, judge this book by its cover. (Nightcrawler #1)

Would you buy logical causality from this man? YES. Yes, you would.

From That One Time Rachel Discovered Blingee and Spent Two Days Doing Nothing but Animating Starbursts on Longshot and Dazzler Covers.

Miles’s favorite superhero.

Just in case you were wondering what it looked like.

Paracyclophus, by Legitimus Maximus.

Janet K. Lee is the inventor of the Metawolverine, the most powerful creature in Canada.

Next week: The Dark Phoenix Saga!

Links and Further Reading: UncannyXMen.net

As Mentioned In Episode 10 – Not All Mandroids

June 15, 2014 Jay 9 comments

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Multiple Man’s powers essentiall make him a retcon elemental.

Punching pterosaurs is the gift that keeps on giving. (X-Men #114)

Best Worst Reveal (X-Men #114)

“Robes” (X-Men #114)

We really can’t fault Cyclops for giving up on trying to explain Sauron. (X-Men #115)

The final fight of X-Men #116 Dark City.

Remember when we didn’t know everything about Wolverine? (X-Men #118)

Sadly, this story is really low on Sunfire Sass. Misty Knight, however, is AWESOME. (X-Men #118)

Mandroids. (X-Men #118)

Moses Magnum, P.I. (X-Men #118)

Heist stories are the best stories. (X-Men #119)

That’s Mariko Yoshida. She’s going to be really important later. (X-Men #120)

And that’s why you always leave a note. (X-Men #118)

Spoiler: Nope. (X-Men #109)

Alpha Flight. (X-Men #120)

Vindicator is a thoughtful antagonist. (X-Men #120)

Not actually episode-relevant. We just think these panels are hilarious. (X-Men #120)

Wolverine, we are pretty sure the APA would not approve of your approach to therapy. (X-Men #122)

Don’t fuck with Storm. (X-Men #122)

Ugh, THIS guy. (X-Men #122)

Based on the graffiti, this apartment was previously occupied by the 1970s Marvel bullpen. (X-Men #122)

Cyclops comes to terms with dynamic storytelling. (X-Men #125)

This is an awesome reunion, and notable as one of the only times Cyclops has ever successfully completed a hug. (X-Men #125)

Well, that’s portentous. (X-Men #104)

Angus McWhirter has REALLY STRONG FEELINGS about hovercraft. (X-Men #119)

Moira MacTaggert does science in a superhero uniform, because, comic books. (X-Men #125)

Proteus’s secondary mutation is superhuman levels of creepiness. (X-Men #127)

Well, damn. (X-Men #128)

As Mentioned in Episode 9 – Leprechaun Surprise Party

June 8, 2014 Jay 4 comments

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Cassandra Nova: The worst evil disembodied parasitic sister ever.

Cassidy Keep (X-Men #101)

Nightcrawler is just ridiculously charming. (X-Men #101)

I keep trying to think of a Monster in a Box joke to make about X-Men and vacations, but no matter where it goes, it’s not going to be in good taste. (X-Men #101)

Page 3 of Storm’s origin flashback. Can we talk about Dave Cockrum splash pages and how they are AWESOME? (X-Men #102)

After the “Cyclops Has a Good Day” sketchbook is full, Rachel’s going to move on to “Cyclops tells Professor X to go fuck himself.” (X-Men #102)

And then, Leprechauns. (X-Men #103)

Here, Nightcrawler. Have a new mutation. And also I guess some more Leprechauns, because, why not? (X-Men #103)

Even fake Charles Xavier is kind of a douche. (X-Men #103)

“We also know what you think about when you masturbate.” (X-Men #103)

The rad bromance of Cain Marko and Tom Cassidy. (X-Men #103)

“Whaddayamean, ‘roll diplomacy’? I put all my points into claw weapons!” (X-Men #104)

Secondary mutation: awesome villain speeches. (X-Men #104)

So, that happened. (X-Men #104)

Cockrum is REALLY into this layout. (X-Men #105)

Fun fact: Misty Knight is the only one of these characters alive in the modern Marvel universe. (X-Men #105)

Phoenix wants you heralds of Galactus off her damn lawn. (X-Men #105)

Shi’ar Trek. (X-Men #105)

AND THEN THINGS GOT AWESOME. (X-Men #107)

“While you guys were fighting the functionally omnipotent Superboy clone, I beat a guy up and stole his clothes.” Wolverine: Chaos gamer. (X-Men #107)

I’m not sure what he expects Captain America to do about this. (X-Men #107)

The Phoenix Force. (X-Men #108)

More majestic Phoenix action. (X-Men #108)

“I realized that I’d left some scenery unchewed, and that would NEVER do.” (X-Men #111)

Magneto is COMMITTED to the supervillain schtick. (X-Men #112)

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE (X-Men #112)

Okay, then. (X-Men #113)

Next week on Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men!

