Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Author: Jay

As Mentioned in Episode 264 – Autotune the Phalanx

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Symbolism, Douglock. It’s full of Symbolism. (Excalibur #78)
Aw, these kids. (Excalibur #78)
Seriously, though, it’s really easy to imagine them breaking into song at this point. (Excalibur #78)
Ouch. (Excalibur #78)
We do not recommend doing this, for a lot of reasons. (Excalibur #78)
Ouch. (Excalibur #78)
They’re so dramatic! (Excalibur #79)
Courtney Camperson is a very good moppet. (Excalibur #79)
Damn, Kitty. That was uncalled for. (Excalibur #79)
WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SO MEAN TO ROBOTS (Excalibur #80)
Aw, kiddo. (Excalibur #80)
The juxtaposition of what actually happens in these pages with what Stryfe assumed would happen is such a good use of the medium. (Excalibur #80)
(Excalibur #80)
Dang, Amanda Conner. DANG. (Excalibur #80)
I don’t entirely know how to process charming Charles Xavier. (Excalibur #78)
CHARLES, YOU SCAMP! (Excalibur #79)
“But watch out if anyone approaches you about, like, becoming pope. That won’t end well.” (Excalibur #80)
NEXT EPISODE: Star crossed… IN SPACE!

264 – Autotune the Phalanx

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we celebrate our 100th episode with producer Matt Hunter; you should always be kind to robots; Stryfe has a lot of very petty contingency plans; Britanic is bad at helping; we explore a peculiar pairing of book and arc; Charles Xavier has his moments; and Zero and Douglock defiy destiny.

X-PLAINED:

  • The current occupant of Fantomex’s body
  • Excalibur #78-80
  • The Douglock “chronicles”
  • Zero
  • Douglock
  • Several feelings
  • Britanic (again)
  • Camping fonts
  • Drones
  • Radio Shack
  • Helping
  • Pentagon-sense
  • What being human is all about
  • Charles Xavier, hero of the beach
  • Rory Campbell’s voice
  • Technoorganic vs. transmode viruses
  • Kymera

NEXT EPISODE: Star-crossed in space!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 263 – The Oldest Teens of Them All

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
This looks like a “Sexy Spider-Woman” costume from Party City. (X-Force #34)
IT’S FOR FLIRTING, RICTOR. (X-Force #34)
I guess this is just his thing now. (X-Force #34)
These guys. <3 (X-Force #34)
At least one person on this art team clearly thought Rictor was Gambit. (X-Force #34)
Seriously, though, why did they come along? (X-Force #34)
Who even sits like that while they’re thinking? (X-Force #34)
Starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. (X-Force #35)
The. Worst. Security. System. (X-Force #35)
X-Force kind of needs a team counselor. (X-Force #35)
I want a whole side story about the two of them raising some hell. (X-Force #35)
Okay, but for the record, atomic bombs are also bad. (X-Force #35)
Cable, have you even read this comic? (X-Force #35)
That’s our boy. (X-Force #36)
Sucks to be Nimrod, I guess? (X-Force #36)
I’m really uncomfortable with the concept of “hot Apocalypse.” (X-Force #37)
Later, S’mores. (X-Force #37)
I don’t know why this panel is so funny to me, but IT’S SO FUNNY. (X-Force #37)
That’s not how you coffin, guys. (X-Force #37)
Right there with you, Sam. (X-Force #37)
“Also, you’re big jerks.” (X-Force #37)
NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!

263 – The Oldest Teens of Them All

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Cable and Domino may or may not be very old teenagers; disguises are not Dani Moonstar’s strong suit; Empath remains awful; Shatterstar probably talks exactly like a telenovela; X-Force needs an office manager; Mothra is larger than most things; and if you get to choose between being an External or a Guthrie, always be a Guthrie.

X-PLAINED:

  • Bastion, to some extent
  • X-Force #34-37
  • Optical disambiguation
  • Moonstar
  • Face tentacle semantics
  • Sandwiches (again)
  • The Richter family
  • An entirely avoidable fight
  • Some time-travel bullshit
  • Hannigan Electronics
  • An insecurity system
  • Nimrods
  • Things neural networks would probably do instead of murdering you
  • Defining traits of the Externals
  • Adoption, X-Factor style
  • Wolverine: The Long Night

NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 262 – Science Fiction Double Feature

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
He’s a fun guy. (X-Men #311)
Aw. (X-Men #311)
Uncool, Sabretooth. Uncool. (X-Men #311)
Bishop is rad as hell. (X-Men #311)
See, this is why you should’ve taken her to the movies. (X-Men #311)
Emma’s got a new look. (X-Men #312)
Cool, but not the coolest. (X-Men #313)
No freakin’ kidding. (X-Men #313)
Ah, THAT’S the coolest. (X-Men #313)
Storm is so cool. (X-Men #313)
This club is the worst. (X-Men #311)
The Phalanx, in a small fraction of its glory. (X-Men #312)
They’re very good friends. (X-Men #312)
Gambit is legitimately fairly charming, at least as drawn by Joe Madureira. (X-Men #312)
One of several shovel talks. (X-Men #312)
Oh, snap. (X-Men #312)
Familiar faces, and somewhat less familiar bodies. (X-Men #312)
And then, another shovel talk. (X-Men #312)
NEXT EPISODE: Remember this dude?

The Designing X-Women art isn’t online yet, but when it is, we’ll drop a link here!

