Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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As Mentioned in Episode 484 – Hell Tuba

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A miniseries based on a miniseries! (X-Men: Magik #1)
What are we looking at? Not sure. Is it rad? Definitely. (X-Men: Magik #1)
To paraphrase: it doesn’t have to be practical if it’s AWESOME. (X-Men: Magik #1)
Not the most efficient way to blow up a bunch of Teslas, but certainly stylish. (X-Men: Magik #1)
Only one of them got the note about the dress code. But which? (X-Men: Magik #1)
The Battle for Hell’s Deep. (X-Men: Magik #1)
So, like, what if the sky broke and then cut off your goddamned head, is my question (X-Men: Magik #2)
Everyone’s outfits are very long. (X-Men: Magik #2)
Did we mention that this series is in a hell dimension? (X-Men: Magik #2)
(Pushes up Norse glasses:) Technically, Surtur’s sword Twilight would only be on fire if he’d entered Asgard upon the day of Ragnarök, and… (X-Men: Magik #2)
And then sometimes the art is suddenly beautiful. (X-Men: Magik #2)
(wailing guitar solo) (X-Men: Magik #2)
I now pronounce you Hell-Lord and Sorceress! (X-Men: Magik #3)
Hey, tell us more about Lord Militant Phemous and his Huscarls! (X-Men: Magik #3)
Meanwhile, in the Hell-actic Senate… (X-Men: Magik #3)
You get out of the sky and finish your evil-chrome-skeleton-god dinner this instant, young man! (X-Men: Magik #3)
All hail the Hell Tuba! (X-Men: Magik #4)
Welp, there you have it. (X-Men: Magik #4)
Hey, it’s Death’s Head II! Hi, Death’s Head II! (X-Men: Magik #4)
I’m pretty sure Judas Priest has a song about this. (X-Men: Magik #4)
We need to start a metal band just so we can use this as an album cover. (X-Men: Magik #4)
The last day of summer camp is always bittersweet. (X-Men: Magik #4)
NEXT TIME: Generation X versus that thing!

As Mentioned in Episode 483 – Piotr Lovely Locks

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I appreciate that Shadowcat’s new costume involves her perpetually flipping the (very sharp) bird. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
I mean, it could be worse – you could be Colossus. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
[Epic metal begins] (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
Is Nightcrawler trying to distract from his awful new color scheme by diving at the reader crotch-first? (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
A different look than usual, but I’m not mad at it. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
SEEMS FINE. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
Except that one time! And kind of that other time! (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
Chekhov’s removable skeleton. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
I mean, we’re not not going to show the shattered-moon-and-mountain-of-skulls every time it comes up. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
Magik x-plains the miniseries. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
After this, Warren will be required to take a Defensive Swooping class. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
Oof – right in the outfit! (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
(bonk) (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
A warm welcome back to Polaris’s chest-skull! (X-Men: Black Sun #3)
“Listen, it’s not my fault I’ve been a terrible boyfriend to every woman I’ve dated! And it definitely doesn’t imply anything!” (X-Men: Black Sun #3)
“Hey! That’s my favorite nipple you almost cut off!” (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
Dude needs to hydrate. (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
We’d normally say not to mess with perfection, but that’s not a bad evolution of the Phoenix costume! (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
Now that’s a demon. Well, Ru’tai. (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
The origin of Magik’s bare midriff! (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
You’re missing a bloodstone and a Banshee! (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
Paging Doctor Belmont… (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
Way better than throwing a Poké Ball. (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
Hey, now there are SIX bloodstones! At least Belasco’s throne is rad. (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
From the Arcane Tome of Evil Fashion. (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
BOOM! (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
What if Magik was She-Ra? (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
NEXT TIME: Magik gets metal.

