Miles

As Mentioned in Episode 233 – Electromagnetism Unlimited

February 3, 2019 Miles 4 comments

Listen to the episode here.

X-Men Unlimited.

“Scott! Ororo! Why are you blasting in opposite directions? Siena Blaze is RIGHT THERE! Look where I’m pointing!” -Charles Xavier (X-Men Unlimited #1)

We’re not sure if Cyclops’s eyes actually do that when they’re closed, but damn if it doesn’t look cool. (X-Men Unlimited #1)

Alan Davis has his hair. Chris Bachalo has his eyeballs. (X-Men Unlimited #1)

Bachalo’s characters are just so expressive! (X-Men Unlimited #1)

That visual pacing, though. (X-Men Unlimited #1)

How many ways are there to say “we just really like Chris Bachalo’s art”? (X-Men Unlimited #1)

After this awkward exchange, Cyclops blurts out “Stand down, Wolverine!” for reasons he can’t quite explain. (X-Men Unlimited #1)

Cyclops and Storm: still one of my favorite, and one of the most under-appreciated, friendships in the Marvel Universe. (X-Men Unlimited #1)

This is why Miles’s parents moved from Michigan to Florida. (X-Men Unlimited #1)

Siena, you jerk. Go to your room! Or the Malibu Universe. (X-Men Unlimited #1)

Awwwww (X-Men Unlimited #1)

Hell of a cover, that. (X-Men Unlimited #2)

Not many artists can do awe-inspiring. Jan Duursema can. (X-Men Unlimited #2)

What Happened To Ute, version 1. (X-Men Unlimited #2)

So maybe it’s not so weird that Magneto’s middle name is (supposedly) Magnus. (Daredevil vol. 4 #10)

This is the roughest PowerPoint presentation I’ve ever seen. (X-Men Unlimited #2)

Gabrielle Haller’s facial expression is its own set of speech bubbles. (X-Men Unlimited #2)

Work buds! (X-Men Unlimited #2)

I mean, I know some of them are pretty evil, but I feel really bad for everyone here. (X-Men Unlimited #2)

Adrian Eiskalt X-Plains Magneto. (X-Men Unlimited #2)

Magneto: flesh and bone, and that only makes him more impressive. (X-Men Unlimited #2)

A good writer knows when to let the art speak. (X-Men Unlimited #2)

What Happened To Ute, version 2. (X-Men Unlimited #2)

Not for nothing does Magneto’s cape resemble wings. (X-Men Unlimited #2)

NEXT TIME: Guess who’s back?

As Mentioned in Episode 228 – Thinkin’ Shorts

December 23, 2018 Miles One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

I mean, it’s not that much worse than Botox. (Uncanny X-Men #301)

Of all the people Gamesmaster could choose to bring to the forefront of his mind, he chose these assholes. (Uncanny X-Men #301)

I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING (Uncanny X-Men #301)

Yes, yes, you’ve made some terrible mistakes, Forge – but at least you’re wearing those shorts again! (Uncanny X-Men #301)

Miles would totally buy that action figure. (Uncanny X-Men #301)

This is how you comic book. (Uncanny X-Men #301)

Damn, Romita. Damn, Storm. (Uncanny X-Men #302)

Just repeat to yourself: it’s just a show, I should really just relax! (Uncanny X-Men #302)

Plato called this “the noble lie”. (Uncanny X-Men #302)

You know, I guess that is about how you’d have to angle your hips if you were balancing on one leg because some green-haired jerk from the future cut off your other one. (Uncanny X-Men #302)

Should’ve known that guy was a racist asshole – look at the color of his baseball cap. (Uncanny X-Men #302)

Can’t blame the guy – for being furious or for pummeling Fitzroy. (Uncanny X-Men #302)

Yes, Jay, Kitty looks pretty weird in this panel, but – FEELINGS! (Uncanny X-Men #302)

Dammit, Friends of Humanity, give Madrox his outfit back! And also stop being murderous bigots! (X-Force #24)

Rusty and Skids have been focusing pretty hard on good posture since leaving the New Mutants. (X-Force #24)

Who has the worse employees, Sam Guthrie or Alex Summers? (X-Force #24)

“Thanks for holding me up while I practice my Liefeld kicks, buddy!” (X-Force #24)

Petey the Dog reference: $34.95. Improbable toaster gun: $1750.00. The look on Grizzly’s face: priceless.(X-Force #24)

Magneto is the best at Space Tetris. (X-Force #24)

Boom-Boom and Feral: best frenemies ever. (X-Force #24)

Remember, at least two of these characters used to train with X-Factor. (X-Force #24)

Boom-Boom and Feral: still the best frenemies ever. (X-Force #24)

Fair enough, kids. (X-Force #24)

Jay’s Warlock figure still kinda freaks Miles out.

