As Mentioned – Page 28 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 180 – Lawful Badass

January 14, 2018 Jay 3 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

What you see is pretty much what you get. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

Cybernetic fuckboys. Don’t worry, they’re all going to die soon. For now. Mostly. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

That is… certainly some dialogue, there. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

And that’s why she’s the boss. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

“We eat dinner naked. It’s very sexy. And then we do the sexy dishes, sexily.” (Uncanny X-Men #281)

Oh, no! Not Bevatron! (Uncanny X-Men #281)

If you had told me a year ago that there was armor worse than Cameron Hodge’s ruby quartz armor, I would not have believed you. Mea culpa. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

Oh, no, not again. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

OH HELL YES. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

Professor X is kind of a sore winner. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

And then, suddenly, Storm was telekinetic. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

That’s gotta sting. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

“But first, The Very Hungry Caterpillar.” (Uncanny X-Men #282)

Earth-1191 is AMAZING. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

I really want to know if all these criminals dressed up special for the occasion, or if this is just what everyone hangs out looking like in the future. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

ABOUT DAMN TIME. (See what I did, there?) (Uncanny X-Men #282)

“Ha, ha!” (Uncanny X-Men #283)

Aw, this kid. (Uncanny X-Men #283)

“I’m going to the comics shop to cancel my subscription RIGHT NOW!” (Uncanny X-Men #283)

Bishop, I know you come from a difficult timeline, but even you have to appreciate how rad that Walt Simonson Archangel design is. (Uncanny X-Men #283)

Are… Iceman and Colossus levitating? (Uncanny X-Men #283)

This is why we–or at least the Upstarts–can’t have nice things. (Uncanny X-Men #283)

NEXT EPISODE: Guns ‘n’ Pouches!

As Mentioned in Episode 179 – Sincerely, An Evil Individual

January 7, 2018 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This really should have been a #1. (X-Factor #71)

If ever a first page set the tone… (X-Factor #71)

I made a list of people who draw Polaris’s hair better than Larry Stroman, and there were no names on it, because no one draws Polaris’s hair better than Larry Stroman. (X-Factor #71)

Cursive! (X-Factor #71)

Team dossiers, and some Twin Peaks name-dropping! (X-Factor #71)

Well, shit. (X-Factor #71)

This gag was pretty much inevitable. (X-Factor #72)

The extremely doomed Professor Vic Chalker. (X-Factor #72)

Poor guy. (X-Factor #72)

THAT CROWD, THO (X-Factor #72)

Aw, Madrox. (X-Factor #72)

So, that happened. (X-Factor #73)

Seriously, there’s just a page and a half, mid-fight, dedicated to gratuitous Rocketeer references. (X-Factor #73)

(Including the plane. Which, yes, is later confirmed to be wood.) (X-Factor #73)

And yet, somehow, it’s STILL better than Alex’s M-Word speech 25 years later. (X-Factor #73)

Remember when Alex Summers had principles? SIGH. (X-Factor #73)

B.D.? I dunno if I see it… (X-Factor #73)

Oh. Yeah, never mind. I see it.

Rahne really looks like she’s here to offer you your heart’s desire in exchange for your heart, or something equally creepy and folklorish. (X-Factor #74)

Meet Slab. He’s a Nasty Boy. (X-Factor #74)

Write your own dick joke. (X-Factor #74)

Man, Evil Madrox is so creepy! (X-Factor #74)

Meet the Nasty Boys! Also Senator Shaffran, but he’s going to die soon, so, whatever. (X-Factor #75)

OKAY BUT HOW DO THE CLOTHES WORK?! (X-Factor #75)

It’s not common knowledge, but actually, all U.S. senators can do this. (X-Factor #75)

It’s funny ’cause his name’s Ricochet. (X-Factor #75)

NEXT EPISODE: Time Cops and Time Bandits!