As Mentioned in Episode 8 – What We Talk About When We Talk About Claremont

June 1, 2014 Jay 8 comments

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In a moment of clarity, Cyclops recognizes that the X-Men’s greatest enemy is, in fact, the guy writing the book. (X-Men #96)

Never change, Sunfire. (X-Men #94)

Check out that sweet Dave Cockrum training montage. (X-Men #94)

Welcome to the X-Men, Thunderbird! Hope you survive the… oh. (X-Men #95)

This panel isn’t all that plot-relevant. We just think Havok’s powers look super cool. (X-Men #97)

“There can’t be TWO bondage vikings running around the Marvel universe!” (X-Men #97)

Professor Xavier’s nightmares are AWESOME. (X-Men #97)

Steven Lang: Stable and upstanding member of society. (X-Men #96)

In the Silver Age, superhero romance was limited to soulful gazes and ongoing sexual harassment. (X-Men #98)

I don’t know why they all look so surprised. (X-Men #98)

Cyclops obliterating a Sentinel: never gets old. (X-Men #98)

As far as we can tell, he swam here. From the middle of the ocean. Dr. Peter Corbeau: Ph.D. Badassitude. (X-Men #98)

Those are actually Sentinels designed to look and act like the original X-Men, because, Steven Lang. Just run with it. (X-Men #99)

Oh, hey, it’s the first Fastball Special! (X-Men #100)

You know how we say Jean Grey is underrated? Jean Grey is freakin’ underrated. (X-Men #100)

Aw. man. This whole scene. (X-Men #100)

The (first) death of Jean Grey. (X-Men #100)

And then… (X-Men #101)

This page still gives us chills. (X-Men #101)

Next week: Leprechauns. We’re not even joking.

Links and further reading:

FanBros

Chris Claremont’s X-Men

Episode 05 – The Retcon That Walks Like a Man (Covering Giant-Size X-Men #1)

As Mentioned in Episode 7 – Cyclops Has a Good Day

May 25, 2014 Jay 5 comments

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Proof that Miles does, in fact, have a Corsair costume.

I’m not sure there’s any scene from X-Men that’s been redrawn as frequently as this one. (Guardians of the Galaxy #12)

Corsair’s first appearance in X-Men #104

Look at these glorious weirdos. LOOK AT THEM. (X-Men #107)

Make good choices, Jean. (X-Men #107)

The best scene in X-Men, ever. (X-Men #114)

Sometimes Scott Summers is not the brightest crayon in the box. (X-Men #114)

Cyclops is the worst at hugs. (Uncanny X-Men #391)

Dude has a point. (Uncanny X-Men #391)

Reports of Corsair’s death have been somewhat exaggerated. (All-New X-Men #23)

Scott has questions. (Guardians of the Galaxy #12)

Aw, kiddo. (Guardians of the Galaxy #12)

Remember when you were sixteen, and everything was super serious, and your not-quite girlfriend got kidnapped by space birds and put on trial for the crimes that her past-future adult self committed by possessed by a cosmic force? (Guardians of the Galaxy #13)

Remember when you were sixteen, and everything was super serious, and also your dad was a space pirate? (Cyclops #1)

Key party in Shi’ar space!. (Cyclops #1)

Hepzibah and Corsair are one of the great unsung romances of the Marvel universe. (Cyclops #1)

Grown-up Cyclops finds out about the new Cyclops ongoing series. (All-New X-Men #26)

Links and Further Reading:

Greg Rucka

A visual introduction to the worst Summers brother

Rachel’s “Cyclops Has a Good Day” sketchbook

Lady Sabre and the Pirates of the Ineffable Aether

As Mentioned on Episode 6 – Days of Future Whatever

May 18, 2014 Jay 12 comments

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Be prepared.

X-Men #141, the first issue of “Days of Future Past,” has one of the most frequently referenced covers in all of X-Men. (Fun fact: We almost went with this one for the podcast cover art.)

For once, they’re not kidding.

Gravestone standards have slipped somewhat in this future.

The All-Old, Mostly-Not-That-Different X-Men of “Days of Future Past.”

Kitty Pryde vs. the Danger Room.

Kate Pryde vs. time travel.

Kate Pryde X-Plains the future.

Why would you dress like this for a congressional hearing, Angel? What is WRONG with you?

The All-New, Mostly-Different Brotherhood of Evil Mutants!

Rick Redfern and Joan Caucus of Doonesbury cameo in X-Men #142, to our eternal delight.

Splinter timelines are a bitch.

Even Excalibur–the team built around Multiverse hijinks–can’t quite figure out how this stuff works.

Earth 200500: definitely the best timeline.

We generally like Emma Frost, but she is so boring in X-Men: First Class that we literally forgot she was in the movie.

NOT A WOLF.

Next week: Greg Rucka, Cyclops, and the Starjammers!

Summers School: Gabriel 101

May 12, 2014 Jay 5 comments

On Episode 5 – The Retcon that Walks Like a Man, we met Gabriel Summers, and did a very quick drive-by introduction to the Summers family and their really depressing space adventures. Because this shit is complicated, Rachel,* the resident Summers Family Continuity expert, has put together a brief visual guide to Gabriel’s backstory. Click through for the origin of the third and worst Summers Brother:

Meet Scott and Alex Summers! They’re brothers. Their parents have just pushed them out of a burning airplane. Scott and Alex are going to crash in a minute and then have awful childhoods, but all you really need to know for now is that they’re going to become X-Men when they grow up.

