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Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available until 2/15/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Heroes! (Secret Wars #1)
Villains! (Secret Wars #1)
Battleworld! (Secret Wars #1)
“Also, we’ll totally show up DC and Kenner!” (Secret Wars #1)
Doctor Doom: ever the opportunist. (Secret Wars #1)
This is the best panel of Secret Wars. You can stop reading now. (Secret Wars #1)
DON’T HELP DOCTOR DOOM UP. (Secret Wars #1)
“Damn,” thinks Doom, “If I could do that, those jerky heroes would NEVER have offered to help me up.” (Secret Wars #2)
So, yeah, that happens. (Secret Wars #3)
Johnny Storm: The smoothest man in the Marvel Universe. Also, this raises some questions. Why not spell out “four”? Does he pronounce it differently? Make a hand signal? IT’S A MYSTERY. (Secret Wars #4)
How did this get past the CCA? Who the hell knows. (Secret Wars #5)
Man, if I got super high with a guy I was into and then hallucinated Secret Wars, that would pretty much be the end of that relationship. (Secret Wars #5)
“Ohhhhh, the OTHER Spider-Woman.” (Secret Wars #7)
‘Kay. (Secret Wars #8)
Meet Klaw. (Secret Wars #9)
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY THIS CAN POSSIBLY END POORLY. (Secret Wars #10)
Yeah, Colossus, but would you tumble 4 her? (Secret Wars #11)
Seriously, did these guys learn NOTHING from the Cold War? (Secret Wars #11)
Okay, that’s legitimately a pretty cool gimmick. (Secret Wars #12)
MEET YOUR PROTAGONIST. (Secret Wars II #1)
Stewart “Unflattering Caricature of Steve Gerber” Cadwall. (Secret Wars II #1)
Wellp. (Secret Wars II #1)
He’s never actually seen food, but damnit, he’s played River City Ransom! (Secret Wars II #2)
Can you imagine being any of the people the Beyonder interacts with? (Secret Wars II #2)
Remember that time Peter Parker had to teach a cosmic entity to poop? BECAUSE THAT CERTAINLY HAPPENED. (Secret Wars II #2)
Seriously, it’s all downhill from here. (Secret Wars II #2)
This will propel the plot of like two months of other comic books. Not even joking. (Secret Wars II #2)
So, then that happens. (Secret Wars II #3)
There is literally no romantic or sexual relationship in this series that is okay by any reasonable definition. Also note that AMAZING block of “next issue” text. (Secret Wars II #4)
Boom-Boom is the hands-down best thing to come out of Secret Wars II. (Secret Wars II #5)
Jim Shooter’s X-Men: “Mutant kid in need? NAH, LET’S KILL A DUDE!” (Secret Wars II #5)
Even the Thing is having trouble maintaining enthusiasm for this debacle. (Secret Wars II #7)
This is roughly how Rachel imagines Marvel Editorial circa 1985.
Reasonable. (Secret Wars II #8)
The Beyonder: Definitely a really sympathetic protagonist. (Secret Wars II #8)
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. (Secret Wars II #8)
Remember this, because it will have hella repercussions down the line. (Secret Wars II #9)
Ah, Molecule Man, one of the unforgettable heavy-hitters of the Marvel Universe. (Secret Wars II #9)
Remember that time a bunch of heroes saved the universe by murdering a baby? (Secret Wars II #9)
NEXT WEEK: Legion, with Si Spurrier!
I was daft enough to still own a copy of Secret Wars and my 5 year old son found it. Now I have to read him a issue every night before bed.
I don;t have a question I’m just after your pity.
At least it’s a good opportunity to read dialogue out loud in your best Doctor Doom voice, right?
Why is it that the only SWII pictures I recognize here are the ones with the Molecule Man? I’m pretty sure I didn’t read it all; why did I read those bits?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but at the end of New Avengers #29 Hank Pym shows up out of space and time having just found the Beyonders (yep, three of em). Hickman’s Avengers and New Avengers have been acting like All-New and Uncanny X-men in the way they trade story lines back and forth, and seem to be carrying most of the pre-Secret Wars story.
That’s the Time Runs Out stuff, right? I seem to recall a solicitation for an upcoming issue with a very Beyoner-esque, jheri curl fellow looking sinister on an upcoming cover.
I thought that was Maximus?
It is the “Time Runs Out” stuff, and it iss Maximus on the cover of New Avengers #29 from January. The Beyonders are the reveal on the last page, and look like…what you imagine aliens look like.
I’ve really enjoyed Hickman’s run. One highlight is his hinting that Beast is more villain in his actions than not.
