Jay – Page 27 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

293 – The Monster Under the World

May 3, 2020 Jay 11 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which not all Mondos are created equal; the kids are only rarely all right; the Age of Apocalypse is not Magneto’s fault; Sugar Man is the stuff of universal nightmares; “cartoonish” is not necessarily a plus; and the Age of Apocalypse is not particularly sustainable.

X-PLAINED:

Generation Next #1-4
The tradition of YA horror in X-books
Bachalo unchained
Whose fault the Age of Apocalypse is
Adaptive technology vs. Apocalypse
Chamber of Earth-295
Husk of Earth-295
Skin of Earth-295
Mondo of Earth-295
Vincente Cimetta
Know-It-All (Claudia)
An abysmal training exercise
Colossus of Earth-295
Shadowcat of Earth-295
Gardner Monroe (Flashback)
Quietus
Sugar Man
The Portland and/or Seattle Core
Illyana Rasputin
Ace
Human collaborators
A gratuitous Monty Python reference
The difference between mass and volume
Number Six
The fall of Generation Next
Growing up in the Age of Apocalypse
Illyana 2.0
Subtext vs. queerbaiting

NEXT EPISODE: X-Calibre!

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As Mentioned in Episode 292 – Weekend at Sinister’s

April 19, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

It still really, really looks like the cover of a Star Trek novel to me. (Factor X #1)

Wow, Alex, you’re the worst. Second-worst, after Gabriel, but he doesn’t exist in this universe; so, yeah, you’re the worst. (Factor X #1)

Meanwhile, in Sinister’s secret hideout IN THE HEAD OF THE BIG APOCALYPSE STATUE… (Factor X #1)

Damnit, Sam! You’re better than this! (Factor X #1)

The Bedlam Brothers are way too wholesome to be working for Apocalypse. (Factor X #1)

HOLY SHIT SOMEONE REMEMBERS MELTDOWN (Factor X #1)

That costume. =( (Factor X #2)

See, this is why you’re never going to be Sinister’s favorite. This, and your DNA. (Factor X #2)

Every time, Alex. Every time. (Factor X #2)

If only he hadn’t learned dramatic reveals so well from Sinister, he might never have been found out. (Factor X #2)

It’s like the Silver Age, but different. (Factor X #3)

Ew, but also kind of cool. (Factor X #3)

Aw, Rahne. (Factor X #3)

‘Kay. (Factor X #3)

In Scott’s dubious defense, that’s also just a really poorly thought-out test. (Factor X #3)

Damnit, why’d you have to go and pull on my X-Men #137 heartstrings? (Factor X #3)

This will definitely end well. (Factor X #4)

In case you were wondering whether Alex is still horrible this issue: yes. (Factor X #4)

I KNEW IT! I KNEW THEY WERE TOO GOOD FOR THIS LIFE! (Factor X #4)

DON’T TALK TO ME OR MY BAR EVER AGAIN (Factor X #4)

If only they’d gotten to eat him. (Factor X #4)

NEXT EPISODE: Children are our future!

LINKS & FURTHER VIRTUES

YOU CAN BID ON OUR #CREATORS4COMICS AUCTIONS UNTIL MONDAY, APRIL 20, AT NOON EST:
- A custom voicemail greeting from Jay and Miles!
- A private (remote) screening of X-Men Origins: Wolverine with Jay–at an intoxication level of your choice–along with a custom cocktail recipe, a very tasteful poster, and–goal just unlocked–Jay’s mother-in-law, a retired school principal who has never seen the film!
Learn more about the original Scarlett McKenzie in Episode 114 – Meltdown.

292 – Weekend at Sinister’s

April 19, 2020 Jay 14 comments

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In which it is probably not actually possible to be too nasty for Earth-295; Sinister is on nobody’s side but his own; Vulcan is still the worst Summers in the multiverse; the Bedlam Brothers are too delightful for the EMF; Heaven is just straight-up Rick’s Bar now; Polaris of Earth-295 is the saddest Polaris; Scott Summers and Jean Grey make a good team in most universes; and the metaphors of 1995 read very differently in 2020.

