Jay – Page 32 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

267 – The Saddest Joyride

October 7, 2019 Jay 5 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Emma Frost is a better Iceman than Bobby Drake; Generation X is aggressively foreshadowed; Malcolm and Randall are the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to Bishop’s Hamlet; and we launch a campaign for our own Multiversal designation.

X-PLAINED:

The first time the X-Men met Emma Frost
Uncanny X-Men 314-315
X-Men Annual #18
A game show nobody should ever under any circumstances actually make
Emma Frost’s recruitment tactics
Previously unexplored ice powers
The direct prelude to Generation X
Caliban (more) (again)
SoftPaws(TM)
The giant squids of New York
The neophyte
A trial, kind of
X-Men power fantasies
Earth-X-Plain

NEXT EPISODE: We’re so close to nearly reaching what’s almost the Phalanx Covenant!

Game show music by MusicManiac301; used with permission.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 266 – They’re Good Dogs, Miles

October 6, 2019 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

Alex Summers, in a nutshell. I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

SEE WHAT THEY DID, THERE? I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

Strong Guy’s family is terrific. I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

That said, this dude is my favorite colorful local. I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

SOMEBODY REMEMBERED! KIND OF! I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

And that’s why you always leave a note. I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

Seriously, how is Polaris alive? I miss road trips. (X-Factor #104)

This cannot (and does not) possibly end well. (X-Factor #104)

He sure did that. (X-Factor #104)

And that’s how you supervillain with STYLE. (X-Factor #105)

This arc is almost enough to make us feel bad for Malice, which is a very weird sentence to type. (X-Factor #105)

NEXT EPISODE: Emma Frost goes for a joyride.

LINKS & FURTHER MEMES:

They’re good dogs, Brent.

266 – They’re Good Dogs, Miles

September 29, 2019 Jay 11 comments

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In which Havok goes surfing; Malice eats a poodle; Strong Guy’s ex is a big jerk; Sinister’s gotta Sinister; and Miles learns about a meme.

X-PLAINED:

The Puppet Master
X-Factor #103-105
Comparative Summers brooding
Perks of being a mutant geologist and/or geophysicist
Malice and Polaris’s complicated history
A somewhat convoluted plan
Several reasons to go to Rhinebeck, NY
Friendship
The extended Carosella family
Candy stripers
Mary, who is a big jerk
A Sinister entrance
The Nasty Boys (more) (again)
Karate pants
14-year-old Chris Gethard’s feelings about Jamie Madrox
Ionic vampirism
Misguided vengeance
Pushing back against whitewashing in comics

NEXT EPISODE: Emma Frost takes a joyride

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 265 – Rude Awakenings

September 22, 2019 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Is anyone else weirded out by the fact that that’s supposed to be Forge in the lower right-hand corner? (X-Men Annual #5)

The Shi’ar sext WEIRD. (X-Men Annual #5)

Professor X was definitely naked, right? (X-Men Annual #5)

The weirdest thing about this panel is that the tractor beam seems to have shrunk her shirt by about half. (X-Men Annual #5)

Professor X X-Plains human-Shi’ar relations. (X-Men Annual #5)

FASHION! (X-Men Annual #5)

Imagine how confusing it must be to run into Jubilee on alien planets. (X-Men Annual #5)

I DID NOT NOTICE THE HANGING TEDDY BEAR UNTIL I CLIPPED THE PANEL FOR THIS VISUAL COMPANION. (X-Men Annual #5)

He’s a hugger. (X-Men Annual #5)

Be fair, Gambit: there are a LOT of reasons Cyclops is never fun at parties. (X-Men #34)

BUT WHO IS LURKING IN THE FOREGROUND? (X-Men #34)

Sinister, moisturize your damn clones. (X-Men #34)

Oh, hey, Threnody! (X-Men #34)

‘Kay. (X-Men #34)

Ewwwwwwww. (X-Men #34)

Please bear in mind that these are costumes S.H.I.E.L.D. just happened to have lying around the Helicarrier. (X-Men #35)

“Also, do you know how hard it was to dress you in skintight neoprene while you were unconscious?” (X-Men #35)

The end of the world looks pretty rad. (X-Men #35)

Some artists definitely made some choices. (X-Men #35)

That’s our Cyclops. (X-Men #35)

Some of the layouts in this issue are really nice. (X-Men #35)

Sunset Grace X-Plains Sunset Grace (and marries Ronald Reagan). (X-Men #35)

Ouch. (X-Men #35)

NEXT EPISODE: Malice!

FURTHER LISTENING

We covered The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix in Episode 229 – Giant-Size Special #7!

265 – Rude Awakenings

September 22, 2019 Jay 20 comments

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In which Glen Danzig was the most popular Wolverine fancast for a weirdly long time; breasts have physical mass; the Shi’ar empire is not your friend; Deathbird should not be left in charge of anything alive; Jubilee learns about privilege; Sinister is not subtle; plasma is the new magnetism; Scott and Jean return from the future; and Nick Fury probably sews his name into the waistband of all his underpants.