Next time: our fifth annual Giant-Size Winter Special!

228 – Thinkin’ Shorts

December 23, 2018 Miles 8 comments

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In which it still sucks to be a Rasputin; John Romita Jr. has a solid, if muscular, grasp of anatomy; Jay and Miles are better exes than Forge and anyone; and Cannonball’s many younger siblings have almost prepared him for running X-Force.

X-PLAINED:

Peters Parker
The Merry X-Men Holiday Special
Comic book release schedules vs. J&MXPtXM
Uncanny X-Men #301-302
Trevor F**king Fitzroy, possibly the worst Upstart
Comics Code Authority closeting versus real-life closeting
21st Century Torture Devices
Risky mood fonts
Robert’s Rules of Upstart Order (this week)
Gamesmaster vs. the Isolationist
Shinobi Shaw: Good At Sex
Russian tragedy (more, again)
Charles Xavier and his poor decisions
Shi’ar tech support
Pants and villainy
Racist jerks vs. rhetorical questions
TIME PARADOX
Weirdly specific contingencies
Piotr Rasputin and his justified fury
X-Force #24
Meaningless (but fun!) timestamps
The Friends of Humanity (who are not our friends)
Rusty and Skids’ latest arrest
Disappointed Dad Sam Guthrie
Action vs. public perception
Vinz Clortho
Domino’s continuing quest to figure out what exactly an X-Force is
The dramatic return of… well, you know
Spacesuit logistics
Numerical universe designations
Plastic Warlock

NEXT EPISODE: Our Fifth Annual Giant-Size Winter Special!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 225 – Class Reunion (feat. Austin Gorton)

December 2, 2018 Miles 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

I miss when comics had dialogue on their covers! And when Emma Frost was ten feet tall. (New Warriors #10)

“Your uzi is no match for my very tall right boot!” (New Warriors #10)

If Emma’s telepathy weren’t invisible, this is exactly how viscerally violent it would look. (New Warriors #10)

Oh, Speedball – never change. Like, especially into a mopey edgelord with spikes inside his costume. (New Warriors #10)

Angelica Jones, you warm my heart. And also everything else. (New Warriors #10)

The tarot of the who now? (New Warriors #10)

You tell her, Firestar! (New Warriors #10)

Darick Robertson, you sure can draw… everything. (New Warriors #31)

Background-Cyclops is annoyed at the damned teenagers always hogging the phone line with their endless calls and their AOLs. (New Warriors #31)

Cannonball’s facial expression speaks for us all. (New Warriors #31)

Remember – neither of these women actually has flame powers! (New Warriors #31)

I bet there’s a long German word for the terror that comes from knowing you’re about to crash into your friend’s crotch at seventy miles per hour (and a second word for the terror that comes from being on the receiving end). (New Warriors #31)

Shine on, you justifiedly resentful diamond. (New Warriors #31)

That’s it. That’s the whole explanation. (New Warriors #31)

Emma Frost believes strongly in clear labels. (New Warriors #31)

I liked the yellow better, but this ain’t bad. (New Warriors #31)

Next time: X-Factor finally makes it to Genosha!

LINKS & FURTHER READING

We talked all about Firestar in Episode 42 – A Firestar Is Born
Check out Austin Gorton’s X-Aminations – writeups of every X-issue from 1963 on!
Listen to Austin on his podcast, A Very Special Episode!

225 – Class Reunion (feat. Austin Gorton)

December 2, 2018 Miles 16 comments

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Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which we check in on Firestar and the New Warriors; superheroes often celebrate Bring Your Mom To The Amazon Day; Fabian Nicieza employs only the finest of lampshades; and Emma Frost still doesn’t apologize for blowing up that pony.

X-PLAINED:

Vance Astro(vik)
Penance (but not that one)
Austin Gorton’s X-Aminations
New Warriors #10
Firestar (Angelica Jones)
The New Warriors
Visual representations of invisible mutant powers
The Hellions (more) (again)
Tarot and her Morrisonian powers
Bevatrons
Oxy-cution
The inevitably increasing complexity of superhero origins
The Miracle of Microwaves
New Warriors #31
Nova Roma
Magma (Amara Aquilla) (or Allison Crestmere, I guess)
A brief and futile attempt at Roman soldier disambiguation
Empath and his large collection of red flags
Gender-based intuition
A massive, stupid, and quickly undone retcon
Super-nature versus super-nurture
The hypothetical psychological roots of Emma Frost’s fashion phases

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor finally makes it to Genosha!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 210 – The End of Tomorrow

August 19, 2018 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

What Rogue’s wearing was actually our school uniform back in 1992! (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Scott, you chowderhead. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Do NOT invite Caliban to your wedding. Or probably to anything. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

You know, sometimes Professor Xavier really isn’t a jerk. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Professor Xavier is shot in the dark future of Earth-811… (New Mutants #18)