X-PLAINED:

Nathaniel Essex of Earth-1610
A regrettable tattoo
#Creators4Comics
Scott Summers (Cyclops) of Earth-295
Alex Summers (Havok) of Earth-295
Factor X #1-4
Working for the Man
Costume design as narrative
The EMF (Elite Mutant Force)
Northstar and Aurora of Earth-295
Sam and Elizabeth Guthrie (Cannonball and Amazon) of Earth-295
Jesse and Terrence Aaronson (Bedlam Brothers) of Earth-295
Heaven (the bar)
Scarlett McKenzie of Earth-295
Someone who is not Magneto
The Brain Trust
Lorna Dane (Polaris) of Earth-295
An obscene monument
Innuendo of several sorts
That time Jean Grey got captured
Resistance of various sorts
Poetic almost-kinda justice
One more fallen angel
Villains of the Age of Apocalypse

NEXT EPISODE: Generation Next!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 291 – Eat Malarkey and Die

April 12, 2020 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Logan just straight-up has a mane in this timeline. (Weapon X #1)

Seriously, this has to be the worst mode of transportation. (Weapon X #1)

“I’ll finish you, just like I finished my disserta– ohhhh, shit.” (Weapon X #1)

NEVER NOT FUNNY. (Weapon X #1)

Is… is Logan saying that he hopes Havok gets teleported into somebody’s butt? (Weapon X #1)

Snnnnrk. (Weapon X #1)

He spends hours thinking ’em up. (Weapon X #1)

Seriously, if it weren’t for that damn pose, this page would be SO cool. (Weapon X #1)

Logan subscribes to the Dan McNinja school of tactics. (Weapon X #2)

To his credit, I’d be pretty nonplussed if this fell through my ceiling. (Weapon X #2)

The setup… (Weapon X #2)

…and the punchline. (Weapon X #2)

I see what you did, there. (Weapon X #3)

She doesn’t seem to have a sash, so I’m just going to go ahead and assume that Carol-295 just carries rhythmic gymnastic ribbons to make her leaps look more dramatic. (Weapon X #3)

This version of Gateway is really cool, and deserves both more page space and more analysis than he gets. (Weapon X #3)

CAROL FOREVER. (Weapon X #3)

Was Logan just, like, saving this for a rainy day? (Weapon X #4)

That is certainly one way to navigate an airship. (Weapon X #4)

You know nothing pleasant is going to follow this sound effect. (Weapon X #4)

‘Kay. (Weapon X #4)

NEXT EPISODE: Vulcan is still the worst Summers Brother in any universe, though.

LINKS & FURTHER ATROCITIES

Here is a recording of William S. Burroughs performing R.E.M.’s “Star Me Kitten.”

291 – Eat Malarkey and Die

April 12, 2020 Jay 22 comments

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In which we celebrate a birthday; nuclear war is never a good Plan A; every Logan is Old Man Logan; we are underwhelmed by the Pretty Boys of Earth-295; Jean Grey is one hell of a pilot; there are so many reasons not to like Donald Pierce; teleporters are the narrative nuclei of the Age of Apocalypse; and Gateway of Earth-295 deserves significantly more in-depth exploration than we can provide.

X-PLAINED:

Weapon X (Logan)
Weapon X #1-4
Irony
Coordinating costumes to tattoos (and vice versa)
How to ride a sentinel
Apocalypse’s sea wall
Mutant power classifications
The mass human evacuation
Nuclear war
Magma
A load of malarkey
Interactions of telepathy and PTSD
The Pretty Boys of Earth-295
How not to jump out of a zeppelin
What Carol Danvers smells like
Gateway (Earth-295)
An exceptionally high-tech guilt trip
Unconventional navigation
Character transformations between universes
The complex conundrum of Jean Grey
When humans became aware about mutants
Logan’s D&D alignment
Our own D&D character histories

NEXT EPISODE: Factor X!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 290 – The Obvious, the Silly, and the True

April 5, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Magneto is definitely bowling in this picture, right? (Astonishing X-Men #1)

I dunno if I’d call them astonishing, but they’ll do. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

Magneto’s X-Men are AT LEAST 50% more dramatic than Xavier’s, and I’m okay with that. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

We would x-plain Rex; but he’s honestly just some guy. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

The first thing Apocalypse did upon seizing power was dissolve OSHA. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

Okay, he’s got his moments. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

This is just incandescently delightful. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

Best character design in the AoA. (Astonishing X-Men #2)

Is the lake of blood literal, metaphorical, or both? You be the judge! (Astonishing X-Men #2)

THIS. PERFECT. TWIST. (Astonishing X-Men #2)

Spoiler: No, and no. (Astonishing X-Men #2)

Kinda disappointed that we never got to see this play. (Astonishing X-Men #3)

kyle no (Astonishing X-Men #3)

Is.. is Sabretooth not allowed to say “Hell”? (Astonishing X-Men #3)

Still not as weird as force-feeding superheroes baby food. (Astonishing X-Men #3)

Sure, why not? (Astonishing X-Men #3)

Now you’re thinking with portals! (Astonishing X-Men #4)

And he didn’t even quit the team once! (Astonishing X-Men #4)

Morph is a goof, but he’s also by far the most emotionally literate of the X-Men. (Astonishing X-Men #4)

Rogue is DONE with this event. (Astonishing X-Men #4)

NEXT EPISODE: The beginning of a descent into madness!

