Reviewing media here always feels like straddling a fence. On one hand, I’m a professional critic, and that’s a lens that never really goes away. On the other hand, when I’m writing or talking at xplainthexmen.com, I’m largely speaking as a fan, to other fans; and my considerations change accordingly. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, those perspectives line up, and everything is smooth sailing.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Perfect cover is perfect. (Uncanny X-Men #239)
Hey, kids! Can you count the OSHA violations on this page? (Uncanny X-Men #239)
Does it get more Mr. Sinister than sitting on a giant crystal throne playing with X-Men action figures and expositing dramatically to himself? No. No, it does not. (Uncanny X-Men #239)
This moment is so good, and so chilling. (Uncanny X-Men #239)
Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes the bar eats you. (Uncanny X-Men #239)
ABORT ABORT BAD IDEA ABORT (Uncanny X-Men #239)
“Also, apparently they were really into Pinterest.” (Uncanny X-Men #239)
I am pretty sure I have seen this exact image on the front cover of at least one VHS tape. (Uncanny X-Men #239)
Here’s every panel of Madelyne’s black dress, in order. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
Hi, M-Squad. Bye, M-Squad. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
This whole scene is so exquisitely unsettling. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
Rogue, that is… quite an outfit. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
Meanwhile, in a completely different comic book. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
“Mr. Weatherbee didn’t really go into the details of this exchange program.” (Uncanny X-Men #240)
I don’t know why I find Scrambler so endlessly hilarious, but, GOD, I do. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
Silvestri doesn’t get to do nearly as much as Blevins or Simonson with possessed objects; but he’ll make up for it with the amazing demonic cityscapes in #242. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
Close Encounters with the Fourth Wall, Colossus Edition. (Nah, they’re clones. BUT STILL.) (Uncanny X-Men #241)
I swear this police-car demon is a reference to SOMETHING, but I can’t for the life of me remember what. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
“Fuck this. I’m gonna go hang out in New Mutants.” (Uncanny X-Men #241)
This cannot POSSIBLY end well. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
“Also, I liked that scene way more when Paul Smith drew it.” (Uncanny X-Men #240)
The Greys really never catch a break. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
Nebraska: Definitely the worst state. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
And you thought your family holidays were awkward. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
Oh, damn. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
There’s at least one alternate universe in which Mister Sinister founded the X-men; but the only detail I remember is that their costumes are WAY fancier. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
This detail makes Madelyne’s story infinitely sadder. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
In which Mister Sinister effectively seals the fate of the world. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
That’s. My. Girl. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
Oh, snap. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
And then a hot dog stand ate Calvin and Hobbes. (X-Factor #36)
Awwww. (X-Factor #36)
Cool scene; dumb hats. (X-Factor #36)
In a just world, every time you looked at this panel, heroic music would start playing. (X-Factor #36)
Let’s all just take a moment to admire the composition of this splash page. (X-Factor #37)
The amazing BelleChere cosplays a phenomenalĀ page-accurate Goblin Queen, sometimes alongside either Rule-63 or original-flavor Sinister! (Madelyne is only one of a ton of really terrific X-Men cosplay BelleChere has done over the years; we highly recommend clicking through her galleries to see the rest!)
Amanda Lafrenais draws awesome comics and has rats named after soup! (Link may not be work-safe–contains some cartoon nudity.)
In which we recap nearly 200 issues in under three minutes; Madelyne Pryor is the Medea of X-Men; Mister Sinister takes the stage; Dazzler is basically an ’80s movie refugee; Scrambler may or may not be an exchange student from the Riverdale Marauders; Marc Silvestri is excellent at some things and less so at others; nothing good happens in Nebraska; Trish Tilby is the April O’Neil of X-Factor; and we swear that it was a total coincidence that this episode went up on Mother’s Day.
X-PLAINED:
One solution to the existential conundrum of the Carol Danvers who is also kind of part of Rogue
Pretty much everything that’s happened since the Dark Phoenix Saga
The structure of Inferno
Uncanny X-Men #239-241
X-Factor #36-37
The rise of the Goblin Queen
Several deaths in elevators
Mister Sinister and his amazing action-figure collection
The evolution of Mark Silvestri
Madelyne and Alex
A very symbolic dress
The Rainbow Room
M-Squad
That damn costume
1989 in outfit form
Jay’s favorite Marauder
Rats-R-Us
Wolverine vs. a mail box
The X-Men, but evil
The secret origin of Madelyne Pryor
A long-anticipated reunion
Objects we’d demonically animate
Which X-Man should do your taxes
NEXT WEEK: The Passion of Madelyne Pryor
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
JayĀ and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want toĀ help support the podcastāand unlock more cool stuffāyou can do thatĀ right here!