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

As Mentioned in Episode 482 – The Mutant Gene for Murder

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“Mr. Wisdom would have wanted me to show this much chest.” (X-Force #106)
A fitting tribute from Romany Wisdom (Mark II). (X-Force #106)
Come on, Cable totally would have trained X-Force on Robert’s Rules of Order. (X-Force #106)
“Well, you’re looking at a version of it that doesn’t yet have nearly enough black leather.” (X-Force #106)
Upon further consideration: yeah, Meltdown totally designed all of these. (X-Force #107)
Bedlam’s new powers! (X-Force #107)
Meltdown’s new powers! (X-Force #107)
Proudstar’s new powers! (X-Force #107)
“You see, I have the mutant gene for murder.” (X-Force #107)
Domino understood the fashion assignment. (X-Force #108)
Remember, you can shoot the eyeball for double damage. (X-Force #108)
Spy stuff. (X-Force #108)
First you murder all of the children at this birthday party, and then you have the gall to criticize the host’s baking? (X-Force #108)
Meet these guys! But don’t get too attached. (X-Force #108)
But that doesn’t… it looks nothing like… ah, never mind. (X-Force #108)
You can read the entirety of New Mutants and X-Force as the history of Cannonball learning to turn. (X-Force #109)
I bet he’s using his Cable voice for this threat. (X-Force #109)
Tsung has probably seen The Matrix like, a lot. (X-Force #109)
That’s our Tabitha! (X-Force #109)
Mr. Giger sends his regards. (X-Force #109)
NEXT TIME: Claremont’s back!

As Mentioned in Episode 480 – Cross-Time Tattoo Parlor

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A non-dildo future. (X-Man #67)
That doesn’t seem healthy. (X-Man #67)
That really doesn’t seem healthy. (X-Man #67)
Wait, what? (X-Man #67)
It’s surprisingly hard to find a good panel of Nate’s full outfit. (X-Man #68)
Speaking of outfits, Queen Maddie knows how to dress for maximum drama! (X-Man #68)
Well, that can’t be good. (X-Man #68)
Oh, shit. (X-Man #68)
WHAT?! (X-Man #68)
This page is so cool. (X-Man #69)
Conversations with the dead. (X-Man #69)
Bad guys get the coolest cars. (X-Man #70)
Disaster averted. (X-Man #70)
Nate’s new look. (X-Man #70)
Probably for the best, really. (X-Man #70)
NEXT EPISODE: Shockwave comes to Generation X!

LINKS & FURTHER COMPLICATIONS

As Mentioned in Episode 479 – Nancy Drew and the Secret of Carrion Cove

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Jay’s not wrong that the buildings look like giant dildos… but at least they look like fancy dildos! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)
Starring: a bunch of fashionable jerks, mostly! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)
Not a good look when your cops look just like the cops who used to oppress you… (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)
Magneto: Master of Magnetism and Monologues! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)
okay but what about the chest-skull (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)
That floaty platform has a heated floor, blind spot monitoring, and built-in GPS. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #2)
For all your chat reaction needs! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #2)
These here comical books are lookin’ pretty comical-booky. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #2)
Magneto talks to… someone! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #2)
We just like this cover. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)
Everybody fights everybody! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)
In which dust illustrates speed and impact! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)
It’s like the portrait-instead-of-landscape version of widescreen storytelling! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)
Father of the year. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)
To her credit, she does have all the Kirby Krackle. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #4)
Because Mister Sinister is the hidden force behind literally everything. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #4)
Rest in Ponytail, Fabian Cortez. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #4)
“Time to conceive some other on-again, off-again offspring who suck less.” (Magneto: Dark Seduction #4)
NEXT TIME: X-Man!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

  • That thing about the cooking show and spreader bars and Namor that Jay was talking about
  • Information and pencils from Chris Claremont and Rick Leonardi’s canceled Phoenix miniseries

