Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Author: Miles

HAWK TALK – Call Any Vegetable

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about vegetables. Kind of.

Topics, roughly:

  • Vegetables. Like we said.
  • Is Apocalypse a fruit?
  • Ghost vs. slime trees
  • Dwarves in the rutabagas
  • Ramen mishaps
  • How to be less terrible at cooking
  • Cherimoya, that weirdo

HAWK TALK – Surviving 2020

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked (exhaustedly) about This Freaking Year.

Topics, roughly:

  • This year was pretty rough
  • Maybe next year will be better?
  • Some things are cool, though

NOTE: Miles watched Knives Out immediately after recording this episode, and Jay was right: it is delightful.

As Mentioned in Episode 318 – Leprechaun Hill

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
We’re grateful for the covers, Chris Bachalo, but they mostly just make us even sadder that you don’t pencil these issues. (Generation X #7)
Sean’s impressively long ponytail, meet Emma’s impressively tiny undergarments. (Generation X #7)
Husk is mainly made at Jubilee for forgetting it was Giant Shirt Day. (Generation X #7)
To be fair, those moppets would make freakin’ Ultron’s heart grow three sizes. (Generation X #7)
We forgot, but Banshee does sometimes where tiny shorts – including in this very issue! Probably for the best he ditched the ponytail; no one would have been able to tell him and Forge apart. (Generation X #7)
From the finest casual fashion of the 90s… (Generation X #8)
To the finest casual fashion of the indeterminate Middle Ages! (Generation X #8)
“Don’t worry, elves and/or leprechauns! We’ll protect you! With murder!” (Generation X #8)
“You’re looking good, Eamon! But didn’t you used to be like four feet taller?” (Generation X #8)
Grand Dame (a pixie rather than an elf despite her identical skin tone) and the Glamour Machine. (Generation X #8)
Wait, the caption at the bottom references leprechauns… SO WHERE ARE THE LEPRECHAUNS?! (Generation X #8)
Tom Grummett draws a pretty great Skin. (Generation X #9)
“Acch, humans! I used to be one of you until Scott Lobdell got confused! Or maybe I didn’t! It’s ambiguous!” (Generation X #9)
“Greetings – we’re Clan O’Donnel, and we’re not entirely sure what type of fantasy creature we or our newly-retconned relative are supposed to be!” (Generation X #9)
This way, the elves and/or leprechauns can get back to hanging out in Cassidy Keep in the real world and telling readers the secret real names of various superheroes. (Generation X #9)
If Penance could speak, she’d be saying “Tee hee!” (Generation X #9)
NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk! NEXT EPISODE: Our Seventh Annual Giant-Size Winter Special!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

HAWK TALK – Surviving the (Holiday) Experience

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about holidays, winter and otherwise.

Topics, roughly:

  • Time, which used to make sense
  • Several holidays and feelings, media, and traditions related thereto
  • Flash Gordon
  • Mixed-faith families
  • A New York Christmas Wedding (the lesbian time travel gay dead baby angel movie)
  • Gingerbread
  • Secular rituals
  • Night in the Woods: Lost Constellation
  • The Dark is Rising (again)
  • The Spirit of Christmas (which is to say, exploding)
  • J. Michael Strazynski’s The Real Ghostbusters
  • Community‘s first three holiday specials
  • Justice League: Comfort & Joy
  • Passover and that time Moses gave Pharaoh a frog
  • Passover and Miles trying very hard to play it cool
  • Chocolate bunny funerals
  • Easter basket comics
  • Being excellent to each other and partying on

Links and further reading:

HAWK TALK – Hawktober

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about our current, and Jay’s favorite, season.

Topics, roughly:

  • Beatni(c)ks
  • Spoopiness vs. Spookiness
  • Fat bears
  • Seasons (and hemispheres)
  • Symbolism and secular ritual
  • Jay’s very specific Halloween costumes
  • Disappointing bats
  • Asymmetrically recognizable couples’ costumes
  • Inaccurate TMNT journalism
  • Over the Garden Wall
  • Costume Quest
  • MediEvil
  • Silent Hill playthroughs
  • The Adventures of Pete and Pete
  • Corn and/or mud mazes
  • Knitting
  • Ginger Snaps (and elaborate homages)
  • Curious chickens
  • Vincent Price
  • Internal hairdo buttresses
  • Flannel and layers and warm drinks

HAWK TALK – Playing With Super Power (feat. Matthew Hunter)

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, our producer Matthew Hunter subbed in for Jay and he and Miles talked about the video games they grew up on!

