Do you wish Les Miserables were about X-Men? TODAY YOU ARE IN LUCK: Here is a downloadable version of the parody of “At the End of the Day” that closed Episode 226!
At the End of the Fight
Author: Jay
As Mentioned in Episode 226 – Les Mutants
Listen to the podcast here!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line! 
Meet Random. (X-Factor #88) 
Quesada ribbons: totally a thing! (X-Factor #88) 
Look, if it works, it works. (X-Factor #88) 
Well, THAT can’t be good. (X-Factor #88) 
Who Wore It Better, Garden of Earthly Delights Edition! Genosha, or… (X-Factor #89) 
…Hieronymus Bosch? (Bosh. Definitely Bosch.) 
Oh, kiddo. (X-Factor #89) 
Romance! (X-Factor #88) 
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (X-Factor #89) 
Big mood. (X-Factor #90) 
Remember when Alex Summers was actually pretty awesome? (X-Factor #90) 
GENOSHA WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU (so much) (X-Factor #90) 
Harsh but valid. (X-Factor #90) 
Meet Mutate #24601, whose mutant power is probably painfully complex internal rhymes. (X-Factor #90) 
Aw, these goofballs. (X-Factor #90) 
Genosha’s sanitation system is ridiculous. (X-Factor #91) 
A+ lurking, Rahne! (X-Factor #91) 
This definitely won’t come back to haunt Jamie. (It definitely will.) (X-Factor #91) 
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. Everything!
At the End of the Fight
Lyrics by Jay Edidin, with apologies to Herbert Kretzmer
Performed by *Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young.
*Soloists
[X-FACTOR]
At the end of the fight you’re another page older
And that’s all you can say for the X-Factor life
It’s a struggle, it’s a war
And just when you think that you’re winning
You find yourself stuck on the moon, facing down Stryfe
And the fight’s just beginning
At the end of the fight you’re another fight older
And the X on your jacket won’t keep out the chill
And the readers all hurry past
To the six other X-books they’re buying
As the Legacy Virus spreads fast, ready to kill
One fight nearer to dying
[COMPANY]
A tthe end of the fight there’s another fight coming
A crossover next week, an annual soon
Like a storm that’ll break any second
Foreshadowing Fatal Attractions
There’s a reckoning still to be reckoned
Plus the critics’ hot takes and reactions
And the future is not looking bright
At the end of the fight
[VAL COOPER]
At the end of the fight there will be a debriefing
You don’t get to slack in a government job
[STRONG GUY]
We’ve got better things to do
And this system doesn’t seem fair
After all, we threw all the punches
[POLARIS]
Plus, we don’t care
[STRONG GUY+ WOLFSBANE]
And we need a vacation.
[MULTIPLEMAN]
Have you seen how Val Cooper is fuming today
[QUICKSILVER]
She might be possessed, she seems so out of sorts
[VAL]
Step it up Summers, there’s paperwork waiting–
They’re not dissertations, just mission reports
[COMPANY]
At the end of the fight it’s another fight over
To whatever extent superhero fights end
Fight Magneto, fight the Blob
Fight some guy we just met in a sewer
What the hell, at least it’s a job
Just find us the next evildoer
‘Cause there’s no resolution in sight
At the end of the fight
LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE:
- David Dinkins was New York City’s first Black mayor and a pretty interesting dude.
- The Lindbergh baby was not in fact safely returned. Sorry, Rahne.
- If you want to know more about Genosha, check out Episode 99 – Those Who Walk Away From Genosha.
- You can hear about Havok’s short career as a magistrate in Episode 156 – Genosha Strikes Back.
- For Val Cooper’s unfortunate encounter with a tentacle monster, listen to Episode 216 – X-Amining X-Factor.
226 – Les Mutants
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS
In which Havok actually used to be pretty great; there are at least four attorneys in the Marvel Universe; Genosha continues to be wildly problematic; Hieronymus Bosch was not Comics Code-compliant; Quicksilver goes on vacation; Polaris has no time for your love triangle; Wolfsbane can maul as many magistrates as she wants; and Multiple Man makes a choice.
X-PLAINED:
• Damian Tryp
• An unconventional staffing practice
• Genosha (more) (again)
• The devolution of Alex Summers’ personality
• Several attorneys in the Marvel Universe
• X-Factor #88-91
• Random (Marshall Stone III)
• Joe Quesada’s signature ribbons
• Checkbook heroism
• Kids these days
• Genoshan reconstruction
• Several gardens of earthly delights
• Puberty
• A mercifully abandoned plan
• A conspiracy
• A significant tonal shift
• Mutate #24601
• RoboJean
• Genosha’s sanitation system
• Dick Chalker
• Magneto Rex
• Humans in Magneto’s Genosha
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. everything
Thanks to everyone who helped bring Jay’s weird musical dream to life:
*Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young.
*Soloists
Special thanks to Juliana Finch, Christian Lipski, and Laser Webber for technical advice; Christina Eddleman for recording the demo track; and Matt Gardner and Peter Gresser for [Easter egg description redacted].
