In which we sneak out of Christmas to review funnybooks, and Sixis finally (finally!) ends.
Reviewed:
All-New X-Factor #18 (0:33)
Axis #9 (2:37)
All-New X-Men Annual #1 (3:51)
*Uncanny X-Men #29 (5:56)
Death of Wolverine: The Logan Legacy #7 (8:08)
Cyclops #8 (10:24)
Magneto #13 (12:16)
*Pick of the Week (14:31)
Video reviews are made possible by the support of our Patreon subscribers. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Here in the X-Pert Cave, we hew to some fairly specific Christmas Eve traditions, but if you’re at a loss for how to ring in the holiday, listener Mike Joyner sent us this 1990 gem: official X-mas carols, from What The? #7. (Click through for high-res.)
(If anyone actually takes these caroling, please send us videos, because that would be AMAZING.)
We were going to save this card–from spectacular artist and all-around excellent human Lee Moyer–for Christmas proper, but it’s way too awesome not to share early. (Click through for high-res.)
Art by Sal Buscema and Karl Bollers, Marvel Holiday Special 1994 one-shot (1994)
HI, LISTENERS! Some of you have been asking us to write an X-Men holiday gift guide. We think it’s very thoughtful of you to consider purchasing gifts for fictional characters, and to help you out, we have created this handy last-minute guide! Click through for our picks for Beast, Shadowcat, and six more…
THE COMPLETE GUMBY
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FOR: Beast. We already know Hank McCoy is a fan of Art Clokey’s weird green guy–in fact, back in his Defenders days, he used to collect and trade bootleg Gumby VHSs (seriously–it’s canon). Modern Beast has been having a rough time; give him an excuse to unwind with seven disks’ worth of psychedelic claymation, and maybe a plate of pot brownies.
(And now we’re imagining a stoner comedy starring Hank McCoy and Abigail Brand. MARVEL. CALL US.)
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WHAT HE’D PREFER: Moral certitude.
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BACKUP GIFT:Dr. Strange: A Separate Reality, by Steve Englehart and Frank Brunner, because you know Beast would be super into a comic about a buddy of his that two dudes literally wrote while wandering around Central Park tripping balls in the middle of the night.
RIP IT: HOW TO DECONSTRUCT AND RECONSTRUCT THE CLOTHES OF YOUR DREAMS, BY ELISSA MYRICH
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FOR: Shadowcat. The X-Men’s most die-hard superfashionista can always use another tool in her arsenal–after all, you never know when you’ll find yourself hankering for a new costume with no Shi’ar tech in sight.
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WHAT SHE’D PREFER: A canonical girlfriend.
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BACKUP GIFT:The Complete Elfquest, vol. 1.
MAGNUM, P.I.’S SIGNATURE HAWAIIAN SHIRT
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FOR: Sunspot. I mean, Bobby da Costa probably already owns one of these, or six, but you can really never have too many backup Magnum, P.I. shirts, right?
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WHAT HE’D PREFER: To actually be Magnum, P.I.
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BACKUP GIFT: A signed pinup of Tom Selleck.
THE REQUISITE UGLY HOLIDAY SWEATER
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FOR: Cyclops. Left to his own devices, Scott Summers basically dresses like a six-year-old and has a long tradition of happily sporting really, really horrible sweaters; so you know he’ll at least get some use from it. (Plus, if he hates it, he’ll probably be too polite to say anything.)
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WHAT HE’D PREFER: A world in which he’s functionally irrelevant.
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BACKUP GIFT: Socks.
ERROL FLYNN FILM COLLECTION
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FOR: Nightcrawler. Kurt Wagner is a huge Errol Flynn fan, to the point of modifying his image inducer to reproduce the visage of the classic swashbuckler; so he’s sure to enjoy a boxed set of Flynn’s most famous films.
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WHAT HE’D PREFER: A soul.
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BACKUP GIFT: A collection of John Donne sonnets.
LOCAS: THE MAGGIE AND HOPIE STORIES, BY JAIME HERNANDEZ
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FOR: Magik. I have no actual narrative justification for this. I just think Magik would really dig some Love & Rockets.
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WHAT SHE’D PREFER: Nothing your fragile mortal mind can grasp, kid.
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BACKUP GIFT: A iPod preloaded with pop-culture nostalgia podcasts. For someone who runs with the unusually pop-savvy New Mutants, Illyana has spent relatively little of her life with any kind of media access.
CLASSIC X-MEN PVC SET
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FOR: Iceman. Bobby Drake is all about original-five nostalgia, and he’s kind of a goofball, so he would probably enjoy the hell out of this X-Men PVC set, featuring the original team, Professor X, and Magneto (and one of the better Iceman sculpts out there).
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WHAT HE’D PREFER: For Professor X to still be alive and everyone to be friends again.
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BACKUP GIFT: An Elsa tiara.
ALL SEVEN SEASONS OF DESIGNING WOMEN
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FOR: Rogue. Look, Rogue does not need another pair of fancy gloves. What Rogue needs is seven seasons of the most badass, progressive, Bechdel-test-acing Southern-lady sitcom of all time.
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WHAT SHE’D PREFER: A three-day bender with Julia Sugarbaker, and maybe conscious control over her powers.
Art by David Wynne. Prints available in the shop until 12/28, or contact David for the original!
In which we play Six Degrees of Lila Cheney; Cannonball gets a makeover; Earth does not in fact blow up; the X-Men like their s’mores with thinly veiled allegories; and Magik dabbles in erotic friend fiction.