…and in the dark present of Earth-616. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Kids, your day is not going to get better from here. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Have we mentioned we love Jae Lee’s art? We love Jae Lee’s art. (X-Factor #84)

At karaoke, Archangel’s voice is just okay, but his performance is 10/10. (X-Factor #84)

I mean, let’s be real – that’s pretty hot. (X-Factor #84)

EVERYBODY FIGHTS EVERYBODY (X-Factor #84)

The X-Men are so good at posing in this era. (X-Factor #84)

“Dear diary: I finally said it! I said the line!” (X-Factor #84)

Man, Andy Kubert could draw someone doing their taxes and it’d look superheroic. (X-Men #14)

Except that time 16 years later when you shoot him in the head, ya doof. (X-Men #14)

Jean Grey: CGC 8.4 Scott Summers: CGC 7.2 (X-Men #14)

Not Rictor’s best pickup line… But also not his worst. (X-Men #14)

Apocalypse, you have got to turn your shower temperature down. That hot water is awful for your skin. (X-Men #14)

That’s a clove cigarette, in case you can’t tell. (X-Men #14)

X-Force: both very sympathetic and very colorful! I miss when badasses wore colors other than black. (X-Force #16)

EVERYBODY FIGHTS EVERYBODY SOME MORE (X-Force #16)

“You see, Piotr, this is how we entered every building back in our X-Factor days!” (X-Force #16)

Mister Sinister: pleased as punch. (X-Force #16)

There’s seriously nothing we can add to this. (X-Force #16)

Best not to dwell. (X-Force #16)

NEXT EPISODE: It is definitely not.

LINKS & FURTHER ADVENTURES:

Jay’s X-Men Valentines were in somewhat questionable taste.
Our Discord server is delightful. You can join it here.

As Mentioned in Episode 204 – Naughty By Nurture

July 14, 2018 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here.

See how much is happening on this cover? Yeah, it’s got nothing on what’s inside. (Captain America Annual #4)

Jack Kirby: master of action! And of basically everything else! (Captain America Annual #4)

“Morning, Ralph.” “Morning, Sam.” (Captain America Annual #4)

Eh, I’ve lived in worse places. (Captain America Annual #4)

Drunk-at-a-Party Magneto, with Real Ranting Action (TM)! (Captain America Annual #4)

Mister Two, you are two cool looking. (Captain America Annual #4)

“Jeez, man! I could have been… magnetizing in here!” (Captain America Annual #4)

The all-new, all-different Brotherhood of Evil Mutants! Note Shocker’s weird little crab claws. (Captain America Annual #4)

DRAMATIC ZOOOOOOM! (Captain America Annual #4)

Yeah, I know we posted this as our Next Time image last time – but I really wanted to post it again. (Captain America Annual #4)

Strangely, this part didn’t come up at Magneto’s trial in Uncanny X-Men #200. (Captain America Annual #4)

Kirby-Cap does not fuck around. (Captain America Annual #4)

I mean, I like Nuanced And Morally Gray Magneto as much as the next guy, but… I miss this! (Captain America Annual #4)

Mister One died as he lived: tiny and orange. (Captain America Annual #4)

“Quick! Everybody say everybody’s names!” (Rom #17)

Bronze Age Wolverine summed up in one panel. (Rom #17)

“Silas, we brought you here today because we love you and we’re concerned about you.” (Rom #17)

Man, private schools are messed up. (Rom #17)

Diagonal art in a horizontal panel: simple, effective, and creepy. (Rom #17)

HOLY FUCKING SHIT (Rom #17)

Oh, man… I really liked that guy. Dire Wraith. Dire guy. (Rom #17)

Kitty, that kid is a) clearly younger than 15 and b) clearly a GODDAMNED DEMON (Rom #18)

The whole fight is like this – disorienting and tense. Rom may not be a horror book, exactly, but it’s close. (Rom #18)

Sal Buscema, how did you make Rom’s character design look this cool? It’s like Walter Simonson and Archangel! (Rom #18)

You’re not wrong, Kitty. (Rom #18)

“I used to head to the target range after my Maritime Law classes!” (Rom #18)

Poor Kitty. Poor everyone. (Rom #18)

Hey, it’s Limbo! No, not that one. Or that one. The other one. (Rom #18)

NEXT TIME: X-Force gets awesome!

Bill Mantlo, Rom’s writer (and the writer of lots of other awesome stuff) was struck by a car in 1992 and severely injured. If you can, please help support him.

You can hear Hub’s wit and wisdom on his podcast, Titan Up The Defense! It’s all about the Bronze Age Defenders and New Teen Titans and it’s really good!