Check out the visual companion to this episode–as well as the full lyrics to “At the End of the Fight”–on our blog!
Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
As Mentioned in Episode 224 – Fix the Future
Listen to the episode here.
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
(Well, kinda.) (Excalibur #61)
Phoenix vs. Galactus. (Excalibur #61)
I’m not gonna show you the whole fight, but these splash pages are so good. (Excalibur #61)
Well, maybe one more. (Excalibur #61)
Death is a remarkably chill cosmic entity. (Excalibur #63)
Seriously, good job there, buddy. (Excalibur #63)
Excalibur X-Plains Rachel Summers. (Excalibur #64)
She’s had a rough time. (Excalibur #64)
And then… (Excalibur #64)
It’s cool, though. (Excalibur #64)
Rachel, you scamp! (Excalibur #65)
Oh, dang, that cover! (Excalibur #65)
Secret origins of Widget! (Excalibur #66)
Well, THAT can’t be good. (Excalibur #66)
I know there are a lot of full pages in this visual companion. Blame Alan Davis, I guess? But in a good way. (Excalibur #66)
Kitty, no. (Excalibur #67)
The other, OTHER R.C.X. (Excalibur #67)
Why is the Internet never as cool in real life as it is in fiction? (Excalibur #67)
Possibly the most cathartic moment of Excalibur. (Excalibur #67)
Seriously, I *still* get teary just looking at this spread. You did good, Mr. Davis. (Excalibur #67)
NEXT EPISODE: The passion of Butter Rum (feat. Austin Gorton)!
LINKS & FURTHER COSMIC ENTITIES:
- For the highlights of Rachel Summers’s history with the Phoenix Force, and Earth-811, we’d recommend checking out these episodes:
- While we can’t guarantee that it’ll protect against telepathy, here are a pattern and detailed instructions for making your own cardboard Magneto helmet.
224 – Fix the Future
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS
In which Alan Davis performs his pièce de résistance; the personification of Death is surprisingly supportive; Rachel Summers is the One True Phoenix; Kitty Pryde goes full ’90s; syntax saves the world; and the first Excalibur series should really have ended with #67.
X-PLAINED:
- Origins of Phoenix mythology
- Excalibur #61-67
- The Phoenix Force (more) (again)
- Rachel Summers (more) (again)
- Earth-811 (more) (again)
- Phoenix vs. Galactus
- A pep talk from Death
- The One True Phoenix
- The dark, distant future of 2013
- The dark, even more distant future of 2015
- The extremely complicated future of Kate Pryde
- Rory Campbell / Ahab
- What may or may not be Ahab’s theme song
- Moby Dick, kind of
- That one time Widget was a car
- Resistance Coordination Executive
- Dark Angel
- Killpower
- Albion
- Grace
- Tangerine
- Arthur
- An Excalibur #54 callback
- Excalibur (the gun)
- Kitty’s new image
- How to hack the robot apocalypse
- Saved by the Bell: The College Years
- Where Excalibur should have ended
- Tactical use of Magneto’s hat
- Anti-assimilation stories in X-Men
NEXT EPISODE: The Passion of Butter Rum (feat. Austin Gorton)
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
As Mentioned in Episode 223 – Live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival
Listen to the podcast here.
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
We went to Vegas Valley Comic Book Fest!
Possibly the grooviest Dracula-related cover ever published. (X-Men Annual #6)
HELL, YEAH, IT’S DRACULA! (X-Men Annual #6)
Kitty is having SO MANY FEELINGS, and you will NEVER UNDERSTAND! (X-Men Annual #6)
Check out Cyclops and Nightcrawler exchanging a look, like, “Parents? What the hell are those?” (X-Men Annual #6)
This panel is actually a pretty good encapsulation of what I remember about being 13. (X-Men Annual #6)
TBH, a lot of Kitty’s dreams probably start like this. (X-Men Annual #6)
THAT’S NOT A BAT. (X-Men Annual #6)
Dracula is probably the only person who looked at a bright green catsuit and yellow pouches and thought “stealth.” He’s mysterious like that. (X-Men Annual #6)
Ah, 13: that tender age when a young girl’s heart turns to eldritch summonings. (X-Men Annual #6)
Dracula, that’s really the kind of thing you should be keeping track of. (X-Men Annual #6)
![[Eliot Spencer voice] "It's a very distinctive sound effect." (X-Men Annual #6)](https://i0.wp.com/www.xplainthexmen.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/12.png?w=296&h=296&crop=1&ssl=1 "12")
[Eliot Spencer voice] “It’s a very distinctive sound effect.” (X-Men Annual #6)
How does Nightcrawler know the Montesi Formula? Who knows? Who cares? He’s a good pal. (X-Men Annual #6)
OH, SNAP. (X-Men Annual #6)
That’s our Wolvie! (X-Men Annual #6)
Lilith really looks like she’s visiting from an Archie comic. (X-Men Annual #6)
Skids and Northstar!