As Mentioned in Episode 178 – Giant-Size Special #6

January 7, 2018 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

The All-New, All-Yelling X-Men! (X-Men #1)

Say what you want about Jim Lee’s art, but his Magneto is GREAT. (X-Men #1)

You’d think S.H.I.E.L.D. would pay Nick Fury enough to buy a suit that fits. (X-Men #1)

Fun fact: almost every spot illustration of an X-Man that you’ve ever seen comes from this or the following issue. (X-Men #1)

We are worried about Psylocke. (X-Men #1)

CORRECTION: Gambit did not kiss Jean. He kissed a robot replica of Jean, which then exploded. We regret the error, but Gambit probably regrets it more. (X-Men #1)

LOOK AT THIS FASHION GOD. (X-Men #1)

“Also, one of them has an underscore in his Twitter handle.” (X-Men #1)

Magneto, master of text. (X-Men #1)

Another image from early in Lee’s tenure that shows up a lot in other publications. (X-Men #2)

Okay, NOW we get it: Nick Fury spent his entire suit budget on pouches. (X-Men #2)

Never not hilarious. (X-Men #2)

We’re just gonna let this page speak for itself. (X-Men #3)

Raise a glass. (X-Men #3)

NEXT EPISODE: Havok gets a job.

OUR PRODUCER MATT HUNTER IS A SUPER RAD DUDE! HERE IS WHERE YOU CAN FIND HIM ON THE INTERNET:

THE 2017 SUPER DOCTOR ASTRONAUT PETER CORBEAU AWARDS FOR EXCELLENCE AT X-CELLENCE:

Best Writer: Charles Soule, for Astonishing X-Men
Best Artist: Alessandro Vitti, for Iceman
Best Colorist: Felipe Sobreiro, for Generation X
Best Ongoing Solo Series: Iceman
Best Ongoing Team Series: Generation X
Irene Adler Memorial Award for Most Anticipated Upcoming Series: Storm, by Ta Nehisi Coates and Jen Bartel
How-Was-This-So-Good? Award for a Premise That Shouldn’t Have Worked But Did: “Weapons of Mutant Destruction” by Greg Pak
Cyclops Has A Good Day: Champions #12, for good friends being good friends.
So That Happened: Last page of Jean Grey #10
Nate Grey Award for Best Cross-Dimensional Import: Bloodstorm in X-Men: Blue
Coming Back Strong: Hope Summers in Jean Grey
Norman Osborne Award for Gratuitous Resurrection: Logan
Light of Our Life: Honey Badger
These Deep Cuts Form a Picture: Gifted
Best Non-X Marvel Title: Runaways by Rainbow Rowell and Kris Anka

Classic Corbeaus

Buried Treasure: “Weapon X,” as published in Marvel Comics Presents
You Tried: Chris Claremont, circa 1991
Why Havok Didn’t Finish His Dissertation This Year: He was busy being Magistrate on Genosha
Object Permanence Is Overrated Award for Inconsistent Corporeality: Amanda Sefton
Murder Rainbow Award for Most Entertainingly and Chromatically Redesigned Costumes: Late-run New Mutants
Lurking in the Wings Award: Guido Carosella
Sauron’s Jorts Award for Draculas Who Are Not Draculas but Try Real Hard: Crimson and the Blackbirds
Let Us Never Speak of This Again: Charles Xavier’s swimsuit area as distressingly rendered by Whilce Portacio
Major Christopher Summers Award for Most Awkward Family Reunion: Rachel Summers and Jean Grey in “Days of Future Present”
Kitty Pryde Sartorial Exception of Excellence: The Rocketeer ensemble from X-Men: True Friends
On-the-Nose Award for Effective Use of Heavy-Handed Metaphor: Genosha
Best Jacket Ever Award: Cyclops in X-Factor Forever
Erik the Red Award for Justifying the Existence of This Podcast: Jen Askani
Future Past Award for Most Anticipated Upcoming Series Coverage: X-Factor

AND FINALLY:

Best Listeners of Any Podcast, Ever: YOU. Extra hard, this year.