Meet Mister Sinister! He’s a creepy, creepy man who knows even more about the Summers family than Rachel does (and that’s a lot). In 1993, Mister Sinister let slip that Scott and Alex might have a third brother, and for over a decade, pretty much every orphan in the Marvel Universe had “probably a Summers brother” stuck on to the end of their official bio.

But in 2005, X-Men: Deadly Genesis came around. Deadly Genesis was a straight-up retcon of 1975’s Giant-Size X-Men #1. It also—finally—resolved the question of the third Summers brother.

Meet Christopher and Katherine Summers! They’re Scott and Alex’s parents. They’ve just thrown Scott and Alex out of a burning airplane, then gotten abducted by aliens. This part of the story has been X-canon since the ’70s—but what Deadly Genesis reveals is that Katherine is pregnant. Christopher gets sent off to the slave pens, and Katherine ends up a Comics Code-compliant-analogue-to-concubine of the evil space emperor. Christopher breaks out and tries to free her, but he’s caught, and Katherine—and apparently her now-nearly-to-term fetus—are killed. (Christopher later becomes a space pirate named Corsair, which is awesome but irrelevant to this particular story.)

Meet Fetus Summers, who turns out to be viable after all! He gets rapid-aged by means of Fancy Space Science, named Gabriel, and sent to be a slave of the Shi’ar’s representative on Earth. Later, his powers manifest and he kills the only person who was ever nice to him, then escapes into the sewers with nothing but his favorite book of Roman myths and a case of dramatically expedient amnesia.

Gabriel gets picked up by Dr. Moira MacTaggert—Professor X’s ex—and becomes one of her group of teen mutants in training, under the code name Kid Vulcan. X consults—and, in the process, pieces together Gabriel’s history but doesn’t tell anyone, in keeping with a long tradition of lying to Scott about the existence of his living relatives. Professor X is a dick.

To confirm his theory, X brings Scott out to train with Gabriel for a day—but still doesn’t tell either of them that they might be brothers. (Gabriel’s powers, incidentally, have to do with energy manipulation and redirection, which his how he can do that with Scott’s eye beams.)

When the X-Men are all captured on Krakoa (the Island That Walks Like a Man!), X convinces Moira’s kids to go rescue them. Immediately before they leave, he tells Gabriel that Scott and Alex are his brothers. The new kids rescue Scott, and Gabriel tells him that they’re brothers. Scott’s super beat up and his powers are broken, so the new kids leave him and go to rescue the rest of the captive X-Men—but instead, they all get killed.

Scott returns to the X-mansion, understandably distraught. X decides the most expedient course of action is to totally wipe Gabriel out of Scott’s memory. Did I mention that Professor X is a dick? Professor X is a dick. When the new X-Men return to Krakoa to rescue the original team, he continues to mess with their perceptions to support this version of events.

What X doesn’t know is that Gabriel and his teammate Darwin are actually still alive, so when the X-Men launch Krakoa into orbit, Gabriel and Darwin go with it. They get stuck in stasis for years, in space. OOPS.

Later, Gabriel wakes up pissed, comes back to earth, kills Banshee, kidnaps Scott and Scott’s alternate-timeline-future-daughter (I know, I know. Just run with it.), and forces Professor X to show them what actually happened. Darwin—still in stasis inside Gabriel—is extracted and revived, Gabriel flies off to fight an evil space empire, and absolutely no one lives happily ever after. X-Men!

*Edidin, not Summers or Grey.

As Mentioned on Episode 5 – The Retcon That Walks Like a Man

May 11, 2014 Jay 12 comments

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Giant-Size X-Men #1. Prepare for forty years of riffs on this cover.

The best-dressed mob in Germany.

And THAT’S how you punch a tractor.

“Oh, y’know. Fight crime, see the world, get your memory rewritten every few weeks, maybe go on a really fucked up date with Dracula…”

When Xavier finds him, Thunderbird is literally wrestling a buffalo to death.

Sunfire’s first appearance, in X-Men #64.

Most of the New & Different X-Men get a full page or two to join the team. Banshee? Two panels. He’s just that chill.

“Think you can just walk away, Wolverine? We’ll come after you with our deadliest weapon yet: Alpha Flight crossovers!”

Wow. You… certainly made some choices there, Professor.

Sunfire is absolutely delightful.

At this point, I’m pretty sure he’s just messing with them for fun.

This is the second of three times Sunfire calls Nightcrawler “Misfit” on one page–which is actually a pretty welcome break from the X-Men referring to each other exclusively by ethnic epithets. Len Wein, DON’T DO THAT.

This jerk.

This is pretty much the platonic ideal of an X-Men fight scene: teamwork, cool powers, and narration busting Kool-Aid-Man-style through the fourth wall.