NEXT EPISODE: Fix the future!
And here’s a bonus gallery of Jay’s convention sketches:
Quentin Quire is indisputably the Nancy of the X-Men.
Warlock!
Smol Magneto.
Iceman assures you that he is rad.
LINKS & FURTHER GAMBLES:
- We discussed X-Men #159–and a lot of other Dracula-relevant material–in Episode 18 – You’ve Got a Dracula Problem.
- You can hear–and see!–us read the picture-book adaptation of “Days of Future Past” in the Jay & Miles Storytime Special.
223 – Live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS
In which Dracula probably doesn’t drink his blood from a World’s Greatest Dad mug; Miles massively underestimates the cultural ubiquity of Sexy Dracula; Bill Sienkiewicz may or may not have ever seen a bat; Kitty gets possessed; and Dazzler is singularly well suited to a Vegas residency.
X-PLAINED:
- Dracula’s ungrateful children
- Marvel Dracula
- A fortuitously named writer
- Rachel Van Helsing
- X-Men #159 (again) (briefly)
- Sexy Dracula
- The secret origin of sexy Draculas
- Fastball Special body mechanics
- X-Men Annual #6
- A nightmare
- “Bats”
- Yet another Castle Dracula
- The Montesi Formula
- Sound effects, spoken or otherwise
- Lilith
- Chairs
- The relative efficacy of holy symbols against Dracula
- X-Vegas
- Characters we have grown to love as a result of the podcast
NEXT EPISODE: Fix the future!
Check out the visual companion to this episode–along with Jay’s convention sketches–on our blog!
Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
As Mentioned in Episode 222 – A Tale of Two Betsys
Listen to the episode here.
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Spoiler: It’s Betsy Braddock’s original body. (X-Men #20)
Does it seem weird to anyone else that Jubilee is putting her skates on in Professor X’s news den? Is there even room for that? (X-Men #20)
That’s not how gravity OR abs work. (X-Men #20)
BETSY NO (X-Men #20)
We have reached peak Scott Summers. (X-Men #20)
This stuff will be a running backbeat to the remainder of Scott and Jean’s relationship. (X-Men #20)
WHAT?! (X-Men #20)
These reaction faces are priceless. (X-Men #20)
Sure, that’s what you CLAIM, but so far Colossus has not thrown Devil Dinosaur at anybody, so I’m suspicious. (X-Men #21)
Kwannon seems to like posing for pictures about as much as Jay does. (X-Men #21)
Same face, same hair–who wore it better?! (X-Men #21)
This guy, AGAIN. (X-Men #21)
At this point, Matsuo’s hair may actually be more aggressively styled than Wolverine’s. (X-Men #22)
Betsy and/or Kwannon X-Plains Betsy and/or Kwannon. (X-Men #22)
Betsy and/or Kwannon X-Plains Betsy and/or Kwannon. (X-Men #22)
Betsy and/or Kwannon X-Plains Betsy and/or Kwannon. (X-Men #22)
“As completely as I understand what happens when two people like each other very much.” (X-Men #23)
And so forth. (X-Men #23)
And you thought that conversations with YOUR grandparents were awkward. (X-Men #22)
The creepiest thing about Sinister is the moments of profound disconnect when it’s clearly Sinister, but everyone reacts to him like he’s just a regular dude. (X-Men #22)
In which Scott Summers continues to never under any circumstances be allowed to take an actual vacation. (X-Men #22)
Seriously. (X-Men #23)
Heralding several decades of nonsense. (X-Men #23)
NEXT EPISODE: Dracula, live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival!
LINKS & FURTHER SORROWS
- Listen to our discussion of Psylocke’s original transformation–featuring author Sarah Kuhn–in Episode 137 – Kicky Kinko Killers.
- Marvel’s current EiC has a particularly ugly history when it comes to appropriation of Japanese culture and identities.
222 – A Tale of Two Betsys
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS
In which it has been a pretty intense month; there is a lot to unpack about Psylocke; we are confused by hip teen lingo; Cyclops definitively lacks game; organized crime is anything but; and the mystery of the third Summers brother officially begins.
X-PLAINED:
- How the Maximoffs joined the Avengers
- X-Cutioner’s Song fallout
- An X-ceptionally convoluted set of retcons
- X-Men #20-23
- How not to repair an airplane
- One way to get out of an awkward conversation
- Several Betsys Braddock
- Revanche
- Dubiously organized crime
- Kwannon
- Nyorin’s diary
- Awkward family conversations
- Mike Milbury
- Twin Peaks Season 3
- Akira Yoshida
NEXT EPISODE: Dracula in Vegas!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
Jay & Miles Storytime Special (featuring the PDX Broadsides)
In the aftermath of Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival, we sat down for a wholesome, old-fashioned read-aloud, followed by a visit (and performance!) from the PDX Broadsides!
Special thanks to Max, without whom this monstrosity would never have been possible.