Topics, roughly:

  • Crystalis
  • Power Blade
  • Fighting robots (in general)
  • Super Mario World
  • F-Zero
  • Final Fantasy II (which is to say IV)
  • Street Fighter II
  • Rockin’ Kats
  • Shatter Hand
  • Battletoads
  • Lemmings
  • The Incredible Machine
  • The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
  • Turtles in Time
  • Mario Paint
  • Doom
  • Secret of Mana
  • Mega Man X
  • Disney adaptations
  • Final Fantasy III (which is to say VI)
  • Donkey Kong Country
  • Super Punch Out
  • Illusion of Gaia
  • BioForge
  • DWANGO (Dial-up Wide-Area Network Game Operation)
  • Full Throttle, Quest For Glory, Gabriel Knight…
  • Wild ARMs
  • Wipeout
  • Stun Runner
  • Resident Evil
  • Final Fantasy VII
  • Fallout
  • Parasite Eve
  • Xenogears
  • Baldur’s Gate
  • Tetris DX
  • Pokémon (Blue)
  • LUNAR
  • Silent Hill

You can find Matt on Twitter and his music on Bandcamp!

As Mentioned in Episode 306 – Between Here and There

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Kids, send in your answers for a prize! (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Pink was IN for pretty much all projectiles in 1995. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Jeez, Warren, get over it. Everyone has to wear a mask these days. It’s not that hard. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Now I want to see what Bishop would think of Mandy. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
I really like Jean’s family. Shame what Claremont did to them in 2006. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Getting punched by the Juggernaut is a way quicker method of depilation than waxing or electrolysis. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Uncanny X-Men #12-13 could’ve been cut down to about a page and a half if Psylocke had been around. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Sigh. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
This page was very important to young Miles. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
Okay, who spiked the Danger Room? (Uncanny X-Men #323)
X-Force’s former leader, folks. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
Low blow, Trish. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
On one hand, Iceman is a loyal and caring friend. On the other hand, he calls himself The Bobster. It kind of evens out. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
Logan, this is how we got banned from Denny’s, remember? (Uncanny X-Men #323)
The Container Crew. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
DC’s Azrael only wishes he could look this cool. (Uncanny X-Men #324)
Look at my teeth! LOOK AT THEM! (Uncanny X-Men #324)
Would’ve been funnier if it was a vampire bar. (Uncanny X-Men #324)
You said it, Logan. (Uncanny X-Men #324)
1.5 stars in Yelp’s morgue section (Uncanny X-Men #324)
This Fall on CBS! (Uncanny X-Men #324)
Letting Bobby’s call go to voicemail? Jeez, this is almost as bad as that time she blew up a pony! (Uncanny X-Men #324)
NEXT TIME: Hey, it’s these kids!


LINKS & FURTHER ATROCITIES:

As Mentioned in Episode 305 – The Sleep of the Wicked

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
That logo! That art! If this era was as good as the cover that started it, we’d be in great shape. (X-Factor #112)
Half cyborg. Half samurai. All toothy. (X-Factor #112)
Wild Child: like Wolverine, but stylish! (X-Factor #112)
“I walked here all the way from Havok & Wolverine: Meltdown, and boy, are my legs tired! And also very long!” (X-Factor #112)
Aww, Random. (X-Factor #112)
Mystique is actually laughing her ass off three blocks away. (X-Factor #112)
How else is someone in an X-Factor comic supposed to enter a room? Through the door? (X-Factor #112)
Havok’s woozy-bubbles are the best woozy-bubbles. (X-Factor #112)
Speaking of Polaris, did you see what her actress from The Gifted said on Twitter? (X-Factor #113)
As an information technology professional, Miles can confirm that BLAMPF (X-Factor #113)
Seriously, what the hell did Fatale build that thing out of? (X-Factor #113)
Yukio is reminded of her first date with Storm. (X-Factor #113)
Bad cop, worse cop. (X-Factor #113)
Havok is reminded of his first date with Polaris. (X-Factor #113)
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (X-Factor #113)
…and neither will we, because Scarlett hasn’t shown up since this panel. (X-Factor #113)
Mystique is the only one happy about this arrangement. Well, maybe not happy, but smug. (X-Factor #114
It’s like Banshee and Emma Frost if they hated each other way more! (X-Factor #114)
I mean, it’s pretty much Freedom Force with all of the pretense removed. (X-Factor #114)
Dig that panel layout. (X-Factor #114)
What did I mention about smug? (X-Factor #114)
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part Two (X-Factor #114)
And here I thought X-Force was the only comic using romance comic panels in 1995. (X-Factor #114)
Poor bastard doesn’t stand a chance. (X-Factor #114)
Why yes, I do subscribe to World Wide Web! (X-Factor #113)
NEXT TIME: Buckle up.

LINKS & FURTHER BACKSTORY

As Mentioned in Episode 304 – Explosive Ops

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Next up: this cover sadly walking away from a gathered crowd of additional copies of this cover. (X-Force #44)
They’re about five minutes away from standing on each other’s shoulders and wearing a big trench coat to seem like an adult. (X-Force #44)
All of the elements of a relaxing vacation: an idyllic cottage, a beautiful forest, adorable animals, a tiny speedo… (X-Force #44)
“Also, I’m going to need you to start doing machines. You’ve been cool but rude for too long.” (X-Force #44)
“Ah’m nigh invulnerable when Ah’m excited!” (X-Force #44)
Morally yellow and purple. (X-Force #44)
“DOOM”? Are we looking at Caliban and Sabretooth or Surtur and his anvil? (X-Force #45)
Adam Pollina draws some pretty great faces. (X-Force #45)
“Every time he seems to be ready to come down, he loses count of his pouches and has to start all over again.” (X-Force #45)
If you asked me what X-book would look most like a romance comic in 1995, I would not have predicted X-Force. (X-Force #45)
Perhaps it’s not a coincidence that the character Mimic has spent the most time with in the preceding decade was the Hulk. (X-Force #45)
Rutland, Vermont: not just a frequent setting of 1970s Marvel and DC comics, but totally a real place! (Avengers #119)
“Is that..? Couldn’t be. But who else has that topknot and ‘burns combo?” (X-Force #46)
And that’s why you always leave a note. (X-Force #46)
These animals look way more judgmental than the ones in the last hologram. (X-Force #46)
“This new hair gel… When it says ‘apply sparingly’, it means it.” (X-Force #46)
“What? Someone on your team now has more pouches than me? I’ll be right over!” (X-Force #46)
Reminds me of my first car. (X-Force #47)
Aww, kid. (X-Force #47)
I’m not sure why Adam Pollina sometimes randomly gives us art nouveau backgrounds, but I’m not complaining. (X-Force #47)
Jeez, now I’m scared to go outside. (X-Force #47)
Aww not this again (X-Force #47)
This haircut! Bring back this exact haircut! (Longshot Saves the Marvel Universe #1)
NEXT TIME: The kinda-new, sorta-different X-Factor.

LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE:

  • Rutland, Vermont had multiple Marvel and DC stories set in it during the 1970s – but it’s also a real place. Apologies for telling everyone it was imaginary, and thank you to all the listeners who kindly pointed out that it wasn’t!

HAWK TALK – Video Renaissance

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about the movies we grew up on!

Topics, roughly:

  • The glories of VHS
  • Flight of Dragons
  • Fantastic Planet
  • Star(s), both Wars and Trek
  • The Princess Bride, which is objectively perfect
  • The Dark Crystal
  • My Dinner With Andre (again)
  • The Crow
  • Barbarella, Queen of the Galaxy
  • Help
  • Yellow Submarine
  • Wayne & Garth & Bill & Ted
  • Defending Your Life
  • Ghostbusters
  • Various musicals