As Mentioned in Episode 177 – The Less You Know

December 18, 2017 Jay 3 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Luckily for Terrence, the actual X-Men were ALSO lurking by the playground! (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)

“Look, to be honest, several of us are DEFINITELY not trustworthy.” (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)

“Also, would you say that your kidneys are in good condition?” (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)

BEAST, NO. (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)

Gambit is definitely the Least Safe X-Man. (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)

So, that’s a thing that exists. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

Circle of Death time is the best time! (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

Evolution in action. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

I absolutely do not believe that you did not see anyone unusual at a state fair. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

They’re so bad at not being menacing. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

“He sees you forever and ever, Alan!” (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

This panel is amazing. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

“Let us never speak of today again.” (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

The contents of one of the greatest minds on Earth. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

This is a fundamentally self-defeating activity page, and also a really boring connect-the-dots puzzle. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)

Let’s just assume that it’s a slow news day. (Smokescreen)

Centaur? Immortal Iron Fist? WHY NOT BOTH? (Smokescreen)

Kids can’t resist a plaid vest. (Smokescreen)

“So… what you’re basically saying is that he’s a teenager?” (Smokescreen)

She still gets taken out like a chump, though. (Smokescreen)

“Hey, wanna see some of his shrink’s notes, while we’re grossly violating his privacy?” (Smokescreen)

MARK TRAIL, NO! (Smokescreen)

oh my god look at this asshole (Smokescreen)

“Tell me, Bret, how much do you know about the migratory patterns of mallard ducks?” (Smokescreen)

That is certainly one way to do a thing. (Smokescreen)

NEXT EPISODE: Giant-Size Winter Special!

As Mentioned in Episode 176 – My Flashback With Andre

December 10, 2017 Jay 8 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This guyyyyyyyyy! (Wolverine #48)

JUBILEE, NO. God, she’s not even wearing any safety gear. (Wolverine #48)

That, Jubilee, is a Lotus 7. Your mentor’s car. Not as clumsy or overwrought as a DeLorean. An elegant media reference… for a more civilized age. (Wolverine #48)

THAT IS A TERRIBLE WAY TO SHOW SOMEONE THE GUN YOU FOUND. (Wolverine #48)

Actually, Jubilee, Wolverine is 100% in the right here. (Wolverine #48)

No one should ever make this show under any circumstances. (Wolverine #48)

Spoiler: No funky butts are in fact dispensated. (Wolverine #48)

Toldja! It’s Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby! (Wolverine #49)

WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST WRITE HER NAME FIRST? IT WOULD HAVE FIT! (Wolverine #49)

The calendar is a little silly, but it’s also an incredibly eerie, cool detail. (Wolverine #49)

“I am not a number! I am a free man!” (Wolverine #49)

Sure, it’s a gimmick; but it’s a cool gimmick! (Wolverine #50)

LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL, RIDICULOUS BASTARD AND HIS BEAUTIFUL, RIDICULOUS MOTORCYCLE. (Wolverine #50)

In Hines’s defense, Canada-616 is absolutely terrible. (Wolverine #50)

…and you, in turn, watch the Hydra operatives; as the NSA watches you; and… (Wolverine #50)

I take this to mean that somewhere there’s a splinter universe where Wolverine had an idyllic but ultimately tragic dalliance with a giant artichoke. (Wolverine #50)

HOW MANY YEARS HAS THAT PIECE OF CAKE BEEN SITTING THERE? (Wolverine #50)

I like the idea that the BIG SECRET isn’t that they faked his memories but that they had to reuse sets because of budget constraints. (Wolverine #50)

Sure you are, buddy. (Wolverine #50)

TWIST! (Wolverine #50)

I appreciate the implication that the ultimate horror is a high school prom. (Wolverine #50)

Aw, Logan. Never change. (Wolverine #50)

NEXT EPISODE: Centaur fight at the State Fair (and other educational adventures)!

LINKS & FURTHER LISTENING

We were on Oregon Public Broadcasting’s State of Wonder! Listen to the episode–and discover a bunch of cool Oregon-based podcasts–here!
Hear all about Wolverine’s terrible birthdays in Episode 113 – Play It Again, Patch.
Brush up on Weapon X in Episode 162 – Naked in Canada.