X-PLAINED:

Some guy from Earth-1610
X-Men: Unlimited #5
X-Men #34-35
Shi’ar sexting
A rude awakening (literal)
Rococo Stryfe
Some uncomfortable fashion choices
X-pajamas
Definitely nude Charles Xavier
Breasts
Shi’ar imperial bullshit
A very impressive headdress
Reality TV… in space!
A rude awakening (metaphorical)
Shi’ar childhood
Negotiation
A total dick move
Another total dick move
Beast’s brief tenure as field leader of the X-Men
The return of Threnody
The titles of several sex tapes
High-tech spelunking
Sinister’s secret DNA library
Controversial outfits
Nick Fury’s stuff
Sunset Grace
The racism inherent to Evan Sabahnur’s background
A question we’ve answered before and will probably answer again

NEXT EPISODE: Malice!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 264 – Autotune the Phalanx

September 15, 2019 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Symbolism, Douglock. It’s full of Symbolism. (Excalibur #78)

Aw, these kids. (Excalibur #78)

Seriously, though, it’s really easy to imagine them breaking into song at this point. (Excalibur #78)

Ouch. (Excalibur #78)

We do not recommend doing this, for a lot of reasons. (Excalibur #78)

Ouch. (Excalibur #78)

They’re so dramatic! (Excalibur #79)

Courtney Camperson is a very good moppet. (Excalibur #79)

Damn, Kitty. That was uncalled for. (Excalibur #79)

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SO MEAN TO ROBOTS (Excalibur #80)

Aw, kiddo. (Excalibur #80)

The juxtaposition of what actually happens in these pages with what Stryfe assumed would happen is such a good use of the medium. (Excalibur #80)

(Excalibur #80)

Dang, Amanda Conner. DANG. (Excalibur #80)

I don’t entirely know how to process charming Charles Xavier. (Excalibur #78)

CHARLES, YOU SCAMP! (Excalibur #79)

“But watch out if anyone approaches you about, like, becoming pope. That won’t end well.” (Excalibur #80)

NEXT EPISODE: Star crossed… IN SPACE!

264 – Autotune the Phalanx

September 15, 2019 Jay 18 comments

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In which we celebrate our 100^th episode with producer Matt Hunter; you should always be kind to robots; Stryfe has a lot of very petty contingency plans; Britanic is bad at helping; we explore a peculiar pairing of book and arc; Charles Xavier has his moments; and Zero and Douglock defiy destiny.

X-PLAINED:

The current occupant of Fantomex’s body
Excalibur #78-80
The Douglock “chronicles”
Zero
Douglock
Several feelings
Britanic (again)
Camping fonts
Drones
Radio Shack
Helping
Pentagon-sense
What being human is all about
Charles Xavier, hero of the beach
Rory Campbell’s voice
Technoorganic vs. transmode viruses
Kymera

NEXT EPISODE: Star-crossed in space!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 263 – The Oldest Teens of Them All

September 15, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This looks like a “Sexy Spider-Woman” costume from Party City. (X-Force #34)

IT’S FOR FLIRTING, RICTOR. (X-Force #34)

I guess this is just his thing now. (X-Force #34)

These guys. <3 (X-Force #34)

At least one person on this art team clearly thought Rictor was Gambit. (X-Force #34)

Seriously, though, why did they come along? (X-Force #34)

Who even sits like that while they’re thinking? (X-Force #34)

Starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. (X-Force #35)

The. Worst. Security. System. (X-Force #35)

X-Force kind of needs a team counselor. (X-Force #35)

I want a whole side story about the two of them raising some hell. (X-Force #35)

Okay, but for the record, atomic bombs are also bad. (X-Force #35)

Cable, have you even read this comic? (X-Force #35)

That’s our boy. (X-Force #36)

Sucks to be Nimrod, I guess? (X-Force #36)

I’m really uncomfortable with the concept of “hot Apocalypse.” (X-Force #37)

Later, S’mores. (X-Force #37)

I don’t know why this panel is so funny to me, but IT’S SO FUNNY. (X-Force #37)

That’s not how you coffin, guys. (X-Force #37)

Right there with you, Sam. (X-Force #37)

“Also, you’re big jerks.” (X-Force #37)

NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!

263 – The Oldest Teens of Them All

September 8, 2019 Jay 10 comments

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In which Cable and Domino may or may not be very old teenagers; disguises are not Dani Moonstar’s strong suit; Empath remains awful; Shatterstar probably talks exactly like a telenovela; X-Force needs an office manager; Mothra is larger than most things; and if you get to choose between being an External or a Guthrie, always be a Guthrie.

X-PLAINED:

Bastion, to some extent
X-Force #34-37
Optical disambiguation
Moonstar
Face tentacle semantics
Sandwiches (again)
The Richter family
An entirely avoidable fight
Some time-travel bullshit
Hannigan Electronics
An insecurity system
Nimrods
Things neural networks would probably do instead of murdering you
Defining traits of the Externals
Adoption, X-Factor style
Wolverine: The Long Night

NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!