In which we change locations; Uncanny X-Men is intriguing but uneven; X-Men ’92 is chock full o’ Draculas; and Books With Pictures is your futureĀ favorite comics shop!
REVIEWED:
Uncanny X-Men #7 (01:48)
*X-Men ’92 #3 (06:52)
*Pick of the Week (10:27)
Come to Books With Pictures this Saturday for Free Comic Book Day! https://bookswithpictures.com/
JayĀ and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. TheseĀ video reviewsāand everything else hereāare made possible by the support of ourĀ Patreon subscribers. If you want toĀ help support the podcastāand unlock more cool stuffāyou can do thatĀ right here!
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
He’s not wrong; he’s just an asshole. (New Mutants #71)
Aw, kiddo. (New Mutants #71)
There’s a lot of more overtly awful stuff S’ym has done, but very little of it gets under my skin as badly as this scene. (New Mutants #71)
Brett Blevins’ Inferno might be the best Inferno. (New Mutants #71)
WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (New Mutants #71)
N’astirh Guy(TM) (New Mutants #71)
Nothing that begins with this line ever ends well. (New Mutants #71)
Okay. This looks bad. (New Mutants #71)
On its own, this is a perfectly serviceable cover; but it’s also a subtle and pretty brutal nod to the last issue of the Magik miniseries. (New Mutants #72)
Possibly the most metal title page to ever appear in an X-book. (New Mutants #72)
Calling it: Blevins’s is my hands-down favorite take on Inferno-infested New York. (New Mutants #72)
GAH. (New Mutants #72)
And now, a brief and delightful respite from the tragedy playing out in the A plot. (New Mutants #72)
Savor this moment: it’s not often you get to see New Mutants making a responsible choice! (New Mutants #72)
WELL, THEN. (New Mutants #72)
N’astirh levels up… (New Mutants #72)
…But so does Illyana. (New Mutants #72)
Death of Supergirl homage cover. Take a drink. (New Mutants #73)
T-O S’ym is so creepy, y’all. (New Mutants #73)
THERE ARE NOT ADEQUATE WORDS FOR HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS PAGE. (New Mutants #73)
That Colossus makes room in his rather minimal uniform for a photo wallet is kind of adorable an very much in character. (New Mutants #73)
“And that’s what you get for teaching new math!” (New Mutants #73)
We didn’t think of this until after the episode was recorded, but Illyana’s final armored form bears a lot of resemblance to her brother’s. (New Mutants #73)
This dude is pretty great. (New Mutants #73)
The Darkchilde in her final form. (New Mutants #73)
And so it ends… (New Mutants #73)
…or does it? (New Mutants #73)
“Or stick around in the background and then die of the Legacy Virus and come back like 20 years later without a soul. The point is, you’ve got options.” (New Mutants #73)
NEXT WEEK: The rise of the Goblin Queen.
LINKS AND FURTHER LISTENING:
We discussed the Magik miniseries inĀ Episode 19 – Acorns and Swords.
In which everyone’s got Inferno issues; Brett Blevins makes it work; Belasco is conspicuously absent from Inferno; you should never go into Hell barefoot; the greatest X-Men stories are about loss; and Illyana Rasputin finally gets a fairy tale ending.
X-PLAINED
Tempus (Eva Bell)
Storm and Illyana: Magik #1-4 (briefly)
The two major Inferno plotlines
New Mutants #71-73
The best of Brett Blevins
The rise and fall of Magik
The ethics of time-travel interventions
A weaponized retcon
N’astirh Guyā¢
A chair that is also a moral event horizon
A significant soul-armor upgrade
Several variations on a chapter title
Possessed New York
An overly complex conspiracy theory
A bittersweet reunion
The Kobayashi Maru scenario as applied to X-Men
An even more bittersweet victory (of sorts)
The eventual return of Magik (sort of)
Why it’s really irresponsible to affiliate your school with a superhero team
Our favorite versions of Wolfsbane’s transitional form
NEXT WEEK:
The Rise of the Goblin Queen!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
JayĀ and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want toĀ help support the podcastāand unlock more cool stuffāyou can do thatĀ right here!
Jay here!Ā X-Men ’92Ā co-writer and all-around radĀ dude Chris Sims was in town last week, and after a few days of weird theme parks, pizza, Powell’s, and blowing a LOT ofĀ quarters on theĀ X-Men arcade game,Ā we decided to sit down for a spur-of-the-moment late-night Q&A session, featuring fancy tea, a whooooooole lot of sunglasses, and PROBABLY not Chad Bowers hiding in nearby foliage:
Thanks to everyone who sent in questions!