As Mentioned in Episode 175 – Lady Windermere’s Fan Club

December 3, 2017 Jay One comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This series should really be more fun than it is. (X-Men: True Friends #1)

“On one hand, you’re probably doomed. On the other hand, I did your laundry!” (X-Men: True Friends #1)

Excalibur is SUPER into trad night. (X-Men: True Friends #1)

Turning every head… except the one she wants to. (X-Men: True Friends #1)

Rachel Summers: master of subtlety. (X-Men: True Friends #1)

The absence of Dr. Druid from this story is really inexcusable. (X-Men: True Friends #1)

Lilibet wants nothing to do with that ludicrous accent. (X-Men: True Friends #1)

It wouldn’t be a Claremont book without an aviation lesson! (X-Men: True Friends #1)

Ugh. THAT guy. (X-Men: True Friends #2)

FUN FACT: We learned after recording this episode that Edward and Wallis were SUPER into fascism. NOT COOL. (X-Men: True Friends #2)

Laird Hetero McNonthreatening and his amazing Hypercolor kilt! (X-Men: True Friends #2)

AND THEN THIS HAPPENED. (X-Men: True Friends #2)

“If only my bones were made out of something super dense that made me useless underwater, amirite?” (X-Men: True Friends #2)

Hiiiii, Logan. (X-Men: True Friends #2)

“I’ll go kill the Nazis. You kids hang out under the dock and neck, or whatever.” (X-Men: True Friends #2)

He is a man of simple pleasures. (X-Men: True Friends #2)

Welcome to the time loop! Hope you survive the… oh. OH. Sorry. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

Oh, man. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

Don’t fuck with Kitty Pryde. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

I would read the HELL out of a comic about these three. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

This is the best costume Kitty Pryde will ever have, hands down. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

Yaaaawn. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

“Well, I do like redheads…” (X-Men: True Friends #3)

I don’t know what the Sword of Scone is, but it sounds DELICIOUS. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

I really love that the Phoenix Force has defeated Nazis with the power of queerness on AT LEAST TWO DISTINCT OCCASIONS. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

“They’re not corgis, but we suppose that they’ll have to do.” (X-Men: True Friends #3)

NEXT EPISODE: This guy.

As Mentioned in Episode 172 – The Muir Island Saga, Part 1

November 12, 2017 Jay One comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

But what if his dialogue also had its OWN tiny captions? (Uncanny X-Men #278)

“And that one dude from Final Fight will help me!” (Uncanny X-Men #278)

But whom could this mysterious stranger be? (Uncanny X-Men #278)

LOOK AT THIS EVIL FASHION QUEEN (Uncanny X-Men #278)

There is nothing okay happening here. (Uncanny X-Men #278)

Here, on the other hand, everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. (Uncanny X-Men #278)

That’s not… I mean… you know what? Never mind. (Uncanny X-Men #278)

AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE! (Uncanny X-Men #278)

Honestly, there are so many answers to that question. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

His other power is flashbacks. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

And with that, Chris Claremont flew off into space, to explore new horizons. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

Say what you want about her morals; Evil Rogue has a pretty rad costume. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

OH, HELL, YEAH! (Uncanny X-Men #279)

X-Factor’s New Wave era was brief but distinctive. (X-Factor #69)

It really never gets any more okay, does it? (No.) (X-Factor #69)

Why does Reisz suddenly have red hair? WHO KNOWS? IT’S A MYSTERY! (X-Factor #69)

AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE. (X-Factor #69)

The Art of War involves some remarkably specific ruminations on spandex. (X-Factor #69)

Wait for it… (X-Factor #69)

YES! (X-Factor #69)

Also 2017 in a nutshell. (X-Factor #69)

WELL, THAT CAN’T BE GOOD. (X-Factor #69)

NEXT EPISODE: Don’t smoke, kids. (Also, the Muir Island Saga concludes.)

LINKS & FURTHER READING

Miles talked about Thor: Ragnarok on Panel on Panels #143!
The Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men Wiki
Roland Hedley, Jr. meets X-Factor

As Mentioned in Episode 171 – Badly Punctuated Equilibrium

November 12, 2017 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line! https://xplainthexmen.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/X170.mp3

Domestic bliss, X-Factor-style. (X-Factor Forever #1)

Aw, this guy. (X-Factor Forever #1)

Timmy’s grandmother has good judgment. (X-Factor Forever #1)

“Hey, kids! Have some flechettes!” (X-Factor Forever #1)

Dang. Good job, Hank. (X-Factor Forever #1)

“I did, however, find myself some sweet new glasses.” (X-Factor Forever #1)

Every drawing of Apocalypse’s face in this series is utterly delightful. (X-Factor Forever #2)

When writers no-prize the art… (X-Factor Forever #2)