262 – Science Fiction Double Feature

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the Phalanx would make pretty fun novelty candy; “B-Plot” implies that we only have 26; nobody will take Jubilee to the movies; Repo Man and Repo: The Genetic Opera are in fact two entirely different films; Storm is a fashion icon; Sabretooth is the monster in the basement; it’s really rough to be the kid on the X-Men; Yuko gives Gambit a shovel talk; and a number of familiar faces return to the page.

X-PLAINED:

  • One of the many problems with Sentinels
  • Uncanny X-Men #311-313
  • Whether the Phalanx is squishy
  • Robo-Candy
  • Plotline disambiguation
  • A cult classic
  • Carl the X-Cutioner (again)
  • Creative use of Bishop’s powers
  • Storm fashion
  • Technical difficulties
  • A decision Iceman will come to regret
  • Bishop vs. Sabretooth
  • What If Vol. 2 #87
  • Variations on Iceman’s appearance
  • Early seeds of Generation X
  • A night out with Yukio
  • A heavily euphemized relationship
  • Xavier’s mutant underground
  • The Phalanx
  • A shovel talk
  • The return of Steven Lang (and some other people)
  • How Cyclops cries
  • Cassandra Nova’s signature look

NEXT EPISODE: Additional and Varyingly Literal Blasts from the Past

NOTE: Per our expert source Doctor Internet, what Miles knows as “water weenies” are mostly sold as “water wigglers” or “water snakes.”

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

261 – Out of the Subtext, Live from FlameCon with Vita Ayala!

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we return to our favorite convention; writer Vita Ayala remains an absolute legend; everything was always already queer; and nobody should ever have to wait 37 years for a kiss.

NEXT EPISODE: Rise of the Phalanx!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 260 – Professor Power’s Prodigal Podcast

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Storm and Polaris: a study in contrasts. And not just the hair. (X-Factor #101)
Guido’s smile is his mask… (X-Factor #101)
…and sometimes that mask falls. (X-Factor #101)
You know how you could tell how much trouble the heroes were in on early seasons of Star Trek: Voyager by how messed up Janeway’s hair was? Havok is like that too, but with angst and stubble. (X-Factor #101)
…and plasma blasts. (X-Factor #101)
We are so, so here for Forge’s pettiness. (X-Factor #101)
Thank you, DeMatteis, for remembering to let Moira mourn too. (X-Factor #101)
You know, now that Forge has gotten over himself a little, he and Storm are a pretty great couple. (X-Factor #101)
Mutant power as metaphor. Yes please. (X-Factor #102)
Not only does Rahne have her freedom and independence back, but she also has one of the best friendships in the Marvel Universe! (X-Factor #102)
It’s the biggest character redemption for Moira MacTaggert until we find out that… eh, that’s probably a little too current to spoil. (X-Factor #102)
“Specifically, it may or may not be a PowerBook 500 series with one o’ them newfangled Ethernet ports!” (X-Factor #102)
He’s been practicing that line in the mirror for months. (X-Factor #102)
The next morning, Forge found a “#1 BOSS” coffee mug on his desk with a thank-you card from Polaris. (X-Factor #102)
God damn, Jan Duursema sure can draw a fight scene. (X-Factor #102)
Polaris has your number, Random. (X-Factor #102)
Crap crap fucky fucky (X-Factor #102)
“And I see you brought your abs!” (X-Factor Annual #9)
Half the cast may be gone, but X-Factor sure still is X-Factor. (X-Factor Annual #9)
“This is my good side, though. It is my butt. My butt is my good side.” (X-Factor Annual #9)
Man, LEGO figures got weird in the 90s. (X-Factor Annual #9)
The Shores of Oblivion feature mist, candles, and PowerPoint presentations! (X-Factor Annual #9)
“This will be much easier now that I’ve finally made it into an actual X-book!” (X-Factor Annual #9)
BOOOOO THIS PLOTLINE (X-Factor Annual #9)
Haven X-Plains Haven. (X-Factor Annual #9)
YOUR FETUS’S FACE IS FAMILIAR (X-Factor Annual #9)
Aww, Guido… (X-Factor Annual #9)
We didn’t talk about this pinup by Steve and Marianne Lightle, but it is delightful. (X-Factor Annual #9)
Not only did Miles have a partially-neon Bart Simpson shirt in the early 90s (as did the much older kid next to him), he also had a truly questionable mullet.
NEXT TIME: Live from Flame Con 2019!

260 – Professor Power’s Prodigal Podcast

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we explore the aftermath of Multiple Man’s death; X-Factor has a lot of feelings; it probably sucks to grieve with Charles Xavier; neither power nor responsibility is particularly fun; we finally find out who was trying to kill Polaris; Professor Power makes it to the big leagues; and the ‘90s were one long leg day.

X-PLAINED:

  • Vectors of Malice transmission
  • X-Factor #101-102
  • X-Factor Annual #9
  • The aftermath of Jamie Madrox’s death
  • Several ways to grieve
  • Captain Capitalism and Plucky the Girl Wonder
  • A foiled robbery
  • Several guest stars
  • Multiple Man’s Muir Island years
  • Several assassination attempts
  • Some shady government shenanigans
  • Beatrice Conners (sort of)
  • A surprisingly muscular astral projection
  • Haven’s deeply dubious origin story
  • Professor Power
  • A surprisingly muscular android
  • One way to clean a room
  • Creative uses of mutant powers
  • Top-ten lists

NEXT EPISODE: Live at FlameCon with Vita Ayala!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!