290 – The Obvious, the Silly, and the True

April 5, 2020 Jay 9 comments

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In which it’s kind of a relief to be talking about a fictional apocalypse right now; Joe Madureira defines the look of the mid-late 1990s; Sunfire is less cheesecake than crepes Suzette; it all comes back to capes; Wild Child is more than he seems; Holocaust sucks about as much as you’d expect of someone who picked that code name; Jay has surprisingly strong feelings about Morph; Miles is all about judging some babies; resistance is fundamental to the X-Men’s identity within a superhero-universe paradigm; nobody deserves to be quarantined with Quentin Quire; and our two-week lead is making proofing these podcasts an increasingly surreal experience.

X-PLAINED:

Several things Blink might have done but did not.
The status quo as of mid-March, 2020
Earth-295 (more) (again)
Astonishing X-Men #1-4
Our coverage of the core Age of Apocalypse series
Age of Apocalypse as proof of concept
The best character design of Earth-295
Some guy named Rex
A lake of blood which may or may not be figurative
Sabretooth’s last-ish stand
The revolutionary value of silliness
Jay’s favorite Orwell quote
The Infinite Processing Plant
DefCon Armageddon
A very cool fight scene
Catharsis
Mutants without the metaphor
Best and worst X-Men to be quarantined with

NEXT EPISODE: Weapon X!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 289 – Unsolved Mysteries

March 22, 2020 Jay 7 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

A ToS Trek novel, specifically, I think. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

This statue sucks. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Sinister is a terrible parent. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Okay, but why are the guys they’re fighting wearing bondage harnesses? (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

We were so baffled by the abs that we did not consider that they had been dressing him in skintight jeans and pirate boots for five years. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Robbie flippin’ Robertson: a badass in any universe. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

“Is it me, or do these briefings get weirder every time?” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

It would be more depressing when Sinister told him he was the worse brother, though. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

These assholes work for a genocidal nightmare regime and yet call a graveyard “the ghost lands.” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

A familiar story, except where it’s not. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

OH, SHIT. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

If you didn’t know Corsair was doomed before, Havok’s last line definitely clinches it. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

There’s probably a Gatecrasher joke to be found somewhere, but honestly, after this week, I’m fresh out. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Still not the most awkward conversation they’ve had in a comic, for what it’s worth. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Yeah, Death, you’re not gonna impress Cyclops with that. He was raised by Sinister; he’s effectively immune to Extra. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Sweatertown: Population, Blink. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Aw, Ship. =( (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

He really is. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

I bet when people tell AoA Nightcrawler “Your Mom” jokes, he just kinda sighs and acknowledges that they’re probably right. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

BLACKAGAR BOLTAGON YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Look, I’m just saying: it’s no telling Dracula to follow his heart. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men

LINKS & FURTHER CATASTROPHES:

If you haven’t yet, check out our rad new cover art, along with a time-lapse video from artist Peter Nguyen!

289 – Unsolved Mysteries

March 22, 2020 Jay 15 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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In which this episode is way more topical than it was when we recorded it; Apocalypse makes a terrible Statue of Liberty; there are no reliable narrators; Robbie Robertson and Carmen Sandiego are your new OTP; Emplate is creepy in any universe; lawful evil is still evil; and partial universe reboots come with some fairly silly problems.

X-PLAINED:

Awkward intersections of fiction and reality
Pandemic (Dr. Richard Palance)
Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines
Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light
Brooding in multiple ways at once.
Corsair (Christopher Summers) (Earth-295)
Reconciling cross-universe timelines
The Shi’ar (Earth-295)
Comparative Summers Backstory
Robbie Robertson (Earth-295)
Northstar and Aurora (Earth-295)
Emplate and the Monets (Earth-295)
The Bedlam Brothers (Earth-295)
Brood problems
The most awkward Summers family reunion to date
The Absorbing Man (Earth-295)
Diablo (Earth-295)
Senator Robert Kelly (Earth-295)
The fall of the Guthrie family
An early era of Magneto’s X-Men
A trip to the moon
Death (Maximus Boltagon)
Whether the Beyonder of Earth-295 knows how to poop
Listening to this podcast with kids

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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