Ah, my mistake. I just thought he looked Beyonder-ish and with the event kind of leading into/kicking off this year’s Secret Wars, I took a stab at it. I’m really lacking in my knowledge of and exposure to anything to do with the Inhumans. Thanks for the info guys!
Johnny is referencing this song which was a hit at the time:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwb9-OlQimc
Do you think he sang it or he spoke it?
Albeit, this video raises all sorts of questions on its own.
Inspired by your lovely podcast, I’m currently attempting to read all of Uncanny on Marvel Unlimited starting with All New, All Different and I just arrived at the point where Secret Wars I crosses over. I figured “What’s another dozen issues when I’m already reading hundreds?” so I read it all. You’re right that it’s not good. The plot goes in a million different directions with no rhyme or reason and the characterization is way off. But you know…I didn’t hate it. I’d say I enjoyed it more than Sixis or the Fear Itself crossover from a couple of years ago, actually. A lot of the ridiculous character interactions were fun and I found Klaw to be delightful.
Yeah, it’s goofy as hell and doesn’t make much sense, but there’s an infectious enthusiasm to it. Secret Wars II, on the other hand…
Boom Boom! The Secret Wars are a mess, but my favorite podcast has entered a Marvel Universe in which my very favorite character exists, and that’s really exciting.
My first recollection of Boom Boom was from the X-men arcade she was a decent character with playing with her. I sort of thought she was Jubilee, with a different name when I was a kid.
I think that was Dazzler, actually – although her powers in the game are way more like Boom Boom’s. I guess that was still more accurate than Wolverine’s weird laser-claws, though.
(She was the character I always played as!)
Yeah, Dazzler basically had Boom Boom’s powers in that game, and with the short haircut she had at the time, she kinda looked like her too.
Just piping in, yes it was Dazzler in the X-men arcade game. “I am Magneto, master of magnet! “Same style as the old Pryde of the X-men TV show. And yes I always pick Dazzler while playing that game 🙂
You guys are nuts. Nightcrawler and his Flash powers were way more useful.
If Deadpool is a member of the X-Force despite being originally a villain of new mutants and x-force. Why is he never considered a member of the x-men if X-force is made up of at one point in time X-men members. What is your take on Deadpool?
In-continuity: since that incarnation of X-Force was covert and most X-characters weren’t aware it existed, it was never officially affiliated with the X-Teams the way something like the New Mutants or even X-Factor Investigations were.
Out-of-continuity, which is to say in my and Rachel’s opinion: while Deadpool overlaps a fair bit with X-stuff, his solo books tend to be very much off in their own corner of the Marvel Universe and very tonally different from the X-Books. Plus, we’re already covering a rather ridiculous quantity of books – gotta draw the line somewhere!
On one side of the line are X-books to review. On the other side of the line, Deadpool sucks. 😉
Nah…he’s like Wolverine. He’s super overexposed and overly praised, but he’s still a good character. His latest solo series by Duggan and Posehn, has been really solid. Just the right mix of wacky and poignant.
This. He is not, however, an X-Man, and we have to draw the line somewhere.
I have a question unrelated to the various secret wars.
Since cargo shorts are now part of iceman’s costume, how many times would bobby say “oh man” before answering if you asked him which dave matthews album was his favorite?
when are “the experience is consummated” shirts coming out?
As soon as someone else makes and sells ’em. =D
(Incidentally: If anyone ever wants to do something like this, we are pretty much down with it as long as you run it by us first if you plan to sell it. If it’s just for personal use, have at.)
A few items/opinions:
1) “I’ll Tumble 4 Ya” (spelled like that) was a Top Ten hit in 1982 by the British band Culture Club, so that’s why it’s spelled “4” in Johnny Storm’s dialogue, though of course there may be a pun on “Fantastic 4” there also.
2) Jim Shooter was apparently opposed to the Peter/Kitty romance due to their age difference, so he took the opportunity of writing SW I to drive a Zsaji-shaped wedge between them. Say what you will about Shooter being overbearing, but as with Dark Phoenix’ death, his heavy hand was motivated by moral conviction, not corporate interests.
3) I have always suspected that Spider-Man’s black costume was done to make him easier to draw, but I have never seen corroboration from the inside.
4) Neither Secret War series makes great reading, but at least SW I has the great “Doom can’t control his imagination” sequence, and SW II has the admittedly ham-fisted fish-out-of-water satire of an idiot god struggling to understand our zany world.
5) The parallels between Shooter and the Beyonder are brought out nicely by Howe. But, looking at Boom-Boom’s monologue about rejection, I think she is Shooter also. It’s lonely at the top, and can feel like the bottom.