JayĀ and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. TheseĀ video reviewsāand everything else hereāare made possible by the support of ourĀ Patreon subscribers. If you want toĀ help support the podcastāand unlock more cool stuffāyou can do thatĀ right here!
In which it’s an All-Wolverine week, with bonus Squirrel Girl!
REVIEWED:
*All-New Wolverine #7 (00:25)
Old Man Logan #5 (05:57)
*Pick of the week (12:34)
CRITICAL UPDATE: THERE IS NOW ALSO A SONG:
JayĀ and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. TheseĀ video reviewsāand everything else hereāare made possible by the support of ourĀ Patreon subscribers. If you want toĀ help support the podcastāand unlock more cool stuffāyou can do thatĀ right here!
In Episode 104, we challenged you to submit your versions of the Noodle Incident: whatever Big, Terrible Thing Cyclops did to earn the enmity of most of the post-Secret Wars Marvel Universe.
We got aĀ lot of awesome entries, but in the end, the standouts were clear. It is therefore out great pleasure to announce the official winner of the 2016 Noodle Incident Contest:
We also decided to go ahead and expand the winners’ circle to include a runner-up, because anyĀ shaggy-dog joke that makes us laugh asĀ hard as Zachary SP’s deserves a prize of its own:
Following SECRET WARS, Cyclops ended up more-or-less where he was before, leading the outlaw X-Men. But incubating in his head was a surviving ember of the Phoenix Force from when he merged with it during the incursion from Earth-1616. As a primal force of rebirth, the power of the Phoenix didn’t stay dormant for long. When it flared back to life, it brought with it memories of Battleworld up until Cyclops’ death at the hands of Doom.Ā
Realizing the artificial nature of this new reality, Cyclops became resentful. Someone rebuilt the entire worldĀ and didn’t bother to try and make things any better for mutants? And – even worse – they rebuilt Cyclops-the-terrorist without necessarily replicating the decisions he made that got him to that point. Someone else was responsible for him being where he was.
Cyclops being Cyclops, he could not accept this as easy absolution for his mistakes. He wouldn’t even undo those mistakes, given the opportunity. He wanted to take full responsibility for his actions. He wanted to be sure that he was in control of – if nothing else – himself. To that end, he started building a device.
The press was calling him “terrorist” and “supervillain” anyway. Why not live up to it?
Time travel wasn’t the answer. Hank tried to give Scott the kind of perspective he needed when he brought forward the original five X-Men, but, for once, Hank didn’t go far enough. Cyclops felt the need to extend his perception to all points on his personal timeline at once. If he succeeded at his goal, maybe he could make different decisions along that timeline. Maybe not. It didn’t matter. Scott had seen enough time travel to know that “going back and fixing things” never makes anything better. He just had to know that all the Cyclopses that make up the Cyclops of today were Cyclops. He had to relive all those moments, all at the same time, to be sure.
He had the means to do this at his disposal all along. After all, what he was searching for was unimpeded vision. He needed to take off the visor for the last time.
One set of scavenged Hank McCoy marginalia, one jury-rigged Cerebro, one hijacked particle accelerator, and four truckloads of ruby quartz later, the Psioptic Gene-Force Accumulator was ready. Having learned supervillainy from the best, he took the time to broadcast his manifesto to the world before he activated his machine. After finishing his speech, he took off his visor and stared down eternity.
The tidal effects of Cyclops’ amplified, contained, and compounded optic blasts registered on seismographs worldwide. No one noticed, though, because the psychic effects hit first. Cyclops’ machine didn’t only affect him; its ripples spread to everyone on Earth. In an instant, everyone’s perceptions stretchedĀ forward and backward to encompass every conscious moment of their lives. The effect of suddenly being aware of every decision one has ever made was too much to bear for the vast majority of the world’s population. The world’s population was paralyzed with existential fear and guilt. And yet, Cyclops poured more and more power into the machine.
The superheroes stopped him, of course. It turns out the superhero community has a disproportionate number of people who are accustomed to agonizing over past tragedies 24/7. Spider-Man rallied the troops. Kitty Pryde got them inside. Magneto put Cyclops down. Squirrel Girl was also there, and also she was totally fine because Squirrel Girl has no regrets.
Once the world’s perceptions de-stretched back to their usual 4-D capabilities, they associated Cyclops with the near-lethal dose of guilt they all just suffered. Everyone had unpleasant memories they’d rather have forgotten dredged up by Cyclops’s machine. Mentioning the event tended to dredge those memories back up, so no one discussed any specifics about the incident ever again.
How did Cyclops know his machine would work? There is a principle in physics where objects falling into massive gravity wells stretch out, becoming longer and thinner as they are pulled in. He simply replicated this principle with the combination ofĀ forceĀ and visionĀ inherent to his optic blastsĀ instead of mass.