X-Plained:
Strong Guy
Annuals
New Mutants Annual #1 (Steal This Planet)
Lila Cheney
Both versions of Cats Laughing
The Vrakanain
Chris Claremont Book Club
Uncanny X-Men Annual #8 (The Adventures of Lockheed the Space Dragon and His Pet Girl Kitty)
Some dubious campfire games
Illyana’s Space Opera
Space pirate X-Men
Some long-awaited resolution
NEXT WEEK: Rachel and Miles’s Giant-Size Special #1, featuring God Loves, Man Kills!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
In which it’s a good week for Iceman and Rachel is pretty much done with Sixis.
Reviewed: Death of Wolverine: The Weapon X Program #4 (0:28) Storm #6 (2:04) Axis #8 (4:15) Axis: Revolutions #4 (5:55)
*All-New X-Men #34 (8:50)
*Pick of the week (11:31)
Video reviews are made possible by the support of our Patreon subscribers. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Last week, we had a little time after finishing the video reviews, so we decided to pull back the curtain for a conversation about process, sticking points, and the origin of the ubiquitous sunglasses.
Coming never, to a theater near you. (Dazzler: The Movie)
A friend pointed out that this comic is a pretty great window into what a certain category of dude thinks ladies do when they’re alone. (Dazzler: The Movie)
Wait, what? (Dazzler: The Movie)
Seriously, had Jim Shooter ever actually read any X-Men at this point? (Dazzler: The Movie)
Meet your romantic lead. (Dazzler: The Movie)
At some point, we’re going to do a roundup of every panel in this graphic novel where someone talks to themself in a mirror. Spoiler: THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM. (Dazzler: The Movie)
The really funny thing about this scene is that Frank Springer is apparently physically incapable of drawing women who don’t look like fashion illustrations, so she’s literally thinner here than in the earlier scene she’s comparing herself to. (Dazzler: The Movie)
So, that went about as well as you’d expect. (Dazzler: The Movie)
JFC, Roman. (Dazzler: The Movie)
“And it doesn’t even have Cher in it!” (Dazzler: The Movie)
I don’t care what it’s about, or what happens in it. THIS is the correct way to open your miniseries. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Hi, Hank McCoy! (Beauty and the Beast #1)
True fact: This is what ALL parties in LA are like. I think. Probably. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Aw, Hugo, you’re not sinister at all. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Beast is kind of an asshole in this miniseries. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
GET IT? GET IT? BECAUSE IT’S THE TITLE OF THE SERIES! GET IT? (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Wow, Wonder Man. Tell us how you really feel. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Introducing: The best characters in this series! (Also: That guy is not actually Abraham Lincoln, but we can pretend.) (Beauty and the Beast #1)
AND THEN BEAST STRANGLED A HORSE GUY WITH A PHONE CORD. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
And now, a lot of pictures of the residents of the Heartbreak Hotel! (Beauty and the Beast #2)
We decided that her superhero name is “Pantone.” (Beauty and the Beast #2)
This is Link, who is a mime? Maybe? Anyway, the Heartbreak Hotel is the best, and we want it to have its own World’s End-style series. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
Oooooooooooooooh. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
Meanwhile in Latveria, this. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
Okay, look, I know it’s a Grand-Guignol-style arena, but you have to admit that its sets are epic as hell. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
Wellp. (Beauty and the Beast #3)
And now, back to the TRUE stars of the series. (Beauty and the Beast #3)
“Oh, my god! They’ve… they’ve decanted her!” (Beauty and the Beast #3)
Awwwww. Seriously, though, do you not want to see a series about Kate’s friends and her old-school superhero (or supervillain) adventures? (Beauty and the Beast #3)
We’d like to point out that they just had this entire set and the costumes lying around. JUST IN CASE. (Beauty and the Beast #3)
That’s pretty cold, Alexander. Pretty. Cold. (Beauty and the Beast #3)
Wait, what? (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Wait, WHAT? (Beauty and the Beast #4)
WAIT, WHAT? (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Several months ago, Rachel said that Havok had the dumbest hat in the Marvel Universe. She was mistaken. Alexander von Doom has the dumbest hat in the Marvel Universe. We regret the error. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Spoiler: He is straight-up force-choking some dudes. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Truly the worst von Doom. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Doctor Doom: disappointed parent. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
NO, SERIOUSLY: TALES FROM THE HEARTBREAK HOTEL. Now. Please. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
In which literally every character in Dazzler: The Movie is the absolute worst; Beauty and the Beast is secretly kind of awesome; Ann Nocenti is an editorial war-bard; Rachel issues a hat-related retraction; and we would read the hell out of Tales from the Heartbreak Hotel.
X-Plained:
The many mutations of Hank McCoy
Alison Blaire
Dazzler: The Movie
Dazzler’s corporate origins
The original plans for the actual unmade Dazzler movie
Severely off-model Storm
Ziggy the Butler
Several frankly horrifying courtships
Roman Nekoboh
Eric Beale
Beauty and the Beast (but not that one)
The correct way to open a miniseries
Ann Nocenti
Alexander Flynn
The importance of voice in writing Beast
Max Rocker
The Heartbreak Hotel (but not that one) and its residents
Nocenti narration
Some really dubious underground theater
The worst hat
What Dazzler’s been up to lately
NEXT WEEK: Rock’n’Roll Annuals… IN SPACE!
ART CHALLENGE: Join us in a world where Beauty and the Beast spinoff Tales from the Heartbreak Hotel is a real, published comic–and send us your fan-art from that series!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