As Mentioned in Episode 203 – The X-Man’s Burden

July 1, 2018 Miles 3 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Hmm. Well. (Uncanny X-Men #291)

Impressive pajamas! Ever-present shotguns! Sexy (not-quite-) dead girls! Extra-spiky Archangel Wings! Banter! This one’s got it all. (Uncanny X-Men #291)

I know you were in the Void Dimension for a while, Mikhail, but… did you forget how shirts work? (Uncanny X-Men #291)

I don’t know what it is about the astral plane being colored with highlighters that works for me, but man, does it ever. (Uncanny X-Men #291)

I go back and forth on Tom Raney’s art, but he draws a hell of a Callisto. (Uncanny X-Men #291)

This is a cool group shot and all, but PLEASE NOTE THE MORLOCK WHO IS VERY EXCITED TO EAT A ROCK. Or bash his buddy with it, I guess. But I’m pretty sure he’s eating it. (Uncanny X-Men #291)

But… the Morlocks were never trapped! Well, I guess now they’re extra not trapped. (Uncanny X-Men #291)

One of my very favorite 90s covers of all time, only improved by the confusing colorful party lights above the logo. (Uncanny X-Men #292)

In the next panel, Colossus and Bishop passionately kiss. (Uncanny X-Men #292)

I’ll give Mikhail one thing: he’s legitimately scary. (Uncanny X-Men #292)

Warren, you’ve been through a lot, but… you do know that this is the other place you were nailed to a wall in the Morlock tunnels, right? Right? (Uncanny X-Men #292)

Miles had so many nightmares about this guy 26 years ago. (Uncanny X-Men #292)

To be fair, Callisto keeps all of her clothing in pots. Storm, having played Zelda>, does not. (Uncanny X-Men #292)

Sure, Professor Xavier can be a jerk – but every once in a while, we remember why he runs the school. (Uncanny X-Men #292)

We’ve all got that family member. (Uncanny X-Men #293)

The advantage of being drawn in a 90s superhero comic is that you can do this. (Uncanny X-Men #293)

Everything about that last panel is solid gold. (Uncanny X-Men #293)

I know we say that Cannonball is the best kid or that Warlock is the best kid, but Colossus is kind of also the best kid. (Not that his judgment is necessarily all that great…) (Uncanny X-Men #293)

God, right in the heart. (Uncanny X-Men #293)

NEXT TIME: Miles and Hub talk travel back to the Bronze Age!

The rad lawyer we mentioned in the episode is Katie Lane – check out her website for all kinds of good stuff!

203 – The X-Man’s Burden

July 1, 2018 Miles 35 comments

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In which the Morlocks used to have more agency, we have a surprising amount to say about the Rat King from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Archangel receives some exceptionally disturbing news, and 90s comics are all about finding the parts you love.

X-PLAINED:

Marrow’s internal organs
The post-Image Exodus era
Judging books by their covers
Uncanny X-Men #291-293
Sexy dead girls (again)
The Morlock leadership vacuum
A significant Callisto personality retcon
Failures of leadership due to own-death-faking
The magical life and magical death of the Morlock Sewer Wizard
Science Made Stupid
Storm’s claustrophobia (again)
MeMe, scourge of Miles’s childhood
90s Jean Grey: cartoon vs comic
The Br’er Rabbit Technique
Some unfortunate and significant continuity errors
Professor Xavier’s impressive upper body strength
Mikhail Rasputin’s genuinely terrifying mutant powers
Bobby Drake’s potential
Morlock organizational techniques
Mikhail Rasputin’s very bad plan
Jean Grey’s real talk
The Home for Infinite Losers
Piotr Rasputin, tragedy collector
Copyright law and Fair Use
Queer headcanon
X-beards

NEXT EPISODE: Hub from Titan Up the Defense joins Miles to talk Bronze Age X-weirdness!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 202 – Rhapsody in Blue (and Gold)

June 24, 2018 Miles 3 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Man, that cover. (X-Factor #79)

Learning at super-speed! It doesn’t work… (X-Factor #79)

…until it does. (X-Factor #79)

Pietro Maximoff: not just a jerk, but a smart jerk. (X-Factor #79)

Only in X-Factor. (X-Factor #79)

I had the same dream! (X-Factor #79)

You got your 90s in my 90s! (Did you ever feel like a page was written and drawn especially for 10-year-old you?) (X-Factor #80)

Those Stroman crowd scenes, though. (X-Factor #80)

I’m pretty sure that’s not how you fix a broken jaw. Then again, in a universe where Jack Kirby designed most early technology, I guess all bets are off. (X-Factor #80)

And sometimes, when I’m feeling frisky… (X-Factor #80)

This is pretty much what happened the one time I tried to play a harmonica. (X-Factor #80)

Not only did the Genegineer lock Rahne into her transitional wolf form and genetically bond her to a guy she’d barely met, but he made her really bad at poker! Dammit, dude. (X-Factor #80)