As Mentioned in Episode 478 – The Monologue Tube

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Alan Davis protests the death of Cyclops. (From this link)
X-teams, past to present. (At least the ones who still had comics in 2000.) (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Well, at least this time he’s leaving with someone other than those five motorcycle guys who could turn into a sixth motorcycle guy. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
It really, really isn’t. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
“…why do you call yourself X-Man, anyway?” (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Suddenly, the plot! (Uncanny X-Men #379)
“Sacre blue, non! Our elf ears!” (Uncanny X-Men #379)
“you guys i am so mad right now you have no idea” (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Toad, did you just… have that mirror with you? (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Just a really good cover. (X-Force #101)
That pacing, though. (X-Force #101)
Aww man. (X-Force #101)
We’ve all been there, kid. Well, maybe not exactly there, but like… metaphorically. (X-Force #101)
Meltdown counsels a sad child in a comic by Joseph Harris, part 2. (X-Force #101)
Doctor Wily, is that you? (X-Men #99)
“You wanna play paintball with us?” (X-Men #99)
How does a costume that looks so good when you’re blue look so silly when you’re not? (X-Men #99)
I’m not so sure about this Storm-and-Marrow-as-camp-counselors subplot, but I do love me some soap opera. (X-Men #99)
Businesspeople and bikers: the two genders. (X-Men #99)
Tentacle-guys, demons, and hulks: the three genders. (X-Men #99)
Mystique really misses that lamp. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
Logan may be dying, but his eyebrows are very impressive right now. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
“Plus, they charged us like thirty bucks just to bring a carry-on!” (Uncanny X-Men #380)
The S stands for Sexy. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
We’ve all had that dream, Blob. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
Bye, Alan Davis! It’s been weird but pretty fun! (Uncanny X-Men #380)
NEXT TIME: Magneto versus everybody.

As Mentioned in Episode 477 – Ages of Apocalypse

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Jean Grey sums up this podcast. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
No smoking in the Skull Cave. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
“Was this outfit a mistake? I’m worried this outfit was a mistake.” (Uncanny X-Men #379)
“This outfit was definitely not a mistake, sugah.” (Uncanny X-Men #379)
To be fair, not her worst costume. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Remember this for the next four chapters! ‘Cause the writers won’t. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Don’t bring a sword to a gun- and/or Psimitar-fight. (Cable #77)
We learned that a horse helmet is called a chanfron, sometimes spelled shaffron, and that Magneto’s horse has the greatest one of all time. (Cable #77)
The literal power behind the throne. (Cable #77)
*cries in alternate timeline* (Cable #77)
We never get sick of that coloring technique. (Cable #77)
*record scratch* “You’re probably wondering how I got here…” (Wolverine #148)
“Logan, you know perfectly well that skeletons can’t drink, and even asking me is offensive and hurtful.” (Wolverine #148)
Is this issue good? That’s the wrong question. Is this issue fun? Absolutely. (Wolverine #148)
Nate Grey as Onslaught… Could this get any more 90s? (Wolverine #148)
I mean, might be an upgrade at this point. (See also: One World Under Doom, on sale now.) (Wolverine #148)
One of a very large number of excellent Phoenix costume color combinations. (X-Men Unlimited #26)
What’s Siphon’s deal? No one knows! (X-Men Unlimited #26)
Don’t think of it as losing a costume so much as gaining a robo-pterodactyl. (X-Men Unlimited #26)
Hey, it’s Excalibur! Kinda! (X-Men Unlimited #26)
Know why there isn’t sound in space? Because Banshee lost his voice. (X-Men Unlimited #26)
The one we’ve been waiting for! (Uncanny X-Men #380)
That ol’ Alan Davis alchemy. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
I want to read a whole comic about them! (Uncanny X-Men #380)
Utterly charming. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
The Brotherhood of 2099! Between Magneto and Polaris, we have complete shoulder fur-coverage. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
“Everyone, blast your thing at the thing!” (Uncanny X-Men #380)
Comic book structure as comic book storytelling. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
NEXT TIME: All the mutants lose their powers!

As Mentioned in Episode 476 – The Moppets Take Manhattan

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Moppets on the run! (Generation X #59)
The meme before the meme but after the thing that became the meme. (Generation X #59)
Generation X vs. New Warriors. (Generation X #59)
Can’t really argue with that. (Generation X #59)
R.I.P., Butter Rum. (Generation X #59)
Oh, hey, it’s Mondo! (Generation X #60)
I don’t know if it’s the pose, or the color and font of the text, or what, but I can’t shake the idea that this is their holiday card. (Generation X #60)
Have you ever seen him in the same place as Santa? I REST MY CASE. (Generation X #61)
Spirit Halloween Hellfire Club. (Generation X #60)
Look at this silly-ass Dracula. (Generation X #60)
He will hypnotize you with the power of… ugly wallpaper! (Generation X #61)
Vampire quick-change? (Generation X #62)
Vampire quick-change! (Generation X #62)
NEXT EPISODE: Ages of Apocalypse!