DAMNIT, TIMMY. (X-Factor Forever #2)

Happy birthday, Timmy, I guess? (X-Factor Forever #2)

Well, THAT can’t be good. (X-Factor Forever #3)

This series makes a fairly good case for both mutant rights and subsidized childcare. (X-Factor Forever #3)

How you know it’s serious business. (X-Factor Forever #3)

I love that they have named and numbered all of their special moves. (X-Factor Forever #3)

“Dude, we are literally holding up one of those children, right here, in front of you.” (X-Factor Forever #3)

Well, shit. (X-Factor Forever #3)

Aw, man, this cover is so fun. (X-Factor Forever #4)

If only your boss listened to Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men. (X-Factor Forever #4)

X-Factor, doing what they do best! (X-Factor Forever #4)

BUT WHY ARE THEY ALL DRESSED UP? (X-Factor Forever #4)

Can we all just take a moment to enjoy Sinister’s deeply goofy face in this panel? (X-Factor Forever #4)

“Who’s on first,” Summers family edition. (X-Factor Forever #4)

Seriously, it’s a great reaction image. (X-Factor Forever #4)

Pretty much any variation on this panel will always get me straight in the feels. (X-Factor Forever #4)

“I dunno. What if we just, like, lob a baby at him?” (X-Factor Forever #5)

I just really like this panel. (X-Factor Forever #5)

“You didn’t tell me this was a VACATION,” said Cyclops. (X-Factor Forever #5)

NEXT EPISODE: The Muir Island Saga, and the secret origins of this nonsense!

As Mentioned in Episode 170 – Minor Punitive Heart Attacks

October 29, 2017 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Man, Excalibur, way to be jerks. (Excalibur #37)

If I had a dollar for every dream that had started this way… (Excalibur #37)

Spoiler: Nah. (Excalibur #37)

Kitty, you probably should’ve seen that coming. (Excalibur #37)

And now, some West Coast Avengers! (Excalibur #37)

The Lady of the… swimming pool? (Excalibur #37)

Convenient, that! (Excalibur #37)

Headcanon: He is definitely singing that music. (Excalibur #37)

Pietro’s not wrong; he’s just an asshole. (Excalibur #38)

Captain Britain, everybody. (Excalibur #38)

The heart of Limbo! (Excalibur #38)

“The reel, on the other hand…” (Excalibur #38)

“For me, it was Tuesday.” (Excalibur #39)

Bye, S’ym! (Excalibur #39)

And then everyone forgot he existed. (Excalibur #39)

Or maybe you should learn how meter works. Y’know, just a thought. (Excalibur #40)

Lockheed X-Plains Excalibur. (Excalibur #40)

Lockheed, NO. (Excalibur #40)

Aw. Dai Thomas has his moments. (Excalibur #40)

Spoiler: They do not kill him. (Excalibur #40)

The punchline is that they STILL haven’t figure out phones. (Excalibur #40)

This gag really never gets old. (Excalibur #41)

‘Kay. (Excalibur #41)

It’s always Inferno in here. (Excalibur #41)

This must be the best day of Dai Thomas’s life. (Excalibur #41)

Is it ever, though? (Excalibur #41)

THERE IS NO WAY THAT THAT WON’T BACKFIRE HORRIBLY. (Excalibur #41)

I like the idea that Cable is basically the X-Switchboard at this point. (Excalibur #41)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor Forever!

As Mentioned in Episode 169 – Bad Kansas

October 29, 2017 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

SO, THAT’S GRAPHIC. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Yeah, I’m with Phoenix on this one. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Oh, that’s NEVER good. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

I’m not gonna say that Havok’s hat is the greatest abomination of this world, but it’s a pretty bad hat. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Oh, that makes perfect… sense? (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Seriously. Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

It’s hard to be a Phoenix host in a hell dimension. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Those eyebrows, though. Daaaamn. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Seriously, those things are off the rails. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

And then the Phoenix defeated the Nazis with the power of gayness. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Well, that’s one way to do it. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

So, yeah. Giant Naked Cosmic Nazi Space Xavier. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (New Mutants Summer Special)

Have we mentioned that Brett Blevins is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs? Brett Blevins is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs. (New Mutants Summer Special)