Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Author: Jay

3 – Cartoons, Lies, and Video Tape

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Featuring Emergency Backup Co-Host Chris Sims!

In which Rachel and Chris X-plain three cartoons and track a disagreement to its source; Gambit is definitely the worst person you know; Broadcasting Standards and Practices is tired of your death ceremonies; Storm doesn’t have an inside voice; and we finally get around to mentioning that one dude with the claws.

X-Plained:

  • Weaponized creepiness
  • The evolution (and Evolution) of X-Toons
  • Why you hate Cyclops (and Rachel doesn’t)
  • Adaptation overload
  • Broadcast standards, practices, and laser rifles
  • How to order pizza like a weather goddess
  • A paramilitary after-school club
  • G-Rated Wolverine
  • Comics based on cartoons based on comics
  • Morph
  • The Batman Standard
  • The Wolverine and the X-Men trifecta of perfection
  • Why the Mojoverse works better on TV
  • Dazzler’s secret second job
  • Basic jacketry

CORRECTION: In this episode, Rachel mentions that Morph’s first comics appearance is in Exiles. It’s not: he’s in Age of Apocalypse. Mea culpa.

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

The Many Mustaches of Magneto / Ask Rachel and Chris

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Wow. Wow. You wonderful weirdos. Last week, we bemoaned Silver-Age Magneto’s lack of a properly villainous mustache, and you have filled that void with distilled awesomeness. Click through for the many miraculous mustaches of the master of magnetism…

David Wynne also drew the kickass Lazerwolf we posted last week.
We’ve already posted Tyler Crook‘s novel(ty) solution to Magneto’s naked upper lip, but we love it enough that we’re posting it again. Deal with it.
Ma’at Crook explores two iconic stache styles, complete with a bonus era-appropriate plaid suit!
Vid Tuesday complements his Magnetostache with some splendid Silver-Age-style patter.

This week, Miles is off at C2E2. He’ll be working at the Dark Horse Comics booth all weekend, so if you’re there, swing by for a high five.

Meanwhile, Rachel will be holding down the fort with Emergency Backup Cohost Chris Sims, X-Plaining some of the (numerous and often terrible) X-Men animated series. If you have questions for Rachel and Chris, please stick ’em in the comments here or our tumblr ask box, or tweet ’em to @RaeBeta, with the hashtag #xplainthexmen!

Hi, War Rocket Ajax Listeners!

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Hot damn! We were Matt’s pick of the week on War Rocket Ajax! You should really listen to the whole podcast, because Matt and Chris are awesome, but the really important part–where they say nice things about us–starts at 15:37.

For those of you clicking over from WRA, welcome! You can find an intro to the show here, more on the Rachel and Miles here, and podcast episodes here (as well as on iTunes and Stitcher).

 

Magneto’s Miraculous Mustache

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Friend of the X-Plainers and All-Around Excellent Fellow Tyler Crook has developed what is clearly the ideal solution to the Mystery of Magneto’s Missing Mustache:

MAGNETOstache

 

The whole thing is pretty splendid, but I think my favorite touch has to be the wee Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch in the corner. Marvel/Disney/Fox/whoever owns the relevant toy licensing rights, you need to make this wonder a reality.

 

As Mentioned in Episode 2 – Sentinels In the Mist

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Listen to the podcast here!

Quicksilver is more of a bored mutant, but Magneto got to name the club.
Mastermind’s bookshelf is nothing but Ayn Rand and Pickup Artist handbooks. (From X-Men #4)
Roughly 2/3 of the mutants in the Marvel Universe have variations on this origin story. (X-Men #4)
The last time Quicksilver trusted humans, they dressed him like this. (X-Men #4)
It’s actually sort of a tube that goes around her whole head, but it’s funnier if you pretend the Scarlet Witch is basically just villain-breading. (X-Men #4)
Toad: Career minion. ( X-Men #5)
Magneto is not making a very good case for mutant rule. (X-Men #7)
Either Cain Marko is evil, or he’s unusually prescient and has already figured out what an asshole his stepbrother is going to grow up into. (X-Men #12)
“Y’know–Cyttorak? We covered this in basic training, Cain.” (X-Men #12)
The Juggernaut. (X-Men #13)
A fair and balanced view of the Mutant Menace. (X-Men #14)
Seriously, how did Bolivar Trask not see this coming? (X-Men #14)
LOOK AT THAT KIRBY HAT. LOOK. AT. THAT. KIRBY. HAT. (X-Men #15)
“Intergenerational miscommunication” is a really common villain origin story. Also, check out those Neal Adams layouts. Man, he’s good. (X-Men #57)
“Son, your mother has seen the future. Disco is coming. You must prepare.” (X-Men #58)
When you’ve got a team of good guys with incredibly destructive superpowers, giant robots are a rare chance to really show off. (X-Men #59)
No, really. This scene is from almost 50 years later. Same basic principle. (Astonishing X-Men #8)
Remember that time Cyclops dressed up like Quicksilver and talked the Sentinels into going off and fighting the sun? That totally happened. (X-Men #59)
Sometimes, it’s not all that surprising when a villain doesn’t make it out of the Silver Age. (X-Men #25)
Unus the Untouchable is having a bad day in X-Men #8.
Look at this asshole. LOOK AT HIS BLUEJEANS. (X-Men #61)
We salute Marlene Jablon, early pioneer and unsung hero of X-Plaining. This letter appeared in X-Men #12.

Supplemental Reading:

Marvels, by Kurt Busiek and Alex Ross

“Uncanny Avengers, Rick Remender, X-Men, and Oppression Comix,” by David Brothers

2 – Sentinels in the Mist

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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In which we introduce the villains of the Silver Age: Magneto makes some valid points, Mastermind is a Nice Guy of OkCupid, the Scarlet Witch predicts Cat Breading, the Trasks should really have known better, and the Comics Code Authority is down with pterosaurs.

X-Plained:

  • Common characteristics of enduring X-villains
  • Mutant identity politics and moral relativism
  • Context-agnostic Juggernaut flashbacks
  • An unorthodox approach to anthropology
  • Cyclops’s greatest diplomatic achievement
  • Silver-Age haberdashery
  • An innovative modification to vampire mythology
  • Cultural assimilation
  • The propaganda-and-sweater-vest machine
  • Hex bolts
  • Supplemental reading

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!