Links & Further Conflagrations:

As Mentioned in Episode 475 – Cross-Time Crisis

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If ever there was a time to bring back Bill Sienkiewicz for a cover… (X-Force #99)
Look at that varied crowd of background characters! And also that pig backpack! (X-Force #99)
Black toner cartridge has been depleted. Please replace black toner cartridge. (X-Force #99)
Is there a ghost in that necklace? Or maybe Malice 2.0? We’ll never know. (X-Force #99)
Sometimes, the bear eats you. (X-Force #99)
Don’t apologize for your awesome fantasy world, Arcadia! It’s great! (X-Force #99)
Creeeeepy doll. (X-Force #99)
Hi, Triune Understanding subplot! Bye, Triune Understanding subplot! (X-Force #99)
Not with a whimper, but with a bang and also a lot of narration. (X-Force #99)
Meet Dani, Dani, Dani, and Dani. (X-Force #99)
The Queen of the Star Swords: multiversal conqueror and also heavy metal album cover subject. (X-Force #100)
That’s all we get to see of the Queen of the Star Swords’ citadel. Looks like it’s probably pretty cool, though, right? (X-Force #100)
Less spiky than in the present day, but still a good look, Queen. (X-Force #100)
And that’s it for the resurrected-Juliana subplot. At least this one gets a satisfying, if sad, conclusion. (X-Force #100)
Well, the inside of the citadel looks pretty cool, at least! (X-Force #100)
Meet X-Force of Earth-130000! (X-Force #100)
It’s X-Force of Earth-8280, we think! Maybe Cannonball was supposed to be Cypher? (X-Force #100)
The saddest X-Force, numerical reality designation unknown. (X-Force #100)
X-Force of Earth-10003, AKA the Pete Wisdom-verse. (X-Force #100)
X-Force of… a lot of places. Fight! (X-Force #100)
“I’ll zap you so hard you’ll turn into a baby!” (X-Force #100)
G’Journey, Cable of Earth-3100… (X-Force #100)
…and G’Journey, John Francis Moore’s X-Force. (X-Force #100)
NEXT TIME: Mondo’s back, for the first time!

As Mentioned in Episode 474 – Giant-Size Special #13 (feat. Anthony Oliveira)

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Hey, that’s not what Warlock looks like in this series! (Warlock #1)
Jeez, Doug’s coffin needs to put up a NO TRESPASSING sign or something. (Warlock #1)
We had to really try to not just post all of Warlock’s transformations in this visual companion. (Warlock #1)
Meet Hope! No, not that one. The other one. (Warlock #1)
Anime hair, robot dinosaurs, and angst! (Warlock #2)
Classic (x2). (Warlock #2)
Warlock’s health is readable through the length of his cape. (Warlock #2)
Meet the Psi-Cops! (Warlock #3)
Our core cast! (Warlock #4)
Terry Gilliam’s been trying to make this movie for decades. (Warlock #4)
Jack Kirby smiles from the afterlife. (Warlock #4)
We love these kids. Wish they’d stuck around. (Warlock #4)
Mainspring can villain-splain with the best of them. Also… toucan? (Warlock #5)
I mean, to Warlock’s credit, it is pretty cool. (Warlock #5)
Team-up time! (Warlock #6)
“Alas, poor Bastion! I knew him-” SPAKKOW! (Warlock #6)
An oversimplification of the events of this story? Yes. Still hilarious? Also yes. (Warlock #7)
Friendship! (Warlock #7)
Grade A villainy, Mainspring! (Warlock #7)
I WANNA CLIMB IT. (Warlock #8)
“I know writers who use subtext, and they’re all cowards.” (Warlock #8)
If dad bods were evil. (Warlock #8)
/ FIGHT / TRANSFORM / MAGIC / ITEM / (Warlock #9)
“Eel” catch you later, dad! (Warlock #9)
When strength of identity meets strength of robot dinosaur. (Warlock #9)
If most of the cast will never be seen again, that’s not a bad panel to go out on. (Warlock #9)
Avengers Academy: Marvel’s Voices Infinity Comic by Anthony Oliveira!
NEXT TIME: Demon Bear!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING